Category Archives: parenting

college planning, dorm life, parenting

The First Day of College

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Your senior is looking ahead. The last few months of high school. Major decisions to make. A huge to-do list. Then…it’s off to college. How will your student adapt? How will you adapt? Here’s a letter to your student (save it for later) and prepare yourself for their first day of college and the longest goodbye.

first day of college

This is it!

You have made the college applications, you have been to those (not for the faint of heart) college visits, you have been accepted for a place, and then, finally, your alarm clock wakes you from your slumber. The day has finally arrived.

The day you leave home and embark on your college education.

Oh, the joys, the excitement, the nerves, the cold dread of fear…

It’s time for some survival tips to help you get through your first day.

Tip #1: Operate an open day policy

If you have a roommate, then you will automatically have one candidate for your social circle (let’s hope you like them). But if you are in a room of your own, don’t shut the door when you arrive. Well, don’t shut it for long anyway, as your day will be a lot easier if you manage to say “hello” to somebody. An open door is an opening for other residents to come and introduce themselves to you, so while you might want to curl up in bed if you’re stricken with nerves, know that operating an open door policy on your first day will help you make contact with similar others.

Tip #2: Make your room your own

Homesickness is common for first-day students, and while you may be tempted to ring your parents every five minutes for comfort, you can also make any negative feelings disappear by decorating your room with your some homely touches. Photos of friends and family, posters from your old bedroom, and any knick-knack you might possess are all useful ways to transform your dorm room from something strange and unfamiliar to something comforting and reassuring.

Tip #3: Get out and meet people

Don’t stay in your room alone for long. Hopefully, you may have met people through the open door policy we advocated, but if not, you need to be proactive. Wander down the corridor and knock on other people’s doors. Introduce yourself, and let them know your room number. And go out into the wider campus and find out where people are hanging out. It takes courage to go up to groups of people, but try and do so, or if you see other people wandering about alone, go and say “hello.” They are probably in the same boat as you are, trying to make sense of their first day in a new place.

Tip #4: Explore the campus

You are going to get lost – a lot – in your first few days at college. Don’t worry, this is normal, and if you are late for a few classes here and there, then you have an excuse. Still, you can make life easier for yourself by exploring your surroundings. Especially as  you won’t have much to do on your first day, this is the perfect opportunity to spend time getting to know where things are. From the cafeteria to the library, make a mental note of how to get to places, or make notes on your phone. You might also meet people this way too, so remember to be polite and introduce yourself as you’re on your walk around the campus.

Finally

Don’t despair if you don’t meet anybody you like. Don’t worry if your first day threatens to overwhelm you. It will get easier, so try to stay calm and carry on, even when your nerves threaten to get the better of you. There is plenty more advice online on how to survive college life, including this excellent blog from Stephen Troese Jr, so gather as much info as you can to help you on your college journey.


parenting

How to Raise a Team Player

team player

One of the key lessons you can teach your teenager is how to get along with others. Participating in sports on a team is a good way to raise a team player.

Taking part in sports and more active activities is a positive substitute for overindulging in technology as it will ensure that your teenager will be getting plenty of exercise so they can stay fit and healthy. Unfortunately, though, encouraging your teen to get into sports isn’t always easy. After all, we aren’t all natural sportsmen!

You might need to use all of your talents of persuasion to encourage your teen to become sporty. It’s not completely impossible, though, especially if you use all of these tips.

Encourage Them To Choose A Team Sport

Firstly, you will need to help your teen decide which sport they want to get into. It’s usually a good idea to encourage them to try out a few different ones to start off with to see which they enjoy the most. You might find that they prefer team sports, such as soccer and baseball, as being part of a team can help them make friends and encourage sportsmanship.

Buy The Right Kind Of Sports Gear For Them

Before your teenager gets started, they will need the right kind of clothes for the activity. From track and field uniforms to soccer jerseys, you will find that all kinds of sports have their unique clothing. There’s a reason why all these sports clothes are so different, and it’s that the player’s body can be as flexible as the sport requires. So, making sure your teen is dressed in the right clothes will help them perform better out on the field or pitch, as well as making sure they look the part.

