Category Archives: parenting

college guidance, college planning, financial aid, parenting, Uncategorized

Being realistic about college debt

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It’s been in the news lately and it came up in a #CollegeBound chat yesterday: graduating with too much student loan debt. I wanted to lend my voice to the topic today and give parents something to think about and use in the future.

As I have said previously, I have a unique perspective in the college admissions process. As a parent, I’ve experienced all the frustration first-hand: the decisions about choices, the dilemma over financing, and the anxiety related to waiting for the final decisions. Something I haven’t talked about is how to handle making the final college choice when the acceptance letters and financial aid packages arrive. This can make a difference in the amount of debt your child graduates with and how it affects their life after college. Especially if you are unable to contribute to financing that education.

Case in point: my daughter’s decision to attend her “plan B or 2nd choice” college. After being accepted to her 1st choice/reach school, we waited for the financial aid award to arrive. In the meantime, awards from the other colleges she had applied to filtered in. She was offered a full-ride scholarship at one school, 80% of her financial need was met at two of the other colleges with grants and scholarships, and some small grants and loans from the rest of her college choices. Her 1st choice college met 0% of her financial need. Her heart was broken.

Here is where parenting comes into play. She wanted to attend her 1st choice college–her heart was set on it. She had been dreaming of it her whole life and any other option was out of the question. But, in order to attend, it would require financing the expensive education with loans (student and parent). While every fiber in me wanted to say YES, my common sense knew it would be a financial disaster. I sat her down, explained why she couldn’t go to her dream college, and she listened (while crying, of course). It might have broken both our hearts at the time, but it was the BEST decision for her in the long run.

To make a long story short, she fell in love with her Plan B college. It was smaller and offered a much better environment for her academically and socially. Most importantly, the college WANTED HER; as evidenced by their willingness to give her financial aid. They valued her contribution to the student body and from the moment she set foot on campus, she felt wanted. But the real payoff came when she graduated with only a small amount of college debt, being able to easily pay back the consolidated loans. Had she attended her 1st choice college, she would have graduated with close to $100,000 in debt, burdening her for years.

The bottom line:

  • Make wise financial choices about student loan debt.
  • Evaluate the financial aid packages and always consider the BEST offer.
  • Even if it’s disappointing for your child, you MUST be a parent and explain the consequences of graduating with too much college debt.
  • Disappointments are much easier to deal with than being saddled with debt after graduation.

If you liked this article, you might also like:

Choices. Choices. Choices.

Checking the “no financial aid needed” box

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Can that long-distance relationship survive?



Today’s guest post from The Real College Guide editors gives some positive input on the pros and cons of long-distance relationships. My daughter ended her senior year of high school “in love” and even questioned going off to college. Under my STRONG advice, she did go away and eventually they grew apart. Neither was ready for a serious relationship and in the long run, it was best for both of them. If your c0llege-bound teen is facing this issue, this article should help make the right decision.

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Prep yourself for the separation — and “the talk” — with a plan to leave your relationship when you leave for school.

I have to start this article with a confession: I was the kid who broke up with his high school girlfriend before taking off for college, and no, it was not my most sensitive, sterling moment. In fact, the sting stuck around even after I settled into college life, when it finally hit me: I didn’t want our relationship to end. I was pretty fortunate that my ex-girlfriend agreed to reconcile, but unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.

So, before making any sudden adjustments to your Facebook status, take some time to consider your options — and we’re not talking about the many ready-to-mingle singles on campus. Whether you’re leaning toward staying together, breaking it off or testing the waters of an open relationship, here’s what you need to know before “the talk”:

Keep It Together
Last season on MTV’s “The City,” fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg doled out this gem to the reality show’s star Whitney Port: “Absence is to love what the wind is to fire. When it’s a small fire, the wind kills it. But when it’s a real fire, it intensifies it.” True?

