Elation! That is the normal parental reaction when your child first received their acceptance email for college. Although, even while they are running around the house cheering, a parent’s thoughts can turn to worry. Of course, it is a parent’s lot to protect their child, and that does mean some worry along the way. However, being stressed before they have even left is only going to make it harder on everybody involved, including your kid. Luckily, there are some strategies you can use to keep parental stress to a minimum when your kids go off to college. Something that can ensure the whole process is easier on you as well as your child. Read on to find out what they are.
Be sure to shop around for student loans.
Money is often a prime concern when it’s time to send your child off to study for a degree. It fact, it can be difficult for all parties involved if families cannot provide tuition and living costs needed. Of course, with many colleges charging anything up to $30,000 for a single year, few families have enough to cover the entire cost of their child’s education.
There are a few ways to combat this, though. One, in particular, is shopping around for the best rate on student loans. In fact, it is entirely possible to use multiple loan providers for smaller amounts that total the sum needed. A strategy that can help to make a substantial saving overall. Something that, in turn, can relieve some of the stress on parents to provide all of the funding for their child’s higher education.
Get them the safest accommodation.
Next, you can really help to minimize any stress for yourself as a parent by making your child has the safest accommodation possible. After all, it is well known there is a culture of both theft and assault in such institutions. One that you will want to do your best to protect them from.
Of course, when they have to share a room on campus, protecting them can be difficult. Although, finding your child a space to live like this student accommodation studio can help to solve this puzzle. The reason being that they can happily, and affordable live alone and have the security of CCTV and security lockable rooms as well. Something that will not only make them feel safer when they are home alone but can seriously reduce any worry for parents as well.
Teach them to budget beforehand.
Of course, sourcing the money they need for college is only one half of the coin. In fact, if you want to reduce your stress as a parent in this situation, you must teach your child how to budget as well.
After all, if they can manage their own finances at college competently, the likelihood of you being asking to bail them out economically becomes a lot less. Something that can significantly reduce the amount of worry and stress you experience while they are away studying for their degree.
The late teenage and young adult years have one thing in common, likely one thing we, you and many more have experienced. That’s insecurity. It’s not easy to consider where your place in the world should be, particularly as you also have to have your direction somewhat considered before you even put a step out into the world. This is where self-limiting beliefs can come from and hinder your teen from pursuing their dreams.
But unfortunately, a lack of wanting to try or a fear of going for our dreams can leave us feeling extremely regretful, even by the age of 30. While you cannot force your child down a certain path, nor should you, you can certainly help them alleviate some of the symptoms of this insecurity, even if you can’t completely stop them from feeling that way at all.
It takes a little care, compassion, and empathy. If you can understand that, then you never know just how they could bloom, or how your bond could grow.
Can & Cannot
It takes a little care, compassion, and empathy. If you can understand that, then you never know just how they could bloom, or how your bond could grow.
When you say you can or cannot do something, you’re usually right both times. It’s important to never dismiss something just because it seems hard, or because someone else might have done it better, or simply because you have a disadvantage. There are people who are born into terrible circumstances who still manage to pull their lives together and graduate from high school, or get into a school of their choosing. It’s important for you to allow your child to know this, and to talk them through it. What are their dreams? How do they regard their ability? Do they know what they’ll need to do to get there? On top of that, where are their ‘can’ and ‘cannots’ coming into play? How might you persuade or dissuade them from that advantage point? A little encouragement can be very worthwhile here.
Inspiration
A little inspiration can be a true help in giving a young adult the tools to see where possibility lies. For example, they might be very interested in attending a certain musical college. However, they might feel insecure about pursuing this. Only when having that experience personified through someone profoundly inspiring, such as learning the Bishop Briggs story, does it click into place. This will help a young person see themselves achieving something similar. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Trying Again
It’s not failing that produces failure. It’s giving up and accepting the failing as an end consequence. If you can help your child learn this kind of tenacity, through sports, through cleaning the house, through any other activity, chore or job they might be involved with – you can help them see that even if things go wrong, they can always try again, and will be better off for the effort. Often, removing self-limiting beliefs is best helped when teaching our children that a mistake is no great terrible event – it can be learned from and moved past.
