Category Archives: parenting

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Parenting Styles

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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What type of parent college coach are you? Each of us has a unique personality that will influence the way we coach our teens. The key is to find yourself, recognize your weaknesses, identify your strengths and adapt to provide your college-bound teen with the best coaching possible.

1-The “let me do it for you” parent

parenting

If you are this type of parent, you’ve most likely been doing everything for your child over the years: making their bed, cleaning their rooms, preparing their snacks, all in the name of parenthood. Don’t get me wrong, when your kids were young, they depended on you to take care of them. But part of being a parent is teaching them to do things for themselves. We taught them to tie their own shoes, ride a bike, go to school on their own, and hopefully budget their money by giving them an allowance. As they get older and the tasks become more difficult, like driving and preparing for college, we tend to want to take back the reins, fearing they might make mistakes that are life altering. But that’s the worst thing you can do. It’s your role to guide them, teach them, and train them. Always remember, the college search and application process is a teen project. You can help, but don’t do it all for them. They need to be involved and when those admissions letters arrive they will own that accomplishment.

2-The “over-anxious” parent

It’s natural to worry and fret about something you do not understand, or have never experienced. Parenthood definitely has its over-anxious moments. Teenagers are by nature over-anxious. They worry about everything: will they be accepted; will they make the cheer squad; will they pass their finals; will they be asked to the dance. Their four years of high school present numerous opportunities for anxiety and the last thing they need is added anxiety over their preparation for college. Knowledge is power—if you have the tools and know the facts you’re anxiety will decrease and you will be less likely to pass that along to your teen.

3-The “pushy” parent

Are you a “type A” personality? Do you push everyone around you to succeed? Do you strive for the best in everything? If you answered yes to those questions, you might be a pushy parent. There is a fine line between being pushy and being a cheerleader. If you push too hard, you will overwhelm your teen. You can encourage them by helping them to achieve their potential. Harping about deadlines and asking them constantly if they have completed their scholarship applications will only produce rebellion. The best way to handle your over-achiever personality is through organization. If you work with your teen to get them organized and they are aware of the deadlines, you won’t have to be that pushy parent.

4-The “my dreams are your dreams” parent

Did you dream of going to Harvard or Yale? Did you always want to go away to college and live in a dorm? Do you wish you had joined a sorority or fraternity during college or played college sports? Did you always want to be a doctor or a lawyer? We all had dreams that might not have been realized. But the worst thing you can do as a parent is to try to achieve those dreams through your children. Your teen will never be happy pursuing YOUR dreams. Their satisfaction is achieved from their own accomplishments. Their happiness comes from pursuing their own passion. The quickest way to ensure failure in college is to send your teen off to a place where they feel pressured to succeed at something they never truly wanted to pursue. If you have unfulfilled dreams, find something you can pursue yourself that will satisfy that passion; and encourage your teen to walk their own path.

5-The “I’ll think about that tomorrow” parent

This is where I fit in. I’m the world’s worst procrastinator. (The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem…isn’t that what they say?) This is the worst time in your teen’s life for you to model or encourage procrastination. The next four years can be daunting and even overwhelming, but if you approach them without planning and organization, you will never survive. The problem with this philosophy is that it won’t work with deadlines, and the college maze is all about the deadlines. If you miss them, there are no second chances or do-overs. Not only do you risk missing the deadlines, as this type of parent you add extra stress to an already stressful time. Preparation and organization are keys to overcoming procrastination. Thinking about it tomorrow will only lead to frustration, disappointment, and regret. Remember the famous maxim-Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)!

6-The “uninvolved” parent

Your teen still requires your input. They may protest greatly and say loudly, “I can do it myself.” But what they really mean is I want to try with your support and help. If you make the mistake of turning the whole process over to your teen, the odds are great that they will become overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of giving up. There are so many decisions to be made and things to keep track of over the next four years. If you have a tendency to be an uninvolved parent, your teen will most likely feel abandoned in a sea of forms, applications and deadlines. Your job is always to encourage, guide and lead your teen to stay on top of those all-important college-related tasks that require their participation. It’s great to expect them to be responsible, but you and I both know that teenagers will be teenagers. Their minds and lives are headed in hundreds of different directions and staying on task can sometimes be inconceivable. It’s your goal to steer them back on course and help them reach their final goal.

