All posts by Suzanne Shaffer

in the news, parenting

Teachable Moments About Racism

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racism

This has certainly been one of those years. It all began with news of a virus in China. Then it began to spread and the world was in the midst of a pandemic. As time progressed it made it to our country and everyone was frightened and scared. People were dying. There seemed to be no hope. Schools closed. Businesses closed. Churches closed. We all stayed home and waited.

Just when it seemed the outlook was improving, a senseless and cruel act of murder occurred at the hands of a policeman—someone we trusted to protect us. I kept remembering the words spoken in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: “All hell done broke lose around here!” Truer words were never spoken. 

I’m certainly not a psychologist or pretend to understand what it’s like to live as a person of color in this country. But I have children and grandchildren and it’s moments like these when they are watching us. They watch how we respond and how we treat others. Raising an independent adult should also involve raising a compassionate human being. 

These are teachable moments.

Violence is not the answer

On September 20, 1958, Izola Ware Curry walked into a Harlem department store where King was signing books and asked, “Are you Martin Luther King?” When he replied “yes,” she stabbed him in the chest with a knife. King survived, and the attempted assassination only reinforced his dedication to nonviolence:

“The experience of these last few days has deepened my faith in the relevance of the spirit of nonviolence, if necessary social change is peacefully to take place.”

Look for the helpers

Mr. Rogers’ mother had the best advice for a time like this—look for the helpers. We looked for the helpers during the pandemic at its worst. We should look for the helpers in the midst of this civil unrest.

Policemen, sheriffs and mayors speaking to the protestors and asking to “walk with them” in solidarity and as a promise to do better. People showing up to help business owners clean up after the damage from the riots. Protestors protecting the police when surrounded by an angry mob. A protestor bringing a case of water to the policemen standing watch. Helpers put all of this into perspective. 

Which brings me to the next teachable moment…

Love one another

Nothing good ever comes from hate. Our children are innocent and loving when born. If they are taught to hate, they will hate. If they are taught to love, they will love. Teach them to unconditionally love their fellow humans. Martin Luther King Jr. said, 

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Stand with those who are hurting

Every single person who viewed the video of that policeman kneeling on George Floyd’s neck was outraged. There’s no question that he used his position of authority to murder that man and showed no mercy when the man was crying for help. Your teen should know you are outraged and understand why. It should open a discussion about how you feel about racism and give you an opportunity to talk about this issue. If you feel moved to act, allow your teenager to participate if they ask. Nothing will change if we don’t teach our children to be color blind. Martin Luther King Jr. explained it clearly, 

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

college prep, parenting

Helping your Student With Dyslexia

dyslexia

Dyslexia can affect one in five people, according to the National Institutes of Health. Once you have noticed the symptoms such as laboured or inaccurate reading and/or spelling. As well as difficulty rhyming, associating sounds with alphabetic symbols, sequencing and ordering sounds you can take the next step to be diagnosed. There are many ways to help Dyslexia. 

Schools that specialize in Dyslexia 

Schools such as CLOI’s Dyslexia PD offerings can often provide extra attention towards teaching them how to utilize, systematic and sequential instructional approach while reading and writing. The best method they use is a multisensory method. This can ensure that each plan is helping them to succeed with every journey with something like their writing and reading. They understand Dyslexia in a way that looks at it from different views to ensure that they choose the best method for them as every case is different. Having a personalized program is essential. 

What parents can do to help

If your child has Dyslexia, you can often feel helpless. There are multiple ways in which you can help at home. Start reading aloud of your child as young as you can, even six months and younger can make a massive difference to their vocabulary. If you are not comfortable with reading aloud yourself, then playing a recorded book with your child can be an effective method. Work side by side with your child’s school to ensure that you can proceed with the same techniques at home to avoid confusion. Scheduling in reading time each day can encourage your child to read that will improve their literacy skills. You could do this by reading something of your own while your child read their book. This shows that you are there to support your child, and they will see that reading is an enjoyable activity to do together. 

Support your child

Finding ways to support your child without being intimidating can be difficult. Expressing your love and support when they are reading or talking can help build their skills and show their strengths. This can be done by having conversations with your child regularly.

