Graduation day is approaching for parents of high school seniors. It’s been a long four years. The last year has been especially trying (and exciting) for those parents whose teens are heading for college after graduation.
With all the college preparations ahead this summer, there is an uncomfortable, and often dreaded, task of talking about college drinking, hooking up, and other risky behavior. Let’s face it: no teenager wants to be lectured. Especially when she is on the cusp of becoming an adult (or so she thinks). Ask any teenager and they will tell you parents are experts at lecturing. Most tune it out (so they say) because for the last 18 years they have been told what to do and what not to do.
Knowing this, how do you discuss risky behavior in college without lecturing?
Listen. It’s hard to do in the fast paced world we live in. But find a time when your teen likes to talk. For my daughter it was while she was getting dressed to go out with friends. I sat in her room and listened to her talk about life, love, and other teenage passions. I not only listened, I learned a lot—about her dreams, her friends, her fears and yes, her behavior.
Next, open a discussion. Once the topic of risky behavior comes up, whatever it may be, the door is opened. For my son, he was telling me about one of his friends that was high all the time. Instead of lecturing him about the “dangers of drug abuse”, I asked him what he thought about it. He was more than willing to discuss it and that gave me the opportunity to share my opinion without lecturing.
Finally, look for opportunities to insert advice into the conversations you have with your teen. This may be while watching a television program, at the dinner table, in the car after a movie, or after a long night out with friends. I found both my children were willing to “spill the beans” after coming home from a date or a night out with friends. Take advantage of their willingness to talk.
Your teen will observe risky behavior before going to college. You can bank on it. How she or he views that behavior will determine how they respond when they are alone at college. Your observations and your non-lecturing advice will be valuable and, believe it or not, remembered when they find themselves in risky situations.
Teenagers (and adults) dread those words, “We need to talk”. Avoid lecturing at all costs. Insert your wisdom and advice into the opportune moments instead. Be stealth. Be sneaky. But most of all, be their parent.
To prepare yourself for these conversations, check out these blog posts:
Talking to Your Student About Drinking in College
Top 10 Things Every Parent Should Know about “Hooking Up”