7-The “well-balanced” parent

The well-balanced parent utilizes the best organizational tools to help their college-bound teen stay focused and on track. This is the type of parent coach we should all strive to become. You balance coaching, encouragement and guidance with information gathering, organization and goal setting. Your teen does not stress about deadlines because you have sat down together and created a calendar of upcoming scholarship applications, college entrance tests, activities, and school related events. You and your teen are confident and aware of the course you have set together and assured that because you are prepared and organized, the end result will be that your teen is able to reach their goal of college acceptance. You have planned ahead concerning the financial process and have utilized all the tools available to assure an impressive financial aid award package from the colleges where applications are submitted. You coach without pushing, pressuring or stressing out and your teen knows that they have your support and can look to you for positive feedback.

We all have different parenting styles, but think about incorporating the best of each and becoming a well-balanced parent. The college process will be less stressful and your college-bound teen will be less stressed.

Read Wendy’s (POCSMom) approach on different parenting styles.

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Out of Control Parents

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out of control parentsYou know you’ve experienced them: out of control parents. They show up at their kids sport events and yell at the coaches and the umpires. They show up in the education system bullying teachers, coaches, administrators and other parents. Their kids rarely have consequences and cannot fend for themselves in most instances. They have a strong sense of entitlement that is passed down to their kids. Nobody likes them AND nobody wants to be them.

In Early Admissions, a novel based on Lacy Crawford’s experience in college admissions office, the author relates a story:

There’s a father who rewrites his son’s Common Application essay after his son has been rejected early decision by his first-choice school. In the revision, the father argues — in the first person, ventriloquizing the boy — that communities benefit from a range of people, the superstars and the average alike, and that the student should be admitted to the other schools on his list not because he is stellar but because he is not. This happened. On the night in question, the father summoned me to proofread his new essay before ensuring that his son submitted it. It broke the boy’s heart, and it broke mine. (I did not oversee submission of that essay. I told the student how I felt, and left it in his hands to decide what to do.)

This is just an example of the many stories I have heard from admissions officers. The college world has labeled these parents: helicopter parents and other names like snowplow parents. College admissions officers all have stories to tell. If you were to hear them all, you wouldn’t believe them. Or would you? Do you sometimes think you fall into that parental demographic? I know I did and still do at times.

It’s not all bad

Unfortunately, a few bad apples spoil the bunch for the rest of us. Educators see parents coming and immediately they put their helicopter radar up. Can you blame them? We all have a little “rescuer” in us, after all. We start from the time they are born protecting them, caring for them, fighting battles for them, and most importantly, loving them. Just because they grow to be adults we don’t stop parenting. Most parents, get it. Sometimes, however, we rush in before our kids have the chance to be adults.

Drawing the line

Good parenting means involvement and participation in your kid’s lives, but when does it become more than that. Crawford asks some tough questions and points out some difficult truths:

Where do we draw the line? When does support become manipulation? When does tutoring stop helping a child, and start teaching him that on his own he’s not good enough? How can we come to realize that character — resilience, curiosity, dedication, a moral compass — is the prize here, and value that over the name on the diploma? Over time, I think, parents know this. But in the heat of senior fall, when everyone is feeling crazy, perspective can become clouded.

Clouded judgment causes parents to do unspeakable things. Competition among other parents can also cause parents to

What happens when parents are out of control?

When parents are out of control kids suffer. Not only are they embarrassed, but they are robbed of the chance to learn life skills and the thrill of doing something on their own. They don’t learn to self-advocate and they don’t get the experience of being independent.

The next time you feel like losing control and rescuing your kids, take a deep breath and think about the future. Will you be robbing them of the satisfaction of accomplishment? Will you be robbing them of learning that for every action there are consequences? Sometimes tough love is the best love of all.

