For seniors who applied regular decision, March brings those long-awaited college decisions: deferred, accepted, rejected, and waitlisted. One knowledgeable college counselor once told me, “I don’t like to call these letters of acceptance. I use the term—offers of admission.” As a parent, I like that distinction. This alternative wording makes it easier to stomach those not-so-pleasant responses and help your college-bound teen work through the gamut of emotions that come when decisions arrive.

Your student may be the one receiving these communications from the colleges, but you feel every emotion they do from failure to excitement and everything in between. But unless you understand what each term means, it’s hard to know how to help your student (and yourself) with appropriate responses and proper action.

What do the four admission terms actually mean?

It’s a good idea to understand the terms used by admissions offices. Once you understand their meaning it’s easier to proceed.

Deferred

Students who apply for early decisions often receive deferrals from the colleges. Getting deferred means the college is delaying its admissions decision and will review your student’s application with the regular-decision applicants. They will find out in the spring if they have been accepted or rejected. 

Waitlisted

A spot on the waitlist means that the college likes your student, but there were too many amazing candidates who applied. Students that the school wants, but who are not as strong as the strongest applicants, are put on the waitlist where the likelihood of being admitted is small, but not impossible. Being waitlisted means you still have a chance, a small chance, but a chance. After all the responses come back from students who were offered admission and some of the students opt not to attend, colleges begin looking at the wait list.

Rejected

As I said earlier, I prefer to call this “no offer of admission”. Students, however, will see it as rejection. The college doesn’t feel they are a good candidate for admission for any number of reasons. Since admission is a highly objective procedure, you will never know why unless the college chooses to explain in the letter. Some colleges are more tactful than others. One letter from Bates College was quite blunt: “The deans were obliged to select from among candidates who clearly could do sound work at Bates.” Harvard, on the other hand had softened the blow by saying: “Past experience suggests that the particular college a student attends is far less important than what the student does to develop his or her strengths and talents over the next four years.” As you can see it’s all in the wording.

Accepted

Of course, offers of admission are the best letters to receive; and if your student has done their research before applying, they will probably receive more acceptances than rejections. A college is saying, “We want you!” And who doesn’t want to be wanted? These types of letters indicate that not only did your student feel the school was a good fit, but the college did as well. More than one good offer and your student will be able to pick and choose; thus putting the decision back in their hands.

What should your response be?

This is one of those times in your student’s life when they will need a little encouragement, a huge amount of unconditional love, many congratulations and yes, some space. 

Patience will be required, along with encouragement if they are deferred or wait-listed. This letter will be easier to swallow, but your student could exhibit feelings of disappointment. Focus on the positives and downplay the negatives. Positives: the colleges still see you as a viable applicant; let’s get to work!

If they are rejected, you must give them time to deal with their emotions by giving them a little space. Then you can tackle discussing the response and craft a plan of action. Don’t, under any circumstances, communicate that they have disappointed you. They already feel bad enough and they don’t need guilt heaped on top of the feelings of rejection. This is when they will need an extra dose of love and perhaps, some extra hugs.

If an offer of admission arrives, it’s easy to celebrate alongside your student. Their victories are indeed your victories and all the hard work over the last 12 years has paid off. The next step will be deciding which offer to accept. But for now, celebrate their accomplishments.

What action should you take? 

Each response from a college requires a unique set of actions. Following are things you should do with each to help your student achieve his college goals:

Deferred admission

If a student is deferred admission, it’s time to get to work, if you haven’t already done so. Here are just a few things your student can do to assure an offer of admission:

• Read the instructions in the letter and do everything they request. If they ask for additional information or documents, don’t ignore the request. 
• Stay on top of your game. Don’t let senioritis take over, causing your grades to drop. Don’t make poor decisions that could cause a negative impression upon further examination of your application.
• Provide current documentation. This is a good time to send recent grades and test scores if they have improved.
• Send another recommendation letter. Unless you are asked not to, this is a good time to send another letter that provides the college with a unique perspective on you as a student or individual. Don’t, however, flood the office with multiple letters.
• Provide them with any accomplishments that have happened since your original application. These might include awards, accolades or anything that might remind them of your value.
• Demonstrate interest. This would be a good time to schedule an additional campus visit or send a letter or email expressing interest in the college. Don’t beg, however, and be cautious about the wording; however, don’t show up unannounced. Admissions officers are busy reviewing applications. 

Wait-Listed

A letter informing you that your student has been wait-listed will require the same actions listed above for deferred admission. What makes it even more frustrating, is your student will feel in limbo, not knowing what to do until the college begins to remove names from the wait list. This will often be later than the May 1^st deadline and if your student decides to put all his money on this one college, he could be without a school to attend in the fall.

Before filling out the online form or returning the card to indicate you want to stay on the wait list, consider that the National Association for College Admission Counseling estimates that only about 30 percent of students who opt to remain on a wait list are ultimately admitted. This might be a good time to embrace and explore your other choices. 

If your student, does, however insist that this college is their dream college, and if they do not get off the wait list, it could be an opportunity to explore a gap year between high school and college. A gap year could take a disappointment and turn it into an opportunity for growth, internships and adventure.

Rejection (or no offer of admission)

If a letter of rejection comes, there is rarely anything that can be done to change the college’s decision. But there are some things you and your student can do to turn this into a positive, and perhaps change the course of his future.

• Allow some time to be disappointed. It’s a natural response to feel disappointment. It’s also natural to feel a little bit of failure. But don’t wallow in the misery for too long. There is life to be lived and decisions to be made.
• Don’t take it personally. Colleges don’t know you. Zinch likes to say, “You are more than a test score.” And, you are more than a letter of rejection from a college. As the Godfather says, “It’s not personal; it’s just business.”
• Move on and be proactive. It’s time to reexamine your other college choices. Revisit some of the colleges you were accepted to and look at them in a different light. It’s not uncommon for students who were not offered admission from their dream college, to find a better fit among the safety ones. You may not feel that way now, but odds are you will after you set foot on campus and become involved. Embrace the fork in the road and don’t look back.

An offer of admission (acceptance)

Celebrate, rejoice and give yourself and your student a pat on the back; then take action. It’s not over yet. Your student has some decisions to make, especially if they receive multiple offers of admission. You need to do a few more things before you can breathe a sigh of relief:

• Make note of all the deadlines. Most colleges ask for a response by May 1^st. That doesn’t mean you have to wait. If you’ve made your decision, respond immediately. Don’t forget to respond, however. No response will cause you to lose your place in the upcoming freshman class.
• Revisit the colleges. You might want to revisit the colleges one last time before deciding. Many colleges have “accepted student days”. Attend them. Much has changed since you applied and the love you had months ago might be directed toward another.
• Compare financial aid awards. If you applied for financial aid, look for the award letter. Compare awards and determine which college is not only the best fit academically and socially, but the best fit financially.
• Respond to the colleges. If you’ve made your decision, go ahead and accept their offer of admission, even though the deadline is May 1. If you don’t want to attend, decline their offer. Remember that someone is on the wait list at that college and also probably waiting for financial aid. Have the courtesy to respond and give them the chance you would want for admission.

This should be an exciting time for both you and your student. Highlight their accomplishments and enjoy the next several months. It won’t be long before they will be heading off to college and all the drama around the college prep process will be but a memory.