Recently, Smart College Visit posted an article from The Real College Guide about going Greek from a student’s perspective, listing the Pros and Cons of Greek life. After reading it, I thought it might be interesting to look at Greek life from a parent’s perspective. Since I have personal experience in this area of college life, I wanted to share my thoughts and advice to help other parents who might be headed down that road in the future.
When my daughter began her college search process, Greek life was at the top of her MUST HAVE list. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she had always wanted to follow in her footsteps so to speak. I had my concerns (most of them related to the social aspect of Greek life), but I supported her dream and her college choice based on this criteria.
Just a month into her freshman year, rush began. Many of her new friends were interested in pledging sororities and they all attended recruitment events. When the bids arrived, my daughter was invited to pledge two sororities and picked the one that she felt fit her personality best–she felt comfortable and at ease with the members. When the months of pledging and “hell week” were over, my daughter became a member of Alpha Phi–Zeta Rho Chapter at Bentley College.
Here is my PARENT list of the pros and cons of Greek life:
Cons
- Her grades suffered-The two months that my daughter was pledging had a devastating affect on her GPA. While the sorority claimed they required their members to study, those study sessions were late at night and unproductive. Freshman year sets the tone for your entire college career and she had to work hard to get her GPA back up after that first semester.
- Hazing-Whether they fess up to it or not, it happens. All colleges post rules and regulations against it, but it happens. I had many arguments with my daughter about reporting the infractions, but she assured me the hazing wasn’t that bad. I never liked it and could not see the need for that type of initiation.
- Drinking-Greek life does mean parties. And those Greek parties ALWAYS have alcohol. Drinking is encouraged and it’s a right of passage during pledging. They don’t care that your freshman is underage. The alcohol is freely distributed.
- The clique mentality-Greek life encourages snobbery. If you’re a member of a sorority or a fraternity, you’re taught (whether directly or indirectly) that you’re better than everyone else. I never liked that attitude and it contradicted some of the values that I taught my daughter growing up.
- The cost-Greek life will add hundreds of dollars a semester to your college expenses. The obvious costs are dues. But add to that t-shirts, out of town trips, and additional event fees that may not be included in the semester dues. If you have a daughter, you should plan to purchase dresses for numerous semi-formal and formal events throughout the year.
Pros
- Lifetime friendships-My daughter made some great friends during college, not all in her sorority, but many were. Her “big sister” became her best friend and that relationship is still strong today. Her big sister helped her through some difficult times in college (deaths of friends and grandparents) and helped her navigate the ins and outs of Greek life.
- Social expertise-Greek life does force you to become socially active. The events and activities enable you to become comfortable in social situations and help you learn how to meet and make new friends. You’re part of a family and this helps, especially if your family is miles away (as we were) and you need a “home” to go to.
- Networking-Going Greek affords you tremendous networking connections during college and after graduation. Since you’re part of an alumni group, you have outside contacts that can help with your job search and give you an upper hand in the post graduation job search.
- Leadership skills-My daughter served in numerous leadership capacities within her sorority and as part of the on-campus Greek council. She learned how to delegate, organize events, and manage finances, all while being a part of a Greek organization.
- Charity work-All Greek organizations adopt a charity. Their members work hard to support that charity and participate in fund-raising events throughout the year. This teaches them to give back to others and it promotes a mindset that they take with them after graduation.
So here’s the big question–Am I glad that my daughter went Greek? Yes. In the long run, it was a positive experience for her. During the short term, I was frustrated with some of the negative influences and attitudes I witnessed. It was right for her, but it’s not right for everyone. If your teen has his/her heart set on Greek life, ask questions and be prepared to have some of the same mixed emotions I had.
Additional resources:
Suzanne–
I love you like my big sis but IMHO, your conclusions have some holes in them. Keep in mind I did NOT pledge a sorority while in college.
Regarding your cons:
“Grades suffered” – most freshmen have trouble adjusting to the increased independence and self-discipline involved in the transition from high school to college. Unless you have a control group that shows that not pledging a sorority during freshman year resulted in better grades, you can’t leave that at their door.
