I heard some new terms the other day to describe parents. These were new terms to me so I did a little research online. Parents have become so involved in their student’s lives they had to coin two more terms to describe parenting styles (the first you most likely heard of before): helicopter parent, snow plow parent, and bulldozer parent. I can’t judge because if I were to be honest, I have exhibited some of the traits each one embodies.
But, seriously, has it become so bad that school administrators (from grade school to college) have to label us? Apparently it has. When it comes right down to it we should realize that this type of behavior only hurts the student. Of course, the student may not see the harm. After all, their parent is rescuing them from difficult situations in life. But in the long run, it hurts their quest for independence and causes strife within the family.
The Helicopter Parent
A helicopter parent hovers over their child. They keep tabs on their every move, text them 24 hours a day and have tracking apps on their smartphones to keep track of their child’s location at all times. Helicopter parents are ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice to help their child in any situation. Forgot their lunch—they take off at lunch to bring it to them. Forgot to bring a permission slip—they drop everything and bring it to them. Forgot to register for the SAT—no, problem; we’ll pay the late fee. Receive a text or non-emergency call during a meeting—they drop everything to respond. Overslept for school—they write a note to explain the tardiness.
The Snow Plow Parent
The snow plow parent goes beyond the hovering. They clear paths for their children and plow any obstacle that stands in the way of their happiness. Their children never learn how to advocate for themselves and head off to college to get lost in a sea of problems. As they get older, it’s harder for them to resolve conflict and overcome adversity. Honestly, I have to admit I did this with my daughter. The good news—I knew when to stop. The bad news—I did it much too long.
The Bulldozer Parent
A bulldozer parent is one who is involved in their child’s life, especially in school. This type of parent calls the teacher to complain about a grade they feel is undeserved. As their kids get older, they call the admissions office to plead their college-bound teen’s case for admittance. They spend the night in their son’s dorm the first week of college—the entire first week! (Yes, it’s a true story). Bulldozer parents bulldoze their way into their kid’s lives. They want to be friends with their friends. If their kids get into trouble, they are right there waiting to bail them out and make excuses.
How do we stop?
Be honest. Haven’t you been guilty of some of these? As with any problem you have to want to stop. You have to examine your parenting style and decide whether or not you are helping or hindering your kids. And once you determine the problem you should make an effort to correct it. Back off a bit, give your kids some space, and allow them to make mistakes and learn from them.
Always remember that an independent adult will be a functioning adult and a happier adult. You may say now you don’t want them to grow up, but when they are asking for your help at 30 you will be sorry you encouraged they dependence.