Promote Watching Sports At Home On TV

If your teenager is quite stubborn and refusing to try out any sport, you might want to start watching a few sports at home as a family. This should pique your teen’s interest in at least one of the sports. After a while, they may even want to try it out for themselves. Hopefully, watching sports on TV in this way can help to spark a life-long enjoyment of one sport.

Get Them Some Lessons Or Coaching

Your teen might not be too skilled when they start taking part in a sport. This can be quite off-putting for them at first, and they might end up embarrassed or think that they are letting the team down. There is one way around this, though – they might just need to take part in some lessons or coaching. This should help them greatly improve their skills, and it can also be a valuable way for them to gain some experience playing a sport before they are part of a team.

Hopefully, all of the tips above help you persuade your teenager to get into sports. The hardest decision for them might be which sport to follow as there are so many to choose from!

college prep, parenting

How Can Parents Help With College Prep?

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college prepWhen I was in high school, parents would never think of helping their student with college prep. The high school counselors handled any questions and most my classmates attended the local four-year university. But parenting has changed and so has college prep. With record numbers of students applying to college and the soaring costs of college, parents can help students relieve some of the stress of college prep by offering some help when needed.

Just remember that “help” is the operative word. Your student should always be in charge of the process. Here are just a few ways you can help your student with college prep:

Scholarship searches

Parents can assist students with scholarship searches. With all the opportunities online of scholarship postings and search engines, it’s easy to spend some time on your smartphone looking for scholarships that fit your student. You can do a Google search with scholarship parameters, use apps like MyScholly, or even search on Twitter by following users like @AidScholarship or @Scholarships360. Once you find a scholarship that matches your student’s interests and/or qualifications, pass the information along to your student.

Interview tips and information

Parents can certainly provide useful interview tips for their students. They can advise them on appropriate dress and give interview tips and encouragement.  You might even go as far as passing along useful articles about college interview questions and answers like this one: College Interview Questions to Ask and Answer.

Essay proofing and editing

While it’s not advisable for parents to contribute content to the student’s college essay (admissions officers can spot this instantly), it’s perfectly acceptable to help your student with proofing and editing. Your student may need to bounce off some ideas before starting as well. If you find it necessary, you can even provide further help by paying for an essay writing coach like The College Essay Guy to help.

College visits

Accompanying your student on college visits can be another way you can participate in the process. While on the visit, let your student take the lead. You should listen, take pictures, and even notes if necessary to help with the information gathering process. Scheduling multiple visits over a few days can also be helpful for both you and your student.

Test prep

Your student should set aside some time to prepare for standardized tests. You can help by scheduling study time during the week, monitoring practice tests, or even paying for a professional test prep tutor. Affordable and even free test prep is available for every student if you find this will help them better prepare

College choice

Even though the final choice of college should always be left to your student, you can certainly offer input and advice along the way. You can help your student stay within the financial guidelines you should set before applying and also help with the final decision.

 

financial planning, parenting

Saving Money During College

saving moneyIf your child (or soon to be adult…) is off to college, then you could be worried about a few things. Are they going to fit in? Will they enjoy their experience away, or get homesick and struggle in their new city? Do they have enough knowledge about finances to get by? Well, we’ve spent a lot of time considering the latter question, so that you can be sure that your child is prepared when it comes to finances. Rest easy knowing that they’ve got it covered, by remembering these simple tips:

Teach them what you know

The reason that many kids at college struggle so much with finances, is because nobody has taught them how these things truly work. You don’t have to sit down and lecture your kids on this, but make sure you give them some tips in the months leading up to their big move to college. If they can’t cook breakfast and don’t know how to pay rent, they’re going to have some real problems. You can prevent all of this with a bit of advice, and it will go a long way, so show your child how to manage things like bills and rent (especially if they’ve been planning to eat cereal for every meal of the day…).

