Category Archives: parenting

admissions, parenting

What do you do when a college rejects your student?

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Colleges have been responding to the early decision/early action applications and students across the country have received those long awaited acceptance/rejection letters these past few weeks. Hip hip hoorays are easy to handle and a welcome addition to the holidays. Feelings of rejection can cloud the family’s holiday spirit and make it difficult to celebrate while facing the disappointment.

What do you do when that ill-fated letter arrives? How do you handle your feelings? How do you handle your student’s feelings? How to turn lemons into lemonade?

When the letter arrives

When the letter arrives and is opened you may want to try and spin it into a positive. Resist that temptation. It’s upsetting to both you and your student. Allow some time to display the emotions related to the disappointment and the feelings of rejection. It’s only natural to feel them and it certainly hasn’t been the first or the last time your student will be disappointed.

Your feelings

Parents take these letters personally. How dare they reject MY child! Our disappointment can often overshadow the feelings our student has. Be careful and don’t project your disappointment on to your student. He/she feels bad enough already; the last thing they need to feel is that they disappointed their parents by not getting accepted.

Your student’s feelings

Every student reacts differently. Some might shrug it off (to your surprise) and others might see this as the end of their world as they know it. The hardest part of this whole college process is dealing with disappointment and rejection. All the truisms in the world won’t help at this moment. Hold them, hug them, and let them know that you feel their pain. Don’t spout off truisms like “it will be ok” or “you don’t want to go there if they don’t want you.” Your student needs the time to deal with their disappointment and move on.

Embrace the life lesson

Once the time has passed and your student is able to be objective, use this as a life lesson. Remind them that there is a place for them and that there is a college where they will feel wanted and accepted. Point out that life is filled with disappointments that often turn into opportunities and you never know what lies ahead on the path you might not have originally chosen.

Every child faces disappointment and rejection throughout their life and a parent’s goal should be to help them face those hurtful times with love and perspective.

 

college guidance, college planning, parenting

10 Things High School students can do over holiday break

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Christmas is just around the corner and students will be out of school for the holidays. Instead of watching them veg out on the couch or listening to the usual “I’m bored” diatribe, suggest these alternatives instead:

Learning Opportunities

  1. Spend the break reading—It may not be on your list of “fun activities” (unless you are a bookworm) but reading will a)improve your vocabulary, b)enhance your knowledge of the world around them, and c)increase your reading comprehension ability.
  2. Do some SAT practice tests or bone up on vocabulary—In just a few minutes a day you can add to your SAT vocabulary and in just an afternoon you can take a practice test to get a feel for the SAT and discover your strengths and weaknesses.
  3. Work ahead—Even though you’re on break, there are future assignments looming ahead and now is your chance to work ahead and start the next semester with an edge.
  4. Watch the History Channel or the National Geographic Channel—You might be surprised at how much you will learn watching these channels. If you want to veg out on the couch in front of the television, at least choose some educational programming.
  5. Check out iTunes University—iTunes University is an excellent way for you to get an idea of what college courses might be like. It’s free and there is a wide array of subject matter to choose from. You can access it on your iPhone, iPad or iTouch or by downloading iTunes on your computer.

One thing high school students can’t afford to do waste is time. Those valuable minutes (even during holiday breaks) can add up to invaluable opportunities.

Working Opportunities

Visit my colleague Wendy David-Gaines’ blog (POCSMom) for the last five activities (6-10) your high school student can do over their holiday break.

Wendy was a (POCSmom) Parent of a College Student and was once a pre-POCSmom as well. She likes to help parents de-stress during the college process and has written a book of stories and anecdotes to help parents see the lighter side of college.

 

 

 

college planning, parenting

Early college preparation pays off

I read two articles and a report today that underscored the importance of starting the college preparation process early:

Math in preschool

Is 6th grade the key to ending the dropout crisis?

The Forgotten Middle (A College Readiness Report)

While I don’t advocate pressuring students in grade school about college or applying undue stress related to college preparation, there are some things that parents can do to assure their students are prepared when the college decision-making time roles around. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Encourage your student to read, read and read–a strong vocabulary that you can only get from reading will benefit them throughout high school and into college; not to mention it will help with SAT/ACT testing and essay preparation.
  2. Make sure your school’s math and science programs are up-to-par and that your student participates with a strong concentration in both subjects–these courses are crucial to your student’s critical thinking ability and their success with challenging college curriculum.
  3. Teach your student to set goals and follow steps to attain them–if you start early, you are preparing your student to be successful in high school, college and in life.
  4. Before entering high school, have a talk with your teen about the importance of grades and academic success over the next four years–their grades are more than just letters on a piece of paper; they will determine how colleges view them and the amount of merit aid they receive. Strong academic performance = admission and scholarships.
  5. Help your student find his passion–a non-academic activity/hobby/interest to pursue, grow and excel throughout school and beyond. This is fun, social and ego-building, and colleges want to see this, too. (Thanks to Wendy at POCSMom for this additional tip!)

