Category Archives: college guidance

college guidance, college planning, Uncategorized

Sometimes College Isn’t the Right Choice

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right choice

When our student graduates from high school we flaunt college names like a badge of honor. “My daughter is going to Harvard.” “My son will be attending college at Texas A&M.” You get the picture. Sometimes our desire to prove we raised a successful teenager clouds our judgment and causes us to push our children in the wrong direction. The simple truth is: college isn’t for everyone. And that’s ok. There are alternatives to college.

For some young adults, the thought of college terrifies them. They didn’t do well in school and they know college is academically more difficult. For others, they are simply burnt out—the prospect of another four years of school does not appeal to them. Others prefer to take a different path such as the military or trade school.

With all the talk about college during high school, other options are rarely discussed. My son never saw himself in college. He was an average student but from the time he entered high school he had military aspirations. He joined the Naval Junior ROTC program and as a senior, he enlisted in the U.S. Marines. It was a good decision for him at the time, even though I protested strongly because I wanted him to go to college.

If your student seems disinterested in college there are other options to consider. A gap year might be in order. During that time he can work at an internship, learn a trade, or find a volunteer opportunity abroad. He could always work for a year, take a few classes at the community college and test the waters. Another bold initiative would be to become an entrepreneur–start a business or invent a product to sell. All the college acceptances in the world make your child happy if he’s not invested in the process or willing to commit to study.

The bottom line: college is not always the right choice for every student. And, as I said, that’s ok. The important thing is that you know your child. Don’t push if you sense strong resistance.  Discuss options and make a plan. It’s perfectly acceptable to delay college, work to discover a career path, or concentrate on a trade. College isn’t for everyone.

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Watch for Pre-College Anxiety This Summer

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pre-college anxiety

High school graduation is here and parents are proudly snapping photos, bragging about which college their student will attend, and basking in the fact that they raised a successful high school graduate. Then comes the summer before college . . .

Right now, your student is probably looking forward to “gelling” during the summer: spending time with friends free from the worries and stresses of the past year. Some students will be looking forward with anticipation to the fall and becoming a college student. But others might be experiencing noticeable pre-college anxiety about this next big step.

It happened in my house. My daughter dreamed of going to college in Boston. She worked hard during high school and her dream became a reality. The campus was gorgeous, the academics were superb, and the student body was a perfect fit for her. The icing on the cake was the many Greek organizations on campus. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she always dreamed of following in her footsteps in college.

But as the summer dragged on, I began to notice measurable hesitancy on her part. She didn’t want to discuss the topic of college. She started voicing thoughts of transferring after the first semester to a college in her home state. She didn’t want to start discussing dorm specifics or communicate with her future roommate. What was happening?

If you start seeing any red flags like these, you should ask yourself, “What’s really going on?” Is it simply nervousness related to the change? Is there another person or persons influencing her sudden change in mood or direction? Is she truly changing her mind about college and you need to discuss other options with her?

Once you diagnose the problem, it should be easier to determine what action you need to take.

I’ve outlined the six red flags in this article I wrote for Teen Life Magazine: Watch for These 6 Red Flags the Summer Before College. If your student is exhibiting any of these symptoms, take action. Don’t assume they will pass. Start a non-judgmental conversation and listen to what he is feeling.

My daughter and I were able to find the cause of her problem and I was able to ease her concerns. Just because the decision was made in May to go to college, keep an eye out during the summer before college for any signs of pre-college anxiety.

academics, college guidance

How to Excel in College

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excel in college

It takes years of hard work to get into college and on the path to your dream career. If you’ve made it to college, congratulations are in order – you’ve passed high school and got onto the course you need to be on. Of course, once you’re in college there’s a lot of pressure to do well. Most of the pressure comes from the worry of not getting high enough grades, as college classes are a lot harder than high school ones. The difference in the level of learning can be a shock to the system when you first start college.

A lot of college students struggle to get the grades that they need, so if you’re finding it hard, you’re not alone. The good news is that in most cases, there are plenty of ways you can help to improve your grades. You’ll be amazed at how making a few small changes can have a big impact on how well you excel in college. Take the below tips on board and you can give your grades the boost that they need.