Use technology to budget

Helping your child to sort out a budget will be really useful to them, especially when they’re going it alone. The days of sitting down and trying to distinguish what you’ve spent, and where, are gone, and you no longer need to sit there with a pen doing the math for hours. Utilize the technology that is out there, and make sure your kids have the best money management app available. Your child probably spends a long time on their cell phone, and won’t forget about budgeting if it is right in front of them. We can’t promise that, but it’s worth a shot.

Emphasize the importance of researching

Ok, we don’t mean academic researching here, but if they have the skills to do it, then why let it go to waste. Many college kids decide that they need something – and this could even be a textbook – and then just buy the first copy of it that they come across. Please, don’t let your child do this, when they could get second hand copies from places like eBay for a fraction of the cost. There are plenty of online stores that specialize in used books, and doing your research first could save you hundreds of dollars over the academic year. Research, research, and research again. You won’t regret it when your wallet shows you the benefits.

So, there we have it. Some simple tips to help you to help them, when it comes to sending your kids to college. Teach them everything you know about finances, bills and rent, use the latest technology to budget, and make sure that they research before they splash out on expensive resources. Good luck!

college prep, parenting

Getting Your College-Bound Student Ready for College

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college

Every year students struggle with the transition from home life to college life and some of them find it so hard they do not make it through their freshman year. Sometimes they find the academic challenge too much, but for many of those who quit it is more the fact of being away from home and having to run their own life that they cannot cope with.

Teach Them To Accept They Will Not Always Excel

In high school, your child could have been an A student who always came top of their class. Now they are a different environment with other students who did well at school. The work is much harder and their grades may drop to B’s or C’s. They might no longer be the top of the class. They need to know how to cope with this, and to know that they will not always excel at everything they do.  The important thing is that they try their best, and as long as they have done that, they should accept whatever position they are in the class.

Having other people around that are more capable than us is part of life and a lesson they need to learn.

Help With Their Coping Mechanisms

The first few months at college can be very stressful. For many of the students, they have left home for the first time and find themselves in a strange environment. Some just give up and go back home, some seek teen anxiety treatment as they want to see it through, and others establish coping mechanisms of their own. Your children are likely to be in the former camp, or not struggle at all if you give them the right tools now.

Chat to them about how they are coping and see if there are any tips you can give them to make it a little easier. They are going to have to cope with challenges all through their life and establishing ways of coping with them now, whether that is from you or the professionals that have helped them, will stand them in good stead for the future.

Give Them Freedom

It is very tempting to keep tabs on your children so that you always know where they are and what they are doing. This is a natural reaction for parents who want to prevent their children from making mistakes.

However, if they never make a mistake they will not know how to deal with it, or how to get on with life afterward when they’re out on their own at college. You should expect them to test the boundaries and sometimes to make a wrong decision. Be there if they want your help, but generally teach them they have to accept responsibility for what they got wrong and deal with the consequences.

Let them know you are pleased when they have made the right choice over something, as this will foster a feeling of confidence in them.

Teach Them That The Small Stuff Does Not Matter

There are so many small things that teenagers will stress over that really do not matter. You should teach them the important things in life, and that they are just causing themselves unnecessary stress if they worry about small things such as what color socks they are wearing or if they have to go out in the evening when they do not want to.

Teach them to be resilient to the knocks life is bound to throw at them and they will grow into a much more capable and confident adult.

 

parenting

3 Good Habits to Teach Your Student

good habitsThere are all kinds of habits and behaviors that go into making a successful life and a strong character, and these include things ranging from how we handle our day to day obligations at work, to how we deal with financial issues, respond to stress, and more.

Some habits are so important that developing them at an early age really means getting a leg up over the competition in a big way. In fact, many people spend years dealing with the consequences of their bad habits before finally managing to take the required steps to change things for the better.

If you’re conscientious and mindful of the kind of habits you want to adopt, at a relatively young age, you can change the entire trajectory of your life going forward in a significant way. Here are a few examples of good habits that you should try and cultivate as soon as possible.

Good financial management

There’s no doubt that money issues are one of the premier sources of stress, dissatisfaction, and trouble in the lives of most people.

