Merry Christmas from my family to yours!
May God bless you today and always …and….
Remember that Christ is the center of Christmas!
Suzanne Shaffer
Parents Countdown to College Coach
Category Archives: Uncategorized
College Helper #1-Smart College Visit
Kelly Queijo, owner and founder of Smart College Visit, has the dubious honor of being my first College Helper. (Apologies to Kelly for putting her face in a humiliating elf suit…BUT…it did fit the theme!)
Kelly is awesome beyond awesome. If you’re a parent of a college-bound teen, you want to become her friend on Twitter and Facebook. In my mind she’s the authority on college visits. Not only does her website highlight various colleges in Smart See, Smart Do (giving you inside information and little known facts), but her Parent-to-Parent section offers real life parent experiences related to the college visit itself. You can even search for hotels near the college and make your reservations right on her site.
If that isn’t enough, Kelly hosts #CampusChat on Twitter every Wednesday night at 9PM EST. She has a variety of guests that help parents and students learn more about the college admissions process and also often hosts Open Mic nights around a specific topic of conversation. On Wednesday, she posts recaps of those chats and if you missed it, you can get the key points.
SmartCollegeVisit.com is every parent’s friend–bookmark the site, get to know Kelly, and spend some time reading her parent-to-parent articles. They are packed full of experience (the good and the bad) related to the college search.
Thanks Kelly for making college visits your forte and helping parents understand the importance of this part of the college admissions process!
Parenting is NOT for cowards!
Recently I received an email from one of my list subscribers telling me that parents want more than the facts, they want the DETAILS. Then I received an email from a distressed parent, concerned that her son was making the wrong college choice and she wanted to know what to do and how to react.
Let’s face it: parenting is NOT for cowards! Just when you think you have the terrible two’s figured out, along comes grade school woes (and all it entails), middle school trauma (with puberty), and high school drama (with the college admissions process thrown in for good measure). I had a friend who once told me, “potty training ain’t NOTHING compared to parenting a teenager!” She was right!
Parenting is in the details; and knowing where to find those details is often hard. That’s why I created my Parents Countdown to College Coach blog. It’s here to help you find those details; because it’s impossible for me to provide every detail for every question you might have. But, I’ve gathered a wide network of experts to help you find those answers and fill in the blanks where I can’t. If you’re a smart parent (and I know you are) you will utilize each and every one of these resources to help you with all your questions.
Watch my blog over the next few weeks when I feature my favorite college experts and tell you why I think they are BETTER than Santa’s helpers!
And if you’re one of those parents that want ALL the information right at your fingertips, you can find it in my Parents Countdown to College Toolkit.
Survey for Parents
I’ve been asked by a graduate research group to help them with a project they are doing about parents of current college students or parents of recent college graduates. If you fall into that category, could you please take 5 minutes of your time and complete the survey.
Here is the link:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/theparentsurvey
Survey Code is 854
Please complete by December 17th!
Thank you for your help and if you know any other parents, please pass the link along.
To Greek or not to Greek
Recently, Smart College Visit posted an article from The Real College Guide about going Greek from a student’s perspective, listing the Pros and Cons of Greek life. After reading it, I thought it might be interesting to look at Greek life from a parent’s perspective. Since I have personal experience in this area of college life, I wanted to share my thoughts and advice to help other parents who might be headed down that road in the future.
When my daughter began her college search process, Greek life was at the top of her MUST HAVE list. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she had always wanted to follow in her footsteps so to speak. I had my concerns (most of them related to the social aspect of Greek life), but I supported her dream and her college choice based on this criteria.
Just a month into her freshman year, rush began. Many of her new friends were interested in pledging sororities and they all attended recruitment events. When the bids arrived, my daughter was invited to pledge two sororities and picked the one that she felt fit her personality best–she felt comfortable and at ease with the members. When the months of pledging and “hell week” were over, my daughter became a member of Alpha Phi–Zeta Rho Chapter at Bentley College.
Here is my PARENT list of the pros and cons of Greek life:
Cons
- Her grades suffered-The two months that my daughter was pledging had a devastating affect on her GPA. While the sorority claimed they required their members to study, those study sessions were late at night and unproductive. Freshman year sets the tone for your entire college career and she had to work hard to get her GPA back up after that first semester.
- Hazing-Whether they fess up to it or not, it happens. All colleges post rules and regulations against it, but it happens. I had many arguments with my daughter about reporting the infractions, but she assured me the hazing wasn’t that bad. I never liked it and could not see the need for that type of initiation.
- Drinking-Greek life does mean parties. And those Greek parties ALWAYS have alcohol. Drinking is encouraged and it’s a right of passage during pledging. They don’t care that your freshman is underage. The alcohol is freely distributed.
