All posts by Suzanne Shaffer

empty nest, parenting

Handling the “empty nest” when your student is in college

images-1It probably seems like yesterday that you were bringing your baby boy or girl home from the hospital and now they are preparing to go away for college. Although you always knew that this day would come and you are so proud of their accomplishments thus far, if you are really honest with yourself, there is a part of you that is also dreading it. Your child is leaving home and four years of college will result in them returning to you as an adult with their own home, career and new way of life.

For this reason, there’s a pretty good chance that you will experience some separation anxiety when your child leaves the nest–often called “empty nest” syndrome. It’s normal for most parents and so while it’s nothing to panic over (or feel embarrassed about), we do have some tips that will help you to cope with the transition:

Accept it. Sometimes, the hardest part of change is simply accepting it. The moment that you make the decision to embrace this new season as a part of the parenting process, it will help you to feel calmer so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

Make plans. It is a wise person who once said that when you lose something, you need to quickly replace the void. When it comes to your child, you will always have them as a part of your life, but the time that was once devoted to their needs, because they will be at school, is now freed up. Therefore, use this as an opportunity to join an exercise class, take up a new hobby or make plans with your friends. Staring at your phone, waiting on your child to call or text you is only going to make things that much more difficult. Use it to contact some girlfriends, instead.

Start journaling. There will be some emotions that you have that will be either too hard to explain to others or too private to share. A great way to release them is by picking up a journal. One that can help you to center your focus on the “positives” about this new chapter of your life is a gratitude journal.

Schedule dates with your child. Whether your child is away from home enrolled at Ohio University, Vanderbilt University or NYU, or closer to home at a state college, there are going to be scheduled breaks throughout the semester in which they will be returning home. As a way to give you something to look forward to, discuss with them the possibility of going on a couple of dates with you. That way, you can get in some much-needed quality time.

Pat yourself on the back. When a child goes away to college, sometimes so much focus is on how hard it is emotionally that parents forget that it’s a major achievement that they can be proud of. Not only did their child graduate from high school, but they did well enough to be accepted into a college that can prepare them for their career. So, as you’re wiping away some of the tears that will come from missing them, make sure to pat yourself on the back for a job well done too.

Parenting is loaded with landmarks and accomplishments: their first step, their first word, their first day of school, and their high school graduation. Look at college as another of those landmarks and it will help you see there are always more to follow.

 

college housing, dorm life

Helping your college student furnish their dorm room

Offers of admission are arriving and your college-bound teen is most likely already looking toward the future. Planning for dorm life now will prevent panic at the end of the summer.

College is such a fascinating time. If a student makes the decision to live on campus, for approximately four years of their life, they are able to live in a space that affords them total independence; at least for all of the months that they are enrolled in school. But while they are living in a dorm, they have to figure out how to furnish it in a way that will make them feel comfortable, while also being what they can afford.

If you have a college-bound student in your life who needs some help with furnishing their dorm room and you want to do it in a way that is both modern and cost-effective, we have five great tips for you:

Get the right kind of bedding. Dorm rooms already come with beds. Yet unfortunately, they’re not always the most comfortable. Thankfully, there are mattress toppers (even memory foam ones) that you can get for a really reasonable prices at stores like Wal-Mart and K-Mart. Also, make sure to get pillows that will support their head and neck and sheets and comforters that are preferably made from organic cotton or bamboo.

Purchase some really cool light fixtures. The overhead lighting in dorm rooms can tend to feel pretty institutional. One way to fix that is to buy some modern lighting fixtures. You can start by picking up a dimmer for the light switch, but don’t forget that places like Target and Overstock also carry some pretty cool looking light fixtures that don’t cost a ton of money. Then you can get some fluorescent light bulbs in colors like blue and green to add even more personality to their room.

imagesPick up some pictures. Depending on the college, sometimes the administration will allow a college student to paint their walls (so long as they paint them white again at the end of the school year). Whether or not the college student in your life is able to, it can feel so much more like their own space if they have pictures hanging on the walls. You can either have some of their favorite prints professionally framed or help them to build a picture collage over their bed.