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder for a while, but if it keeps up, the emotional distance grows,” says Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships. “Love is about intimacy, connection, the experience of the other’s voice and smell and touch. The kind of lifestyle in which couples don’t have time for each other is an anti-intimacy machine.”

Staying in touch–Tools like Google Talk, video chat, email and texting make it convenient to bridge the distance in your relationship. (FYI: My girlfriend and I set time aside every day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to talk on the phone or face-to-face via Skype, and it works for us.) The key is to first commit to making the effort. Then, work to strike a balance between staying involved in each other’s lives and smothering each other. And no, we’re not saying this is easy.

Seeing each other –Finding time — and money — to meet in person is a challenge, especially without a car. Like many long-distance college relationships, mine began in high school, so there’s the benefit of visiting at home during breaks. If you don’t share a hometown, you’ll need to take turns visiting each other at school. Advance planning goes a long way in strengthening your relationship by giving you something to look forward to. And remember: Even in the middle of nowhere, when there’s a will there’s a way — it’s called public transportation.

Bigger issues– Besides maintaining contact while apart, the biggest challenge is retaining trust. Temptation is inevitable when you are on your own and living in a bubble filled with kids your age. “The best predictors of infidelity are opportunity and unhappiness, and this is what is created when one partner is away,” says Kirshenbaum. “If one of you discovers the other has cheated, this is the relationship equivalent of someone having a coronary. But the best antidote to suspicions that something might be going on is to spend time together, be more intimate and continually try to make your relationship better.” Easier said than done, right? Which is why some people opt for …

The Open Relationship
College students have wildly varying perspectives when it comes to arrangements in which couples, though in a primary relationship, are free to date others. Those in open relationships often struggle with jealousy and insecurity, but it can be a temporary solution that won’t leave either of you feeling confined — or heartbroken from a full-on breakup.

“It’s perfectly natural to explore the boundaries of fidelity in a new environment with new people,” says Harvard sophomore Chase Carpenter. “I think open relationships can be difficult and vague, but if both parties are trusting and relaxed, they can be fantastic.”

Peers on pros –College of Charleston sophomore Alex Crowley identifies what she sees as a benefit: “It’s nice to be able to talk to someone like you’re in a relationship even though there might not be a full commitment.”

Peers on cons– “I’ve never met someone who’s been in [an open relationship], but it sounds like a load of crap,” says Georgetown University junior Molly Redden. “You’re either with someone or you’re not. Getting back together when you’re at home doesn’t count as a relationship. Even if you talk every day, if you’re casually seeing or sleeping with other people, I don’t see how you’re still dating the guy back home.”

So, enter an open relationship with caution, unless you choose to …

Break It off
In some instances, it may be appropriate to break things off. If you and your significant other will be hundreds of miles apart and unable to visit for extended periods of time, let’s be real: Attempting to sustain a healthy relationship is borderline unrealistic. Maybe you want to be free to have the total college experience, and for you, that includes the prospect of hooking up. Or perhaps after trying the long-distance thing, you realize it’s just not working out the way you’d planned.

Dealing with it –Breaking up is never easy. Even if you know it’s the right decision, expect emotions of grief and loss. “Don’t mistake grief for love,” Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You, warns on her blog (search: Getting Past Your Past). “It’s normal to grieve. Don’t let grief cause you to second-guess your feelings.”

Distancing yourself –Elliott recommends a no-contact rule. “Even if you still love him or her, you don’t have to act on it,” she advises. “Grief is a hard process, and often, contact will seem like it temporarily alleviates the pain. But it just postpones the inevitable.”

college guidance, college planning, extracurricular activities, parenting

My kids need to volunteer…HELP!

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A mother on Facebook a few weeks ago asked for some volunteer suggestions from the Facebook community. Of course, there are the obvious: hospitals, local charities, beach clean-up, etc. But what if your teen isn’t interested in any of these options? If they aren’t interested, odds are they won’t stay with it.

