Today’s post was inspired by a chat last night on Twitter hosted by @TheOnlineMom and led by @BetsyBBraun. The topic of the chat was parenting, and the plethora of parenting advice reminded me that part of being a successful parent college coach begins long before they enter high school.

Borrowing from the advice of these wise parents, and some tips of my own, I’ve compiled a list of concepts your teen should know BEFORE heading off to college.

1-Consequences

Teach your college-bound teen that actions have consequences: both good and bad. Allowing them to suffer the negative consequences of not following through will help them understand the importance of completion. This also shows them that completing tasks will produce positive consequences.

2-Self-respect

When your college-bound teen respects their own body, they will take care of it and themselves. This respect will affect how they respond to others sexually and to themselves physically. When they respect themselves, they are less likely to seek that acceptance and approval from others.

3-Rules

Our children need to learn that life is filed with rules. These rules, if followed, are there to protect them. Rules provide structure and order. This concept helps them adapt and adjust to the world they will live in as adults.

4-Communication

Open communication is the key to good relationships. Yelling is NOT communicating. It only fosters more yelling. Listening is the most important aspect of communication. Allow your teen to participate in the conversations as you listen. This fosters communication because they will learn that you value their opinion.

5-Self reliance

Children can’t learn without being given responsibility. Teens learn self-reliance when we give them the opportunity to make choices. Even though they might make the wrong choices, they learn from their mistakes. They also learn how to make the right choices. Give them responsibility and allow them to struggle.

6-Gratitude

When we give our kids everything they don’t appreciate what they do have. Teaching them to work for what they want goes a long way to helping them become productive adults. Sometimes we have to say no, knowing that giving in will produce a spoiled child–an attitude of ingratitude.

7-Boundaries

Children want boundaries. They need to know what is expected of them. This gives them stability and a feeling of safety. While they may question these boundaries, they will also respond positively to them in the long run.

8-Self-control

Children learn behavior from their parents. Acting out, anger and yelling are learned behaviors. When they see us lose control, they mirror our behavior. This behavior will manifest itself when they are away at college and cause them a tremendous amount of grief.

9-Consistency

Threatening your teen with consequences and not following through establishes inconsistency and creates confusion. When you set rules and boundaries and they are broken you must be consistent with the consequences. Let your child know what is expected of them and then follow through when you tell them no: be consistent.

10-Praise

Every teen should feel that their accomplishments are worthy of praise. Give praise liberally; less frequently than criticism. Positive affirmation is always more effective than negative recognition.

Being a successful parent college coach requires time, patience, and a willingness to sometimes be the bad guy. We are NOT to be our kids friends; we are their parents. Parenting is a huge responsibility that requires a commitment to firmness when it’s often easier to be lenient. Make sure your college-bound teen learns these concepts BEFORE they head off to college and face the world as an adult. They will be happier, you will be happier, and the people they come in contact with will recognize the positive affects of your parenting.

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Betsy Brown Braun has written a book called You’re Not the Boss of Me, offering parenting advice on “brat-proofing” your child.

You can also read ALL the responses in last night’s Twitter chat by entering #theonlinemom on Twitter.