With this advice, we hope you’re able to provide a sense of security and encouragement to your child as they decide their next steps into the world of adulthood.
The summer is half over, but if you’re lucky, you can steal some reading time. With a teenager in the house and college (or something else) on the horizon, a prepared parent is a less stressful parent. When school starts, you want every tool in your arsenal and these summer reading suggestions can help arm you for the task ahead.
Nancy takes the
everyday aspects of the college admissions process and puts them into terms
that parents can easily understand and relate to by using humor. And if that’s
not enough, she sprinkles some of the best college admissions advice along the
way by tapping into her own personal experiences and her network of college
experts that she utilizes throughout the book.
When Zac Bissonnette
headed off to college, he had the funds to cover the tab. Bissonnette has seen
the currently flawed system first hand. He’s a contrarian, and his book is
packed with studies and statistics to back up his analysis. It’s a magical
combination that college-bound students and their parents should read, even if
there’s plenty of money set aside to pay the tuition tab. There’s no harm in
learning ways to get the biggest bang for your buck and the best education
available at the same time.
The best part about
Monica’s e-book is that it’s simple and easy to understand. If you follow her
easy 10 step program, the scholarship process becomes doable for any parent and
their student. You can sit back and hope that your student does all the work,
or you can offer help and support by grabbing a copy of Monica’s book,
reading it, and rolling up your sleeves.
This is a book to help
parents of middle and high school students. This book prods parents to ask if
their teenager will be ready, willing, and able to handle self-management,
personal safety, roommate conflicts, personal finances, interactions with
teachers, academic responsibility, and much more. Included in this book are
numerous interviews with parents, college students, school counselors and
advisors, law enforcement per- sonnel, teachers, medical personnel, and school
administrators. At the end of each chapter are examples of how parents can
prepare their teenagers for a successful college experience and turn their
students into confident, reponsible young adults.
For college admissions help, give your child that “unfair” advantage in applying to college, without cheating, offering bribes, using legacy, or giving donations. Here’s the kind of insider information that’s made the author’s own clients refer him to their friends for the past 17 years. It’s a free, fast and entertaining read that’s designed for the hard-bitten realist who takes nothing at face value, especially in light of the college admissions scandal of 2019. This ebook comes with an option to take advantage of the author’s free videos that are designed to expand and update the book’s content when necessary.
The second edition of
The College Solution, which contains approximately 90% new material, is aimed
at helping parents and teenagers become empowered consumers as they navigate
through the college process. Billions of dollars are available to pay for
college, but not everybody gets their share. It’s not always the families with
the brightest students or the parents who are struggling financially who
receive the most money. The College Solution shares the secrets of how you can
capture some of this money for your own family. The book provides advice on
such topics as financial aid, merit scholarships, athletic scholarships,
admission hooks, the important differences between colleges and universities,
college rankings, the best student loans and the latest online tools to
evaluate the generosity of schools. O’Shaughnessy presents an easy-to-use,
proven road map for getting past the ratings, and finding the right schools at
the right price.
I’ve read plenty of
books on college admissions. Some are so scholarly heavy that you need a degree
to figure them out. Others are so shallow you can find most of the material in
your teen’s high school handouts. Zinch’s book is neither of the above. It’s
geared toward the student, but is also extremely valuable from a parent’s
perspective. Zinch reminds the student that while the college process
often involves the entire family, the final choice must be their own. I
agree with this whole heartedly. Every parent should grasp this truth.
The authors observe how conventional universities are coming
to resemble for-profit diploma mills through inexpensive, Orwellian-titled
“distance learning.” At Florida Gulf Coast University on the outskirts of Fort
Myers, students in Humanities 2510 sit in dormitories or at home studying
painting, sculpture, and architecture via online lectures. Adjunct professors
with modest credentials answer questions by e-mail; telephone calls are not
allowed. Multiple-choice tests emphasize dry facts and figures. Short papers
are required, but students don’t have to attend performances or see art in
person. In lieu of customized grading, instructors draw on “sample stock
comments” they slap on student papers. “Humanities 2510 seems close to cramming
for a quiz show,” the authors write. To readers, it might just seem like a rip-off.