Where do you go to find some unknown volunteer opportunities? Thanks to WhatGives.com and Chris Noble, here’s a good list of sites that might help you find the best volunteer fit for your college-bound teen:

Hands On Network: With 250 action centers around the country, it’s easy to connect and get started with a volunteer opportunity that fits your schedule and location.  Plus, they’ll occasionally partner with corporations like Disney to offer special incentives for volunteering.

Do Something: Focused more on teen activism and engagement with causes, their site offers “Virtual Volunteer” opportunities so you can take action without leaving your couch!

US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD): Interested in volunteering in our National Parks?  For the Smithsonian?  Start here.   You’ll find a host of ways to volunteer alongside existing government programs.  The HUD site also lists opportunities to provide technology access and job training to those who need it on a volunteer basis.

VolunteerMatch: One of the largest online databases for volunteering, where over 71,000 nonprofits have listed local and regional events and projects.

Go Abroad: Want to volunteer on vacation?  Fulfill your travel bug and your need to do good at the same time by applying for one of the nearly 6,000 “Volunteer Abroad” opportunities from more than 1,300 organizations around the world.

iParticipate: Follow the stars.  Literally.  The Entertainment Industry Foundation launched this project with Ashton Kutcher, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Katie Couric (and many others) in a campaign designed to encourage Americans to consider volunteering as an integral part of our national identity.

Serve.Gov: One year old today, this site and associated initiatives were created by the Serve America Act.  One of its purposes is to help Americans get back to work by building skills and connections through volunteer opportunities.

Every college expert will tell you that volunteering is an integral part of the high school resume. Summer is the BEST time to start on that volunteer journey. But remember…one day here and there does not a volunteer make! Consistency over the course of your teen’s high school career shows a level of commitment to the cause and a willingness to give back.

If you liked this, you might also like to read:

Summertime is Volunteer Time

My Top 10 Summer Activities

college guidance, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

The infamous "Freshman 15"

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When my daughter was in college, she, her roommates, and friends feared and dreaded the “freshman 15”. There’s a rumor out there (and it’s more than a rumor) that freshmen in college gain 15 pounds the first year.  Corey Bobco for The Real College Guide gives your college-bound freshman some tips on how to avoid those 15 extra pounds. Pass these tips along to the class of 2014…or 15…or 16.

Note: I would venture a guess (and I’m probably right) that much of the 15 pounds is attributed to high calorie alcohol consumption.

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It doesn’t take a college degree to know that eating junk plus exercising less equals the end of your smokin’ bod. But sometimes, on-campus crunch-time habits like scrimping on exercise and binging on convenient, crappy food can stick — especially if they begin while you’re lazin’ out at home on break.

Factor in a colossal workload (aka hours of inactivity while your butt is nailed to your desk chair), and you’re looking down the very-real barrel of your freshman 15. Want to avoid ‘em? Try practicing healthful habits on the home front so you’ll be ahead of the game once stress strikes when you’re back at school. Here are some tips:

Fork in Five a Day

Here: The U.S. Department of Agriculture recommends eating five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day to reduce your risk of disease and give you a good dose of dietary fiber — which pushes digestion along, quite literally. Scarfing down adequate servings doesn’t mean throwing back a whole bunch of bananas in one sitting or repurposing your funnel for competitive juice chugging (especially because it only takes half a cup — that’s 4 ounces — of fruit juice or vegetable juice to yield one serving). While you have access to your parent’s grocery funds and home cooking (if you’re lucky!), make it your daily goal to increase your fruit and veggie intake.

There: Hit up the dining-hall salad bar and enlighten your tray with some greenery. To avoid in-class grumbles, snack throughout the day — and make your snack of choice fruit. Apples, bananas and oranges can usually withstand the wrath of your books when thrown in your bag for a between-class snack. Plus, it’s easy to grab a piece or two on your way out from breakfast in the dining hall.

Plan Accordingly

Here: At home, you might not have control over what kind of tempting food finds its way into your pantry. But make sure there are healthful snacks in there too to help you avoid stuffing your face with the worst of the worst when hunger strikes.