Don’t forget about storage. Do dorm rooms ever have enough storage space? Usually not. Stop by your local container store to pick up some storage bins, baskets, totes or trunks? They are great for storing things like clothes, linens or even waterbed sheets. Or, if you want the kind of storage item that is multipurpose, opt to get an ottoman. That way, they can put all kinds of books and electronics inside, close it and then sit down or put their feet on top of it while studying or watching their favorite movie.

Add a refrigerator. Although all campuses have places where students can eat, chances are, there will be all-night study sessions that will require the need for a snack or two. While all of the things that we mentioned are important, an absolute essential item for a college student is a refrigerator. Not only does it store food, but the top of it can be used as a “tabletop” for an alarm clock or indoor plant. Plus, you can usually find a really good one for less than $150. It’s definitely a dorm room gift that any college student will enjoy.

college guidance, college planning, parenting, work study

Should you encourage your child to have a job in college?

The parenting community seems to be strongly divided on the issue of whether or not kids should work during their time in college. In many cases, students have no choice but to take on part-time or full-time work as a way to make ends meet, even if that means they have to cut back on their studies in the process. The first priority is a roof overhead and food on the table, after all. Attending college is a privilege that some students take for granted, but others must work a lot harder during their college years. For students that don’t necessarily have to work, the question becomes whether or not they should, and as a parent you likely have some thoughts on the issue. There are pros and cons to both positions.

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Following are a few pros and cons you might want to consider before you urge your kids to take on a job in college and add the additional burden of employment during their time in school.

There are many reasons why parents might prefer that their children avoid working while they’re in college. For one thing, the main point of attending college is to earn a degree (hopefully increasing job prospects), and it requires students to focus on their studies. Carrying a full course load is not only a time-consuming undertaking, what with class time and studying, but it can also take a lot of energy and concentration. A job can be disruptive on all fronts. So if students are able to cover their expenses with funds provided by scholarships, student loans, and of course, the help of their parents, there’s no reason why they should be distracted by the demands and stress of a job. In truth, attending college is like having a full-time job to begin with, and while many young adults enjoy the stamina required to take on additional work, it doesn’t make sense to tax them needlessly. Or does it?

If it’s purely a matter of money and there’s no other option, then students may have no choice but to work in order to support themselves and pay their way through college. But why would parents that can afford to help their kids financially encourage them to take on a job anyway? There are a couple of compelling reasons for parents to take this position, as well. For one thing, having a job builds confidence and character. When kids contribute financially to their own education, they are likely to place a higher value on it, thus making their performance in school more important (since they have more invested).

In addition, working a dead end, part-time job will no doubt help them to realize what their future job prospects look like if they fail to finish their degree, providing ample motivation to succeed. Of course, they might also nab an entry-level position in their field of interest, helping to build a resume and get a leg up on their peers when it comes to getting hired after graduation.

Whether your kids angle for a medical degree from Johns Hopkins or NEU’s online MST degree, you may not know if you should encourage them to take on a job during their time in school. Focusing on studies without the added stress of a job is definitely a consideration. However, encouraging your student to contribute to the cost of their education certainly builds character and communicates that hard work and perseverance pay off in the end.

The bottom line–only you know your student and can help them decide whether or not to work during college.