Jodi Okun’s book launched today and the presales put it on the
Amazon #1 Best Seller list. This book is more than help for financial aid
questions. In it you can find out how to give your student the financial skills
they’ll need for life, with talking points and scripts to help you with
important conversations you need to have before college. Jodi provides parents
with expert advice and in this book shares her experiences of helping parents
pay for college.
In this
book, Julie Lythcott-Haims draws on research, on conversations with admissions
officers, educators, and employers, and on her own insights as a mother and as
a student dean to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms children,
their stressed-out parents, and society at large. While empathizing with the
parental hopes and, especially, fears that lead to overhelping, Lythcott-Haims
offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of
allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience,
resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success.
College is the biggest expense for many families, larger even than the cost of the family home, and one that can bankrupt students and their parents if it works out poorly. Peter Cappelli offers vital insight for parents and students to make decisions that both make sense financially and provide the foundation that will help students make their way in the world. Adding to the confusion, the same degree can cost dramatically different amounts for different people. A barrage of advertising offers new degrees designed to lead to specific jobs, but we see no information on whether graduates ever get those jobs. Mix in a frenzied applications process, and pressure from politicians for “relevant” programs, and there is an urgent need to separate myth from reality.
Using the
world-renowned Meyers-Briggs personality testing system, the author leads the
reader through a self-assessment to uncover their specific personality type. The
results of this personality assessment suggest appropriate careers that are
most suitable for the unique characteristics of each of the 16 personality
types. By better understanding your strengths, you can be more open-minded and
self-empowered in determining the focus of your career and your own needs when
it comes to feeling satisfied.
If you have a high school student, especially one who is
focused on the goal of attending college, your summers aren’t just vacations.
Gone are the days when you took the kids to the pool, the library and the park.
Gone are the days when your time was consumed with planning the summer family
vacation and creating a chore chart for the kids to complete chores before play
time.
You (and your teen) have other goals in mind. You’re thinking about using the summer to take care of some college prep tasks to get ahead of the game. Searching for scholarships, doing some test prep, visiting colleges, and having some serious talks about money will consume your summer days. How do you survive?
Share the tasks
It’s unthinkable in this competitive college market to
expect a young teen to handle it on their own. Times have changed since we
applied to college and there is much more to do than simply apply. You can help
them make decisions, help with scheduling, even do some detective work
searching for scholarships they are eligible for. This will ease the burden on
them and alleviate the overwhelming stress that most teens feel about college.
Schedule and plan
We all know that we don’t ever have the time for a task if
we don’t make the time and schedule it. Use any planning tool that works best
for your family: an online calendar, an app for your smartphones, a huge wall
calendar or a Google doc. Everyone knows—without a plan, you plan to fail!
Stay organized
I’m a huge fan of a college landing zone—everything in one
place. Colleges still send information through the mail, registration forms and
receipts need to be printed and saved, and flyers about scholarships need to be
catalogued and filed. With everything in one place, it’s easy to find anything
related to your student’s college preparation.
Make time to talk…and listen
Conversations are crucial to staying on the same page with
your teenager. Make the time to talk, even if it’s driving to sports practice
or shopping together at the mall. These small conversations are key moments for
you to gauge their temperature and share some encouragement. If stress is
present, you can help relieve it. If they feel overwhelmed and need help, you’re
there for them. Talking about their future and truly listening prepares you
both for senior year when things will proceed at the speed of light.
Of course, you want to have fun this summer; but a little work and some focused preparation will make the next school year seem doable. Use the summer time wisely.
Not every student is excited about going to college. Is your teen unsure about college?
Sometimes they need a little push; and sometimes college just isn’t in their headlights. The simple truth is: The four-year college plan isn’t for everyone. For some young adults, the thought of college terrifies them. If they have struggled in school, they know college is going to be more academically challenging. Other students are simply burned out and need a break. But, with all the talk about college during high school, other options are rarely discussed.
What if your student simply won’t consider college?
My son never saw himself in college. He was an average student but from the time he entered high school, he had military aspirations. He joined the Naval Junior ROTC program and as a senior, he enlisted in the U.S. Marines. It was a good decision for him at the time, even though I protested strongly because I wanted him to go to college.