“Drinking” – There was drinking in college before there were fraternities. There is drinking in college even when there is no Greek life. Drinking is a COLLEGE issue, not a Greek issue. See the above point regarding adjusting to the new independence and self-discipline with moving to college.
“Hazing” – are we talking about true hazing or having to conform to certain mandatory events? Not the same thing. Show me a chapter that regularly hazes its members – that is, systematically humiliates or physically or emotionally punishes them, I’ll show you a chapter that is about to have its charter put through the shredder by their own HQ. Is there some reason that you chose to make hazing a strictly Greek issue? Or even a strictly college issue? It isn’t. Check out hazing as it applies to organized sports and even in high schools and you’ll find a much bigger problem. (source: http://www.hazingprevention.org)
“Clique Mentality” – Two words: prove it. Being part of a family doesn’t necessarily translate into being a “clique”. You know better than that. There’s always “that one person” who may take pride in their membership to extremes but to paint everyone with that brush is unfair. And unjustifiable.
“additional costs”. Yes, being part of an organized group costs money and those costs are discussed in the recruitment process. Same is true of any other organized group on campus. Again, why is that strictly a Greek issue when it applies everywhere?
Regarding your source: SureSister is a business run by a woman who joined a sorority in her college years and is selling her experiences to girls and their families who feel they need extra “coaching” to successfully navigate the formal recruitment process. Reviews of the blog and book are mixed across Greek life. For the record, the National Panhellenic Conference (www.npcwomen.org) has specifically chosen to NOT endorse it, or any other enterprise selling such services.
There’s more parent-focused discussion here: http://www.sororityparents.com Disclaimer: this blog is sponsored by the NPC.
{{{HUGZ}}}
Remember…this was from a PARENT’S perspective at the time. And I did state that from the beginning. My “source” wasn’t from that sorority blog, it was just a recommended place to go for help. My source was my own experience.
Perhaps I did not make it clear enough–I thought, in the long run, the sorority was a positive experience. There were just some cons that I think every parent needs to know about before navigating it with their kids.
Hazing. It happened. Sleep deprivation, harassment, forced drinking, etc. It was across the board and I think it was more than just conforming. I’m sure these tactics are monitored, however, it’s an issue that a parent needs to be aware of and could happen.
These things happened in my daughter’s experience. Every person’s experience is different. From a parent’s perspective, the things I saw were not things that I approved of. Were they confined to the Greek life? Probably not. But they were present and did indeed happen.
Thanks for providing the additional link.
Hi Suz–
Fair enough: re: 1 parent’s perspective. It’s just really easy for “1 perspective” to get translated into “this happens everywhere” and it doesn’t.
My own fraternity made a big deal of shutting down 3 chapters that hazed its members. (Big ceremony, mock funeral shrouds sending the message “You idiots that did this are dead to us”.) Fraternity HQs don’t take this conduct lying down when they get in the wind of it. Some of them will go so far as to say that a new member who submits to hazing and doesn’t report it is is guilty as those who perpetuate it.
Experiences differ with different people and in different times. My POV is a little more global because I interact with so many different people involved in Greek life in different ways.
Being part of the greek community, I know this is how the world views us. But you asked for a different perspective so here it is:
Greek orgs give the most money to charity of any college org
Greeks on average have better GPAs
I dont know a single person who was only friends with Greeks.
Hazing is very rare. The big stories hit the news, but the positives stay hidden.
Yes it is expensive, and only getting more so, so what do you get for your money? Cheaper housing and food, built in support system, and a network after college.
So, here are my bias’: All the women in my family are greek, save one. We are all in different houses but agree on one thing: the connections we made are still valuable!
Finally, I do know how a parent feels. Baby sis just went thru rush, and still has reservations about the system. Each college is different, and maybe it isnt for her. I still love her, and I tell her, if you tried it ans truely dont like it…drop.
Thanks Andrea for your input. I think there is a reason why “the world” views Greek life the way it does. You know the saying, “a few bad apples spoil the bunch”? Each group has its own bad apples.
In the overall grand scheme of things, I do feel that my daughter’s Greek experience was a positive one. It’s unfortunate that hazing does still occur, even if in rare cases. However, I would agree that they do give a tremendous amount of time and money to charity.