Designating a specific time of day to help them at home by organizing a place and time for your child to study. This space is then known as a place of work rather than play. This also means limiting the amount of time they spend on electronic screens and swapping them for reading practice.

If you are feeling alone at this time, then joining a support group can help you massively to provide useful information and emotional support. Building you and your child’s relationship to helping their strengths and weaknesses.

Hopefully, with this guide, you will be able to find different learning techniques to learn your child’s Dyslexia. Whether that is having support from a school such as CLOI’s Dyslexia PD. They offer comfort and personalized methods to help your child. And changing up your home environment to allow your child’s reading and writing to grow and improve.

graduation, parenting

Transitioning Toward Independence After Graduation

graduation

Whether your child is leaving for college soon or they are coming towards the end of their studies, ensuring you support your child in the right way, not just in a professional sense but in an emotional sense as well, can prove to be a wide-ranging subject. Ultimately, there is a massive transition from college to the real world. For anybody that has been through college education and has now come out on the other side, they may tell you just how much of a shock to the system it is to go into the real world. So what can you do to make sure that you support your child in the right way when they are transitioning toward independence after graduation?

Will Additional Qualifications Help At This Point?

Many people decide to move on to a master’s course after their degree. For some, this can be prolonging the eventuality of going into the real world. But it all depends on the degree that your child initially undertook. If they’ve got a very clear-cut career plan but they need to acquire a master’s in system design & management or a niche subject, it’s vital that they work towards this. The best thing you can do if your child is adamant about completing extra qualifications is to make sure that they’ve researched their career choice at every angle.

Encouraging Them To Find The Best First Job

Some parents feel that their child needs to get any job after they come out of college, but this can be a huge mistake. If your child is not continuing their education, you should encourage them to explore a wide variety of opportunities. Many people these days decide to accept a job for the sake of it, but this means that they could very well get stuck in a professional rut. And even if you, as the parent, have been in the same position before, it’s essential to encourage them to diversify their efforts. Encourage them to make strategic decisions from the outset. This could mean undertaking career questionnaires or helping them to realize what skills they have right now that lend to a specific profession.

Remember To Take A Step Back

They are your child, and you want the best for them, but you have to remember that you can’t force them to do something. If you feel the need to go down a particular direction, they will likely do the opposite. Think about your emotions and keep them in check. Manage their moods rather than trying to force them down a specific path. After college, your child can feel somewhat empty in-between that chasm of finishing their education to starting a career. There will naturally be bumps in the roads, and they may feel the pressure to get on to the “right” career right away. The best thing that you can do is to take a step back and also realize where you are helicopter parenting.

Even if you went straight into work, you have to remember just how much a shock to the system it can be going from years of education to the real world. They worked hard at getting their qualification, and now they want to make sure that it counts. The best thing you can do for them at this point is to be supportive of their decisions.

academics, admissions, college planning, college prep

How To Create a Perfect College List from 5 Experts

college list

With any project or goal, you look to the experts to help you reach success and achieve the goal. These five experts know all there is to know about creating the perfect college list.

What’s Critical in a College Admission Checklist

According to Lynn O’Shaughnessy of The College Solution Blog, using  a college admission checklist is critical when your child is applying to colleges and universities.

Allowing  a teenager to apply to any colleges without a solid game plan can be a financial and academic disaster.

There are five college check-list items that you and your child should accomplish before sending out applications.  If you’ve already submitted your applications, you can definitely still do some of these tasks:

  1. Use Net-price calculators
  2. Check the generosity of individual colleges
  3. Apply for financial aid as soon as you can
  4. Consider including a mix of schools
  5. Check academic departments

Read more . . .

What makes a good college fit?

Debbie Schwartz of Road2College.com offers parents advice from multiple college experts and points out with thousands of colleges and universities to choose from, finding the “perfect” school is a seemingly impossible task for any high school student and their parents. 

Many college hopefuls have their eyes set on a particular dream school, while others may feel overwhelmed by endless options varying in size, location, reputation, and expense. 

Applying to and gaining acceptance to colleges is daunting enough, let alone deciding where to attend in the fall. 

So how exactly do you make the right decision?

Keep in mind that the true secret to college success is not necessarily attending the most selective or prestigious university.

