“I want to take a year before I go to college” are some of the most feared words by parents. What do we fear? We fear they won’t want to go back to school after being off for a year. We fear they will lie around the house, watch TV and play video games. We fear they aren’t thinking clearly and have no idea what they are saying. And for those competitive parents, it’s not what they planned.
Don’t fear the gap year. Not every student is ready for college after high school. Some simply aren’t mature enough, and others simply don’t know where they want to go or what they want to study. And if this is the case, would you want to spend thousands of dollars on college if it meant they dropped out their first semester? Of course you wouldn’t want to do that.
Have a serious conversation.
If your student is considering a gap year, you need to have a serious conversation—without judgment. Let them talk and listen. Try to find out why they want to do this. Is it about fear of college, are they afraid of failing or not being accepted, or are they simply unsure about what they want to do. Once you know that reason, it will be easier to parent regarding their decision.
Be straightforward and honest.
If you ascertain that their reasons are motivated by fear of failing, be encouraging. Point out their strengths and offer to help if they are struggling. Tutoring might help or consider hiring a professional college counselor to help them make some decisions. If they truly don’t feel college is for them, be supportive and discuss what the next year will be like.
Make a plan
Gap years are successful and beneficial if your student has a plan. During this year, they should work toward determining what they want to do once the year is up. This can be accomplished in many different ways. They could work and save money for college. They could investigate internships or apprenticeships in areas they are interested in. They could travel and work abroad. It’s all about making a plan, setting the ground rules, and making sure they understand what is expected of them.
Gap years are becoming more and more acceptable, especially with colleges. Once your student has been accepted, it’s not uncommon for them to defer admission for a year and use that time to get focused. And remember that not all students are ready for college. Push and they will suffer the consequences. Keep an open mind, discuss the possibilities, and breathe deeply. It could be the best year in your student’s life.
Excellent post and one I hope many parents will read and take to heart.
I graduated from high school at 17 and knew I wasn’t ready to go on to college. I got excellent grades and could have graduated at 16. I scored high enough on the SAT to become a Mensa member. I was academically ready for school but I felt I needed to take a break. I wanted to work, save money for school, travel, and figure out my career path. Instead, my parents forced the isssue and I ended up attending a school I didn’t want to attend and majoring in art (which was a hobby NOT a vocational calling).
I ended up dropping out of college and spent the next 5 years paying off student loan debt. Every time I wrote a check, it reminded me not to be pushed into doing something I’m not passionate about.
When I did return to college, I was fully engaged in the learning process and absolutely certain about my major and career plan. I had the maturity needed to navigate the financial aid process and graduate on time with a degree I use every day.
Gyan, you are so right. There’s no disgrace in waiting to go to college until you’re ready. My son entered college after his Marine tour of duty. He wasn’t ready. A year later he returned and excelled because he understood the value of a college education. Until that point, it would have been a waste of his time and money.