Category Archives: Wednesdays parent

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Wednesday’s Parent: Parenting Styles

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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What type of parent college coach are you? Each of us has a unique personality that will influence the way we coach our teens. The key is to find yourself, recognize your weaknesses, identify your strengths and adapt to provide your college-bound teen with the best coaching possible.

1-The “let me do it for you” parent

parenting

If you are this type of parent, you’ve most likely been doing everything for your child over the years: making their bed, cleaning their rooms, preparing their snacks, all in the name of parenthood. Don’t get me wrong, when your kids were young, they depended on you to take care of them. But part of being a parent is teaching them to do things for themselves. We taught them to tie their own shoes, ride a bike, go to school on their own, and hopefully budget their money by giving them an allowance. As they get older and the tasks become more difficult, like driving and preparing for college, we tend to want to take back the reins, fearing they might make mistakes that are life altering. But that’s the worst thing you can do. It’s your role to guide them, teach them, and train them. Always remember, the college search and application process is a teen project. You can help, but don’t do it all for them. They need to be involved and when those admissions letters arrive they will own that accomplishment.

2-The “over-anxious” parent

It’s natural to worry and fret about something you do not understand, or have never experienced. Parenthood definitely has its over-anxious moments. Teenagers are by nature over-anxious. They worry about everything: will they be accepted; will they make the cheer squad; will they pass their finals; will they be asked to the dance. Their four years of high school present numerous opportunities for anxiety and the last thing they need is added anxiety over their preparation for college. Knowledge is power—if you have the tools and know the facts you’re anxiety will decrease and you will be less likely to pass that along to your teen.

3-The “pushy” parent

Are you a “type A” personality? Do you push everyone around you to succeed? Do you strive for the best in everything? If you answered yes to those questions, you might be a pushy parent. There is a fine line between being pushy and being a cheerleader. If you push too hard, you will overwhelm your teen. You can encourage them by helping them to achieve their potential. Harping about deadlines and asking them constantly if they have completed their scholarship applications will only produce rebellion. The best way to handle your over-achiever personality is through organization. If you work with your teen to get them organized and they are aware of the deadlines, you won’t have to be that pushy parent.

4-The “my dreams are your dreams” parent

Did you dream of going to Harvard or Yale? Did you always want to go away to college and live in a dorm? Do you wish you had joined a sorority or fraternity during college or played college sports? Did you always want to be a doctor or a lawyer? We all had dreams that might not have been realized. But the worst thing you can do as a parent is to try to achieve those dreams through your children. Your teen will never be happy pursuing YOUR dreams. Their satisfaction is achieved from their own accomplishments. Their happiness comes from pursuing their own passion. The quickest way to ensure failure in college is to send your teen off to a place where they feel pressured to succeed at something they never truly wanted to pursue. If you have unfulfilled dreams, find something you can pursue yourself that will satisfy that passion; and encourage your teen to walk their own path.

5-The “I’ll think about that tomorrow” parent

This is where I fit in. I’m the world’s worst procrastinator. (The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem…isn’t that what they say?) This is the worst time in your teen’s life for you to model or encourage procrastination. The next four years can be daunting and even overwhelming, but if you approach them without planning and organization, you will never survive. The problem with this philosophy is that it won’t work with deadlines, and the college maze is all about the deadlines. If you miss them, there are no second chances or do-overs. Not only do you risk missing the deadlines, as this type of parent you add extra stress to an already stressful time. Preparation and organization are keys to overcoming procrastination. Thinking about it tomorrow will only lead to frustration, disappointment, and regret. Remember the famous maxim-Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)!

6-The “uninvolved” parent

Your teen still requires your input. They may protest greatly and say loudly, “I can do it myself.” But what they really mean is I want to try with your support and help. If you make the mistake of turning the whole process over to your teen, the odds are great that they will become overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of giving up. There are so many decisions to be made and things to keep track of over the next four years. If you have a tendency to be an uninvolved parent, your teen will most likely feel abandoned in a sea of forms, applications and deadlines. Your job is always to encourage, guide and lead your teen to stay on top of those all-important college-related tasks that require their participation. It’s great to expect them to be responsible, but you and I both know that teenagers will be teenagers. Their minds and lives are headed in hundreds of different directions and staying on task can sometimes be inconceivable. It’s your goal to steer them back on course and help them reach their final goal.