It’s finding the right school for you where you can be your best self. And much like with dating or job-hunting, there is no one-size-fits-all college, but instead, a number of potential great picks for every individual student. 

In this article, you can find the answers to these questions:

  • Good Schools: Are They a Thing?
  • What is a College Fit?
  • How Do You Find the Right College?

Read more . . .

Your College List: Researching the Academic Side

Katherine Price of Great College Advice, reminds parents and students that picking the final list can be a daunting task.  One way to narrow things down a bit is to really look into the academic departments at the schools you are interested in.  Since academics is one of the most important aspects of attending college, it is important that students feel connected to the curriculum and the major that they could potentially be studying.

When looking at college academics, consider these topics:

  • Look at the curriculum
  • Go beyond what majors are offered
  • Get to know the faculty
  • Research special programs and events

Read more . . .

How Are You Conducting Your College Search?

Jeannie Borin or College Connections, reminds us that in conducting the college search, it is important to make sure a college list is well balanced with “reach,” “50/50” and “likely” colleges that fit the student’s profile academically and socially. Thorough research is necessary to be sure that students are applying to the right colleges for them. The research will also come in handy when completing applications and when answering essay questions that ask why an applicant wants to attend that college.

Here are some helpful tips that should help in your college search:

  • Examine the campus life
  • Explore academic programs
  • Review college statistics
  • Other factors to consider

Read more . . .

Using Statistics to Find Your College Fit

I always recommend that parents and students take a close look at the college statistics.

You might be surprised to know that in addition to all the factors students use to choose a college, there is one they might overlook: statistics. While location, major, campus appeal, and others are certainly important statistics will help you and your student make a more informed college choice.

Why statistics? Statistics will help you determine some of the key factors involved in choosing a college. With statistics you increase the odds of your student being accepted, receiving more financial aid, and graduating on time. You can also determine the class sizes, the freshman retention rate and the odds of finding a job after graduation.

Numbers aren’t everything, but consider these eight important stats when you and your student are looking at schools:

  1. Rankings (simply as a baseline for comparison)
  2. Financial aid percentages
  3. Acceptance rates
  4. Student-to-professor ratios
  5. Freshman retention rates
  6. Graduation rates
  7. Student indebtedness
  8. Percentage of student who are employed after graduation

Read more . . .

academics, career colleges, careers, parenting

Supporting Your Teen’s Dreams

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dreams

We all have dreams in life, and these often start when we are young. 

When you were at high school, you may have had visions for your future, of the places you wanted to get to, and of the person you wanted to be. Hopefully, your dreams were realized.

So, let’s think about your teen. What are their dreams? What do they want in the future? And what colleges are they considering to achieve their future ideals?

As the parent, you need to be in a supportive role – the person who encourages their dreams, and not the person who crushes them.

In your role, these are some of the things you need to focus on.

Don’t be dismissive of your teen’s choices

Remember that your teen’s dreams may not necessarily equate with your dreams for them. Too many kids end up in colleges and careers they didn’t want, and that is because their parents have pushed them in directions they didn’t want to go. So, don’t be that parent who forces them down a path they are resistant to. If you catch your teen looking at the preflight checklist for pilots on the pages of an aeronautical university website, or if you hear them talking to their friends about colleges for the performing arts, be supportive. Don’t tell your teen that such career choices are pipe dreams, unrealistic, and not for them. Show them you support their choices, and if the colleges they look at really aren’t beyond the realms of reality for them, encourage them to take the right courses at high school that will meet the requirements of the colleges in question.

Encourage them in their education

As we suggested above, help your teen make the right choices when it comes to high school courses, especially if getting grades in these courses will qualify them for admission into the colleges they like. And when they are taking these courses, encourage your teen to work hard. If they need to study for tests, and if they need to write essays, remind your teen of their college goals every time they slacken off. Help your teen with their courses when they are struggling too. Be there when they need your help to study for tests and exams. Be there when they need your advice on a paper they have written. And be there whenever an obstacle arises that could potentially cause them to fail their course. The more help you can give them at high school, the greater the chances of them getting the grades they need for college.