Go to class

This might be an obvious one, but it needs to be said. Lots of students skip classes and then wonder why they struggle to achieve good grades. If you want to do well at college, you need to attend all of your classes. Unless you’re sick, you have no excuse for not being there. If you’re serious about getting high grades, you need to make an effort to attend every class.

Copying your friend’s notes won’t let you catch up properly, as there will always be little things that you miss. The slides from the lecture might be uploaded onto the college internet, but that still won’t allow you to catch up completely. In class, there will be discussion, examples, and so on, that if you’re not there, you will miss. It’s simple, if you want to do well, you need to attend each and every class.

Understand each lecturer

Every lecturer or professor has a different method of teaching. If you’re going to do well, you need to make an effort to understand each lecturer’s way of teaching. Each professor wants something different from their students, so finding out what this is early, is a must. You’ll find that by understanding what your lecturers want from you, you’ll do better in their classes.

Your grades aren’t just down to assignments but also your in-class contribution. So it’s essential that you know what your professors want from you. Else, you could get marked down because you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be. Don’t be afraid to tell your professor that you’re struggling to keep up – they’re there to help you.

Get organized

Being a successful college student is all about learning to multi-task, and the key to this is organization. The chances are that at any one time, you’ll have various assignments to work on. That’s why it’s so important that you’re organized about your studies. Else, you’ll end up being overwhelmed with due dates and work that needs to be done; you might even forget something. If you’re organized about your studies, you can ensure that you spend adequate time working on each task. You won’t need to stress about forgetting anything, as you’ll have everything under control.

The best tools for staying organized while at college have to be planners. Day planners are fantastic as they allow you to schedule your classes, assignments dates, and any other tasks you need to do. There’s also room to jot down when you’re working. This allows you to ensure that you’re on top of everything and that nothing important gets missed out.

Use your time wisely

This links to organization. If you want to ensure that your grades are good, you need to use your time wisely. Of course, having a planner to schedule your time helps with this, but that’s not all it takes. In periods of free time, if you have a task to do, complete it. Don’t waste your time, use every minute wisely.

Of course, you need time to chill out and see your friends, but that shouldn’t take up a large part of your day. You need to prioritize your time, so that your studies always come first. It’s also important to break big projects into smaller parts, and schedule time to focus on each part. This makes getting the work done easier, as it won’t be too overwhelming.

Take notes in class

Another important reason for ensuring that you’re in every class is taking notes. If you want to ensure that you remember everything from the lecture, you need to note the important things down. This will mean that when you come to write an assignment, you can look back at the notes you’ve taken in class about the topic.

After class, it’s worth typing up your notes. For each class, write the notes up on your computer and save them in a file with the module name. That way, should you lose your notebook, you’ll have all your notes safely stored. You could opt to print them out for revision and use them to make mind maps and memory cards.

Improve your essay writing

A large chunk of your overall grade is down to your essays and assignments. This means that if you want to do well, you need to ensure that your writing is at a high standard. It’s not just about improving your writing style and tone; you also need to think about your punctuation and grammar. To improve your punctuation and grammar, Grammarly is a fantastic tool for checking your work. It points out any errors and makes suggestions of what you should change them to.

If you struggle when it comes to finding essay topics, you can find help online. (A lot of professors only give an outline of what they want, and ask students to choose the topic themselves.) There are examples of good argumentative essay topics online, as well as examples of various assignments. These can be incredibly helpful when it comes to improving your essay writing.

Buy the suggested books

Last but not least, buy the recommended books. Your professors will give you a reading list for a reason, so make sure to take advantage of it. The books on the list might be expensive, but they’re worth investing in, especially if you want to do well. They’re a great source of research and are ideal for looking up anything from your classes that you’re unsure about.

If you can’t afford to buy them, most of the recommended books will be available in your campus library. Or you could consider getting them second hand from older students or online. Don’t let the cost hold you back, get the books that you need to be successful.

Hopefully, this advice will help to improve your grades and get you the degree that you need.

 

college guidance, college prep, parenting

How to Know If Your Teen is Ready for College Without Asking

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ready for college

Yes. You could come out and ask the question. But the odds are your teen probably doesn’t know; and even if he does answer, it might not be an honest one. It might be what he thinks you want to hear. Your child needs some “mean” emotional skills before move-in day, as evidenced by all the college kids calling their parents to say, “I don’t like it here. Can I come home?”