Do you ever feel like an out of control parent? They say that admitting it is the first step to recovery. Here’s your chance (leave a comment)!

 

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Reading, Writing and Arithmetic

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from www.pocsmom.com to www.parentingforcollege.com and vice versa.

This post is about how parents can convey the importance of academics to prepare their child for college:

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Back in the “good ole’ days” reading, writing and arithmetic were the core subjects. Kids were taught to read with “Dick and Jane”, write printing and cursive on Big Ten tablets, and master 2+2=4. But as time progressed and primary education became a stepping stone for higher education, the curriculum, while still centered around these core subjects, has evolved. With the focus on higher education, it’s even more crucial that your kids understand the importance of academics.

How has it evolved and how can you help your kids be successful learners in these three disciplines?

Reading

reading writing arithmetic

In today’s digital age, reading is done a little differently. Kids used to go to libraries and check out books; now they go online and download them for e-readers. Technology competes for their attention and hours spent reading have been replaced with hours online in social media and playing games. Finding the time read is difficult, but you need to encourage your kids to read from the time they are small children until they finish college.

Why is reading so important? It expands their vocabulary and opens their minds to new ideas. Reading is a critical part of any standardized test and a key aspect of the college entrance exams. Reading teaches them to pay attention and ingest information as they read. It’s going to benefit them in high school, in college and in life if they develop a love for reading.

Writing

Years ago writing was a separate subject. Kids were schooled in the nuances of printing and moved on to cursive. Today, most schools don’t concentrate on the mechanics of it but on the content. Additionally, written correspondence is becoming less frequent as emails and text messages are replacing actual notes and letters.

An easy way to encourage writing in your kids is start them with journaling at an early age. Writing down their thoughts helps them to learn effective communication and teaches them how to use the written word to express their thoughts and ideas. This will be incredibly helpful in high school as they work on essays and as they begin to construct their essays for college applications and scholarships.

Arithmetic

It’s amazing to me how many teens do not know how to make change or use basic math tables without a calculator. They learn the basics of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division in grade school; but as time progresses, calculators begin being used and they forget how to calculate things without them.

How can you help your kids use those skills in their daily lives? Take them to the store with you and have them calculate and compare prices. Download math games and puzzlers to their phones, tablets and e-readers. As they move on into high school, help them to see the importance of math skills and formulas. Having these courses in your high school curriculum will help them as they apply to colleges and eventually move on to more advanced math in college and in their careers.

Schools now offer more than the three course disciplines: reading, writing, and arithmetic. But the foundation these subjects give students makes it easier for them to study history, science, art, music and communication. Breaking it down to these three will help parents guide their kids as they progress through school and focus on academics.

Read Wendy’s article Valuing Academics in 4 Stages.

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NatureBox Care Package Giveaway

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It’s back to school time and your kids or college students will be snacking. Whether it’s at lunch, after class, or during study sessions you want them to eat healthy and not gorge on junk food. Nature Box has the perfect solution with their array of healthy snacks.nature box3

Giveaway

If you are looking for a healthy snacking alternative Nature Box has you covered and they have given me this sumptuous box of treats to give away to one of my lucky readers. If you are looking for a great care package for your college student, this is it! Or if you want to put some healthy snacks in your kid’s lunch, you can’t miss with the snacks included in this box!

nature boxWho is NatureBox and how can you benefit from their products?

Discover a Healthier You

NatureBox helps you eat healthier without needing to change your eating habits. We focus on snacks because that’s the easiest habit to change. Do you know that the average American eats almost 25% of their calories from snacking? In fact, snacking is the leading cause of childhood obesity. NatureBox helps you get more out of your day without wasting calories on the bad stuff.

natureboxFood You Can Trust

Every NatureBox item is carefully sourced and nutritionist approved. Everything inside your NatureBox will be guilt free so that you can feel great about what you’re eating. You can trust that our products will be made from the most wholesome ingredients and will be minimally processed, if at all.