Make their dreams become a reality

You can do this in all kinds of ways, from helping them find the right colleges for them, to helping them fill out their college applications. Take a look at the advice we gave on our site about what you can do to coach your college-bound teen too, as there is much you can do to prepare them for the next stage of their academic life. You can teach them some of the skills they will need at college, for example, and you can help them prepare for the pre-college tests they might need to take during the application process. The more you can do to support your teen, the better, so while you shouldn’t be overbearing within your responsibilities, you should still steer, gently cajole, and encourage your teen to ensure their dreams can come true.

empty nest, move-in day, parenting

Leaving for College

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college

These have certainly been times of upheaval. Students were told to finish the year at home. Parents scrambled to help their teens adjust. Graduations were cancelled and even college plans are uncertain. But that doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for the day when they will leave for college.

It seems like only yesterday you are dropping your child off at their first class, and they are upset about leaving you. But now your child has decided to go off to college and will be leaving you without so much as a wave before long. But this is a wonderful testament to the job you have done as a parent up to now, and it’s hard to forget just how much you have done for them, and How they are so successful already from your support and their hard work. There are a few things you can do to make sure that you have prepared yourself for the big day, and that you don’t end up too upset when it happens. Our children taking the plunge and becoming independent is something special, and something to be proud of. So what can you do to prepare yourself for this transition?

Be proud

Be proud of your child’s achievements. Sharing this with the world and your family and friends is important, and showing your child that you are proud of them will do great things for their confidence. It isn’t always about academic achievements of course, but it does show a certain level of resilience and confidence, as well as a hard-working nature to gain a place in a college. Making sure that you don’t forget the role you have played in getting into this point, and congratulating yourself for the great support you have given your child along the way, is important. So never feel as though you are going too far by showing your pride in your children.

Prepare practicalities

Making sure that all of the practicalities such as student accommodation and the small details are covered when it comes to preparing your child for college, will give you a sense of confidence that everything is taken care of. You can, of course, continue to support your child once they have left for college, and many people do send care packages on a regular basis. But making sure that your child knows where they are going, what they are doing, and they have the support there if they need it, will help you relax and feel much better about the whole situation.

Be there

Being there when your child needs you, or even when they don’t, is all we can do. Sometimes they will act as though they don’t need any support whatsoever, and this may be true for many grown-up children spreading their wings, and if we have done our jobs correctly then they really should be quite independent anyway, but just being ready to take a call, or be there when they need you, it’s going to be the most important job you can do when your child is going off to college. Being there is our number one role once all the basics of parenting are done, we teach them everything we can to a certain age, And then must take a step back to just support when needed. You will find that even the most independent college children will feel as though they have got everything under control, but we can always be there ready to catch them if they fall.

parenting

Parenting College Students

college

If you have a student in college and you are hoping for them to do as well as possible, there are things that you might be able to do to help them along. While you should mostly let them do it on their own, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be encouraging them or offering them just the right amount of help – so long as you don’t get overly involved, that is, and you still let them achieve it by themselves. If you want to help your children pass their college exams, there are a number of things you can do to ensure that they are much more likely to, so let’s look at what those might be.

Stress Busting

One of the main things you can do for them is to show them how to deal with the exam stress. All children get stressed when it comes to exam time, and it is a natural part of the process that they are going to have to find a way to deal with. A little stress is not even too much of a bad thing; it shows how important the situation is, and it has been known to help people work to their fullest degree where necessary. But too much stress is definitely a problem, and you can help them by showing them how to keep stress at bay. Keeping calm, breathing deeply, and getting plenty of sleep are all good ways of doing this.

Getting Help

If you feel that your child really needs it, you might also want to think about getting them some extra education which they can make use of. If your child is falling back in English, for instance, then hiring a private English tutor could be all you need to do to make sure that they are going to get back on track, or even get ahead of their peers. However, it’s not a competition, and the main thing is that you should be trying to help them get to a point where they are confident they will pass their exams. If you can do that, you will find that they will have a much higher chance of success.