 

These may sound like simple or even obvious suggestions, but these few suggestions, if followed, can put your student on the path to college readiness and even college success. Positive proactive parenting can play a huge role in the college admissions process.

 

 

 

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

Q&A: The College Prep Process

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Last week, I was a guest on #CollegeCash chat on Twitter discussing college preparation and the online resources that are available for parents and students. Since not everyone can attend these chats or is active on Twitter, I thought it would be nice to share the questions and answers here on my blog.

Question: When do parents start the college prep process?

  1. Ideally you should start talking to your student about the value of an education when they start school and amp it up in middle school.
  2. 9th grade students should pay close attention to course selection enrolling in AP honors classes, math and science.
  3. 9th graders should also start looking for that ONE extracurricular activity to concentrate on in high school.

Question: What do you see as the parent’s role in the college prep process?

  1. Parents should let the student “drive the car” but go along as a passenger/guide
  2. Parents can help with organization and gentle reminders regarding deadlines
  3. Parents need to be there for advice, support and questions but don’t take control of the process

Question: What online tools do you recommend for comparing colleges side-by-side?

  1. I love Zinch because you can create a profile, compare colleges and get matched w/colleges and scholarships http://www.zinch.com
  2. You can use the College Board’s tool to compare colleges as well http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/index.jsp
  3. Some more sites are: http://www.collegeview.com/index.jsp & http://www.collegexpress.com/ & http://www.cappex.com & http://www.collegeconfidential.com

Question: What online tools do you recommend for test prep?

  1. For vocabulary prep, @sheldonwordnerd has the BEST online tool available http://www.word-nerd.com
  2. Practice tests are imperative so take advantage of them online here http://sat.collegeboard.org/practice & http://www.number2.com/ & http://www.actstudent.org/testprep/index.html
  3. Read their blogs & follow on Twitter: @elizabethonline @akilbello @sheldonwordnerd @preppedpolished @PWNtheSAT @staceyhowelott 

Question: What online tools do you recommend for financial aid?

  1. The definitive site for financial aid info is http://www.finaid.org/
  2. Of course ALL parents should complete the FAFSA http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ to qualify for financial aid
  3. Saving for College provides parents with all the info about financial aid http://www.savingforcollege.com/ & lets you compare savings plans

Question: What online resources do you recommend for college visit preparation?

  1. Visit college websites and look for video tours and information related to each individual college
  2. @collegevisit has all the tools you need to plan, organize and prepare for college visits http://www.smartcollegevisit.com
  3. Before the visit you can check out @YOUniversity ’s virtual college tours and even hear from students  http://www.youniversitytv.com/

Question: What online tools do you recommend to help with the essay?

  1. @vcollegeadvisor has some great essay tips via video http://www.youtube.com/user/PreCollegeCoach#p/a/u/0/Ago6tIEnL0g
  2. @collegebasics offers some good tips on different essay topics http://www.collegebasics.com/applying-to-college/admissions-essays/
  3. @butwait provides a pocket essay editor of 13 tips https://docs.google.com/present/view?id=ah89knd3kmzc_469cq94ghdq
  4. If you’re looking for some actual student essay examples, look here http://www.teenink.com/college_guide/college_essays/

Question: Where do you find information about individual college statistics?

  1. I like College Navigator because it’s easy to view statistics and compare  http://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/ 
  2. Another great resource for statistics and more is CollegeData http://www.collegedata.com/
  3. The College Board also offers a tool to research college information http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/index.jsp

Question: What information can you share about the Net Price Calculator?

  1. The net price calculators were mandated to help parents and students estimate the actual cost of college BEFORE applying
  2. Not all calculators are created equal; use them as a tool but don’t expect 100% accuracy on cost estimates
  3. Colleges are required to have them on their sites but they are often hard to find; you might have to do some digging

Question: How can parents be assured they are getting EXPERT advice about college and not just being scammed?