When those money issues are related to poor financial management skills, the problem becomes all the more severe, and can, in fact, result in major issues with debt, trouble paying for essentials, and more.

Good financial management isn’t the only part of the puzzle when it comes to being financially secure, but it is an important part.

To get started on developing good financial management skills, consider signing up for a service such as You Need a Budget — which is a zero-based budgeting tool that allows you to plan exactly what you’re doing with every penny you get, as it comes in, and easily adjust your plans on the fly.

Using a good budgeting tool can give you insights on how to manage credit card debt, and plan realistically for the month ahead, and further into the future.

Building positive change into your life by small increments

A major stumbling block that many people hit sooner or later, is the belief that making positive change in your life, or introducing positive habits of any sort, requires major change all at once, combined with a monumental force of will.

However, there’s some good evidence out there that’s been covered by leading habit experts, that suggests that “starting big” is often the worst thing you can do.

Instead, start “too small to fail” and build positive changes into your life bit by bit. Want to get into a regular jogging habit? Start by putting on your running shoes each morning and standing outside your front door for a minute. Seriously.

Tracking and managing your time well

Punctuality and good time management are at the core of just about anything you could want to do in life. Those who can manage their time effectively always have an advantage over those who can’t.

If you’re naturally prone to procrastination and poor time management, get a watch and start tracking how you spend your time.

Consider books like Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours, and timesheets and apps to get you on top of things.

parenting

Raising a Responsible Student Driver

student driverDriving is an extremely valuable life skill. There are so many perks that come hand in hand with it. Being able to get behind the wheel of your own car means that you no longer rely on public transport options and gain the freedom of travelling at any time of the day or night. You will also no longer be tied to public transport routes and stops, as you can go wherever you want, as long as there’s a road that can take you there. Driving also opens up a whole host of job opportunities, as increasing numbers of employers require applicants to have a valid drivers licence and their own vehicle before they will be offered a position. So, it’s not all too surprising that most of us want our kids to get on the roads as soon as possible. Not only can it boost their own prospects, but if they have moved out of home, it also means we can come to expect more regular visits and spend more quality time with them. So, here are a few steps that you can take to help your not-so-little one get behind the wheel as quickly as possible.

Passing Their Test

Every driver who takes to public roads independently has to have a full drivers licence. But obtaining one of these can prove to be a long and drawn out process. It is estimated that the average person requires forty hours of lessons before being ready to take their test with a good chance of passing. Seeing as most instructors offer one hour lesson slots and most budding drivers take one lesson a week, you could be looking at an entire year before receiving a pass certificate. This doesn’t have to be the case though. There are intense courses out there that can see your kid realistically pass their test with a good knowledge of driving within a four week period. This means that they could be on the road for Christmas!

Choosing an Insurance Provider

Once your kids has passed, you’re going to want to look at insurance costs on different vehicles before encouraging them to choose one or another. Insurance costs for newly passed drivers are notoriously high, but by conducting a little research, you can find out what company has the best car insurance for teenage drivers or newly passed drivers. This will help them to determine what vehicle they can afford to invest in.

Purchasing a Vehicle

Once a vehicle has been settled upon, you might want to accompany your child to take a look at it and test drive it. New drivers tend to be unfamiliar with vehicles and many sellers will take advantage of this, leaving out negative information about the car they are selling. You can serve as a more experienced eye and can check that they are definitely getting a reliable vehicle and their money’s worth.

These are just a few steps that could genuinely get your kid driving independently in a relatively short period of time!

college visits, parenting

College Visits Aren’t for the Faint of Heart

college visitsIt’s fall for high school juniors and that means it’s time to jump right in and start those college visits. (Sophomores should start making these as well–there is much to be gained from making some preliminary visits.) If this is your first time visiting with a teenager you are in for a treat–drama on top of drama on top of drama. These visits are not for the faint of heart.

My own experiences with college visits still provide me with much needed comedy relief; although at the time they produced frustration and tears.

