I want to take a gap year before I go to college” are some of the most feared words by parents. What do we fear? We fear they won’t want to go back to school after being off for a year. We fear they will lie around the house, watch TV and play video games. We fear they aren’t thinking clearly and have no idea what they are saying. And for those competitive parents, it’s not what they planned.
Don’t fear the gap year. Not every student is ready for college after high school. Some simply aren’t mature enough, and others simply don’t know where they want to go or what they want to study. And if this is the case, would you want to spend thousands of dollars on college if it meant they dropped out their first semester? Of course you wouldn’t want to do that.
Have a serious conversation.
If your student is considering a gap year, you need to have a serious conversation—without judgment. Let them talk and listen. Try to find out why they want to do this. Is it about fear of college, are they afraid of failing or not being accepted, or are they simply unsure about what they want to do. Once you know that reason, it will be easier to parent regarding their decision.
Be straightforward and honest.
If you ascertain that their reasons are motivated by fear of failing, be encouraging. Point out their strengths and offer to help if they are struggling. Tutoring might help or consider hiring a professional college counselor to help them make some decisions. If they truly don’t feel college is for them, be supportive and discuss what the next year will be like.
Make a plan.
Gap years are successful and beneficial if your student has a plan. During this year, they should work toward determining what they want to do once the year is up. This can be accomplished in many different ways. They could work and save money for college. They could investigate internships or apprenticeships in areas they are interested in. They could travel and work abroad. It’s all about making a plan, setting the ground rules, and making sure they understand what is expected of them.
Wrapping Up
Gap years are becoming more and more acceptable, especially with colleges. Once your student has been accepted, it’s not uncommon for them to defer admission for a year and use that time to get focused. And remember that not all students are ready for college. Push and they will suffer the consequences. Keep an open mind, discuss the possibilities, and breathe deeply. It could be the best year in your student’s life.
When your student broaches the subject of a gap year, don’t panic. Many colleges are encouraging gap years for admitted students. Future employers view gap years as a positive when the student uses the time productively. It’s your job as a parent to ascertain the reasons for the gap year request and help them decide which gap year program would best fit their needs.