  1. I wrote a blog recently about this topic http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2011/11/07/parents-beware-its-a-jungle-out-there/
  2. Some key points: investigate all claims using Google; ask about them using social media; are they associated w/other experts?
  3. Don’t believe claims unless backed up with facts and if it’s too good to be true, it usually is

I would also like to add another great resource for parents, especially because it’s another parent going through the process with her kids and blogging about it:

Dr. Strange College : How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Journey

 

 

in the news, parenting

Parenting responsible students

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If you’re like me, you’ve been watching the news coverage of the Occupy Wall Street movement. I know it’s a very volatile subject, but I came across this post on Facebook this morning by an anonymous student. I have to say, his or her parents must be VERY proud:

If you don’t want to reach for the glasses, here is the text of his statement:

I am a college senior, about to graduate completely debt free. I pay for all of my living expenses by working 30+ hours a week making barely above minimum wage. I chose a moderately priced in-state, public university. I started saving money for school at age 17. I got decent grades in high school and received two scholarships which cover 90% of my tuition. I currently have a 3.8 GPA. I live comfortably in a cheap apartment, knowing I can’t have everything I want. I don’t eat out every day, or even once a month. I have no credit card, new car, iPad or smart phone–and I’m perfect OK with that. If I did have debt, I would NOT blame Wall Street or the government for my own bad decisions. I live below my means to continue saving for the future. I expect nothing to be handed to me, and will continue to work my a** off for everything I have. That’s how it’s supposed to work. I am NOT the 99% and whether or not you are is YOUR decision.

At some point, we ALL have to claim responsibility for our actions. If you want your student to become an independent responsible adult, teach him that all actions have consequences and that he always has a choice. That is how to succeed in parenting responsible students.

 

admissions, parenting, social networks

Colleges and Social Media

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I just read a great post by a parent who is going through the college admissions process talking about College Admissions Secrets. Take a few minutes to read it because it addresses an important issue with parents: What can I do to assure my student will get accepted to college? Is there a secret?

One admissions officer was asked this question and responded using social media (Twitter). Do you think this was from one of those “helicopter” parents?

I would bet that some admissions representatives regret the day that parents found them on Twitter and Facebook. Now they can ask the questions they have been dying to ask, even at the dismay of some of the college representatives.

For colleges and students, social media can be a two-edged sword in many respects. It gives colleges the opportunity to connect with a larger applicant pool and share their message to a vast number of prospective students. But it also allows the parents of those applicants to interact and insert their questions into the process. Social media allows students to connect directly one-on-one with college representatives and current students. But it also means that students need to be more vigilant about their online persona because the colleges are watching.

If you would like to see how two colleges are using social media to reach students, follow the links below:

Hofstra University

Cornell College

If your student is applying to one of these colleges or any other colleges with a social media presence, let them make the connections themselves. Don’t be one of those parents who make admissions officers run for cover. Encourage your student to search for each college’s social media page and pursue those connections on their own. Let them, as one admissions representative once told me, “drive the car”.

college guidance, college planning, parenting

5 Tips to help your student prepare for college

As a parent, it’s always a wonderful thing to see your child growing up. The years can pass by so swiftly that before you realize it, it’s already time for him or her to prepare for the college admission tests.

But the bigger question is—are you prepared to shoulder the expenses that a college diploma entails? If you already have a plan and a separate fund ready for action, then there’s nothing for you to worry about. However, if you’re the kind of parent who has put off college planning until the last minute, you have to decide on a plan as quickly as possible so you can discuss it with your child.

College is a major decision that you and your child will have to tackle seriously. It entails great financial resources, the tenacity to stay on despite the rigorous academic requirements and emotional support from one another.

It is never bad to aim for high goals, but make sure that you and your child have realistic expectations given the scarcity of financial aid programs and the difficulties of being admitted to the top educational institutions in the country. He can’t study at an expensive school if you can’t afford it and scholarships don’t always fill in the gaps. You can’t force him to take a particular course if he doesn’t have even an ounce of interest in the subject matter.

Deciding about what to do for college is something that you and your child should mutually make. Here is some food for thought as you sit down and talk about college with your child:

  1. Consider your child’s career: the course that your child wants to take will be the single biggest factor in determining where he will go for college, how much you will have to spend for it and how he will prepare for the admission exams. There are courses that will allow him to graduate and get a job in three years’ time, but there are also other career paths that can take as long as a decade to finish. Be sure that you both understand the complexities and difficulties of getting into the school and applying for financial aid, provided you are qualified for it.
  2. Talk about your financial resources. Your child has to know if he will need to look for work to earn extra cash to augment your financial contribution even before he is packed off to the dormitory. Learning financial independence is certainly a good thing, but not at the expense of his academic standing. Some students need time to adjust to their new environment before they can take additional responsibilities like a job, so don’t expect your child to be able to work and study at the same time immediately. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do for your child in terms of financial support so that he can also make plans and contributions on his own.
  3. Help your child to prepare for the admission exams. Be generous with your words of encouragement and advice as your child reviews for the college entrance tests. Nothing prepares your child better for college than a solid educational foundation. Help him brush up on the most critical subjects that will impact his chances of getting into his college of choice the most, such as English, Math, Science, History and Computer Science. Let him know that you are with him every step of the way.
  4. Do your homework. If your child already knows what course he wants to take, it’s up to you now to help him choose the best college or university. This will help you prepare not just for the admission exams but also for the actual costs that you will incur once he is accepted for enrolment. Your expenses will vary from institution to institution, so you should be careful to note the differences and the options that are available to you. After all, you will have to pay not just tuition fees but also dormitory fees, living allowance, medical costs, etc. Learning about the different colleges and universities that offer the best programs for your child can help you plan ahead and structure your finances accordingly.
  5. Check out financial aid options. Knowing about the various colleges that your child can attend will help you gather important information about financial aid and scholarship requirements that can help ease the burden of sending your child to college. There are different types of programs that can look into, such as work-study plans, merit-based financial aid, need-based financial aid and federal financial assistance. Go over each option with your child and solicit his ideas on the matter so you can both come up with a mutually sound decision.

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When not out building relationships with other bloggers, Krisca Te can be found reading blogs that tackle how to save money. She is also a personal finance freak who is currently working with CCF, a personal finance blog that writes about financial literacy.

infographics, parenting, social networks

Using Facebook to “spy” on your kids

How about it parents? Do you use Facebook to “spy” on your kids? Or do you like to think of it as “helping them protect their personal brand”? Whatever the reason, you’re not in the minority. Check out this cool infographic and see where you fit in; and DON’T share this with your teen!

Parents on Facebook
Courtesy of: OnlineSchools.com

college planning, parenting

Preparing your teenager for college

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Today’s guest post is written by Carol Jones, author of Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing, and Able? Carol approaches the college preparation process from more than an academic viewpoint. She recognizes that students need to be taught to be independent adults before heading off to college.

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By now, most parents and their students are settled back into the routine of school. Back-to-school night is over and students have their schedules down. Now that the chaos has smoothed a bit, consider this: Nearly 27 percent of college freshmen flunk out, drop out, or disappear mysteriously from their university and college campuses. When your son or daughter waves goodbye from the dorm parking lot, what’s the chance that he or she is going to add to that statistic?

Whether you have a high school senior, a freshman, or even a middle schooler, parents who expect their child to go on to higher education need to prepare those students while they are still living at home. If parents really want their students to successfully maneuver all the temptations of parties, late nights, and skipping classes while culling a college education, a degree, and the beginning of a promising career, they need to start preparing their teenagers long before the end of high school.

And I am not talking just about academics. Academics is, of course, an crucial part, but if your teenager cannot wake himself up in the morning, cannot handle conflict, cannot manage her time and priorities, cannot self-advocate, cannot manage his money, does not know when she needs help or how to get it, then despite a stellar grade point average, that teenager will be leaving home with a deficit.

In my book, Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager, Ready, Willing, and Able?, I show parents that developing the skills for a successful college experience needs to begin long before you wave goodbye at the dorm parking lot. Most of the skills I am talking about are covered in basic parenting, but many of us in an attempt to instruct, guide, and model, end up interfering and rescuing—which, of course, only teaches them that mom and dad will take care of everything.

Teenagers need graduated responsibilities with real consequences. Many will stumble, but when they do make progress, they should be rewarded with more responsibility. For example: extend curfew hours, allow more driving privileges, let them take on a part-time job, even let older teens attend events without adult supervision. Praise them when they show responsible behavior and be ready to go back a step when they don’t.

Let your teenager make his own appointments to talk with a teacher or to make the orthodontist appointment. Guide him to figure out his time and calendar and commitments—you will not be there to do it for him in college. College is a time of much change, more freedom, and new and challenging situations. Students who come already capable of figuring out how to solve a conflict with a roommate, how to safely handle themselves at a party, how to determine just how much time they need to study for that mid-term, are the students more likely to succeed in their academics. Look for the opportunities to give your middle and high school students a chance to mature, to be responsible, to learn from failures and consequences, and to accept challenges. By doing so, you are guiding them toward college success.

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To learn more about Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing, and Able?, go to http://www.pcaroljones.com/ to read excerpts, buy the book, follow Carol on Facebook, or to read her blog.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, organization, parenting

Interview with Power Women Magazine

Last week I did a radio interview with Power Women Magazine about the college prep process and my Parents Countdown to College Toolkit. In it, I discussed the steps necessary to prepare for the admissions process, how to stay organized, and the 10 mistakes parents and students often make when applying to college.

Click the link below and you can listen to the interview.

 

 

Power Women Magazine Radio Interview