If your student seems disinterested in college, there are other options to consider. For example, a gap year might be in order. During a gap year or semester, students can work at an internship, learn a trade, or find a volunteer opportunity, at home or abroad. Another bold initiative would be to become an entrepreneur – start a business or invent a product to sell.
Your student might opt to work at a full-time job while researching career opportunities. There’s no better way to spark interest in a career path than to work in it for a bit. A career interest could spur them to research training opportunities or even consider college later down the road.
Parenthood is all about communication. Communication with your child, with your partner or co-parent, with your child’s school or college and with your own parents, friends, family and the people from whom you get your guidance and inspiration. But communication is a two way street. As we get older, hearing loss can put up a roadblock on our side of that street, making it harder to hear and understand when others communicate with us. The thing is, we rarely notice hearing loss, at least until it has already reached a point at which it has become fairly profound. Our hearing ebbs away so slowly and gradually that for some it may take years or even decades to realize that their hearing has become an issue. Here we’ll look at some of the signs that you’re losing your hearing without even knowing it, and what you can do to prevent it from impinging on your life and the quality of your relationships.
What causes hearing loss?
There are many different causes of hearing loss and it can affect us at any time in our lives (although it tends to become more common as we get older). Sometimes hearing loss is temporary and it takes nothing more than flushing out excess ear wax to return it to its usual clarity. Those who have noisy jobs or work with heavy machinery may also experience hearing loss if they don’t properly protect their ears. There are also hereditary conditions like Meniere’s disease which can also become detrimental to your hearing over time. And then sometimes it’s a simple matter of advancing years. Whatever the cause of your hearing loss, the longer you live in denial, the worse your quality of communication with your loved ones and your overall quality of life are likely to become. Forget the myths about hearing devices! A hearing aid can be a lifeline for your quality of communication with the people most important to you. Be sure to consult an audiologist if you notice any of the following…
Your kids keep asking you to turn down the TV while they study
You and your child have worked together to create a perfect study space which is conducive to relaxed, focused study and hard work. But unbeknownst to you, your deteriorating hearing is impinging on their studies. If they keep complaining that you have the TV, stereo or radio on too loud this could be a sign that all is not as it should be with your hearing.
Your loved ones get a little irritated when they keep having to repeat themselves
Have you ever noticed that people need to tell you the same thing two or three times before you’re able to understand it? Maybe not. It’s fairly common for people to ask one another to repeat themselves. However, there’s a chance that you’re doing this more than you think without even noticing. If you notice loved ones rolling their eyes or sighing when you ask them to repeat themselves, this could mean that your hearing loss is further along than you thought.
Social occasions that become an ordeal
When we have hearing loss, it becomes harder to pick out individual voices from the texture of background noise. As such, following a conversation in a busy bar, cafe or restaurant can become tiring and stressful. People with hearing loss tend not to get too involved in the conversation and hang back a little, smiling and nodding at what seem like appropriate moments. If this rings a little too true to you, you may well be affected by hearing loss.
If you’ve noticed any or all of the above taking place recently you owe it to yourself, your kids and your loved ones to talk to someone about your hearing loss.
High school graduation is upon you and you and your student are looking forward toward college and a very busy summer. Amidst all the parties and preparation, it’s crucial that you spend some time dispensing “parental” advice in a way they will listen and take it to heart.
Don’t sit them down for “the talk” because they will simply tune you out. Take advantage of snippets of time to cover these important topics either for the first time or as a refresher before college.
Pick your friends carefully
College friends have a great impact on a student’s academic success, social life while in college and create a feeling of home away from home. Impress upon them that their friends will influence them in positive and even negative ways, just as they did in high school; but with one difference–you won’t be there to meet them and give advice.
Study first, play after
College is much more difficult than high school. The reading is extensive, the homework can be overwhelming, and the study requirements can be brutal. If your student doesn’t make study a priority, their first semester of college could be their last.
Take advantage of that expensive education
It’s true when they say colleges are institutions of higher learning. But your student must attend class, pay attention, be motivated to study, and do the work. The knowledge won’t just soak in, your student will have to do their part. Don’t miss out on free lectures and career training opportunities.
