The teenage years are all about the battles. The nature of the relationship between teens and their parents lends itself to conflict. The wise parent uses these conflicts as teaching lessons. The wiser parent learns when to recognize their teen’s desire for independence and let go and when to stand firm.

The college process often brings conflict between parent and student college choices. The following is a list of do’s and don’ts for parents when the conflict arises:

• Don’t force your choices on your student—your alma mater may not be where they want to attend (don’t take it personally).
• Do help them gather all the information necessary for an informed decision.
• Don’t discount the fact that “feelings” will play into their decision—it’s just the nature of being a teenager.
• Do listen to them and guide them when they ask for help.
• Do remember that your student will be attending the college—this is their life choice, not yours.
• Don’t be “that” parent (the helicopter type).
• Do let your student know about your financial commitment and give them financial advice—this is your most IMPORTANT contribution to the decision process.

The student would do well to follow their own list of do’s and don’ts as well:

• Do listen to your parents—they do have some insight into life and can help you with your decision.
• Don’t choose a college based on friends and/or boyfriend/girlfriend attendance—relationships change overnight.
• Do pay attention to the money issue (it’s IMPORTANT)—graduating with little or no debt is your #1 priority.
• Do your research and make a decision that best fits you and your future.
• Don’t assume your parents understand why you are choosing a particular college—take the time to explain your reasons.
• Don’t let your “feelings” be the sole aspect of your choice—this is a decision best made with all the facts.
• Do ask for help when you need it—it’s an overwhelming process.

This is an exciting time for both parents and students. With so much at stake and such a large investment, both parties should listen and consider all opinions. Parents should remember that this is a big step for their student towards independence. Students should remember that parents have valuable input and have your best interest at heart.