Here are four different college visit experiences we had with her. They prepared her for her final choice which wasn’t in Texas and wasn’t her dream school. You just never know where the journey will take you.

Baylor University

This wasn’t an actual visit, but it does demonstrate how emotional college visits can be. She refused to visit Baylor because Waco was the location of the Branch Davidian compound. Even though she had several friends who were considering that college and the setting and course offerings were perfect for her, she crossed it off the list before we ever set foot on campus.

North Texas State University

This was the only public university she visited and we had barely stepped out of the car before she said, “I don’t like it here. It’s ugly.” We did take the campus tour, which further cemented her distaste for the campus. It was one of the only colleges on her list that had a strong program of study that interested her, but there was no convincing her to consider it after the visit.

SMU

When we drove up to this private university, it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous and the buildings were immaculately maintained. After taking the tour, she decided to spend a night on campus. Meeting other students, seeing the sorority houses and spending time in a few of the classes cemented her love for this school. It would be the jewel to compare other colleges to; and she found one just like it in Boston.

Newberry College

This was a small college in the suburbs of Boston. She applied to this college because 1) it was in Boston, and 2) it had a strong program of study that she was interested in. We visited this college after she was accepted and offered a full-ride scholarship. She never got out of the car. Her words, “I’m just not feeling it.” You can imagine my frustration but I knew that if she wasn’t happy she wouldn’t excel there, especially this far away from home. So I counted to 10, we drove off, and went to the next college—the college she ultimately  chose–Bentley College (a campus like SMU in Boston).

Those were my experiences, but yours might be entirely different. Prepare for your teenager to morph into these strange characters over the next several months.

The skeptic

Before you even get out of the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.

The architect

And yet another alien appears. You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that he doesn’t like how it looks. Never mind that he’s not going to college for the buildings or the landscaping. He’s going for the academics. But for some reason his blinders aren’t allowing him to see anything but the buildings and no amount of pointing out the pluses is going to change his mind.

The critic

You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that the students don’t seem friendly. Mind you he’s probably not even spoken to any of them and it’s a good bet he didn’t like the tour guide. Don’t try to convince him otherwise because the more you say, the less likely he’ll come around. Just wait until a cute girl approaches him. He’ll change his tune quickly.

The panic-stricken

You get back into the car after your last visit and he announces, “I’m not sure I want to go to college”. Don’t panic. He’s just realized the whole thing is real and he’s terrified. Give him some time to think it through and tomorrow he’ll most likely change his mind again. The worst thing you can do is draw a hard line in the sand now because his feelings are likely to go up and down like a roller coaster over the next few months (or years).

What’s a parent to do?

Even though your kid wants you to treat him as an adult, he’s still a teenager. His emotions are all over the place and this next step in his life is frightening. Remember that college is largely an emotional decision and you should expect that emotions will play into that decision. When the dust settles and the emotions clear, he will make a decision based on all the factors, including his campus visits. After all, you don’t want him to attend a college he just isn’t feeling and you don’t want him to make a decision and leave out the emotional factor. He’s going to spend the next four years of his life at this school. It will become his second home and it’s important that he likes where he is.

As you can see, it’s not an exact science. You can plan and prepare all you want, do your research before visiting, and make a list of likes and dislikes prior to pulling up to campus. But it’s that first impression that will have a lasting impact on their college decisions. There’s nothing logical about a teenager. Prepare for a wild ride.

college guidance, dorm life, parenting

Life Lessons Your Student Will Learn in College

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collegeDo you remember the days of being in college? For the most part, it’s full of so many happy memories, life lessons, and ways of creating a future for yourself. While college is still a place to grow independently without the supervision of parents, there is still the thought in the back of their minds about what the future holds for them, and what they need to do to ensure they get the right career. Among all of this pressure, there are still life lessons to learn in college.

The Big Money Problem

Your kids won’t really understand the value of money until they reach college.  As they get older and start college, the things that they have to pay for grow and grow, and they aren’t always going to be able to rely on the bank of mom and dad to help them out. They really do need to learn the skill of managing money, and they’re never going to be able to do that if they know they’ve always got something to fall back on from you. You could even help them with their money management.  As hard as college is on the finances, it definitely does help to teach a lesson or two.

