Entering high school is a significant milestone for both students and their parents. This transition can be exciting, nerve-wracking, and filled with opportunities for growth. As parents, your support and guidance are crucial in helping your student navigate this new phase.
Here are some tips to help you and your soon-to-be freshman plan for a successful and fulfilling high school experience.
Continue reading Tips for Parents of a Soon-to-Be High School Freshman
Mother – noun – a person who does the work of twenty. For free. (see also superhero, warrior, saint).
Sunday is Mother’s Day. No amount of pay can adequately communicate how much a mother is really worth. Her value is priceless. They say you can’t put a price on love, but can you put a price on what a mother is worth?
Salary.com thinks you can and their annual Mom Salary Wizard lets you calculate just how much all your mom work is worth based on real salary data.
From a survey of over 6,000 moms, they found that these super-human women perform a huge range of jobs all rolled into one: from CEO to Psychologist, a mom’s work is never done.
Continue reading What’s a Mother Worth?
It’s exhausting searching and scouring the internet for the right information when it comes to helping your student prepare for college. But what if you could use ONLY ONE RESOURCE and find everything you ever wanted to know about college prep? Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Here it is. I’ve done the research, examined the links and their resources, and compiled a list of 100+ college prep resources for you. (If you know of others, please leave them in the comments and I will add them to the list!)
Continue reading 100+ College Prep ResourcesNeed for help with summer college prep? Learn everything you need to know about applying for college by using my Parent Crash Course.
Summer has begun and your student is enjoying some down time from their academic studies. Down time is good, but if you have a college-bound student, summers are also a great time to do a little bit of college preparation.
As parents, it’s our responsibility to make sure our teenagers make the most of their time in the summer and help them get ready for the upcoming school year. That’s why I have broken down the summer for each year your student will be in school in the fall by providing 10 tips for moms to follow. Just follow the links below each year to help your student make the most of their summer.
Continue reading 10 Tips for Moms This Summer
Childhood is a time of significant change, and your teen may find themselves facing new challenges. You want to be there for them during these critical years and offer guidance as they grow up. One way you can do this is by understanding the four common troubles your teenager may get into.
A car accident is the most common cause of injury among teenagers. Statistically, motor vehicle crashes are responsible for about one-third of teen deaths every year. Yet, despite these facts, many parents are unaware of the presence of risk factors among teenagers.
Teenagers are at a greater risk for car accidents than adults because their brains have not fully developed yet. Therefore, parents must talk to their children about driving safety before they get behind the wheel themselves. Additionally, it would help if you had a car accident lawyer on speed dial to help you to maneuver through any situation.
Continue reading Pitfalls of Raising a Teenager
Parenting a college-bound teen is a challenge. How much should you push? How much should you help? Where do you draw the line? How involved should you be? How do you help your student fulfill his college dreams?
Here are 10 tips for parents that should answer your questions:
1. Don’t overparent
Much has been written lately about the damages overparenting does to students. Step aside and let your student take the wheel.
2. Make a visit to your teen’s counselor
Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.
3. Establish relationships with teachers and staff
Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in educating your child. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions.
4. Read all school information
This means reading the school handbook, teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules.
5. Stress the importance of good attendance
Attendance is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence, make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner.
6. Encourage strong study habits
These habits will follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time. Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities.
7. Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors
This contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she means business.
8. Be the organization coach
If you know where everything is, have a schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. It’s your job as their parent coach to help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners, notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.
9. Stay informed and involved
This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around. It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects.
10. Be proactive when you encounter problems
All types of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they arise and address them quickly.
1. Do the prep work
Get ready for the mounds of catalogs, test prep booklets, flyers and email reminders. Start your filing system now, create a landing zone for all college-related materials, start adding tasks on a calendar.
2. Do your best to control your emotions
It’s going to be an emotional time for both you and your student. Angry words will be spoken if you don’t make a conscious effort to bite your tongue.
3. Prepare for rejection
The upcoming year will most likely mean that your student (and you) will have to deal with rejection. It’s not personal, but you will feel like it is.
4. Decide what role you will take
Please. I beg you. Do NOT be the parent that shoves, manipulates, and actually does the work for their student. Be the parent who encourages, supports and offers help and advice when needed.
5. Prepare for emotional outbursts
This is one of the most stressful times in your family. There will be emotional outbursts as the stress intensifies. Your student will say things she does not mean. You will lose your temper and wish you didn’t.
6. Discuss the money
If you want to avoid disappointment when offers of admission arrive, have the “money talk” before your student applies to colleges. Decide what you can afford, what you will be willing to contribute toward the costs, and what you expect your student to contribute.
7. Accept there will be consequences to actions
Your student will most likely fail or mess up at some point during senior year. Rescuing your kids all the time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.