- The clique mentality-Greek life encourages snobbery. If you’re a member of a sorority or a fraternity, you’re taught (whether directly or indirectly) that you’re better than everyone else. I never liked that attitude and it contradicted some of the values that I taught my daughter growing up.
- The cost-Greek life will add hundreds of dollars a semester to your college expenses. The obvious costs are dues. But add to that t-shirts, out of town trips, and additional event fees that may not be included in the semester dues. If you have a daughter, you should plan to purchase dresses for numerous semi-formal and formal events throughout the year.
Pros
- Lifetime friendships-My daughter made some great friends during college, not all in her sorority, but many were. Her “big sister” became her best friend and that relationship is still strong today. Her big sister helped her through some difficult times in college (deaths of friends and grandparents) and helped her navigate the ins and outs of Greek life.
- Social expertise-Greek life does force you to become socially active. The events and activities enable you to become comfortable in social situations and help you learn how to meet and make new friends. You’re part of a family and this helps, especially if your family is miles away (as we were) and you need a “home” to go to.
- Networking-Going Greek affords you tremendous networking connections during college and after graduation. Since you’re part of an alumni group, you have outside contacts that can help with your job search and give you an upper hand in the post graduation job search.
- Leadership skills-My daughter served in numerous leadership capacities within her sorority and as part of the on-campus Greek council. She learned how to delegate, organize events, and manage finances, all while being a part of a Greek organization.
- Charity work-All Greek organizations adopt a charity. Their members work hard to support that charity and participate in fund-raising events throughout the year. This teaches them to give back to others and it promotes a mindset that they take with them after graduation.
So here’s the big question–Am I glad that my daughter went Greek? Yes. In the long run, it was a positive experience for her. During the short term, I was frustrated with some of the negative influences and attitudes I witnessed. It was right for her, but it’s not right for everyone. If your teen has his/her heart set on Greek life, ask questions and be prepared to have some of the same mixed emotions I had.
Additional resources:
Recent Grads Reveal College Regrets
Advice from those who have “been there and done that” is always valuable. I like talking to college students and recent graduates to find out what they might have done differently, as evidenced by a recent post on my blog written by a current student at Virginia Tech. Below are some thoughts from recent graduates whose advice can be helpful in planning for the future.
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Everyone’s college experience is different. We come from places far and near; we run in different social circles; we pursue different activities and classes and majors. No one college student can be at two, three, four places at once — not every sporting event or party or meeting or cookout. We just try to make the most of these four years and hope/wish/pray that they don’t fly by too fast.
But wouldn’t it be nice to hear what college grads have to say about their experiences? Their regrets, their proudest moments and their sage advice? We took a look back with four recent graduates:
JAIME JACKSON GILES
The 2003 Roanoke University alum recently received her master’s in education from Shenandoah University.
Biggest regret: “I wish I’d played sports.”
Giles was heavily involved in Greek life and the student-activities organization at Roanoke. “Yet I still wish I had pursued more, joined more clubs,” she says. “I played softball growing up as a kid, and I didn’t even try out for the club team when I got to college.” Giles also wishes she’d attended more sporting events. “You take a lot of the sports for granted while you’re there and then regret not going to watch more of your fellow students in action.”
Proudest accomplishment: “I let go of my fears.”
“I’ll always remember speaking at graduation,” says Giles. “It was an honor.” Of course, she’s also proud of her master’s degree. “I think it represents how hard I’ve worked since graduating from Roanoke.”
Best advice: “Go to class!”
“Even if no one’s forcing you to, you’ve got to discipline yourself to go,” says Giles. Nevertheless, she stresses the importance of balancing work and play: “Instead of all that reading, go to a party instead because you’ll regret not going later.”
DAVID AMOS
After graduating from the University of Virginia in spring 2010, Amos is taking time off before law school.
Biggest regret: “I put things off.”
Typical traditions at UVA include streaking the famed lawn and touring Monticello, the home of founder Thomas Jefferson. “I spent too much time pushing all of those things off into an ‘I’ll do it later’ category,” says Amos. Clearly, he can still pursue those things (hopefully not the streaking) … but not as a student.
Proudest accomplishment: “I took some risks.”
Amos is most proud of getting accepted to UVA’s McIntire Commerce School (currently ranked second among undergraduate business schools), as well as running for the Commerce School presidency — even though he lost by a measly three votes. “I’m obviously not happy I lost, but I was proud of being part of the UVA student government process.”
Best advice: “Have fun!”
Enjoy the college experience while you can, says Amos: “Grades will matter for the next three years. Memories will be with you for the rest of your life.” And to all of you new UVA Cavaliers reading this, he offers a few more words of wisdom: “Hate Virginia Tech with a passion.” Kidding, of course … but not really.
LEIA VACHON
The 2008 Appalachian State grad is currently working but has dreams of becoming a missionary.