It’s Risk Free!

Each box costs just $19.95 and shipping is always free with NatureBox. You can pause or cancel anytime, and we’ll happily issue a refund if you’re not 100% satisfied.

Together, We Give

NatureBox works with WhyHunger to solve the problems of hunger and poverty, while working to make more nutritious food available to everyone. Aside from making donations to WhyHunger, we also donate our healthy snacks directly to WhyHunger partners, including community-based organizations, emergency food providers and summer meal programs for low-income children.

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parenting, tech gadgets, Uncategorized

Are you spying on your teens?

 

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spying

Last Sunday I was listening to a radio talk show on IT and a mom called in with a horror story about her teenage son. She was asleep in bed one night while her son was staying with her ex-husband. About 1am her phone beeped and Skype opened. She saw a conversation between her son (who had apparently loaded Skype on her phone without her knowledge) and an adult male. When she chimed in and asked him who he was, he asked who she was and told her to butt out of the conversation. As she was calling the police, the man asked her son where he lived, how old he was and started initiating a face-to-face meeting. Needless to say, she was shocked. The radio host told her she should be “spying” on her son so this doesn’t happen again.

Keeping your teens safe

Spying on your teens may seem a bit harsh and our kids would certainly rebel if we used that word. But parents need to be aware that threats are real and just because you feel technologically challenged, that’s not an excuse to put your kids at risk. The good news is that help is out there. According to Stacy Ross on  The Online Mom:

I suggest that those of us who are Baby Boomers or Generation X-ers, who weren’t raised with a bottle in one hand and an iPad in the other, are learning the “language of the land online” so to speak, right alongside our offspring. That dynamic is a compelling one, worthy of its own bit of tender loving care.

We need time to foster a relationship with our kids that establishes a system of communication and guidelines for this world, which seems so natural to them but is still so novel to many of us old fogies! We are helping our kids navigate in a new online language and culture, while at the same time assuming roles as strong parental figures. As we do this, we are wise to bookmark resources and find mentors that can help. Entrusting kids with adult-like privileges such as e-mail accounts, smartphones, social media platforms, etc. is no small endeavor.

Most of us weren’t raised with a smartphone or an iPad but our kids and grandkids have been. The concept of pay phones, dial up internet and television with no more than three channels seems unfathomable to them.

An overwhelming task

As if parents don’t have enough responsibility already, we’re faced with policing our kids online activity. Call it spying. Call it being nosey. I prefer to call it smart parenting. And while we’re at it, what about limiting their time with these gadgets. I see kids watching iPhones while in their strollers, and families at restaurants not communicating with one another because every kid is either on an iPhone, texting, or watching a movie on an iPad. Teens are the worst–their whole lives are wrapped around their smartphones and other technology. The more time they are online, the more risk they will be targeted.

Where can you get help?

What’s the solution?

  • Stay informed on security issues and tools to monitor their tech usage. The Online Mom is a great resource for this.
  • Set limits and guidelines for time spent with these devices. Think this is hard? You bet it is. But if you’re feeling frustrated, Fern Weiss, a parent coaching expert, is conducting a FREE teleseminar to help: Teens and Screens.
  • Don’t ignore the issue. Tech gadgets aren’t going away and parents need to stay informed and be proactive.

Watch this video to see how important it is to pay attention to your teen’s online behavior.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Attitude Adjustments

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy (www.pocsmom.com) and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link in the article from www.pocsmom.com to  www.parentingforcollege.com/ and vice versa.

Today’s posts address the issue of attitude–a topic every parent faces and often becomes frustrated with. Read on to get our take on the topic.

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attitude adjustmentMy father used to tell me that he would give me an attitude adjustment. Trust me. I never wanted to hear those words. In the good old days (you might disagree) parents used more than words to give attitude adjustments. Today, parents still struggle with their kids’ attitudes. From the two-year old temper tantrums to the college student’s “whatever” those attitudes are dreaded by moms everywhere.