How do you know if your teen is ready for college? Ask yourself some questions and be honest about the answers. The answers to these questions will be a good indicator about whether or not your teen is ready for college or could use some help getting prepared. You have the summer to help him practice these important independent life skills.

Does he know how to self-advocate?

It could happen on the first day of college. Your student needs help. He needs to speak with an advisor. Talk with a professor. Have a conversation with the RA. If he constantly runs to you for help in high school, how will he ever learn to advocate for himself? Colleges expect students to handle these situations by themselves. If he can’t deal with problems now, it’s a good indicator he won’t be able to handle them in college.

Does he know how to resolve conflict?

Roommate conflict is the number one reason students are unhappy the first few weeks of college. Being placed with a roommate that does not match your student’s personality and habits can be overwhelming. Conflict arises daily in college: with friends, with professors, with administration. If he goes to college without this emotional skill he will be more likely to “phone home” asking for help every time a conflict with someone arises.

Does he make friends easily and possess the necessary social skills?

Students who sit in their room alone day after day will not survive in college. They need a support group: friends to turn to when they are homesick or struggling. The social aspect of college is key to surviving four years away from home. Going to college far from the comfort of home and not knowing anyone can be a deal-breaker for the shy, uninvolved student.

Does he know how to recognize and avoid risky behavior?

There are going to be opportunities in college to participate in dangerous behavior: drinking, drugs, hooking up, and reckless driving to name a few. Students often see college as an opportunity to participate in activities that parents would not encourage while they are living at home. Does he have the tools to recognize and avoid the consequences of these behaviors?

Has he been away from home for an extended period of time?

So many first time college students have never been away from home without parents. A few weeks away from home gives them a taste of what life is like on their own. If your student has never been away from home or on his own, college will be a difficult adjustment.

Preparing your student for the emotional aspect of college will be best for him and for you. If he’s ready to venture out on his own, you will be less stressed about dropping him off on move-in day. And you most likely won’t receive the dreaded phone call: “I want to come home.”

admissions, college guidance

Making the College Admissions Decision

 

This article was originally posted by the Princeton Review and I have permission to share with my readers–great content and information for every parent and student considering the college admissions decision.

college admissions decision

The college decision letters and emails are rolling in. Celebrate your acceptances, stay positive, and strategize with your college counselor about what you’ll do next. Whatever your application status, we have some tips on planning your next move.

If You’re Accepted

If you applied regular decision, you have until May 1 (“Decision Day”) to notify colleges. Here’s what you should do after you receive your college acceptance letters:

  • Learn even more about the schools that accepted you by visiting campus one last time. Talk to real students, visit the dorms and cafeteria, and find out about key academic programs and campus activities.
  • Compare financial aid packages to see which makes the most sense for you and your family.
  • Talk to your college counselors. They’ve been cheering you on throughout the whole application process and are there to help you decide which school is right for you.
  • If you plan to defer your acceptance for a year to work, travel, or volunteer, make sure you’ve done your research. Talk to the admissions office about what it needs from you to consider your gap year request (and be sure to ask about any financial aid implications).
  • Notify colleges of your decision, and send in your deposit by the deadline.
  • Don’t slack off in school! Colleges expect you to keep your grades up all throughout senior year.

If You’re Waitlisted

If you land on a school’s waitlist, you’ll need to decide whether you will pursue or decline the waitlist invitation plus make plans to attend another college. Follow these tips to make sure you’re covered.

  • Quickly respond to let the school know whether you will accept or decline your position on the waitlist.
  • If you accept,
    • Send a follow-up letter to let the school know why you would be excited to attend and the reasons why their college is still the best-fit school for you.
    • Stay focused on your grades and prepping for AP exams.
    • Request an interview, so you can reiterate your commitment to the school.
  • If you decline, reevaluate the rest of your list. What schools do you need to learn more about? Which schools can you still visit?
  • No matter what, get excited about the schools that accepted you. Decide which college fits you best and send in your deposit. If you do get off another college’s waitlist (and accept!), you’ll forfeit your deposit.

