When my daughter was in college, she pledged a sorority. I had my concerns. Turns out, they were valid. Even though it was against campus policy for any fraternity or sorority to use hazing on its members, it happened during “hell week”. The hazing not only affected her health but her first semester grades.
As a parent, I voiced my concerns and wanted to report the sorority. My daughter begged me not to get involved. In hindsight, I wish I had.
Standing on the sidelines of one of the most important decisions of her life is not an easy task. This blog post is meant to inspire moms and dads alike during the process of if your daughter wants to join a sorority, and everything you need to know about the process. It’s a rather busy schedule of events and experiences; positive, outside influence can mean the world to her during this time.
First off, the best way to approach the recruitment process and your daughter’s consideration of whether to join a sorority or not is to simply leave the choice up to her. This does not mean be an innocent bystander, but instead a constant encouragement to her to follow her heart. Let her know that either way you will still be there for her, helping her find where she belongs on campus.
Next, make sure you’ve considered as parents what the additional cost of living in a sorority might mean for your family. Whether you’re helping out your daughter with her tuition or living expenses at college, living in a sorority does add additional costs to life for her. Be understanding and helpful during this process – making sure no one gets overwhelmed with how much things are adding up. First year is definitely the most expensive, but it’s important to know there are financial costs throughout the entire sorority experience.
We know she’s got a good head on her shoulders – but make sure to talk about some of her expectations for partying, alcohol use, involvement, etc. Some stereotypes of sororities sound pretty scary, and it’s important to talk through those things with her before she jets off into unknown territory. Bad and scary things can happen to anyone; but a plan of action and expectations based in reality can go a long way to keep her safe and happy.
After she pledges, her whole world is going to change. It’s going to be a little scary jumping in headfirst to new relationships with sisters, and living up to the expectations of the house. Help her during this time by realizing her perspective on important things in college is going to shift… her priorities toward schoolwork might change with her sorority’s grades expectations, her perspective on friendships might alter due to being surrounded by best friends all the time. Whatever the changes are, let her know you’re still there as a constant in her life! Help her know your home is open to her new friends, and that you’re more than excited to come out for dads’ weekend and family week. As much as things change, also remind her of who she is apart from sorority life; she’s still your baby girl and a world changer. She’ll need reminding of this often!
Speaking of reminding her of her identity… help keep her focused on what she can do for the sorority and ways she can be involved instead of getting frustrated about not being able to do it all. There are a lot of expectations that come with sorority life. It’ll be easy for her to get overwhelmed at how involved she is expected to be in her sorority and outside of her sorority. Coach alongside her as she navigates the ins and outs of balancing sorority life and regular life.
Always be a cheerleader, supporter, and encourager! Her sorority life isn’t going to affect her alone – it’ll change your perspective and involvement as well. We know it’ll be a great experience for you all.
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Amy Furrow is the owner of A Greek Concept an online retailer of licensed Greek merchandise. She’s got drive, heart, and passion – something Greek life is all about. From Sorority gifts like clothing, jewelry, and pin boxes, as well as Fraternity coolers, clothing, and glassware; A Greek Concept is filled to the brim with options for every Sorority sister or Fraternity brother.
Most parents, if asked, would cite academics as the priority when it comes to the focus for their college-age kids. After all, you are paying for an education that will eventually lead to a job and an independent life (or so you hope). And yet, the time your students spend on campus will offer many more opportunities for education than those that can be found in a book. Without your help and guidance, they will have to navigate the waters of social interaction on their own, learning how to form lasting relationships (both personal and professional). And the best way to do this is to get involved in campus life. So if you want your kids to get the most out of their college experience, it’s important that you encourage them to come out of their shell and participate in something other than their chosen curriculum.