Don’t look in the rear view mirror
Your student’s friends (and boyfriend or girlfriend) back home will often bring them down. During periods of homesickness, that pull to return home from the friends who stayed can be strong. Remind your student that college will be a new chapter in their life and looking ahead will keep them focused on what’s important.
Graduation will come sooner than you expect
Four years will pass quickly. Your student needs to take advantage of every opportunity to plan for days after graduation. They should participate in internships, make connections with alumni, develop relationships with professors, and visit the career center often. Most students don’t even start thinking about jobs after graduation until senior year. When graduation day arrives, you student won’t be caught unprepared.
Resolve roommate conflicts immediately
When your student recognizes a problem (and they will). address it. Much of the angst your student might experience with roommates could have been avoided if your student simply has a conversation. For the worst problems, go to the RA for mediation.
Avoid risky behavior and consider the consequences
Every college is a party school. Unfortunately, even though your student will be underage, they will be offered alcohol. The reality is there will always be drinking on campus. Excessive drinking can cause all sorts of regrettable behavior that result in negative consequences. It’s unwise for you to assume that your student won’t drink because even the strongest student will be tempted and most likely succumb. For girls, this conversation is critical since drinking often results in unwanted sexual experiences because they are less likely to be in control of their emotions.
Your professors are your friend
Your student’s professors are key players in their college success. Encourage them to establish relationships and cultivate them. They might need them for tutoring help, and will definitely need them for job connections after graduation.
The days will fly by–Carpe Diem!
The memories my daughter made in college are some of her most treasured memories. Her sorority sisters, her study abroad experiences, her trips with friends, and some of her most admired professors and mentors live in those memories. College is what you make of it and your student should enjoy and experience every moment.
Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the last week or so, you’re probably aware of the college cheating scandal now known as #VarsityBlues. Some over-anxious parents found it necessary to pay what they call “bribes” to get their students into what they call “prestigious colleges”. My only question: when will this end?
When will parents stop worrying about WHERE their student goes to college versus WHY they go to college? It’s just as bad to dictate your student’s college choice as it is to assure they get in to the college of your choice.
This is nothing new. Parents have been “paying” for their students to go to brand name colleges for years. They donate huge amounts to colleges to secure a spot for their student. They pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to elite coaching companies to assure admission to an Ivy League university.
The Tiger Mom approach
Years ago, there was quite an uproar among parents regarding a Wall Street Journal piece, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale University. In an excerpt from Chua’s new book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, Chua writes about her quest to assure her children attend an Ivy League college:
Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
attend a sleepover
have a playdate
be in a school play
complain about not being in a school play
watch TV or play computer games
choose their own extracurricular activities
get any grade less than an A
not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
play any instrument other than the piano or violin
not play the piano or violin.
Does that sound a bit harsh? It does to most parents. Although Ms. Chua
does have a point when it comes to parenting without excuse, there are varying
opinions concerning Ms. Chua’s attitude over the way Western parents do not
take a strict approach in pushing their kids toward the “best”
colleges.
What are the
“best” colleges?
Many parents and educators will tell you they are the Ivies. Others will say they are the ones with the most selective admissions process. Many parents today will insist to paid college counselors that their student can only apply to these schools. It’s not about the fit, but it’s about bragging rights and prestige. Can I brag about my student on Facebook, to other parents and to my colleagues. You don’t believe? Just ask those people who do this for a living–I’ve heard this time and time again.
Are these selective colleges best for your student?
Many parents, college admissions counselors, and educators believe they do. They see these colleges as necessities in providing students with a good job after graduation, opening doors because of the alumni network, and the value of a college name when you venture out into the world.
Why pay for your student to attend a selective college?
You shouldn’t. If you feel the need to seek college counseling help, it should be from someone who has your student’s best interest at heart–not yours! One of my colleagues is so convinced of this, he placed this statement on his website:
“If you prefer personal coaching, I do NOT work with families whose only purpose is to get their child into an Ivy League school, or one that reflects the parent’s need to validate themselves through their children.”Https://www.studentbrandstrategy.com/about
What are the “best” colleges?