There: When stocking your dorm room with snacks, don’t feel the need to get everything your parents keep in the house (because it’s familiar) or everything they don’t keep (just because you can). Rather, stick with the following mantra: “If I don’t buy it, I can’t eat it.” So what should you buy? Try portion-controlled trail mix, dried fruit or 100-calorie bags of popcorn — and get it at a supermarket or health food store in bulk quantities. Individual servings save you from yourself (aka overeating), and buying in bulk saves you cash. Stocking up instead of buying individual items at a vending machine or quick store will save you serious cash — especially when you’re munching on these snacks instead of ordering deep-dish pizza late-night.

Get Physical

Here: With nothing but time on your hands over summer (or any) break, you have no excuse not to be active. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be painful. Take a swim for an awesome way to get exercise while working on your tan. Dust off your old bike and take it for a joy ride around the block. Or try walking — you may be surprised how far your legs can take you around your hometown.

There: Take the time to research what facilities your school offers. Most campuses offer free gym membership, indoor pool access, free or low-cost exercise classes and bike racks –which, by the way, you should totally use, since two wheels are cheaper than four and faster than walking to class. Since you’ll probably know when you’ll be in class before you get to campus, it should be easy to figure out how to fit exercise classes or gym sessions into your day. Once you set aside the time, keep it interesting by inviting friends to join you or trying something new, like yoga, Pilates, tai chi, step aerobics, kickboxing or capoeira.

Sleep in

Here: In the long run, sleep deprivation encourages weight gain. Use your spare hours to determine — within reason — how much sleep you actually need to feel well rested. Then, make sure you get it. (Hint: If you think you need more than 12 hours, you’re wrong. More likely, you need between six and eight.)

There: Depriving yourself of sleep typically raises stress levels while impairing mental and physical performance, so you really need to get your z’s. Early class? Set a bedtime and stick to it. If you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do your work and get sufficient rest, reassess the way you spend your time. It’s possible that interruptions like your roommate’s incessant BBMing or distractions like Facebook browsing are robbing you of precious hours. Reclaim ‘em and rest up!

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Things to do BEFORE college

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Today’s post is by Lauren Joffe for The Real College Guide. While I agree with MOST of the suggestions, I’d like to add my “input” on the #9-Get Protection. Parents–talk with your college-bound teen about sex. They are going to be confronted with it (even if they choose to abstain). They need to understand the risks involved in “hooking up” and they need to understand that they ALWAYS have choices. Heading off to college is a daunting task for both parents and teens. Pass this list along to your teenager and use it as an opportunity for a heart-to-heart BEFORE they are on their own and independent.

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Hasta la vista, Mom and Dad. Hello, independence … but wait! Not so fast. Before you hit the road and leave your parentals behind, make sure you’re fully prepared for your new life of unwavering autonomy by spending your summer days wisely. Here, 10 things to do before you bolt. Ready, set …

1. Check up on your computer

New computers rarely come with programs like Microsoft Office, which you’ll definitely need, so be sure to purchase before you’re stuck handwriting your first assignment. And if you’re using an older comp, make sure it’s ready to take the heat: Since you will be on it all the time, install any updates or think about an upgrade. Also, find out if your school offers wireless Internet access (and if your computer is compatible) or whether you’ll need an Ethernet cable. Note: Some schools prohibit users without spyware or virus protection from connecting to the network. So, seriously, get the deets!

2. Make nice with your new dorm mate

As if you need us to tell you, check out her Facebook or MySpace page so you can get a feel for what you’re in for. Then buckle down and dial her digits for a quick chat to break the ice. Ask if there’s anything you should be aware of (like her fatal allergy to dusk or fear of the dark) and let her know of any immediate concerns you might have (like the fact that you can’t live without cable, and you’re relying on her to bring the big screen).