Of course you’re not going to tell them to get out and party, but there are certainly merits to joining fraternities and sororities. Greek life has developed a bad reputation for beer-guzzling shindigs, so you might not think it’s right for the college-bound kids in your family. But the truth is that there’s a lot to recommend life in these houses. For one thing, the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood that exist in the Greek system will give your students instant substitute families, allowing them a place to belong throughout their collegiate experience, not to mention a network of contacts to call upon after graduation. In addition, houses are often required to participate in both campus events and charitable activities, which can only help your student to get involved, and perhaps learn something about the value of compassion and philanthropy. They also require a minimum GPA.
Then again, fraternities and sororities don’t comprise the only means for students to get involved, although they may be one of the most valuable. You could also encourage your kids to join campus clubs, and there are many avenues to choose from. Sports are one great way for students to be thrust into the college experience, since they not only provide an instant group of friends by way of teammates, but they also ensure attendance at a number of campus events. Even traditionally solo sports like running or cycling can be done with friends or campus groups.
There are also clubs that cater to academic pursuits (math club, AV, creative writing, etc.), hobbies, religious groups, or even political affiliations or agendas. The point is that no matter what your kids are interested in, there are probably like-minded students on campus, and if a specific group isn’t available, your student could start one. How about a weekly movie club to screen the classics, or a club that tests new video games and then blogs their reviews?
While keeping your “nose in the books” is admirable (you can compare textbooks here to find the best prices) and studying is important, having a social life is also important. You should pause for a moment and think about how they stand to benefit from a more rounded campus experience. Students that get involved and make friends will gain, in addition to an education, a support network that can help them get jobs and get by in life once they leave college. A well-rounded student is a happy and successful student.
Dropping your son or daughter off at college is one of the hardest days in a parent’s life. You know they’ll have all kinds of great experiences, but oh, wouldn’t it be nice to share in them, too! Rushing a fraternity or sorority and being accepted into that organization is just another excellent experience for your student, but you don’t have to be kept in the dark – we’re parents and Greek alums ourselves, and we’re here to help prep you for your college student’s emergence into Greek life.
Modern day Greek life has been revamped from the media’s negative portrayal of Greek life, and there are plenty of benefits to your son or daughter going Greek. Sure, the parties still exist, so educate your student on enjoying responsibly. Hazing is illegal and no longer tolerated by Greek organizations, so your student should not be hazed. It may sound poetic, but your son or daughter will really meet the friends they’ll have for life and be part of an instant support network. We have a feeling you just might want to go back to college and be a Greek, too!
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Today’s guest post was provided by GreekForMe.com. Here at GreekForMe.com, we’re parents ourselves and were Greeks in college, so we know all too well the concerns most parents have about Greek life. We’re happy to shed light on the real deal of Greek life and get parents excited for their son or daughter. Embrace that Greek spirit and support your college student with Greek Hoodies and Greek Blankets!
Recently, Smart College Visit posted an article from The Real College Guide about going Greek from a student’s perspective, listing the Pros and Cons of Greek life. After reading it, I thought it might be interesting to look at Greek life from a parent’s perspective. Since I have personal experience in this area of college life, I wanted to share my thoughts and advice to help other parents who might be headed down that road in the future.
When my daughter began her college search process, Greek life was at the top of her MUST HAVE list. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she had always wanted to follow in her footsteps so to speak. I had my concerns (most of them related to the social aspect of Greek life), but I supported her dream and her college choice based on this criteria.
Just a month into her freshman year, rush began. Many of her new friends were interested in pledging sororities and they all attended recruitment events. When the bids arrived, my daughter was invited to pledge two sororities and picked the one that she felt fit her personality best–she felt comfortable and at ease with the members. When the months of pledging and “hell week” were over, my daughter became a member of Alpha Phi–Zeta Rho Chapter at Bentley College.
Here is my PARENT list of the pros and cons of Greek life:
So here’s the big question–Am I glad that my daughter went Greek? Yes. In the long run, it was a positive experience for her. During the short term, I was frustrated with some of the negative influences and attitudes I witnessed. It was right for her, but it’s not right for everyone. If your teen has his/her heart set on Greek life, ask questions and be prepared to have some of the same mixed emotions I had.
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