School creates so many opportunities for attitudes. Some might say it’s the stress that causes these over-the-top emotions. Others might say that it’s just their age and the stages they are going through. Personally I think it’s a little bit of both. No matter what the cause is, what do you do when your kid “cops an attitude”?

Take a deep breath and keep reading. Have you experienced any of these common attitude problems?

Student: Can I just do my homework later?

Parent: No. You can’t wait until later. Do it now!

Then the conversation progresses from there to “please”, “why”, and my personal favorite, “homework is stupid.” What’s a parent to do? You can take the hard line and say, “no means no.” You can use the reward approach, “finish it and you can play your video games”. Or you can be analytical and explain to them the importance of an education. My bet is that the first or second option will work best. Why? Because kids don’t think that far ahead.

Student: But Pete is doing it.

Parent: If Pete jumped off a bridge would you do it?

You might mean that but your student just doesn’t understand that analogy. Why would anyone jump off a bridge? Again you can use the hard line tactic and say, “I’m the parent and I said no.” Bribery won’t work in this instance. So your best bet is to explain to your student why you won’t let them do what they want to do—mother knows best, so to speak. If you’re lucky, they will succumb to your logical explanation. If not, refer back to the first response.

Student: Susie’s parents said it was ok.

Parent: Susie’s parents aren’t your parent; I am.

This is when you need to have a talk with Susie’s parents. Especially if it’s something that’s against the law like underage drinking or pot smoking (Don’t even ask how I drew this example). Knowing your student’s friends parents will afford you the opportunity to stick together. That’s if they see things the way you see them. If they don’t, you best encourage your student to find some new friends.

Student: You bought the wrong school supplies.

Parent: I bought the supplies that were on the list.

This happens even if you were with them when the supplies were purchased. This little comment will infuriate you and cause your blood to boil. They should be grateful you bought those school supplies. There are kids that don’t have parents who do this for them. What happened to being grateful that you even cared to buy the supplies? You see how you can follow this down the rabbit hole. How do you deal with this attitude? Do as one parent did and tell them to pay for their own supplies. Or you can just give them the attitude of gratitude speech.

Student: Why can’t you just give me some space?

Parent: I thought I was.

This attitude surfaces in the pre-teen years and intensifies as they head off to college. The more space they want, the more you want to hold them close. Space is one thing but total freedom is another. Hopefully you’ll be able to find the balance. If not, expect rolling eyes, slamming of doors, and angry texts to ensue.

Student: You’re embarrassing me.

Parent: When do I NOT embarrass you?

When my husband was in high school, his mother brushed off his dandruff in front of me at a grocery store. Of course he was mortified. His mother thought she was helping him. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Meaning–the things we think are helpful usually aren’t. And no matter what you do, you are always going to embarrass them. Before you have a terrible error in judgment, ask yourself, “What would the perfect parent do?” Of course, there is no perfect parent. But you know what embarrasses you; that should be a clue.

One last thought. You’re the parent. Sometimes you need to adjust your attitude and lighten up a bit. Not every attitude requires a response. Often you just need to brush it off to avoid an unnecessary confrontation.

Know this: attitudes are inevitable. No matter what you do, what you say, and how you act they are going to find something wrong with it. It’s not your fault. They are just spreading their wings and pushing the limits of your authority. The key is to not get into shouting matches with them and consider the source. It also helps to vent (to other parents and friends), instead of taking your frustration out on your kids. The school years are as hard as or harder than the first five years, even if you factor in potty training. But, as any parent will agree, it is rewarding. You just have to keep telling yourself, “This too shall pass!”

Read on for Wendy’s advice in her usual POCSMom manner!

mom approved tips, parenting, Uncategorized

Mom-Approved Tips: Dealing with separation anxiety

 

separation anxietyIt’s that time of year. Parents are dropping kids off at school and there are always tears—sometimes from both parents and students. It’s the inevitable separation anxiety.

When I was a kid, my mom told me that she was afraid my brother would hang on to her skirt until he left for college. I, on the other hand, let go with confidence and excitement. My brother never really liked school (or being away from my mom), but I thrived when the school year began.