3. Do it up at a discount department store

Knock out the staples on your to-buy list before the selection is sold out: sheets, towels, toiletries and storage containers. But also pick up the following often-forgotten items you do not want to leave home without:

  • One-cup coffeemaker Brew your own instead of wasting a whole meal swipe for a cup o’ joe from the dining hall or blowing wads of money at Starbucks.
  • Mattress pad Make your dorm cot as comfy as the cushy oasis you’re used to at home while protecting yourself from whatever lived on your bed before you.
  • Rubber flip-flops Save yourself from the foot infections, clumps of hair and other mysterious masses that live in your communal shower.
  • Power strip Surge-protect your PC while hooking up your iPod station and hair dryer all at once.

4. Secure your class schedule

Enrollment deadlines are not meant to be ignored. In fact, the earlier you sit down to set your schedule, the better your course selection will be — so definitely don’t wait until the last minute. Also, pay attention to class restrictions, since some courses may require department approval ahead of time.

5. Plan your budget

Living costs at college range from campus to campus — the amount of money you’ll need largely depends on the location of your campus (cities can be more expensive) and the choices you make (like ordering in instead of suffering one more dining hall meal). Extra expenses will include social costs (movies, concerts, game tickets, cover for some parties), toiletries, food and drink beyond your meal plan, and transportation. Ask an upperclassman or student advisor how much cash she spends on average each week. Then pool your summer savings to determine whether you can cover your own expenses. If you need help, ask your parents or start looking for a part-time job on campus — before you get there.

6. Visit your school’s Web site

Your university may offer registration guides, campus news and summertime get-to-know-each-other sessions that you definitely do not want to miss out on — especially if you’re in the habit of throwing college junk mail in the trash (which is where important info may very well be). Plus, seeing your campus colors on the screen will psych you up — or at the very least, calm your nerves and get you into the spirit.

7. Get packing

Whether you’re shipping all your stuff UPS or loading up the car and driving cross-country, don’t leave packing to the last minute, when you’ll want to laze around and hang out with friends you won’t be seeing for a while. Designate an area of your house or bedroom to stow things you buy especially for college or things you don’t use daily but know you’ll need to take. Do not overpack! The amount of space you will have in your new room is likely much smaller than your current living quarters. Only bring what’s necessary, as your parents can always mail any left-behind belongings.

8. Put together a tool kit

Once you’re at school on your own, you’ll be shocked how often you’ll need a pair of scissors or a screwdriver — even if you’ve never used one. If you need to hang a poster or fix a loose screw, a simple, handy kit will be of great use when you least expect it. Bring a little box with a screwdriver (both Phillips and flathead), hammer, pliers, nails and screws. An inexpensive small cordless drill/screw gun is a good investment too. Pack scissors as well as adhesives, like sticky tack and tape, with your desk stuff.

9. Get protection

There’s no harm in being prepared for safe sex even if you have no particular plan or person in mind with whom to have it.

10. Hang with your high school pals

You know you’re going to miss your hometown friends, especially during the first few weeks you are apart. Yeah, you’ll make a whole slew of new friends. But make some memories first by hanging with the crew this summer.

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen

 

Last night, I watched a new popular sitcom called, “The Middle”. This show, while being extreme, personifies the trials and tribulations of parenting (especially teenagers). The teenage son is under-motivated and the teenage daughter is over-motivated. The parents are frustrated and at times complacent. These two teenage extremes pose a parenting dilemma: How do you find the balance?

I’ve written often about Helicopter Parents and even had a guest blogger, Chip Timmons, an Assistant Admissions Director,  give his Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories . Even though perfect parenting does not exist, it is possible to take the BEST and the WORST examples of parenting a college-bound teen and learn from them.