8. Be open to all possibilities
Be open to any college choices your student might make. You will not be the one attending the college and it’s not up to you to choose for her.
9. Don’t push-it simply won’t help
If your student is unmotivated, it’s not going to help to nag her and push her to do the college prep work. If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if your student is not invested in the college process she won’t be invested in college.
10. Enjoy the journey
This is an exciting time in the life of your teenager. She has worked hard and will be planning her future. Enjoy the next year, even when you feel stressed and overwhelmed.
If you have a high school senior or junior you know the college pressure. Unfortunately, it’s not always with your student. Parents feel extreme pressure and they often feel alone with the feelings of inadequacy and dread. This is the time in your child’s life when the rubber hits the road. The last 11 or 12 years of school come down to one huge question: what will they do after high school?
Why do parents feel pressure? It’s quite simple—there is parent peer pressure. Parents who roll their eyes or are completely floored when you say your child hasn’t decided about college. Parents who compare notes, throwing out names like Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale and other Ivy league colleges. Parents who wear those names as badges of honor and claim success as a parent based on their child’s college prospects. Parents who can foot the bill for the entire cost of college and let it be known at every college related gathering.
How can you filter out the voices of other parents? Take a step back and look at the reality of what is happening with your teenager. It’s your job to help him make some tough decisions. These might not include traditional college. It might involve going to community college for two years. It could mean exploring career or technical colleges. Your child might benefit from a gap year abroad or working at an internship to get a better career focus. The military could also be an option for some students, as it was for my son.
Just as no two individuals are alike, no two post graduation scenarios are either. Don’t feel intimidated by other parents to push your student toward a specific college just so you can have bragging rights. This is not a competition. Your child must make this decision for himself and be happy with his choice.
Filter everything by asking, “What is best for my child and my family?” It doesn’t matter what path other students take. Your student must take the path that is best for him. You have not failed as a parent if your student does not get into an Ivy league college or a top-tiered school on the America’s Best Colleges list. You have not failed as a parent if your child chooses other post-graduation paths to find his place in life. You have failed if you don’t listen and guide your student toward happiness and fulfillment. Ultimately, what matters most is that he makes a decision based on what is best for him.
Don’t push your child to attend a “name” college that you cannot afford, saddling both yourself and your student with debt. There are plenty of great colleges in this country that are bargains, offer substantial merit aid, and often opportunities to attend for free. Your student will thank you when he graduates with minimal or no debt and realizes that the degree from a state college is just as valued as a degree from an Ivy league university.
Peer pressure comes in all forms. Parents can’t help but brag on their children. And every parent feels that the choices their teenagers make after high school will dictate their future. Remind yourself that the years after high school are about exploration and discovery. However your child chooses to pursue them, be proud and support his choice. When you hear the “voices” in your head telling you otherwise, remember what my mom used to say to me, “Just because she jumped off a bridge, it doesn’t mean you have to.”
Much has been written about preparing for college: college visits, essays, financial aid, college applications, and all the college-related tasks. But preparing your teen for college is so much more than the admissions tasks. You give your child a helping hand when riding a bike. Why would you not prepare your student for the emotions of college?
Your child needs some “mean” emotional skills before move-in day, as evidenced by all the college kids calling their parents to say, “I don’t like it here. Can I come home?”.
We can all learn some lessons from today’s college students and their parents. Before your student leaves for college, add these to your college prep list:
It could happen on the first day of college. Your student needs help. He needs to speak with an advisor. Talk with a professor. Have a conversation with the RA. If he constantly runs to you for help in high school, how will he ever learn to advocate for himself? Before he leaves, let him practice. When a situation arises that you would normally resolve for him, let him have the reigns. He will be faced with multiple situations in college when this skill will come in handy.
Roommate conflict is the number one reason students are unhappy the first few weeks of college. Being placed with a roommate that does not match your student’s personality and habits can be overwhelming. Let your student resolve conflict while living at home. Encourage him to work things out with his siblings. When a problem with a friend, teacher or other adult arises, give him the chance to resolve the conflict. Teach him to start with the source and if the conflict is not resolved, move on to the next available source of help: i.e student, teacher, principal, superintendent. If he goes to college with this emotional skill he will be less likely to “phone home” every time a conflict with someone arises.
Students who sit in their room alone day after day will not survive in college. They need a support group: friends to turn to when they are homesick or struggling. The social aspect of college is key to surviving four years away from home. Before he leaves for college, encourage him to make friends, meet new people, and develop some social skills. Going to college far from the comfort of home and not knowing anyone can be a deal-breaker for the shy, uninvolved student.