No matter what type of kid you have—a clinger or an over-achiever, you are dealing with your own brand of anxiety. There are all kinds of parent anxieties and quite honestly, the parents fair worse than the kids when school starts. We never really get over those feelings that overwhelm us; even when they are adults and headed to college or graduate and begin living on their own. My mom used to tell me you never stop being a parent.

I’ve been reading parent forums lately and some common threads of emotion seem to resonate with varying groups of parents. From grade school to college, parents look to other parents to find ways of coping. For some reason, we find comfort in knowing that we aren’t the only ones feeling those feelings of fear and concern. Facing those feelings might make it easier when they leave for college; however, I can’t promise you will ever stop feeling like they are your little boys and girls.

It’s a sure bet that these fears and anxieties are experienced by every parent at some time in their kid’s lives:

Will they be safe?

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 50’s and 60’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 80’s and 90’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

Will they be bullied?

It’s sad to say, but there will always be bullies. I had my bouts with as did my own kids. But it seems that bullying has gotten more common and more vicious. Social media has escalated it to an art form and parents aren’t teaching their kids to treat others with respect. Before they ever walk out the door (from grade school to college) let your kids know that you are their advocate. Encourage them to come to you if they ever feel bullied. You’re in a much better place to judge the level of harassment and act accordingly.

Will they play well with others?

No matter how much you have taught them to share and be kind to others, you still worry that they won’t be accepted or accept others. School is the first place we all learn to get along with people other than our families. It’s where we learn to compromise and collaborate. Odds are they will take away the lessons they have learned into college and into the workforce. Have faith that they grasp this concept and grow in their ability to get along with others.

Continue reading Mom-Approved Tips: Dealing with separation anxiety →

admissions, college books, college guidance, college planning, parenting

10 Must-read books for parents of college-bound students

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I love books because, well, I just love books. They are some of my prized possessions. These college books are part of my collection because they are jam-packed with information about the college admissions process. Some of them are informational, and others help you relax and laugh during the process. Add these books for parents of college-bound students to your reading list. After all, who doesn’t like books?

college bound and gagged

1. College Bound and Gagged

Nancy takes the everyday aspects of the college admissions process and puts them into terms that parents can easily understand and relate to by using humor. And if that’s not enough, she sprinkles some of the best college admissions advice along the way by tapping into her own personal experiences and her network of college experts that she utilizes throughout the book.

pocsmom

2. POCSMom Survival Stories

Wendy David-Gaines, the author, is famous for exposing the cliches about college. After giving the cliche, she gives you the “POCS reality”. In her book, Wendy does this effectively by compiling actual parent stories. The stories (both from pre-POCS and POCS) are simple, light-hearted, often humorous and an easy read. But here’s the clincher–they provide parents with added insight into each individual situation.

scholarships

3. How to Win Scholarships

The best part about Monica’s e-book is that it’s simple and easy to understand. If you follow her easy 10 step program, the scholarship process becomes doable for any parent and their student. You can sit back and hope that your student does all the work, or you can offer help and support by grabbing a copy of Monica’s book, reading it, and rolling up your sleeves.

debt free u

4. Debt Free U

When Zac Bissonnette headed off to college, he had the funds to cover the tab. Bissonnette has seen the currently flawed system first hand. He’s a contrarian, and his book is packed with studies and statistics to back up his analysis. It’s a magical combination that college-bound students and their parents should read, even if there’s plenty of money set aside to pay the tuition tab. There’s no harm in learning ways to get the biggest bang for your buck and the best education available at the same time.

leadership

5. Why You’re Already a Leader

The author, Paul Hemphill, forces history to shout its powerful lessons about our least appreciated ability – leadership. A pre-teen, a parent, or a corporate exec doesn’t need to be trained for leadership because it’s already alive and pumping in your DNA. The proof is all here. Here’s the bonus feauture: it uses history as a motivational tool. Instead of stats and facts, you get more than 200 life-lessons from Gettysburg to help you succeed in any endeavor. What’s the number one quality admissions officers look for in a candidate for admission? Leadership!