Biggest regret: “I wasted time not pursuing my passion.”
“I ended up taking part in a lot of activities during my time at App,” says Vachon. “I tried to take advantage of every day and make it exciting.” But she wishes she’d spent more time during her first years on campus doing what she wanted to do. “I pledged a sorority but then deactivated because I realized it just wasn’t for me. Then, in my last couple of years, I became really involved in the campus ministry — and loved every second of it, meeting some of my best friends.”
Proudest accomplishment: “I learned to effectively multitask.”
Balancing her various extracurriculars, keeping up a high GPA and earning her degree by double-majoring in public relations and business was quite a feat for Vachon. “I feel like I had a well-rounded, rich college experience,” she says. “I’m very proud of what I achieved — and want to use what I learned to do bigger and better things in the future.”
Best advice: “Soak up every minute of it.”
“Enjoy every new day you have! Count each one as a blessing, and try to live life to the fullest,” Vachon says. “Meet new people, take cool classes, get involved, but also take time for yourself once in a while.”
CHARLES MILLER
The 2010 University of Virginia grad is taking time off before medical school.
Biggest regret: “I did way too much.”
While many students advise making the most of your time in college, Miller might have been too involved. He was a member of a fraternity, competed as a top player on the club tennis team, conducted countless hours as a research assistant, volunteered at UVA Hospital — often late at night and on weekends. “I wish I had just focused more on the moment, on being a student,” says Miller. “It’s important not to spread yourself too thin. There are so many hassles to deal with after college that you shouldn’t be worrying about them while you’re there.”
Proudest accomplishment: “I got into med school.”
“I’m thrilled I was accepted,” says Miller. “It’s tangible proof of all the hard work I put in during my time at UVA.”
Best advice: “Do what makes you happy.”
Says Miller: “That’s the biggest piece of advice I can offer — and probably the most useful you will hear.”
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This article was written by David Replogle at The Real College Guide and is made available to Parents Countdown to College Coach through a partnership with The Real College Guide.
That all-important "money talk"
It’s never too early to talk to your teens about college costs and what is expected of them once they take that much anticipated journey. If they understand the family’s financial situation and know what they will be expected to contribute towards college costs, they can start planning ahead by working dur thing the summers and saving (Note: just make sure they put those savin
According to a recent article in the Sacramento Bee about talking with your kids about college costs, kids are acutely aware of their need to contribute :
Despite the continuing cloudy economic forecast, one thing is crystal-clear: College costs continue to climb. And it’s made many students acutely aware. In a recent Fidelity Investments online survey of U.S. high school seniors, a majority said saving for education was “overwhelming.” Good news for parents: 94 percent of students were willing to pay for at least some of their college costs; 56 percent of those said their share should be half.
When having the conversation, however, make sure it’s just that–not a lecture. Approach it as a collaborative discussion and use this as a start to helping your teen understand the importance of budgeting and “needs vs wants”. Here are just a few bullet points highlighted in the above mentioned article:
- Start off by making sure your teen knows what a “need” is and what a “want” is in relation to college costs. For some teens, all wants are needs. This is the time to nail the definition down and clarify it in their minds.
- Decide just who will be paying for each college expense. Every family is different but it’s important to make this clear from the very beginning so that there won’t be any surprises.
- Use a budget worksheet and understand ALL college expenses. Don’t just assume that tuition, room and board will cover it.
When your teens contribute to the costs of their education, they will be more invested in their success. They will also learn valuable budgeting lessons that will stick with them past college and into adulthood. You’re doing your teen a disservice if you don’t involve them in the college financial discussions. They need to be active participants in the decisions and also play an active part in paying for that high-cost college education.
Many of the college debt disasters in the news recently might have been avoided if the parents had sat down with their teens and had the “money talk”. Don’t let your teen walk across that stage at graduation and be clueless as to how to budget and be a financially responsible adult. It’s your job as a parent college coach to prepare them for a financially stable future.
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Is student safety at the top of your list?
Lately, we’ve heard so many reports in the news about college students and the dangers on college campuses: shootings, kidnappings, hazing, abuse and violence. It’s hard to not worry when your child is hundreds or even thousands of miles away on campus. It’s easy for them to get into situations that endanger their lives. And it’s hard not to wish there was some way you could protect them.
Recently, I was introduced to a new product that was developed to put parents at ease: OnCall Defender™. It’s not a tracking device; your kids won’t feel their privacy is compromised. It’s a tool they can use to arm themselves when they feel threatened. According to its creator:
The OnCall Defender™ Panic Alarm is the only 24/7 advanced mobile protection GPS alarm system that is connected to a professionally staffed central monitoring station. This is a serious personal security system that is connected to local law enforcement dispatch through one of the top security monitoring companies in the business. So there is no more waiting for someone to answer your call, or put you on hold in an emergency. In a life or death situation, every second counts; and that’s where this revolutionary mobile protection app could save your life or that of a loved one. OnCall Defender™ was developed by high-level security and alarm technology experts who have long understood the need to bring the highest level of security down to a personal level at an affordable cost.