On that note, I’ve come up with my TOP 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen:

  1. Do encourage them. This is #1 because it is the most important tip of all. Teenagers who are headed to college need to know you believe in them and in their dreams. They need to feel your love and support. They need to know that you will always be there cheering for them, even if at times they don’t believe they can succeed.
  2. Don’t nag. Nagging never helps motivate a teenager. My rule was to tell my teenagers what was expected of them and allow them to own their own actions. There are so many tasks and deadlines related to the college admissions process. You can remind them without constantly nagging them. Helping them to stay organized will go a long way in helping you to avoid becoming a nag.
  3. Do step in when they ask for help. The college admissions process can be overwhelming. It’s unfair to expect them to handle everything alone. There are times when they will need your help and you will have to step in and parent.
  4. Don’t plow them down in an effort to help. Parents who take over are not helping their teens. They only hinder their success and enable them to become more dependent instead of independent. (That means: don’t do it for them, but it’s ok to offer your help.)
  5. Do listen. Pay attention to what your college-bound teen wants and needs. In order to do this, you must listen to them talk. It doesn’t have to be a regular sit-down either. Just listen during normal conversation to and from school, while they are getting ready for a date, or during family dinner time.
  6. Don’t speak for them. Believe it or not, they have an opinion. Many times, it’s an intelligent one and one that others want to hear. When your teen is asked a question of a counselor, tour guide, admissions officer, teacher or a college representative PLEASE let your teen answer for themselves.
  7. Do offer your advice. Advice is different from nagging. Advice helps your teen learn from your experience. Giving advice comes easily for parents, and it’s something our college-bound teens need to hear.
  8. Don’t expect them to make choices based on your likes and dislikes. When you give advice or opinions, many times your teen won’t choose or act as you expected. But that’s ok. Not all of their choices will be the best ones. And some of their choices, while not yours, will be what’s best for your teen.
  9. Do be a “present” parent. Parents tend to become less involved as their kids get older. If there was ever a time to be MORE involved, it’s during the teen years and the college admissions process.
  10. Don’t disappear from their lives just because they are in high school. Go to parent conferences. Attend high school events. Get involved in parent booster clubs. Participate in their lives. Travel with them to college visits and college fairs.

If you like this article, you might also like:

Being a Parent College Coach-The 3 C’s

Preparing your teen for college: It’s all about guiding, not doing

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories

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helicopter parents
photo by Michael Elins-Newsweek May 22, 2006

I made contact with Chip on Twitter last week when he retweeted a “helicopter parent” tip that I had given during a recent #CampusChat. Chip Timmons is the Associate Director of Admissions at Wabash College and I asked him if he had some “helicopter parent” stories he would like to share with my readers. He graciously agreed.

Greetings parents!

Let me begin with the following.  In all honesty, I really don’t mind “helicopter parents”.  I understand they’re heavily invested in their children’s college decision, but here’s where I think they need to draw the line. I’ll share what I believe is the best analogy I’ve used when talking with parents.

If you wish to hover over your student while he or she is in the water, that’s fine.  Let them learn how to sink or swim.  Allow them to float or drift.  You only need to lower the lifeline if your son or daughter is drowning.

Here are my Top 5 (plus 1 honorable mention) examples of “helicopter parenting” that I’ve encountered during my admissions career.

Honorable mention: One move-in day a few years ago, a father asked me who was responsible for making sure his son got to his church every Sunday.  Before I could answer (my reply would have been “that’s your son’s responsibility”), the dad felt the need to clarify that he meant his church, in his hometown, some 90 minutes away from campus.

5. Over our two-day Honor Scholarship competition, a mother drove 3+ hours to campus on the morning of day two to have a calculus/physics cram session with her son.  They met off campus at a local coffee house and I happened to find them while grabbing my morning coffee on the way to the office.  I will never forget the looks on their faces.  You would have thought I was a police officer who walked in on a bank robbery.

4. A mother was concerned about the quality of the laundry facilities on campus.  She wondered if we were equipped to wash the specific type of workout/athletic apparel her son preferred to wear.  Her son is a distance runner.