 

admissions, college guidance, college planning

5 Tips for beating back senioritis

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The feeling you get when you you’re accepted to your dream school is one of euphoria! But the realization that there are still months left of school (six if you got in early action!) can put a damper on the celebration. There are AP exams left to take, endless calculus problem sets to turn in, capstone projects to be finished… when all you want to do is relax and hang out with friends.The truth is, almost everyone gets the dreaded senioritis. It’s characterized by a seeming inability to get work done by students who once pushed through projects and assignments in no time flat. The bad news: if you let senioritis get the best of you, you can jeopardize your college acceptance. The good news: senioritis is serious, but any high school senior can beat it. Here are my top five tips:

1. Set aside time each day for homework
You may not have the motivation to study as much as you did BCA (Before College Acceptance) but that doesn’t mean you can ignore homework entirely. One good strategy is to set aside distinct periods of time each day to do homework. If you tell yourself you’re going to work between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., each weeknight and then give yourself from 9 onwards for Facebook, socializing, TV or whatever it is you want to do for fun, you’ll be much more likely to get your work done than if you have an ephemeral goal of “getting your work done” but then don’t have anything concrete to match that to.

2. Study with friends
It’s senior year, it’s time to have some fun with friends who’ll be halfway across the country in a few months… but there’s that nasty project that’s due in the next two days. Studying with friends is a great way to get quality time in with your favorite people, while also ensuring you get your reading done and your problem sets finished. Make it more fun by meeting at a coffee shop or local cafe.

3. Be diligent about due dates and assignments
You may not get every homework assignment 100 percent, but you’ll want to be looking ahead to make sure you have the the big things on your radar — midterms, final papers and projects, big reports, etc. If you plan ahead, you can give yourself plenty of time to both relax and to get your work done stress free.

4. Check in with teachers regularly
Senioritis happens to almost everyone. And your teachers know it’s going to happen. But if you show them you’re on top of things by checking in, following up on assignments you may have turned in late, etc, they’ll be much more likely to be able to work with you in the event you miss something or forget to turn some homework in.

5. Reward yourself
Set out small goals you want to accomplish and then give yourself a reward when you complete them. Maybe for every five calculus problems you finish, you give yourself a piece of chocolate. Or perhaps it’s take a trip to the mall after studying for two hours for an AP exam. You decide the goals, you decide the rewards.

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Laura Oppenheimer works for InstaEDU, an online tutoring company that offers online algebra tutoring, as well as tutoring in hundreds of other subjects, ranging from basic math to advanced econometrics.
Uncategorized

Buying a car for your college student

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college_student_car-400x231When you send your child off to college, you might decide that his newly independent lifestyle warrants a personal set of wheels. Or perhaps you’re looking for a fun and functional high-school graduation gift that he’s sure to get a lot of use out of. In truth, this might end up being a major boon when it comes to travel if your student is attending a college that’s not too far from home since it could allow him to make frequent visits, say on the weekends or holidays, without the added cost of airfare. But whether you’re hoping to see more of your student after he heads off to college or you simply want to provide him with transportation during his time on campus, there are a few things you’ll need to consider before you plop down the dough on a brand new Escalade.

For starters you need to think about your price point. Since you may be helping to foot the bill for college already, the added expense of a brand new vehicle might be more than your current budget can bear. And don’t forget that inexperienced drivers are far more likely to get in accidents (hence higher insurance rates), so purchasing a pricy new vehicle may not be in anyone’s best interest. Although you certainly want your teen to leave for school with a reliable mode of transportation, there are plenty of options that don’t require you to overspend.

For example, you might consider purchasing a certified pre-owned vehicle. Most are only a year or two old, the dealer has put them through a rigorous inspection and repair process to ensure that they’re in ship shape, and many come with a full (or at least partial) warranty. Plus, you’ll enjoy the greatly discounted price. Although it’s bound to be a little more than the average used car, it’s still a lot less than brand new and you’ll get several benefits in addition to a relatively new vehicle.

Another thing to think about is how the car will fit with your teen’s lifestyle. For example, parking on campus is often at a premium, so having a tiny car that can fit in any spot (like a Smart, Fiat, Mini Cooper, or other subcompact) could be ideal. In addition, smaller, lighter vehicles tend to be more fuel efficient, which is good news for the average, broke college kid. Plus, a small car will limit the amount of friends your teen can cart around, hopefully reducing the risk for distractions that lead to accidents. As a general rule, small cars tend to be the best choices for college students.

However, there is one last thing you’ll want to consider before you go through with purchasing a car for your college-bound kid: does he really need it? If your student is living and working on campus, there’s really no need for him to have a car. In fact, he might be better off with a bicycle, especially if you’re not willing to support ongoing costs. Even if he can get discounted car insurance for college students, he might not make enough money to cover that plus registration, maintenance, parking, and gas. There’s no doubt that cars require money that many students don’t have to spare. As for those who live and work off campus, a bike and a bus pass could be just as useful at far less cost. So before you buy a car, keep in mind that it could end up being more of a liability than an asset to your student.

college guidance, college planning, parenting

5 Ways to help your college student stay healthy on campus

Unknown-2Sending your kids off to college is no easy undertaking. Aside from the cost of this venture, every parent will have to deal with the emotional difficulties involved, as well. For certain you will miss the pitter-patter of tiny feet in the house, and even the elephantine stomping and door slamming that no doubt characterized their teenage years. But even worse than the empty nest syndrome could be the endless worry. You’ll fret over little things like whether or not they’re dressing appropriately for the weather, getting enough sleep, and going to class on time. And then there are larger issues like safety, grades, and social acceptance. But the first time your student calls you up complaining of sore throat or stomach flu, you’ll start to wonder how they’ll make it through illness on their own, without you to bring them soup, take their temperature, and pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy. So here are just a few ways that you can help to ensure your kids stay healthy during their time on campus.

  1. Send prescription reminders. Whether your college-age kids take medication for asthma, seasonal allergies, anxiety, a heart condition, or even birth control, you’ve likely been phoning in and picking up their prescriptions for so long that you know exactly when they’re due. So if you’re worried about your student running out of essential medication, consider setting an alert on your phone’s calendar so that you can shoot your kid a text reminder to refill.
  2. Campus meal plan. While you probably had an easy enough time policing your kids’ food choices when they lived at home, since you were the one buying groceries and preparing meals, you’re going to have to accept that you have no control over how they eat on campus. That said, you can provide them with healthy alternatives to eating out and hitting the vending machines for every meal. By springing for a campus meal plan you’ll at least ensure that they have access to healthy choices. It might not stop them from nightly raids on the vending machine, but at least they can get some fresh fruits and veggies or a hot meal when they want it.
  3. Food delivery. There aren’t a lot of cooking options available to students living in dorms, what with limited kitchen amenities (they’ll have a mini fridge and microwave if they’re lucky). But that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to supply them with fresh fruits and veggies, depending on the school they attend. Start by looking for farm co-ops in the area that deliver fresh, organic fruits and vegetables, or if none are available, consider setting up deliveries from a company like Harry & David’s.
  4. Care packages. Plenty of parents are keen to send care packages containing freshly baked goodies and other items that remind kids of home. But you might want to swap out the cookies in favor of healthier fare like dried fruit, nuts, or even homemade trail mix. You could also throw in daily vitamin supplements to ensure that your kids are getting the vitamins and minerals they need to stay healthy, even if they’re not eating right.
  5. Health coverage. Many insurance providers allow parents to keep their kids insured under their policy up until the age of 26, which means that the average student won’t have to worry about finding their own affordable health insurance until after graduation. But if you want to make sure that your kids take advantage of this coverage, you might think about providing them with a list of plan-approved practitioners in their area (doctors, dentists, ophthalmologists, etc.), or even set up appointments for them in the beginning.

You can’t police their every decision or pester them to take care of themselves, but you can provide them with opportunities to make healthy choices and continue their health care while in college.