It’s as easy as downloading a FREE app for the iPhone and following the simple instructions. Your child can input personal information and a photo which is stored for law enforcement reference. If an emergency arises, and the alarm is activated, they will have all the contact and pertinent information readily available along with an exact location of your child.
Imagine if this had been available during the VA Tech shootings; or when that beautiful lacrosse player was brutally and fatally attacked by her ex-boyfriend. In spite of all our warnings, our kids think they are invincible–they walk at night alone, get into cars with people they don’t really know that well, and find themselves in situations where they feel threatened. Having this new tool will not only protect them, but it will give you peace of mind.
I actually downloaded the app myself. It was simple and easy to use. Once I completed the instructions, I was able to test and arm the alarm. It’s loud enough to scare away any attacker and easy enough that it doesn’t require any dialing or fumbling around to activate. The modest monthly fee is well worth the security and protection.
Check it out here: OnCall Defender–and let me know what you think. I always like to share new, helpful products with my parent readers.
Stay safe!
10 Tips for College Survival
The students at Harvard will tell you that “getting in” is the hard part. But with so many freshmen, the first semester is even harder. Here are some tips that might help your college-bound teen survive and thrive.
1. Read the requirements
Graduation might be years away, but credit catastrophes begin early on. Check in with your advisor at the start of each semester to make sure you’re on track to meet the minimum.
2. Read the syllabus
Especially the part where profs break down your grade. Knowing that attendance equals 20 percent may motivate you to actually make it to class. Final exam worth 40 percent? Better crack down for that test.
3. Dress code
Wear real clothes instead of sloppy pj’s to your 8 a.m. class to let your prof know you’re serious about your studies. Bonus: It gives your brain a wake-up boost.
4. Secure your stuff
Protect your privacy, from personal IM convos to term papers, with tricky passwords that lock out access to your computer when you’re gone. And set verbal boundaries to keep your roommate away from your keys.
5. Yearn to intern?
For a fall internship, search and apply long before the leaves start changing. Do it now! For spring, apply by December. For summer, apply by March.
6. Strategize for studying abroad
Plan your schedule around a semester away, saving electives and nonmajor classes for then. Some programs even offer location-specific courses. You don’t want to miss out!
7. Network now
Professors and friends you’re meeting now could help you land your dream job later. Start a personal address book, on paper or online — it may come in handy even after graduation.
8. Stay safe after dark
When walking on or off campus at night, use the buddy system. Avoid distractions, like wearing iPods or talking on the phone, and be constantly aware of your surroundings.
9. Be your own study buddy
Test different methods of studying — from reading out loud to rewriting or even highlighting notes. Find the perfect fit and make it stick.
10. Pad your resume
Just like college admission officers, employers like well-rounded new hires. Being a fellow member on Greek row doesn’t hurt, but be sure to sign up for a variety of extracurrix.
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These Tips are from the editors at The Real College Guide. This article is made available to Parents Countdown to College Coach through a partnership with The Real College Guide.
A CollegeParent Partnership
With all the recent talk of helicopter parents, I’ve picked up on some slight disdain from academia when it comes to parent involvement. Granted, there are some parents that would make any admissions representative pull their hair out. But I would like to think that there are so many more parents who view their role more as a coach in the process and would like to have colleges value their input. After all, when it comes right down to it, parents are generally the ones paying the bill for the student’s education.
During a recent #CampusChat on Twitter, Gil Rogers, Associate Director of Admissions and Enrollment Technology for the University of New Haven shed some light on how his college views the parent/college relationship:
We like to be a partner in a family’s college search, not just an option. We simply encourage parents to allow students to have their space and make the choice. Let the kid drive the car. We have, however, developed a number of communication tools with parents in mind. Charger Connection and the monthly eblasts that admissions sends are to prospective student’s parents. The monthly e-mail that goes to all parents we have e-mail addresses for is separate from the student’s with tips. Social Media (and any communication tool for that matter) is about building relationships.
That’s the view that parents like to hear: a partner in the family’s college search. With this view, both parent and student feel valuable; and this translates into the college providing a positive environment for making the right college choice.
University of New Haven has created an extremely helpful parent’s guide: Parents Guide to College and Financial Planning. They cover every topic that a parent needs to know about college choices and financial planning; also giving advice on how to help your student survive the first year of college. This guide communicates that partnership that Gil talked about and emanates through his social media persona.
I hope you will take a look at the University of New Haven and even view their parent’s guide. Here are the links to connect with them online: