If you have a high school student thinking about college, be prepared to hear these words after their first few weeks, “I don’t like it here. I want to change colleges”. As your heart sinks and a hundred things go through your head, remember that I told you it would happen; and if you read this article it might help you handle those words without your heart and brain exploding into a million pieces.
Continue reading How to Respond if Your Student Wants to Change Colleges
This week, I will be sharing some personal stories and experiences of my own children’s path to college. I hope they help enlighten you and encourage you to help your college-bound teen.
During his senior year of high school, my son applied to three schools: the Air Force Academy, West Point, and the Citadel. He knew he didn’t have the grades to get into these competitive colleges, but they were his dream schools. He didn’t apply anywhere else and when he was not offered admission, he decided to give up on college. He was defeated and felt he couldn’t possibly succeed. He also felt college was out of the question without scholarships and he did not bother to apply for any. Because of this, my son’s path to college graduation took nine years after high school.
Unfortunately, I was an uninformed parent. I did not know at the time there were many other options for him. He could have attended community college for a nominal cost. He could have applied rolling admission to colleges that were within our ability to pay. He could have chosen a military college and accepted an officer’s commission after graduation. But because he felt he had few options, he opted for the military, with the promise of attending college while serving.
Since he chose the Marines, he had little time to attend college. After serving his four years, he was honorably discharged and the day after leaving the Marine Corps, he began attending a state college on the G.I Bill. Unfortunately, he made a poor college choice. Based on his Marine buddies recommendations, he chose a “party” school. To make matters worse, the college was a commuter college—students went home on the weekends.
After one semester, he withdrew with an absolutely disappointing 1.0 GPA. It was not that he was a poor student. He just wasn’t ready. After being told what to do for four years, he wasn’t disciplined enough to attend class, study, and participate in discussions. His plan—come home and find a full-time job. We agreed to give him six months.
After working at a minimum wage job for one year and living in a small studio apartment, it became clear to him that he needed a college education. Since his GPA would not allow him to re-enter college, he decided to attend community college, retake the same courses, bring up his GPA and transfer to a four-year college after he had met the basic requirements. Better yet, his G.I Bill and Pell Grant would cover all his tuition, making it possible to attend for two years without incurring any student loan debt.
After two years of community college, he transferred to a private college with a 4.0 GPA. Because of his excellent academic standing, he was able to secure scholarships for this college as well. After two more years, and nine years after high school, he graduated Magna Cum Laude with numerous academic merit awards. It was clear that he was capable of so much more than he thought he was in high school.
What made the difference? He was ready. After working for a year making minimum wage, he realized the importance of a college education. He made a plan and kept his eye on the prize. As he did in the Marines, he excelled in the execution of that plan and reaped the rewards of his academic commitment.
Is your teen a good student and is struggling with a college decision? Don’t be discouraged. He or she may not be ready. A gap year might be in order. Working at a trade or internship could help motivate them. For my son, the military was the best option. Whatever your teenager decides, the path he or she takes should be the path that best fits them. Forcing a student to attend college if he’s not ready will only lead to disaster: financial and personal failure.
If you think your unmotivated student has few education options after high school, think again. Community college is always an option, offering an opportunity to ease into college life. Trade schools offer a hands-on education and for some students, the best choice. There are colleges who accept applications year round, and even colleges that have a 100% acceptance rate. Just because your student does mediocre in high school, don’t assume college will be an academic repeat. If college is truly his goal, he will make it work; and he just might surprise you.
Over the years, parents have cornered me and asked me questions about the college admissions process and their college-bound teens. While those questions are varied, and sometimes specific as they relate to their own circumstances, parents undoubtedly have questions about the college prep process and beyond. Following are some of the most common questions parents ask about college.
How many colleges do you think my teen should apply to?
Here’s a good formula: 3 reach colleges (colleges that might be a reach but still attainable), 4 good fit colleges (colleges that are a good match for the student), 3 safety colleges (colleges that the student will be at the top of the applicant pool). Having choices also means the colleges are in competition, which translates into negotiation for you with the financial aid package.
What’s the most important tip you could give me about the college admissions process?
Find those “perfect fit” colleges. Do the research and evaluate choices based on student body, academic programs, college visits, location and financial aid awards. If the college is a good fit, they will value the student for his/her contribution to the student body. Those are the colleges you want in your application pool.
Should I fill out the FAFSA even though I think we make too much money to qualify for financial aid?
YES. YES. YES. The FAFSA is what colleges use to determine your EFC (Expected Family Contribution) which is used to determine the financial aid package. This package is NOT just federal aid. It’s composed of grants, scholarships and loans (much of which is merit-aid directly from the colleges themselves). If you don’t fill it out, your teen can’t get ANY of that money.
We can’t afford to pay for college, does that mean our teen won’t be able to go?
There are all kinds of ways to finance a college education: student loans, work-study, college grants and scholarships. Everyone qualifies for parent and student loans. But be wise about your borrowing and consider the best options. Paul Hemphill with Pre College Prep has come up with a GREAT way to attend college on the cheap!
My teen’s SAT scores aren’t that great; will it affect their admissions chances?
The bottom line is that most colleges do look at those SAT scores. But, it’s just part of the overall picture. The best advice I can give is MAKE CONTACT with an admissions representative from EVERY college your teen is applying to. This PERSONAL contact can and will make a difference when the admissions application is reviewed. Do this by visiting and making an appointment to speak with them. Then hang on to their card and stay in contact until acceptance letters arrive.
My teen is so scatter-brained and we keep missing deadlines–how can I help them get organized?