Continue reading 10 Must-read books for parents of college-bound students →

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Tips for a new school year

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parent separation anxiety
Cartoon courtesy of College Parents of America

This week, Wednesday’s parent takes at look at back to school with some tips for a new school year. Do you take first day of school photos of your kids? I did. I loved seeing how much they had grown and how the fashion trends changed. For parents (especially after a very long summer) back to school day was a day of rejoicing. Finally, the house becomes quiet and you can have a little bit of time to yourself.

What does “back to school” mean to you? If your student is moving to a new school it probably means uncertainty and stress. Anytime your student enters a new environment they will be anxious; but there are ways you can ease those back to school jitters.

Chill Out

Let your student express their concerns and help them relax about it. Preschoolers are entering school for the first time; middle schoolers now have added responsibility like changing classes and locker combinations; high school students’ lives begin to revolve around their peers; and college students are on their own to flounder in a whole new world of responsibility and accountability. Open conversations will help them lower their stress level.

Be the parent and “man up”

Yes. I said, “man up”. The sad reality is that today’s parent doesn’t know how to let go. It’s your responsibility to communicate confidence, excitement and joy about the new environment. If they witness you crying, whining and generally unhappy, they will mimic your feelings. Positive parents raise positive children.

You may be in homework hell

As your student gets older and moves on in their academic track, the homework will increase; and so will the drama. If you are frustrated, just imagine how your student feels. Pay close attention and if you witness your student floundering with the new material, hire a tutor, such as tutors at Takelessons, or get help from the teacher or tutoring labs. If you nip the problem in the bud early, he/she won’t be nearly as frustrated in high school and college

Look out for added peer pressure

New school means new bullies. Unfortunately, it even happens in college. Prepare your student for those encounters by fortifying their self-esteem. Use every opportunity to encourage, hug, support and love on them. Coping with peer pressure is very stressful for students (and their parents). Be proactive and get involved if you have to. This is one area that it’s ok to be a helicopter parent.

Make new friends

Yes. Parents need to make new friends, just like their students. Get involve in parent organizations. This applies to all age groups, even at the college level. Colleges have parent groups too—join them. Volunteer when needed and this helps you stay abreast of what is happening at the school. And don’t tell anyone, but it’s easier to check up on your student when you’re there!

Be a buttinsky (but only if necessary)

Keep your antenna up and ready to spot any problems that require parent involvement. No. This doesn’t mean you need to hover over your student. But it does mean that, especially at new schools and in new environments, the students encounter problems that need adult intervention. Do not, however, get on the phone every day and become one of those parents school officials detest. You know the ones: their student is never wrong and the teacher is never right.

Sing a new song

New school New attitude. What’s past is past and the future is the future. Leave those negative experiences behind and look forward to the new school year with excitement and anticipation. It’s a new start for your student and a new start for you.

Parenting never changes. Whether you have a preschooler or a college student the premise is always the same: you want the best for your kids. Who doesn’t love a fresh start? (I actually saw you smile when you read this.) Have a great school year!

 

college planning, parenting, Zinch posts

Back to School mistakes you should avoid

 

back to schoolBack to school brings excitement and anticipation for most students. But this is a new year and a new environment with new challenges. This can lead to frustration and apathy after a few weeks of classes, homework and tests. The last thing your student needs is to start the year off in a slump. The first few weeks set the tone for the entire school year, which makes it important to avoid some common back to school  mistakes.

Procrastination is certainly at the top of the list: putting off homework, waiting until the last minute, and neglecting to stay on top of deadlines. Students who find themselves buried in homework sometimes throw up their hands in frustration and don’t do it. New schedules, new campuses, new classrooms and new teachers can raise your student’s frustration level.

Avoiding these back to school mistakes can start the year off on a positive note and help your student focus on what’s important: academics and the college prep process.

Hop on over to Zinch’s high school blog to see a comprehensive list of the biggest back to school mistakes you must avoid.