Solo Living

They will have to learn to do things for themselves. Washing and drying, and perhaps even ironing. Keeping the room clean so that it doesn’t start to smell, and generally caring for themselves. You wouldn’t believe how many college kids hygiene levels drop in the first couple of months because they just can’t look after themselves. They have the stress of making new friends, getting used to college, and getting used to living on their own to deal with. So sometimes because of all of this stress, hygiene levels do drop! They also learn to enjoy their own company, which we really do think is an important life lesson. You can’t always rely on people to be around you, so being content being alone is an important life lesson.

Finding A Love For Travel

So, we’ve spoke about financial management and the stress of juggling living solo, so how on earth do they fit travel in!? Many colleges actually organize a couple of trips relating to sports, or the course they’re studying. A school trip company would organize the location and perhaps the itinerary, and all your kids would have to do is pay the fee to go. Trips or studying abroad teaches your student to enjoy other parts of the world, and be aware of world problems. Travel really does help to broaden then mind in other ways, and it’s such a good way to fill a life with memories, especially at college

The Real World

We would like to think that the biggest lesson they learn, is about the real world. Although they might not be in it just yet, they know it’s looming, and hopefully they understand how stressful it’s going to be. During high school, kids are sort of shielded from the realities of what adult life is going to be like, but during college, they really start to drum it in about the hardships out there. So, the lessons to be learned will involve the importance of finding and keeping a good job, and how to look after themselves.

The Importance Of Family

Finally, a big lesson they will hopefully learn is the importance of family. Family time is something that will become hard to come by while. But hopefully this lack of contact, but influx of support, teaches them why parents and family are the best people in their lives!

parenting

Is Your Student Showing Signs of Bullying?

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bullyingAs a parent, many things will cause you worry and sleepless nights. When our kids are tiny, we worry about whether they are safe in their crib, whether they are getting enough milk and if they are warm enough. As they get older though, the things that you worry about change. You send them off to school in a jumper and assume that they’ll be able to keep themselves warm and fed. But, there are new things to worry about. You’ll spend time wondering how they are settling in, if they’ve got friends, how they are coping with their workload and if they are trying their best.

One of the big things that we worry about as parents of school-aged children, whether they are 5 or 20, is bullying. Bullying has always been a problem, and the world of social media seems to have only made it worse and given the bullies a new form of attack. While kids will always get into the odd tussle or argument, bullying is something very different. See how Dr. Jerry Jellig responded to bullying and take a look at these signs that all parents should be watching out for.

School Avoidance

All kids have the occasional day when they don’t want to go to school. Even those that normally love going have days when they don’t feel like it, when they are worried about a class or assignment, or when they just want to do something else. This is normal and nothing to worry about.

But, when it starts to become more than this, when they never want to go to school, never talk about their day and start making excuses to stay at home it can be the sign of a more serious issue.

Change of Personality

Mood swings and personality changes in themselves aren’t always a problem. This can be another typical sign of a child growing up. Especially teenagers or those approaching the teen years. It’s also normal to notice mood swings after a holiday when returning to school is making them tired, and they are struggling to return to a routine.

But, if these mood swings are dramatic, and their personality seems completely different around school times, then keep an eye on it. It could be a sign that something is worrying them. Change in appetite is another thing to watch out for.

Poor Sleeping Patterns

You’ll know yourself that when you are feeling anxious or worried, you struggle to get a good night’s sleep. Your child might well be the same. If they are being bullied or worried about school, you may find that they seem much tidier than usual, as they are worrying late into the night.

Weight Loss

A lack of sleep and change in appetite isn’t always obvious, especially if your child is older, stays up later and doesn’t always eat with you. But, weight loss can be a sure sign, especially if it’s sudden and unrelated to exercise.

If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, speak to them. Listen to what they are telling you, without guiding or pushing them, and they speak to their teachers or staff at school as soon as you can.