That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? How can you be a helicopter parent without being a helicopter parent? Stay involved without taking over. Encourage without making decisions. Support without rescuing. Not all helicopter parenting is bad. Parent involvement is important to a successful college experience. However, too much involvement means you’re hindering your student’s independence and journey into adulthood.
A recent article in the Washington Post discussed the helicopter parent problem explaining why it happens and how parents can let go without overparenting:
[This type of parenting is] the way things are now for many people. The kids who have been raised by parents who watched their every move, checked their grades online hourly, advocated for them endlessly and kept them busy from event to activity to play date are tucked away in college. But that doesn’t mean their parents have let go. They make themselves known to schools, professors, counselors and advisers. And yes, college presidents.
Studies have shown that there is a line to be drawn between parental involvement and over-parenting. Even though parental involvement can be a huge benefit to student success, students need to build confidence by doing things on their own–socially, academically and emotionally.
A student whose parent jumps in the car and races to the college to deal with a roommate issue, a homesickness problem, or problems with the professor will be a student who has trouble after graduation in the workplace. Learning how to solve these problems in college helps them learn how to deal with conflict and self-advocate when they land their first job. Parents who over-parent are actually hindering their student’s ability to survive after college.
How can parents parent without over-parenting? Listen. Encourage. Support. Give advice. But in the end, let your student solve the problem. It’s understandable when a child cries on the phone day after day about a roommate issue wanting to call the college and get involved. But the better scenario is to let your student speak with the resident assistant or resident director. This gives the student power over the situation and confidence they can solve their own problems.
An additional note: helicopter parenting is not just swooping in to solve problems. It is also calling, texting and emailing continuously to inquire about their day, their tests, their friends, their roommates and every single college experience. Let your child contact you. Assume that no news is good news and establish a regular communication schedule, giving your child the freedom to be independent without constant supervision. This might include a few texts a week and a Skype or Facetime call on the weekend. It’s important to understand that your child’s ability to adapt to college life means they need space and time to develop skills, friendships, and independence.