7-The “well-balanced” parent

The well-balanced parent utilizes the best organizational tools to help their college-bound teen stay focused and on track. This is the type of parent coach we should all strive to become. You balance coaching, encouragement and guidance with information gathering, organization and goal setting. Your teen does not stress about deadlines because you have sat down together and created a calendar of upcoming scholarship applications, college entrance tests, activities, and school related events. You and your teen are confident and aware of the course you have set together and assured that because you are prepared and organized, the end result will be that your teen is able to reach their goal of college acceptance. You have planned ahead concerning the financial process and have utilized all the tools available to assure an impressive financial aid award package from the colleges where applications are submitted. You coach without pushing, pressuring or stressing out and your teen knows that they have your support and can look to you for positive feedback.

We all have different parenting styles, but think about incorporating the best of each and becoming a well-balanced parent. The college process will be less stressful and your college-bound teen will be less stressed.

Read Wendy’s (POCSMom) approach on different parenting styles.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Reading, Writing and Arithmetic

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from www.pocsmom.com to www.parentingforcollege.com and vice versa.

This post is about how parents can convey the importance of academics to prepare their child for college:

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Back in the “good ole’ days” reading, writing and arithmetic were the core subjects. Kids were taught to read with “Dick and Jane”, write printing and cursive on Big Ten tablets, and master 2+2=4. But as time progressed and primary education became a stepping stone for higher education, the curriculum, while still centered around these core subjects, has evolved. With the focus on higher education, it’s even more crucial that your kids understand the importance of academics.

How has it evolved and how can you help your kids be successful learners in these three disciplines?

Reading

reading writing arithmetic

In today’s digital age, reading is done a little differently. Kids used to go to libraries and check out books; now they go online and download them for e-readers. Technology competes for their attention and hours spent reading have been replaced with hours online in social media and playing games. Finding the time read is difficult, but you need to encourage your kids to read from the time they are small children until they finish college.

Why is reading so important? It expands their vocabulary and opens their minds to new ideas. Reading is a critical part of any standardized test and a key aspect of the college entrance exams. Reading teaches them to pay attention and ingest information as they read. It’s going to benefit them in high school, in college and in life if they develop a love for reading.

Writing

Years ago writing was a separate subject. Kids were schooled in the nuances of printing and moved on to cursive. Today, most schools don’t concentrate on the mechanics of it but on the content. Additionally, written correspondence is becoming less frequent as emails and text messages are replacing actual notes and letters.

An easy way to encourage writing in your kids is start them with journaling at an early age. Writing down their thoughts helps them to learn effective communication and teaches them how to use the written word to express their thoughts and ideas. This will be incredibly helpful in high school as they work on essays and as they begin to construct their essays for college applications and scholarships.

Arithmetic

It’s amazing to me how many teens do not know how to make change or use basic math tables without a calculator. They learn the basics of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division in grade school; but as time progresses, calculators begin being used and they forget how to calculate things without them.

How can you help your kids use those skills in their daily lives? Take them to the store with you and have them calculate and compare prices. Download math games and puzzlers to their phones, tablets and e-readers. As they move on into high school, help them to see the importance of math skills and formulas. Having these courses in your high school curriculum will help them as they apply to colleges and eventually move on to more advanced math in college and in their careers.

Schools now offer more than the three course disciplines: reading, writing, and arithmetic. But the foundation these subjects give students makes it easier for them to study history, science, art, music and communication. Breaking it down to these three will help parents guide their kids as they progress through school and focus on academics.

Read Wendy’s article Valuing Academics in 4 Stages.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Attitude Adjustments

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Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing!

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy (www.pocsmom.com) and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link in the article from www.pocsmom.com to  www.parentingforcollege.com/ and vice versa.

Today’s posts address the issue of attitude–a topic every parent faces and often becomes frustrated with. Read on to get our take on the topic.

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attitude adjustmentMy father used to tell me that he would give me an attitude adjustment. Trust me. I never wanted to hear those words. In the good old days (you might disagree) parents used more than words to give attitude adjustments. Today, parents still struggle with their kids’ attitudes. From the two-year old temper tantrums to the college student’s “whatever” those attitudes are dreaded by moms everywhere.

School creates so many opportunities for attitudes. Some might say it’s the stress that causes these over-the-top emotions. Others might say that it’s just their age and the stages they are going through. Personally I think it’s a little bit of both. No matter what the cause is, what do you do when your kid “cops an attitude”?

Take a deep breath and keep reading. Have you experienced any of these common attitude problems?

Student: Can I just do my homework later?

Parent: No. You can’t wait until later. Do it now!

Then the conversation progresses from there to “please”, “why”, and my personal favorite, “homework is stupid.” What’s a parent to do? You can take the hard line and say, “no means no.” You can use the reward approach, “finish it and you can play your video games”. Or you can be analytical and explain to them the importance of an education. My bet is that the first or second option will work best. Why? Because kids don’t think that far ahead.

Student: But Pete is doing it.

Parent: If Pete jumped off a bridge would you do it?