If You’re Deferred

If you applied early decision or early action, you may receive a notification that your application has been deferred to the regular admission pool. This can happen if a college decides they need more information (like senior year grades or test scores) before making their final decision. Here are your priorities:

  • Work hard to keep your grades up.
  • If you plan to submit new SAT/ACT scores, prep thoroughly.
  • Keep in touch with the admissions committee, and make sure you’re sending them the information they need to evaluate your application.
  • Keep up your college search! Craft a list of dream, match, and safety schools—any of which is a great fit for your specific personality and interests. Work with your college counselor to stay on top of application deadlines.

If You’re Rejected

If you didn’t get the news you were hoping for, it’s okay (and normal!) to feel disappointed. But don’t dwell too long! There are still some proactive things you can do to find your best-fit college.

  • Focus on the schools that said “yes”! It’s time to visit or research in more depth the schools that accepted you. Sometimes your dream school has been on your mind for so long, that it can overshadow the rest of your options. There are bound to be plenty of new-to-you programs, internship opportunities, and other on-campus gems to get excited about!
  • Stay positive! You might feel tempted to take a year off from academics altogether and apply to your first-choice school again next year. We caution against this route! It is easier to transfer to the school of your choice from a less prestigious school than to start again from scratch (even if you spend your year off doing something productive and character-building).
  • Lean on your college counselor. Your admissions counselor is a pro at helping students compare schools and decide which offer of admission—and financial aid package—to accept.
college guidance, parenting

5 Parenting Lessons from The Hecks of “The Middle”

 

parenting lessons

If you are part of a middle class family, it’s easy to relate to the Hecks. Frankie and Mike struggle with everything middle class parents do: paying the bills, balancing expenses, and trying to raise children who aspire to college. Their parenting style is not for everyone, but within the hilarity and the sometimes questionable choices they make, we can find some relevant truth.

This show is a mirror into every parent’s struggles, battles, and parenting nightmares. Their oldest son can never get his head in the game. Their daughter lives in her own little world but strives for greatness. And their youngest son struggles with a lack of social skills. But somehow, they manage to make us laugh and cry watching their crazy life.

Watching the show for seven years, I’ve realized that Frankie and Mike can teach us a great deal about parenting. Here are five parenting lessons from “The Middle”:

  1. Find a parenting balance

Mike and Frankie’s philosophy is to let life happen. Their children often fend for themselves and are expected to remind their parents of every school activity. Because of this, it’s common for the family to be late, for the parents to forget, and for the children to miss out on opportunity. Instead of staying on top of deadlines, activities and events, they depend on their children to remind them.

Uninvolved parents are the antithesis of the helicopter parent. We should always seek a balance between the two. Stay involved enough to be the coach and the guide, but back off enough to allow your children to exert some independence.

  1. Always encourage your children to pursue their goals

The Heck’s daughter, Sue, is an extrovert and a dreamer. She dreams big, fails at most things, but continues to try. Although her parents know she’s never going to be a varsity cheerleader or homecoming queen, they never tell her to stop trying. She learns some tough lessons about life and her successes are more meaningful because she committed and never gave up.

  1. Even when it seems you’ve failed as a parent, there is always hope

The Heck’s oldest son, Axl, is a charmer, with absolutely no motivation. Try as they might, they could never seem to impress upon him the importance of doing your best and striving for excellence. Since he is a charmer, he charmed his way out of some pretty desperate situations. But as time has passed, he has grown as a person and has begun to see the potential in a college degree.

  1. Even in a family that struggles financially, college is an option

Neither Mike nor Frankie have a college education. But they knew they wanted their children to have that opportunity. Their plan for Axl was to get an athletic scholarship. For Sue, they knew her grades were her ticket and expected a good financial aid package. Both first generation students were accepted to college and received enough financial aid to attend. The parents never gave up on encouraging their children, even though they knew there would be challenges financially.

  1. Even though you can’t wait for your kids to leave for college, you will miss them when they are gone

This scenario has played out numerous times during the last few seasons. Frankie and Mike’s goal has always been for their children to finally leave home. Now that two of them have gone off to college, they are feeling the pains of the empty nest, especially with Sue. Their youngest son is still at home, but entering high school. The reality that someday soon they will be all alone is a quite an accomplishment, but it’s also a tough pill to swallow. There are days when they welcome the silence in the house, and then there are days when they worry because they haven’t heard from either child in the last 24 hours.