In my opinion, the “best” colleges are the ones that will give your student a good education at an affordable price: and one that your student chooses as a good fit for them. There are networking opportunities at every college AND the connections your child makes while in college can be made at any university. As in life, college is what you make of it. If your child takes advantage of the education, the networking opportunities, and works at internships during college, graduation will yield job opportunities. Not every family can afford an Ivy League education. Not every student (in spite of Amy Chua’s beliefs) wants or needs to go there.
If you have to rely on a college name to get ahead in life then I fear
you are missing the entire point of education.
San Diego Union Tribune https://www.gocomics.com/stevebreen/2019/03/13
Here are additional articles that might add to the discussion and help us zero in on the real problem in college admissions:
When your student starts the college search process it’s easy to become overwhelmed and focus completely on the task at hand. First there are the visits, then you compare colleges, then you begin working on the applications that include the essay, and finally completing the FAFSA to qualify for financial aid. With all these tasks at hand, and a focus on academics and test scores, it’s not surprising that many forget to evaluate themselves for other important skill sets. Without these skills, all your preparation and hard work to get accepted will leave you ill-prepared for college life. Is your student prepared for college?
Financial skills
When your student heads off to college there will be many financial decisions they need to make, beginning with how much student loan debt they are willing to incur. Use loan repayment calculators to determine the amount of re-payments after graduation and use these figures to make wise decisions about loans. They will also need to know how to budget their money in regards to other college costs such as books, living expenses and entertainment. Add to that the knowledge of credit card rates and how easily it is to fall into debt using them for simple things such as pizza. Many students graduate from college with over $10,000 in credit card debt.
Social skills
If your student is headed off to college to hook up with the party scene, they are in for a rude awakening when their first semester grades are released. Many students forget that partying affects their study time and class attendance. If they are exhausted from partying the night before, they are less likely to get up for that early class. Recognize that while making friends and enjoying the social scene are necessary for their overall satisfaction of the college experience, they should not forget the reason they came to college: to get an education. Discuss with them how to balance their social life with their academic life before they leave in the fall.
Academic skills
College is not like high school. Professors expect that your student do their assignments and they don’t check up on you if you don’t. Coming to college with refined study and organization skills will help your student adjust to the rigorous course requirements of a college degree program. Managing their time is also important as it relates to class assignments, studying for tests and preparing term papers.
Mental skills
College life produces a whole new set of mental and emotional problems. Many students face homesickness early and should recognize that those feelings are normal. They should go to college with the skills needed to cope with stress and the feeling of loneliness that often occurs. Recognize that all these factors contribute to their overall mental health and know beforehand where they can find help if they need it.
Problem solving
skills
College is no different than life—obstacles occur on a daily basis and you will need the skills to deal with those obstacles. Your student will be confronted with conflict and should know how to resolve that conflict, either by themselves or with a mediator (such as an RA or student advisor). They will face situations that require them to advocate and they should be comfortable doing this before they head off to college and become completely independent.
So much time is spent preparing for the actual college choice and application that very little time and effort goes into prepping for these valuable life skills. They may be prepared for the academic rigors of college, but neglecting to prepare for all the other aspects of college life might affect your success and ultimate degree completion. It’s your role as a parent to make sure they have these skills before they leave for college.
When parents and students enter the college-bound process,
issues arise. It’s the inevitable clash of what parents think is best for their
kids, and what the kids want. Over the past 18 years the clashes have been over
such things as food, friends and entertainment choices. As college approaches,
the parent-student conflict intensifies.
Following are six areas that typically cause conflict along with some advice on how to handle it and work toward a compromise.
1. Junior college vs
4-year college
Parents often approach the college prep process from a
financial standpoint; students do. They make their decisions based on all types
of criteria that might not seem logical to parents: location, campus
activities, the look of the campus, friends, and even popularity of the college
with their peers. While those aren’t necessarily the best criteria, they should
play into their final decisions.
Here are just a few questions to consider:
Would a
4-year college be better for your student?
If your student is independent and knows
what he wants, a 4-year college might indeed be the best choice. Students who
are focused and are ready to pursue a specific major can benefit from attending
a 4-year college starting with their freshman year.