Study Skills

When it comes to the actual preparation for the exams, you can help them there too, even if they are living on campus and you are not seeing them in person. If they can learn from you how to properly prepare for exams, then that is going to do them very well, and you will find that they are going to have a much better time of it in general. That is absolutely something that you are going to want to think about if you are particularly keen for them to achieve great things. Good exam preparation is something that can be learned, so make sure that you are helping them wherever necessary in learning it before they have their exams.

academics, admissions, college guidance

High School Juniors and the Pandemic

high school juniors

High school juniors may be wondering how the pandemic will affect their college plans. Your student may be asking: 

  • How is this virus going to affect my future college application? 
  • Are these abridged AP exams going to count? 
  • I worked so hard this year, took a rigorous curriculum, but now how can this pass/fail grading highlight my improved grades? 
  • My prestigious summer program was just canceled—what can I do for the next several months? 
  • With all the seniors currently asking for gap years, will this mean there will be fewer spaces in future years?”

These are all valid concerns. Most of these questions don’t have black/white answers yet and as each day passes, colleges are making decisions that will most likely answer all of your questions. Your student can take comfort, however, knowing that every junior is facing the same challenges and concerns. They aren’t alone in their uncertainty.

We can’t know the future, but we can deal with what we know now. As time progresses, the options will change, but for now, here is some helpful information:

Standardized Testing

The June SAT and SAT Subject Tests have been cancelled. You can click here to see the up-to-date information. As it looks now, they are planning tests for August 29, September 26, October 3, November 7 and December 5. If schools don’t reopen in the fall, the College Board will provide a digital at-home version.

The ACT test that was scheduled for April 4 was cancelled. You can reschedule your test date here for June 13, July 18 or schedule a future test date.

To account for all the disruption, colleges will most likely decrease the weight that standardized test scores carry in the admissions process. That being said, if you are able to achieve a high score despite disruptions, you will have an advantage among other applicants.

For the 2020-21 application cycle, many colleges, including selective ones, may choose to move to test-optional admissions. This means that applicants are not required to submit any standardized test scores. 

You can find a list of schools who are currently going test-optional here. 

Academics

The majority of students are now engaged in online learning. Because of this and the decision by most schools to use pass/fail grading, grades from the second semester of junior year will not count for very much in the admissions process. If your student has an option to take a grade for the current semester, I would advise them to do so. If not, colleges looking to see growth in a student’s profile will focus on grades from the first semester of senior year instead. If your student is applying early, colleges won’t have first semester grades available.

Extracurricular Activities

Extracurricular activities, especially ones offered through schools and the ones that require face to face interaction, have screeched to a halt. Colleges are aware of these challenges. However, students who find ways to remain engaged despite the pandemic will stand out. 

Just because you can’t participate in the normal activities, be creative. Here’s a list of ways you can still volunteer locally:

College Visits

Even though you haven’t had the chance to visit this spring, you can still visit virtually. Connect through social media with current and past students and ask questions about their college experience. You can find them on the college websites, instagram, LinkedIn and YouTube.

Considering all your options

Since the impact of the virus has certainly changed everyone’s outlook on the future and possibly affected your family financially, your student might want to consider some alternatives to the traditional path to college. Talk to your student about taking a gap year and working at an internship or job, going to community college for the first two years and transferring, attending classes online, or even looking at the military as an option.

Other things to consider

Colleges may choose to accept a higher percentage of next year’s applicants early in an effort to lock in more students. Or colleges may also be looking at their list of deferred students and hold spaces open for them in the upcoming class. Financial aid may also be affected because of less alumni contributions with less money to spread around. Colleges will also be feeling the financial impact of the virus and have less money to give as merit aid.

academics, admissions, college planning

Language and Music enhance your Student’s Education

language and music

We all want the best for our children. As soon as we know they’re on their way, we start making purchases to meet all of their needs once they do arrive. We do our utmost to get them into the best schools so that they can have more choice when it comes to what they want to do in terms of career and their future. But there are other things you can do besides securing them a spot in a great school that produces great results. Here are a few things that you can encourage them to do to increase their skills, their abilities and their knowledge. Just make sure not to be pushy. If your child doesn’t enjoy something, don’t force them to do it. Instead, find something else enriching that they’re actually passionate about. This will create the happiest and most rounded child in the long run.