If you’ve never watched “The Middle” and you have college-bound teens, spend 30 minutes a week with the Hecks. You will laugh, commensurate and cry with this typical family. If you have Hulu, you can binge watch all seven seasons and watch the progression of their lives.

college guidance, parenting

Your Student May Be Headed to College, But . . .

headed to college

It’s hump day. Which means it’s the perfect day for some levity (and just a little sarcasm). If you are a parent of a college-bound teen, you will welcome levity. Especially this time of year.

It’s the time of year when tempers flare, stress reigns, and emotions collide. Many parents may find themselves looking forward to the day when their argumentative, emotional teenager moves out and heads off to college. After all, that’s when they will become an independent adult, handling their own problems.  They won’t be asking for help any longer and will not be yelling at you for all those reminders to study for the tests, write the essays, fill out the applications, and apply for scholarships.

If you believe that, you’re living in a dream world. Just because they are headed to college, they will still need you. You will receive all types of calls and texts, cementing the fact that although they are gone, they will never be able to survive without you. And most parents, wouldn’t have it any other way.

Check out this video I saw this morning that demonstrates the fact–you’re never too old or too independent to need your mother. Just click on the photo above or click here!

college guidance, parenting

How I Helped My Daughter Choose College Over a Boyfriend

 

choose college

I will never forget how it felt when my daughter announced, “I don’t think I will go away to college.” My stomach went into knots. My heart broke. My mouth dropped. Panic arose within every fiber of my being; but I didn’t speak. My mind was going in a hundred different directions; but I remained calm. Thinking back, I have no idea why I didn’t immediately start freaking out.

What would make an academically motivated, hard-working senior with a dream of attending college in Boston change her mind? A boy. What else? During the second half of her senior year she met a boy. He was kind, sweet, loving, and very romantic. He plied her with flowers, daily love notes, and phone calls declaring his love. He also began begging her to stay. It started simply with an “I will miss you” and transitioned to talk of marriage.

How could I possibly compete with the “M” word? How would I convince my daughter that college was more important than a boyfriend? How could I explain to her that he was probably the first of many and there was a big world out there waiting for her to explore?

The first step to convince her that college was the best choice, was to start a conversation. The first thing I did was ask her, “Why, after all this time, and all your hard work, would you change your mind?” At first, she gave me a multitude of excuses, from being afraid to move so far from home to missing me to having to leaver her friends. But eventually, she admitted it was her boyfriend.

Instead of bad-mouthing him and telling her he should not be pressuring her, I turned the conversation toward these three topics: the reason you wanted to go away to college, the realities of losing all your financial aid, and the importance of choosing your own path in life. After a few days of tears and logical evaluation, my arguments prevailed. She agreed to stick with the plan and go away to college.

It is important to note that I did not lose my cool. I didn’t argue. I didn’t yell. I didn’t make her feel her opinion was silly or stupid or illogical. She was now an adult and would have to make her own decisions. I simply guided her toward the right choice.

Getting her to college was one thing. I thought that once she made the decision, she would move on. But the first day of freshman week, she announced that she would give it a try and transfer if it didn’t work. Translated: if the long distance relationship doesn’t work, I will move back home and go to college there.

But I knew something she didn’t know. College offered her so much more than being stuck in a long-distance relationship with a boy who was still in high school. It wasn’t two weeks before she met someone else and decided that college was a good place after all. By the time spring break rolled around, her boyfriend was ancient history and college and its experiences became the focus of her life.

admissions, college guidance, parenting

Choosing a College–Is it 1, 2, or 3?

 

choosing a college

It’s crunch time. May 1, the deadline to make your final college choice, is upon us. For many families, they have multiple colleges to choose from. Offers of admission, along with financial aid packages, have been rolling in. Now comes the hard part: will it be 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even 4th or 5th choice when choosing a college? Will your son or daughter choose their dream college, or will they choose a college offering better aid that was further down the list.

As you’re making the decision, remember these points:

It’s not all about the money.

I know. I’ve been preaching about aid awards, comparing awards, and choosing the best financial fit. But it’s not always about the money. If you read my post about my daughter, (My Daughter Turned Down a Full-Ride Scholarship) you will see that although the money was there, the fit was not. Ultimately the decision came down to her feelings–coupled with a logical financial plan.

The final decision has to be your child’s.