Could you
justify a 4-year college if it was more affordable?
Although junior college is more affordable
based on cost for credit hours, there are other factors to consider. For
instance, scholarships are more readily available to incoming freshmen than to
transfer students. Financial aid awards could be enough to offset the higher
tuition fees.
Does your student understand the benefits of junior college?
Perhaps the greatest benefit of attending a
junior college is getting the basics out of the way, especially if they are
unsure about a major. The financial benefits can be great as well, especially
if the student lives at home and works while attending.
Is it possible to reach a compromise?
Talk with your student and make an effort to
understand their reasons for wanting to attend a 4-year college. Be open to the
possibility. Explain your concerns about cost and going to college without a
decided major. A compromise might be for them to take courses over the summer
before college and get a few of the basics out of the way.
2. A profitable major
vs a major that embraces their passions
Parents think logically—they want their kids to graduate and
be able to secure a job that pays well and has future career advancement
possibilities. While there is nothing wrong with that line of thinking, their
kids want to study something that interests them.
Have you considered these realities?
Your
child would be more likely to embrace college if he has a passion for what he
is studying.
Statistics show that nearly half of all
college students drop out before receiving a degree. If your student is
pursuing something he is passionate about, the likelihood of him sticking it
out for 4 years is much higher than if he is pursuing a major that doesn’t
interest him simply because he will be more employable after graduation.
There are
lucrative majors that embrace all areas of interest and could be a good
compromise.
Investigate majors and research the ones
that have a good rate of return. Encourage your child to look at the degree
plans and perhaps add a minor to their degree embracing their passions. Some
colleges even allow students to create their own degree plans, choosing courses
that interest them and pertain to their areas of study.
Those who
are happiest in life have careers that they are passionate about.
Of course you want your child to be
successful and be able to make a living. But even though they get a job after
graduation that pays well, it doesn’t guarantee they will stick with it,
especially if it is not something they are passionate about.
Explaining
the consequences of choosing a major that’s unemployable might help your child
understand why you are concerned.
Graduating with debt and being unemployable
is a big concern for parents. But your student may not understand the
consequences of their decision. Its four years down the road and all they see
is dollar signs because they have a college degree. Encourage them to do some
research on the major they are considering and the expected salary and hiring
potential after graduation. It just might open their eyes and help them move
toward a more logical major.
3. Extracurricular
activities vs free time
Parents look at the big picture. Students focus on the “here
and now”. It’s hard for teenagers to comprehend the importance of proper
planning and preparation. They want to enjoy high school and not be pressed day
in and day out to focus on the future. It’s a delicate balance between applying
themselves, managing their time and enjoying their free time.
With a few simple tactics you and your teen should be able
to reach a compromise:
Set
aside time each day to work on college related activities.
Parents who are over achievers expect the
same from their student. But all work and no play makes for a very stressed out
teenager. Make a plan with them to spend x amount of time each day on
college-related activities. Once they complete their daily tasks, you will feel
better about letting them have some free time.
Encourage
your teen to focus on one activity throughout high school.
Many parents think that piling on the
extracurriculars during high school will impress college admissions officers.
But it’s not entirely true. Colleges are looking for focused applicants. They
are much more impressed with a student who has devoted four years in high
school to one particular activity than one who has piled them on just to
impress. Consistency is more appealing than numbers.
Allow
your teen time to have fun while helping them to find balance.
Teaching your teen to balance their time
will go a long way in helping them to manage their time in college. Students
who know how to keep a balance between studying and social activities do much
better in a college environment. Help them prioritize their activities.
Work with
them to establish goals and the steps needed to reach them.
Before they leave for college, students need
to know how to set goals and how to take steps to fulfill them. Help them make
a list of goals, both short term and long term, and encourage them to evaluate
those goals on a regular basis adjusting their time to stay on track.
4. Hand holding vs a
quest for independence
Perhaps the most difficult part of parenting a college-bound
teen is when to help and when to let them take the reins. It’s hard because for
the past 18 years we have been in control. Relinquishing control over such a
critical process in their life is harder than you might imagine. Looking at the
process from the college’s standpoint, the student needs to own the process.
