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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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Autumn leaves signal the beginning of fall (for those lucky enough to live in a state where the leaves change color) and the beginning of college visits. For juniors it’s time to start the process. For seniors, it’s time to visit again and narrow down the college list. What better way to kick off the season than to give some “past parent” experiential advice and draw from the stories I’ve heard from others. Sit down, grab a cup of coffee and exhale. You’re in for a wild ride.

You’re going on a nice visit to some colleges. You’ve done your homework and you’ve planned several within driving distance of each other. You’re proud of yourself and you know that your kid is going to fall in love with at least one of them. You’re all decked out for the college tours (dressed to not get noticed or embarrass him) and you’re ready to listen and let your kid ask the questions. Sounds like a perfect trip–adventure and information gathering all at the same time.

But your kid forgot to read the notes. He’s nonchalant about the whole thing and acts disinterested in the car as you are driving towards the first college. What happens after this disrupts your mojo and you begin to wonder if an alien isn’t inhabiting your kid’s body.

The skeptic

Before you even get out 0f the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.

The architect

And yet another alien appears. You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that he doesn’t like how it looks. Never mind that he’s not going to college for the buildings or the landscaping. He’s going for the academics. But for some reason his blinders aren’t allowing him to see anything but the buildings and no amount of pointing out the pluses is going to change his mind.

The critic

You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that the students don’t seem friendly. Mind you he’s probably not even spoken to any of them and it’s a good bet he didn’t like the tour guide. Don’t try to convince him otherwise because the more you say, the less likely he’ll come around. Just wait until a cute girl approaches him. He’ll change his tune quickly.

The panic-stricken

You get back into the car after your last visit and he announces, “I’m not sure I want to go to college”. Don’t panic. He’s just realized the whole thing is real and he’s terrified. Give him some time to think it through and tomorrow he’ll most likely change his mind again. The worst thing you can do is draw a hard line in the sand now because his feelings are likely to go up and down like a roller coaster over the next few months (or years).

What’s a parent to do?

Even though your kid wants you to treat him as an adult, he’s still a teenager. His emotions are all over the place and this next step in his life is frightening. Remember that college is largely an emotional decision and you should expect that emotions will play into that decision. When the dust settles and the emotions clear, he will make a decision based on all the factors, including his campus visits. After all, you don’t want him to attend a college he just isn’t feeling and you don’t want him to make a decision and leave out the emotional factor. He’s going to spend the next four years of his life at this school. It will become his second home and it’s important that he likes where he is.

Before the college visits start resolve to be flexible. Your lives will be less stressful and the college application experience will be more exciting. And in the end, your kid will move on to the next phase in his life–college.

For another look at college visits, check out Wendy’s blog: Collegecation.