Encourage Them to Learn Another Language

As your student enters school and continues through high school, the best time to learn another language. Generally speaking, children do tend to pick up new languages more easily and quickly. Learning a language encourages an understanding of different ways that grammar can be used. It creates a wider vocabulary. But most importantly, it encourages an appreciation and respect for other cultures, as well as an ability to communicate with others who may not speak the same first language as your child. In the long term, fluency can help them to spread their wings, increasing their job opportunities when they eventually begin to look for work. Many Private Schools will have a wide choice of languages to offer, but smaller schools with more limited funding may have more limited options. Nowadays, learning languages, however, can be easy to do at home online. Language learning apps and software are constantly improving and your kid could genuinely pick up a second language through Rosetta Stone, DuoLingo or Babbel.

Introducing Them to Music

Learning an instrument is a truly impressive skill. It can also provide social opportunities for your child, as they may grow up and have fun joining orchestras, bands or other musical groups. Music comes hand in hand with a host of benefits mentally too! It significantly improves memory, as the mere act of learning how to play an instrument places a high-working memory load on you. They’ll need to remember how different notes sound, where to place their hands on the instrument to create those notes and what order to play the notes in. As well as this, playing an instrument intrinsically encourages improved hand-eye coordination. Your little ones will have to learn how to play without looking at their instrument – instead, reading from music sheets instead.

These are just a couple of different activities you can encourage your students to get involved with to maximize the scope of their education. They’ll greatly benefit from either. If they’re not interested in these options, there are plenty more out there. It might just be a matter of a little trial and error before you find the perfect option for them.

college planning, GPA

The Pass/Fail Grading System and Your Student

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pass/fail grading

Over the course of the last month, as school districts make the choice on whether to give students grades or transition to a pass/fail grading system, parents are concerned that this will certainly have an impact on their student’s high school transcript and GPA.

Some parents, students and local school board members are concerned that ”the new grading system takes away students’ opportunity to show academic progress and will hurt high school juniors’ chances at college admissions, despite public assurances from major colleges and universities.”

No true measure of achievement

“There is a huge correlation between academic achievement and learning,” Allen Weiner, the president of the Sequoia Union High School District school board, said on April 15 after casting one of two dissenting votes as the board majority approved credit/no credit system. “Kids who get better grades have learned, and we should honor that.”

Parents who have seen their students work hard during this semester even with the confines of having to attend class online, feel it’s unfair to give those students a pass/fail grade. Some teachers believe it would be better to institute a case-by-case grading system and reward those students who have excelled with an actual grade.

Parent Susannah Hill said she had a “very strong reaction” when she heard the district could institute a pass/no pass grading system because her son, a junior at M-A, “has worked extraordinarily hard this whole semester” and would like to see that work recognized. She said he’s now even putting in about 11-hour workdays with his distance-learning assignments. She thinks there could be other solutions, such as giving students a quarter grade for the first half of the semester to acknowledge their work up until the March shift to distance learning.

Impact on college admissions

Palo Alto parent Tricia Barr worried that students will be compared to applicants from districts that kept letter grades and that “it could absolutely hurt their prospects in the college admissions process,” she said during the school board’s virtual meeting on April 21.

However, private and public colleges and universities across the country have said that students applying from these districts will not be disadvantaged.

“Certainly, we understand students are primarily taking courses online and often with modified grading scales. Rest assured that we are sensitive to these challenges and realities,” said Richard Shaw, Stanford University’s dean of undergraduate admission and financial aid. “We expect coursework to be completed but will accept whatever grading scale is used by the school.” (Stanford itself has moved to a credit/no credit system for the rest of this school year.)

Parents and students are still wary that colleges will still evaluate a student’s GPA without taking into consideration the current situation. It remains unclear how any parent or student will know exactly how the colleges ultimately handle this situation.

A fair solution

A school board in Spokane, Washington came up with these grading guidelines:

  • Select to receive a pass/fail grade on their high school transcript, for those who don’t want to negatively affect their grade-point average;
  • Opt to receive a letter grade in hopes of improving their GPA;
  • Request a credit waiver from the school principal (for students with a failing grade and those who do not need certain credits to graduate or provide competency-based model to receive a pass grade).

In some cases, teachers will use their professional judgment in assessing competence in a given subject.

So far, these seem to be the best solution. This puts the decision in the hands of the student and gives them control of their own GPA.

There is much at stake as colleges and universities weigh a prospective student’s academic progress. There is hope that colleges will adjust their current guidelines and take into account how students have been forced to study online during their spring semester.