3. Speaking of sports…I coach my son’s 5-6 year old baseball team.  Parents will sometimes ask why “Junior” isn’t playing a certain position or why he bats #9 in lineup.  At that age, that stuff happens.  It’s pathetic, but it happens.  In high school, parents should not expect to “have the coach’s ear” or feel like they have a right to lobby for increased playing time for their son or daughter.  Some parents will be heard and get their wish, but I still feel it’s pathetic.  In college, there’s absolutely no place for that.  A parent once wrote to me saying “I’ve called and written to Coach Soandso to find out why “Junior” isn’t on the varsity, but Coach Soandso won’t get back to me.”  My response was “Don’t expect a reply from Coach and do “Junior” favor.  Stop it.  If “Junior” is good enough to play on the varsity, he’ll prove it with his play.  Are you going to call his boss in 5 years and ask why “Junior” didn’t get a promotion?”

2. How about when it’s the girlfriend’s helicopter parents getting in the way?  A student informed our office that after a conversation with his girlfriend’s parents, he decided to live at home and attend the State University.  His girlfriend’s parents didn’t like the idea of her driving at night or that far to visit him on the weekends. I’ve said this before “boyfriend isn’t a paying gig and it doesn’t go on your resume.”

1. My #1 isn’t a parent I worked with, but someone I know personally.  The daughter attended college in a neighboring state.  Said college had live video feeds from different parts of campus.  My friend knew his daughter’s class schedule and the route she took to classes each day.  He would check the video feeds to watch his daughter go to class and leave class EVERY day for EVERY class that brought her in range of the cameras. If she missed class or he didn’t see her on the feed, he made a call or sent an email.  He proudly shared this tale with me and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I’ve listed what I consider extreme examples and one-time incidents of “helicopter parenting”, but in my opinion, even seemingly minor “fly-overs” can hinder the college search process for your son or daughter. When you attend a college fair or visit a campus, allow the student to do most of the talking.  By far, the most frustrating experience for me is looking a student in the eye, asking him (Wabash is a men’s college) a question, and hearing a parent answer.

My parting advice: If that little voice in your head is asking the question “am I being a helicopter parent?”, you don’t need to wait for an answer.  If you’re asking that question, you have your answer.

Follow Chip on Twitter @ChipTimmons

Wabash College is featured in Loren Pope’s Colleges That Change Lives

college planning, parenting, social networks

My Top 10 Summer Activities

 

I’ve had several parents ask me recently about activities I recommend over the summer during high school. Summers are a great time to take advantage of the days and make a future impression on your high school resume.

Here is my list of the Top 10 summer activities:

  1. SAT/ACT Prep–summer is the best time to spend doing some SAT prep and improving vocabulary. There are awesome sites online for this. Just check out my post Top 5 SAT Prep Sites.
  2. Scholarship Searches–Even if your teen isn’t a senior yet, it’s a good practice to do some preliminary searching to make note of qualifications and deadlines. Note: Look locally first. Local scholarships are less competitive and often easily earned. For some search sites, check out my post of the Top 10 Scholarship Search sites.
  3. Volunteer–Encourage your teen to start volunteering in his/her community. A consistent pattern of volunteering each summer looks great on applications and shows colleges that your teen is concerned about giving back.
  4. Get a job or start a business–Summer is a good time to make some cash for that college fund and also demonstrate responsibility. Many teens actually go the entrepreneurial route and start a business: lawn mowing, babysitting, tutoring, etc.
  5. Write–Probably the last thing your teen wants to do over the summer is write. But writing is good preparation for the college essay and the writing portion of the SAT. Journaling is a great way to do this and will also serve to spur your teen’s creativity.
  6. Make some preliminary college visits–I stress “preliminary” here since visiting colleges in the summer isn’t the best time to get a clear picture of college life. But it’s a great time to wander around and explore the campuses.
  7. iTunes University—iTunes University is an excellent way for your teen to get an idea of what college courses might be like. It’s free and there is a wide array of subject matter to choose from. You can access it on your iPhone or iTouch or by downloading iTunes on your computer.
  8. Start or focus on a hobby–Hobbies are great ways that your teen can stand out from the pack on his/her college application. But it needs to be consistent throughout high school.
  9. Spend some time on social media–You won’t have to pull their arms to get them to do this; but it needs to be focused. Have them spend some time on Twitter to follow some college tweets. They should also read some blogs from college students and perhaps connect with some on Facebook from the colleges they are considering. Check out my list of the Top 30 College Info Twitterers.
  10. Read–Yes. I know…I can hear it now…BORING. But honestly, reading is one of the BEST summer activities to enhance their academic success and improve their vocabulary. And if he/she likes Ayn Rand, there are several big money scholarships given each year for essays on her books!