Set up a landing zone for college material. Use a desk, a file cabinet, a bulletin board, and a wall calendar to keep track of deadlines. Start this freshman year and remind them that their floor is NOT the landing zone. Once they get used to bringing everything to that one spot, it will be easier to find, file and locate all the college related materials.
What do you do when your student is rejected? How do you handle your feelings? How do you handle your student’s feelings?
When it arrives you may want to try and spin it into a positive. Resist that temptation. It’s upsetting to both you and your student. Allow some time to display the emotions related to the disappointment and the feelings of rejection. It’s only natural to feel them and it certainly hasn’t been the first or the last time your student will be disappointed. Parents take these letters personally. How dare they reject MY child! Our disappointment can often overshadow the feelings our student has. Be careful and don’t project your disappointment on to your student. He/she feels bad enough already; the last thing they need to feel is that they disappointed their parents by not getting accepted.
Every student reacts differently. Some might shrug it off (to your surprise) and others might see this as the end of their world as they know it. The hardest part of this whole college process is dealing with disappointment and rejection. All the truisms in the world won’t help at this moment. Hold them, hug them, and let them know that you feel their pain. Don’t spout off truisms like “it will be ok” or “you don’t want to go there if they don’t want you.” Your student needs the time to deal with their disappointment and move on.
Once the time has passed and your student is able to be objective, use this as a life lesson. Remind them that there is a place for them and that there is a college where they will feel wanted and accepted. Point out that life is filled with disappointments that often turn into opportunities and you never know what lies ahead on the path you might not have originally chosen.
Every child faces disappointment and rejection throughout their life and a parent’s goal should be to help them face those hurtful times with love and perspective.
What do I do when my student wants to drop out of college or talks about transferring during the first semester?
Before you say anything listen to their reasons. Don’t scream and yell, listen. Your student is upset and needs to voice how they feel. It may not be logical or even feasible, but they need to vent and you need to listen. Stay calm and approach this by treating them as an adult. Use reasoning first and see if that helps. Most freshmen get immediately homesick, especially if they don’t get along with their new roommate or their coursework is overwhelming them. Usually by the end of the first semester they have settled in and have made some friends. Usually.
There may be very good financial reasons for them to stick it out and then re-evaluate at the end of the first year. It’s rare that your student will use finances as an excuse to transfer, but if they do, be prepared to answer with a logical explanation.
Is there a friend or a boyfriend encouraging them to move back home or join them where they are? This is the worst reason. Help them to understand that they made the choice to leave and it’s time for them to move on with their life. Holding on to the past will only cause them to miss the benefits of the future. They may be adults but you, almost always, hold the purse strings.
In most cases, you should stand your ground—at least until the end of the first year. Tell your student that if he/she still feels the same way at the end of the year you can revisit the option. It’s my experience that most students, later in life, thank their parents for giving them some tough love when they needed it.
I’m not saying it’s easy to listen to their pain and not act. And in some instances their mental health is much more important than drawing a line in the sand. But you know your child and you will know when they are just too unhappy and miserable to remain where they are. In some cases, they just chose the wrong school.
It can be very difficult for students to choose the school that is going to offer them the best chance for future happiness and career success. And even with the input of parents, counselors, and peers, students occasionally discover that they’ve made the wrong decision and ended up at a college that really can’t offer them the program or coursework they need to get where they want to go. Plenty of students also change their minds about what they want to do after they’ve had a chance to take a few classes and see what their dream job actually entails. Then there are issues like cost and location that may lead students to seek an education at another institution. And many students go from community college to a 4-year institution. There are any number of reasons why students might consider transferring colleges. Here are a few things to consider when helping them make the transition.
In truth, there is little difference between applying for college initially and transferring to a new school except that you’ll need to get more transcripts sent. So the first thing you and your student should do is start looking for acceptable alternatives. The nice thing is that you’ve been through the process once before so you should have a better idea of how to get started, such as by reading reviews and seeking out schools that offer the type of program your student is interested in. If the major study hasn’t changed, you may even be able to repurpose some research on schools that didn’t make the cut the first time around but came in as second- or third-place options. However, if your student is considering a new major, you’ll simply have to begin again with schools that meet the new criteria.
Of course, there may be a few snags to contend with. On the upside, your student has likely completed some credits, which means he/she should have an easier time gaining admittance to a new school. This is especially true of students entering a new institution as juniors with their general education units completed, not to mention those who have managed to earn a high GPA thus far. However, you could definitely face some problems when it comes to transferring those credits. Although most accredited institutions will accept college credit from other such schools, an apples-to-apple transfer is not always possible.
For example, students going from a semester to quarter system, or vice versa, can face problems based on the number of units granted per class. And certain courses may not have an equivalent at a new school, rendering them virtually useless. Plus, every school is bound to have different requirements concerning prerequisites for specific majors. So you should address this issue right off the bat in order to find a school that will offer your student the best opportunity to continue along an educational path rather than having to backpedal and make up units.
If your student is receiving financial aid via merit scholarships from their current college they will lose that money if they transfer. Transferring students rarely receive any type of merit aid. Do your research and determine whether or not the new college will provide merit aid to your student, even though they are transferring. This might be a strong case to reconsider staying at the current college and finding a way to make it work.
Whether your student is interested in Ivy League institutions like Duke or Brown, state schools like UCLA or the University of Cincinatti, or even technical colleges, transferring colleges can be a trial. But with proper planning and attention to detail you can help to ensure that your kids find that right schools for their wants and needs, even if they’re already on the collegiate path somewhere else.