They will be the one going to college and they should be the one making the
decisions. But you can certainly guide, encourage and offer help when asked.
Parents can help with
these tasks:
Staying organized-keeping track of deadlines and test dates.
Explaining the financial plan-discuss what you will pay and what you expect them to pay toward college.
Providing documents as needed, especially concerning financial aid.
Offering advice about college choices-offer advice but don’t dictate choices based on your preferences.
Accompanying them on college visits- listen to their likes and dislikes afterwards while staying objective.
Providing tutoring help if needed.
Help with studying for standardized tests.
Guide them with the final decision helping them take into account financial aid awards
Help with locating scholarships.
Parents should let
their student take the lead with these tasks:
Compiling a list of college choices
Talking during college visits and interviews
Communicating with colleges via email, social media, and telephone
Gathering letters of recommendation
Applying for scholarships
Completing the application
Completing the FAFSA
Making the final decision
5. Gap year vs going
straight to college
Parents cringe when their teens bring up the gap year. The
concept seems like procrastination and parents fear that once out of school,
the student may never go to college at all. Taking a year off to lie around and
do nothing is never an acceptable option. But taking a year off with a focused
purpose might be what’s best for your teen.
Before you put your foot down and forbid them to do this,
consider the reasons a gap year might be beneficial:
They
could use the time to pursue career interests.
A gap year could be the perfect time for
your student to learn more about specific careers that would help them choose a
major. Internships and apprenticeships during the year could provide them with
more information about the types of education needed and the specific degree
plan best suited to their chosen career.
They
could take the time to travel and work abroad.
Taking a year off to travel and work abroad
can be beneficial when they do attend college. Being exposed to different
cultures and getting to see the world helps them in their future careers. There
are many programs
that offer students the opportunity to work while abroad and some that offer
them the opportunity to volunteer for room and board. Scholarships are also
available as well.
They
could simply use the time to mature and gain focus.
Many high school graduates simply aren’t
mature and focused enough to attend college. Taking a year off means a year to
grow and mature. But it should never be used to sit around the house, play
video games, and hang out with friends. A gap year, to help with maturity and
focus, should always include a plan such as working part-time while taking a
few courses at the local community college.
Work full
time to save money for college.
For many students, working full time for a
year will help them save money for college expenses. It’s definitely something
to consider, especially if this money would be used to avoid taking out student
loans.
Parents should understand that college right after high school is not the best path for every teen. There are other alternatives, even ones that could include taking a course or two at a community college. The most important role for parents is to help their teenager find a path to success.
6. Considering alternatives to college
In a recent article I wrote for Collegiate Parent, Alternatives to Traditional College, I explained that not every student is meant to take the 4-year college path:
“When my son was a senior in high school, he had no idea what he wanted to do after graduation. College seemed out of reach and of very little interest since he coasted through high school on the bare minimum of effort. His involvement in NJROTC (Navy Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps) in high school led him toward the military option. When he left for boot camp after graduation, he was happy with his decision to avoid the traditional college route.
My daughter, on the other hand, knew she wanted to go to college and where she wanted to go. When she graduated and left for college in the fall, she was content with her decision and looked forward to four years of education.
Each of my children chose a different path. If I had forced my son to attend college it would have ended badly. If I had pressured my daughter to join the military, it would have been a disaster. But since I let them decide for themselves and didn’t push them in any one direction, they found the paths that were right for them.”
While a college degree is an impressive achievement and has undisputed value, it’s not for everyone. There are many meaningful paths after high school graduation that don’t include a traditional four-year college experience. If your student is vacillating about going to college, or is currently in college but regrets the decision, don’t panic. Your student may need to follow one of these alternative paths.
Parents and teens take on new roles during the college prep
process. The parents are attempting to let go and trust that the decisions made
will be the best ones. The teens are attempting to exert their independence and
make their own decisions. As senior year progresses, teens should move toward
independence and parents should relinquish control and trust their teens to act
as they have been taught over the last 18 years. It’s not easy, but the ideal
situation is parents guiding their teens to become independent, self-advocating
adults.