 

college guidance, parenting

Teaching your college-bound teens about the dangers of drinking and driving

Do you remember when you were a teenager? Likely you can recall bits and pieces, but as you have grown older, wiser, and more experienced, you may have forgotten the particular blend of hormones, peer pressure, and self-discovery that leads teens to experience a sense of both invincibility and the immediacy of everything going on in their lives. You no doubt shake your head, exasperated, when your teens decry your overly careful attitude, but the truth is that you are at very different places in life. Your teens have yet to know the heartache and hurt that have caused you to become so cautious. But you have been where they are, and if you try to recall how you thought and felt at their age you should be able to come up with ways to connect to your college-bound kids on a level they can relate to. When it comes to discussing the dangers of drinking and driving when they head off to campus, it’s imperative that you make an impression.

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A good place to start is by learning all that you can about drinking and driving. You might begin by visiting the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) website to bone up on statistics for teenage drinking and driving. Although you probably don’t want to present the students in your household with a laundry list of rote facts and figures, they could come in handy when you attempt a discussion with your know-it-all teens. In truth, statistics only tell a small part of the story. You’re going to have to get a lot more personal if you want to instill in your kids a healthy fear of what can happen when they choose to get behind the wheel after drinking.

When you sit down with your college-age kids with the intent of discussing the dangers of drinking and driving, the best way to engage them may be to let them do the talking. A hardline, authoritarian stance may work with some kids, but most teens will tune out the moment you start lecturing. Instead, try asking them what they think about drinking and driving. Many will automatically reply that they know it’s wrong and they would never do such a thing. But you can’t end the conversation there. Question them next about how drinking and driving could impact their lives. Ask them if they know what happens when they receive a DUI. That opens the door for you to explain the legal process, including the black mark that will stay with them for the rest of their lives, not to mention the hike in their college auto insurance rates for the next couple of years.

Ask your kids what they think will happen in the event of an accident, not only to them personally, but also to passengers in their vehicle and the driver or passengers of other vehicles. You might even go so far as to have them to consider how they might feel if they hurt or killed a friend, or to imagine the guilt if they ended the life of a child or a family in another vehicle just because they were too stupid or too proud to call a cab or arrange for a designated driver for the night. In addition to the emotional weight of such a situation, they would also face criminal charges, potentially landing them in jail and getting them expelled from school in the process.

Making your kids think about these things and explain them to you in their own words is the best way to ensure that they’re thinking about them when they’re confronted with the prospect of drinking and driving. You won’t always be there to deter them, but you can give them the tools to think for themselves and make the right decision when it comes to drinking and driving.

career colleges, college majors, college planning

Great tech careers for college-bound students to consider

imagesWith the economy slow to recover from recession, many college students are understandably worried about their potential to find gainful employment after graduation. And while there are certainly students who will opt to pursue their dream majors despite the fact that there are currently no jobs available in their chosen field (no doubt hoping that the job market will improve by the time they have a diploma in hand), others are seeking degree programs that not only spark their interest, but lead to careers in related industries that are showing growth regardless of the recession. Technology is one such area of study. Whether your student is interested in computers and computer systems, the growing mobile space, changes in the automotive industry, or green technology, for example, there are many ways that they can turn their interest in the mechanics and electronics we use in our everyday lives into a promising career. So here are just a few paths in the area of tech careers that aspiring college students may want to consider.

As modern technology advances, there is no more promising field than computer science. Whether your student likes getting their hands dirty with hardware or programming is more their style, this field of technology plays a role in nearly every other type of technological advancement of late. Just look at smartphones and tablets, which are slimmer, lighter, and can now stream downloadable content in HD resolution with nary a hiccup. Or how about automotive technologies that connect wirelessly to personal electronics in order to help hands-free communication, or tracking fuel economy so that you can find ways to drive smarter. The point is that a background in computers can not only lead to high-paying jobs in fields like IT, database administration, or software, web, and mobile development, but also in almost any other industry.

Suppose, for example, that it’s your student’s dream to work at a theme park. They could be the person creating software that makes virtual reality rides feel like participants are really on a star ship zooming through space, or on a hang glider hovering over the California landscape. Knowledge of programming could also allow them to run their own business developing games and apps for the mobile space. Or they might wind up working in the film industry creating 3D graphics for movies. Of course, many jobs that require a background in computer technology will only be viable if you have some other knowledge and skills under your belt, as well.

Many engineering positions, for example, from mechanical to civil, will have an emphasis on computer technology but require that your student take a specific degree program in the field of engineering you want to enter. Luckily,engineers are in equally high demand to computer specialists these days. So if your student earns a degree in civil engineering with a minor in environmental studies, for example, they could end up planning residential or commercial buildings for a cleaner, greener tomorrow, or even entire housing developments or urban projects.

They might also go into medical technology. With many doctors and nurses nearing the age of retirement and baby boomers reaching their golden years, the next several years will see a real shortage of trained medical personnel. So this could be a great career path to pursue.

There are tons of potential technical careers just waiting for qualified individuals to fill them. Whether your student wants to become an infographic designer, an automotive computer engineer, or an alternative energy innovator, consider that any of several technology fields could hold the keys to a promising career.

college guidance, dorm life, parenting

Top 5 financial mistakes college freshmen make

Freshmen-BlundersWhen your student becomes a freshman in college they are bound to face a rather steep learning curve on several fronts. For one thing they will have to get used to being responsible for themselves, including how (and when) to eat, get enough sleep, and juggle their daily schedule, from attending classes to doing homework to squeezing in some socialization. But they will also have to learn to manage their own finances, and this can be extremely difficult for students that have never had to set a budget, balance accounts, and pay bills, especially if you, as parents, have offered no friendly advice or training on the subject. But rather than learning things the hard way and potentially getting into debt or screwing up their credit along the way, it’s in your best interest to help them become aware of some common issues that average freshmen face in the area of finance so that they can circumvent them completely. Here are just a few financial mistakes they will certainly want to avoid.

  1. Blowing dough on friends. Whether you are providing them with a monthly stipend for living expenses, they have some loan money left over after tuition and books, or they have a wage-earning job for the first time in their life, they may end up with a little more money in their pocket than they are used to, and the urge to impress their new friends by springing for pizza, treating them to coffee, or buying them tickets to rock concerts could leave your student high and dry with no money for essentials. This is a classic rookie mistake that plenty of freshmen make once or twice. But after living on Raman noodles for weeks, they aren’t likely to make this classic blunder again.
  2. Neglecting bookkeeping. Most students have never had to track their spending, so why would they add such a burden when they’ve already got the stresses of college to contend with? Because they don’t end up getting into trouble with overdraft fees, credit card fines, or angry phone calls from their parents informing them that you will no longer fund them unless they can get spending habits in order.
  3. Failing to budget. Any time you have limited funds (or really, any time at all) it’s important to create a budget so that you always know just how much money you have available and where it’s destined to go. Without this knowledge you could find that you don’t have enough in the bank when it comes time to pay for tuition. Or your bank card may be denied when you try to pay for dinner. Neither sounds very appealing.
  4. Applying for credit cards. Although there are laws in place to protect students from credit card offers that are made to take advantage of their inexperience, only your student can truly ensure that they don’t wind up owing their first-born child to Visa or MasterCard. As soon as they take out loans and start building credit the offers for plastic will come rolling in. Tell them to resist the urge to say yes to every offer that lands on their desk. If they need to use a credit card to actually build their credit, select one that has a low limit (to curtail overspending) and also a low interest rate (one that won’t get bumped up in 12 months). Or consider a card that requires they pay the balance, like American Express.
  5. Ignoring cheaper alternatives. Even though you might be  insuring items you bring to college, it’s probably a good idea not to bring anything too valuable. This includes a car. As a student living on campus they should have no problem getting around with nothing more than a bike or their own two feet. And even if they work off campus they can take the bus for a lot less than it costs to own and operate a vehicle.

Before your student spends beaucoup bucks on things they don’t need, consider that there are cheaper alternatives that could save them from overspending. Teach them the difference between “want” and “need” before they head out on their own.