Like many teenagers, I too had to deal with defending the colleges I wanted to apply to until I was blue in the face. My dad? Every school I thought would be a good fit for me he deemed too expensive, too dangerous (I wanted to be in a city), or too far away and no amount of arguing could convince him otherwise.
While I know he had my best interest in mind, it made my college application process much more stressful than it should have been. Fortunately things worked out in the end – I went to my dream school, graduated with honors, and have a pretty fantastic career so far.
My dad? It took him awhile to come to the realization that I probably would not have gotten to where I am today if I didn’t go to a college I was 100% behind. However getting to that point was not easy, and I couldn’t help but think that much of the tension could have been eliminated if we were better at communicating with each other.
So let’s say you’re in my dad’s shoes 6 years ago and you absolutely can’t fathom your child going to any of the colleges they have in mind. What should you do to avoid a whole mess of unnecessary drama? Here are some suggestions:
1. Don’t be a victim to college rankings and brand appeal.
Everyone knows about the various “best college” rankings that come out every year. It’s easy for parents (and students) to get caught up in the craze of getting into the highest ranking, most-selective schools. But guess what? The “best college” according to whatever magazine might not be the best college for your child.
There are over 2,000 four-year colleges in the US alone and there are plenty of amazing lesser-known schools out there that don’t make the Top 100 for any given year. Use college match tools to uncover the hidden gems that might be a good fit and read up on college reviews to see if current students and alumni believe if the school is worth the money.
2. Before you express your disagreement, ask your child “Why?”
Understanding your child’s reasons for choosing schools to apply to is absolutely essential to being a supportive parent in the applications process. For me, I only focused my search on schools with strong internship programs and those who offered the niche major I wanted. Size was also another important factor – I didn’t want to be lost in a sea of 100+ undergrads in every class.
When I explained this to my parents they had a much easier time digesting which schools were going to be better for me than others – even if they weren’t completely in love with them.
3. Understand that picking a college is the first “grown up” decision many teenagers will have to make.
Badgering your child into picking the college that you would want to go to is a surefire way of alienating them and hurting your relationship. For 18 years you’ve helped your child make decisions on everything from which clothes they should wear, which classes to take, what friends they can hang out with, etc. Now it’s time to let them taste a little bit of independence and plan for their future. This isn’t to say that you should remove yourself from the process completely – it’s important for you to guide your child to the places where they can find answers if they’re having trouble.
4. Be careful how you dish out your advice.
It’s better to ask questions that make them think about consequences than to accuse them of being flat out wrong. For instance, if you aren’t a fan of your child applying to schools that are all across the country, ask them how they will plan to relocate, how often they’ll visit and call, and what’s their plan incase an emergency happens and you’re unable to reach them. Experiencing sticker shock at some of their more expensive college choices? Ask them if they’ve looked up any information about applying for financial aid.
Having them find answers to these very practical questions before making a final decision on a college will help guide them into making more informed, responsible decisions. Even better? It will make for a more peaceful college search experience for you and your college-student-to-be.
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Today’s guest post is by Sam Coren, Content Manager for StudentAdvisor.com, a Washington Post education site for college reviews and free resources on “all things college.” You can read more of her insights about the college search process on the StudentAdvisor blog.
Great advice Sam! I especially like how you pointed out that talking about the realities of the school they choose (financial aid applications, trips home, etc) can be a way to shed light on some issues they might encounter.
For parents who are getting started earlier, we have a guide for 8th through 10th graders that gives a lot of helpful talking points: http://www.aristotlecircle.com/content/college-resources
You don’t want to wait and find out over Christmas dinner that they stopped attending their math class before Halloween. Too many students simply stop attending classes when they get difficult and do not realize that the instructor will be required to record a grade unless the student does not officially drop the class. Be sure to check with your student in the end of September or beginning of October to see how they are doing in their classes.
If your student needs help, most colleges have free tutoring centers. If you need additional help, get a tutor on board. It is less expensive to pay a tutor than it is to pay for a repeated three credit class. Additional information can be found online at http://www.edingtonmath.com/?p=754.