When I was a young parent, my mother gave me some very wise advice: “pick your battles”. It began with my toddlers and ended up being the best advice she ever gave me with my teenagers. Did we butt heads over hair? No. Did I fight with them over clothing choices? Rarely. Did we argue over college selection? Sometimes. But, for the most part, the college process requires parents to listen, bite your tongue, and pick your college prep battles.

Long Island College Prep Examiner and POCSMom, Wendy David-Gaines drives home the issue when she cites a Beloit College 2019 Mindset List:

The 2019 List findings are based on the experiences of students who are heading into their first year of college this fall. It shows those in high school share more in common with the 18-year-olds who were born in 1997 than their parents. For example, it notes that these millennials never knew a world without Google, only know Ellis Island as being primarily in New Jersey, and never have licked a postage stamp. As parents span part of two centuries of living history, teens only remember the 21st filled with Harry Potter and wifi, but not Princess Diana and Mother Teresa.

The college process is full of stress-inducing moments stemming from an overloaded schedule, new tasks, looming deadlines, and important decisions. Which college, what to study, and how best to prepare are often at the front of the college prep battle line. It’s difficult for parents and students to be on the same page when their points of view develop from different backgrounds. With insight based on the past, families can focus on keeping communication flowing and finding common ground.

Parents would be wise to consider their student’s mindset and use that knowledge when communicating with them about college prep. Times have certainly changed since you applied to college and your student may not have the same ideas as you do about college choices. Keep an open mind and choose which battles are important and which battles should be avoided.

For more tips on picking your battles, read Wendy’s post: Parents, pick your college prep battles