What are your favorite summer activities with your college-bound teens? Do you have any other suggestions?

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

This week's #CampusChat on Twitter

Last week, several parents joined us for the FIRST #CampusChat on Twitter. This week, I’m the scheduled guest hosted by @collegevisit (Smart College Visit). Here’s all the info and I would LOVE to have you join us.

Hot Topic: When & How to begin the College Admissions Process

Curious about the College Admissions Process? When should it begin and how to stay on top of all the info?

Find out at #CampusChat on Twitter, Wednesday night, May 12 at 9 p.m. ET, 8 p.m. CT.

Our guest this week is Suzanne Shaffer, @SuzanneShaffer, founder of Parents Countdown to College Coach. She’s a parent who successfully completed the process and coaches other parents to do the same!

Who should attend?

College-bound teens and their parents, college admissions officers, counselors and anyone interested in contributing to the topic about when the college admissions should begin are invited to join the conversation.

Plus, there’s a Give-Away!

One lucky participant will win:

Organization: The Key to a Successful College Admissions Process – This CD provides parents and teens with a suggested filing system, along with templates and forms to help with the organization process.

A winner will be selected from the list of Twitter participants (those who contribute to the conversation).

college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

6 Campus Safety Talking Points

 

This week, the news stories from the University of Virginia told of the tragic story of Yeardley Love: murdered by an angry ex-boyfriend. In September a Yale graduate student was murdered on campus the day she was scheduled to marry. In August, a University of Tampa student, Ryan McCall, was gunned down on his way home from a friend’s birthday celebration. And in March, NYU student Michael Finney drowned while on spring break.

Parenting on good days can be frightening. You never know when some unexpected event will occur and rock your world. It’s impossible to prepare for every unexpected occurrence, but we can take the time to equip our children with the knowledge and the tools they need to keep themselves from falling into dangerous situations.

Here are my 6 campus safety talking points:

  1. Teach them the warning signs of violent, aggressive behavior. Help them understand that if a friend or boyfriend starts exhibiting violent or possessive tendencies, they need to seek help.
  2. Help them to understand that safety should be a priority. Girls should NEVER walk alone on or off campus, especially at night.
  3. Impress upon them that alcohol often leads to dangerous, aggressive behavior. Sexual assaults, violence and sheer stupidity (driving while drunk) can ruin their lives or lead to fatal consequences.
  4. Talk to them about putting themselves in compromising positions: alone with a guy or girl they don’t know; flirting when they have no intention of pursuing a relationship; participating in illegal activities that could escalate.
  5. Work with them to come up with some safety guidelines BEFORE they leave for college (lock their dorm door at night; call for a campus escort when alone; program emergency numbers in their cellphone; read the school’s emergency plans together).
  6. Let them know that they should never be afraid to ask for help when frightened, threatened, or unsure of their own safety.

We can’t hold our childrens hands their entire lives. But we can be responsible parents and teach them the rules of safety. We did it for them when they were toddlers: look both ways when crossing the street; hold your brother’s hand at the mall;don’t talk to strangers. We should certainly do that for them BEFORE they head off to college.

If you liked this article, you might like:

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

Crime on Campus

Parents: Can you handle the truth?

In the news: Violence on college campuses