You won’t be attending college. She will. If you force a choice, the outcome will not be pretty. You will soon be getting a phone call, “I just don’t like it here”. No amount of coaxing, tough love, or putting your foot down can overshadow a college choice that you made for your daughter.

Any choice is a good choice.

If the colleges are on the list they are good choices. It’s a matter of finding that right mix of “love” and financial backing to cement the final decision.

The choices we make shape our lives.

Choices shape our lives–even the bad ones. I read an excellent article today that talked about “bashert”. The title caught my eye (How ‘Bashert’ Can Help You Survive a College Rejection) and I had to find out what bashart meant. “Bashert is a Yiddish word. The definition is “destined, fated, meant to be.” It’s the Yiddish equivalent of “que sera, sera” or what will be, will be, or destiny or fate.”

I fully concur with this philosophy. While you’re choosing a college, remember that every path takes your student down a different road of life; and, according to Robert Frost, the “road less traveled” makes all the difference. The choice may not be what you imagined but your son or daughter has to forge their own path in life.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep, college transfer, community college, parenting

My Son’s Path to College Graduation Took 9 Years After High School

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This week, I will be sharing some personal stories and experiences of my own children’s path to college. I hope they help enlighten you and encourage you to help your college-bound teen.

college graduation

During his senior year of high school, my son applied to three schools: the Air Force Academy, West Point, and the Citadel. He knew he didn’t have the grades to get into these competitive colleges, but they were his dream schools. He didn’t apply anywhere else and when he was not offered admission, he decided to give up on college. He was defeated and felt he couldn’t possibly succeed. He also felt college was out of the question without scholarships and he did not bother to apply for any. Because of this, my son’s path to college graduation took nine years after high school.

Unfortunately, I was an uninformed parent. I did not know at the time there were many other options for him. He could have attended community college for a nominal cost. He could have applied rolling admission to colleges that were within our ability to pay. He could have chosen a military college and accepted an officer’s commission after graduation. But because he felt he had few options, he opted for the military, with the promise of attending college while serving.

Since he chose the Marines, he had little time to attend college. After serving his four years, he was honorably discharged and the day after leaving the Marine Corps, he began attending a state college on the G.I Bill. Unfortunately, he made a poor college choice. Based on his Marine buddies recommendations, he chose a “party” school. To make matters worse, the college was a commuter college—students went home on the weekends.

Every student has a different path to college--be sensitive and be an encourager
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After one semester, he withdrew with an absolutely disappointing 1.0 GPA. It was not that he was a poor student. He just wasn’t ready. After being told what to do for four years, he wasn’t disciplined enough to attend class, study, and participate in discussions. His plan—come home and find a full-time job. We agreed to give him six months.

After working at a minimum wage job for one year and living in a small studio apartment, it became clear to him that he needed a college education. Since his GPA would not allow him to re-enter college, he decided to attend community college, retake the same courses, bring up his GPA and transfer to a four-year college after he had met the basic requirements. Better yet, his G.I Bill and Pell Grant would cover all his tuition, making it possible to attend for two years without incurring any student loan debt.

After two years of community college, he transferred to a private college with a 4.0 GPA. Because of his excellent academic standing, he was able to secure scholarships for this college as well. After two more years, and nine years after high school, he graduated Magna Cum Laude with numerous academic merit awards. It was clear that he was capable of so much more than he thought he was in high school.

What made the difference? He was ready. After working for a year making minimum wage, he realized the importance of a college education. He made a plan and kept his eye on the prize. As he did in the Marines, he excelled in the execution of that plan and reaped the rewards of his academic commitment.

Is your teen a good student and is struggling with a college decision? Don’t be discouraged. He or she may not be ready. A gap year might be in order. Working at a trade or internship could help motivate them. For my son, the military was the best option. Whatever your teenager decides, the path he or she takes should be the path that best fits them. Forcing a student to attend college if he’s not ready will only lead to disaster: financial and personal failure.

If you think your unmotivated student has few education options after high school, think again. Community college is always an option, offering an opportunity to ease into college life. Trade schools offer a hands-on education and for some students, the best choice. There are colleges who accept applications year round, and even colleges that have a 100% acceptance rate. Just because your student does mediocre in high school, don’t assume college will be an academic repeat. If college is truly his goal, he will make it work; and he just might surprise you.