There are going to be opportunities in college to participate in dangerous behavior: drinking, drugs, hooking up, and reckless driving to name a few. Give him the tools he needs to recognize and avoid the consequences of these behaviors. For instance, students do not have to drink to party with friends. They don’t need to avoid parties just because there is drinking. You can have fun without getting wasted. Before leaving for college teach him to recognize this type of behavior and makes plans to avoid them.
So many first time college students have never been away from home without parents. Make it a practice to encourage summer camps and traveling with trusted friends. A few weeks away from home gives them a taste of what life is like on their own. These trips away also give them a chance to be on their own and make decisions as they go through their day. It’s structured, but not so much that they are sheltered by their family.
Preparing your student for the emotional aspect of college will be best for him and for you. If he’s ready to venture out on his own, you will be less stressed about dropping him off on move-in day. And you most likely won’t receive the dreaded phone call: “I want to come home.”
I’ve been reading all the posts from parents of new college freshmen. I expected the emotions, tears and general feelings of loss a new college parent might feel. But I never expected the panic, paranoia, and frantic behavior that many have exhibited. No judging here; just an observation.
Both my son and daughter left home after high school. My son joined the Marines. My daughter went 2000 miles away to college.
With my son, I received one letter informing me he had arrived at boot camp and was safe. Until his graduation, I did not receive a phone call or another letter. It was rough. But it never occurred to me to call his commanding officer of the boot camp and inquire about him or ask why I hadn’t heard from him. I knew this was a momentous step for him and he had to walk this path on his own.
With my daughter, it was a little different. I stayed a few days in a hotel near her to help unpack. The first night wasn’t a cake walk. She told me when I left her after dropping her off that she wanted to transfer to a college closer to home. But, instead of overreacting, freaking out, or calling her advisor, I just waited. I knew homesickness would set in. I knew she would ask me to come and rescue her and take her home. I knew her boyfriend was begging her to come home. But I also knew that she was going to have to work things out on her own.
All throughout my daughter’s four years of college conflict arose. From her first few weeks of college and the boyfriend situation, to multiple roommate issues, to conflicts with friends, to the emotions of losing a very close friend in a tragic accident, to losing her grandparents—college was a hard emotional road for her. But, instead of running to her aid, I let her solve these issues on her own. She sought the comfort of friends, made concessions for her roommates and sought help when she needed it. She learned to solve her own problems.
My point is that as hard as this step may be for both you and your new college student, the choices and decisions you make that first night and every night after that could very well impact how your child responds to college. Running to their rescue because they are crying or homesick will only harm them, and could often have devastating results. It’s time for some tough love. You must, under all circumstances, give them the space to work through their misery.
If you have done your job and taught them how to self-advocate, how to solve issues and conflict, how to find and use a support group, and how to work through their problems they will benefit more from using those techniques than you driving to college and taking them home. Ultimately, however, it’s your choice. But from one parent whose children thank her every day for using tough love and not giving in to their tears, it’s my best, and only advice.
I wonder if it’s because we live in an age of instant communication—staying in touch with texting and location apps on the smartphone. I also wonder if parents have become so frightened for their children that they hold them much closer than they ever did before. Whatever the reason resist the temptation to give in. Your child will thank you; maybe not now, but later when they graduate from college after living four of the best years of their life.
Read this article, “Overparenting Our Teenagers” and stand firm. It’s the best you can do for your student.
With all the advice for moms, one of my Twitter followers (@PeachtreeCP) chimed in: “What about tips for dads?” I had to respond, “I’m not a dad, so I can’t speak for them.” But, it occurred to me that I did know some dads, one in particular, my brother. Both his children went to college. His daughter had a relatively typical college experience. His son, on the other hand, always marched, and still does, to the beat of a different drummer.
When I asked my brother to share his best advice, man to man, he graciously agreed to help. Here’s his response, word for word:
I’m not sure where to begin. I assume that the dad who wrote you wanted advice about the college process. I guess I’ll just share how I approached this with Cameron. Since he’s not the typical kid, my approach was unique to him. But this is how I did it.
In retrospect, I think we could have done a better job of setting him up for a better first year away at college. We found a garage apartment for him to live in, but he lived alone. I think it would have been a better experience for him if he had other roommates going through the same struggles at college.
_______________________
Cameron chose to get a “real life” education, self-taught on the entrepreneurial route. It has not been an easy path, but he has certainly discovered his strengths and weaknesses while learning much about himself through self-discovery. He’s working at a job in a field he loves: video production.
For all you dads out there, the key here, according to my brother, is to know your child, give guidance when needed, stress the importance of an education, and give them the freedom to explore their own path in life. The college prep process has it’s own set of challenges and fathers can provide that stabilizing influence and strong support their college-bound teen needs.