You might mean that but your student just doesn’t understand that analogy. Why would anyone jump off a bridge? Again you can use the hard line tactic and say, “I’m the parent and I said no.” Bribery won’t work in this instance. So your best bet is to explain to your student why you won’t let them do what they want to do—mother knows best, so to speak. If you’re lucky, they will succumb to your logical explanation. If not, refer back to the first response.

Student: Susie’s parents said it was ok.

Parent: Susie’s parents aren’t your parent; I am.

This is when you need to have a talk with Susie’s parents. Especially if it’s something that’s against the law like underage drinking or pot smoking (Don’t even ask how I drew this example). Knowing your student’s friends parents will afford you the opportunity to stick together. That’s if they see things the way you see them. If they don’t, you best encourage your student to find some new friends.

Student: You bought the wrong school supplies.

Parent: I bought the supplies that were on the list.

This happens even if you were with them when the supplies were purchased. This little comment will infuriate you and cause your blood to boil. They should be grateful you bought those school supplies. There are kids that don’t have parents who do this for them. What happened to being grateful that you even cared to buy the supplies? You see how you can follow this down the rabbit hole. How do you deal with this attitude? Do as one parent did and tell them to pay for their own supplies. Or you can just give them the attitude of gratitude speech.

Student: Why can’t you just give me some space?

Parent: I thought I was.

This attitude surfaces in the pre-teen years and intensifies as they head off to college. The more space they want, the more you want to hold them close. Space is one thing but total freedom is another. Hopefully you’ll be able to find the balance. If not, expect rolling eyes, slamming of doors, and angry texts to ensue.

Student: You’re embarrassing me.

Parent: When do I NOT embarrass you?

When my husband was in high school, his mother brushed off his dandruff in front of me at a grocery store. Of course he was mortified. His mother thought she was helping him. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Meaning–the things we think are helpful usually aren’t. And no matter what you do, you are always going to embarrass them. Before you have a terrible error in judgment, ask yourself, “What would the perfect parent do?” Of course, there is no perfect parent. But you know what embarrasses you; that should be a clue.

One last thought. You’re the parent. Sometimes you need to adjust your attitude and lighten up a bit. Not every attitude requires a response. Often you just need to brush it off to avoid an unnecessary confrontation.

Know this: attitudes are inevitable. No matter what you do, what you say, and how you act they are going to find something wrong with it. It’s not your fault. They are just spreading their wings and pushing the limits of your authority. The key is to not get into shouting matches with them and consider the source. It also helps to vent (to other parents and friends), instead of taking your frustration out on your kids. The school years are as hard as or harder than the first five years, even if you factor in potty training. But, as any parent will agree, it is rewarding. You just have to keep telling yourself, “This too shall pass!”

Read on for Wendy’s advice in her usual POCSMom manner!

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Tips for a new school year

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parent separation anxiety
Cartoon courtesy of College Parents of America

This week, Wednesday’s parent takes at look at back to school with some tips for a new school year. Do you take first day of school photos of your kids? I did. I loved seeing how much they had grown and how the fashion trends changed. For parents (especially after a very long summer) back to school day was a day of rejoicing. Finally, the house becomes quiet and you can have a little bit of time to yourself.

What does “back to school” mean to you? If your student is moving to a new school it probably means uncertainty and stress. Anytime your student enters a new environment they will be anxious; but there are ways you can ease those back to school jitters.

Chill Out

Let your student express their concerns and help them relax about it. Preschoolers are entering school for the first time; middle schoolers now have added responsibility like changing classes and locker combinations; high school students’ lives begin to revolve around their peers; and college students are on their own to flounder in a whole new world of responsibility and accountability. Open conversations will help them lower their stress level.

Be the parent and “man up”

Yes. I said, “man up”. The sad reality is that today’s parent doesn’t know how to let go. It’s your responsibility to communicate confidence, excitement and joy about the new environment. If they witness you crying, whining and generally unhappy, they will mimic your feelings. Positive parents raise positive children.

You may be in homework hell

As your student gets older and moves on in their academic track, the homework will increase; and so will the drama. If you are frustrated, just imagine how your student feels. Pay close attention and if you witness your student floundering with the new material, hire a tutor, such as tutors at Takelessons, or get help from the teacher or tutoring labs. If you nip the problem in the bud early, he/she won’t be nearly as frustrated in high school and college

Look out for added peer pressure

New school means new bullies. Unfortunately, it even happens in college. Prepare your student for those encounters by fortifying their self-esteem. Use every opportunity to encourage, hug, support and love on them. Coping with peer pressure is very stressful for students (and their parents). Be proactive and get involved if you have to. This is one area that it’s ok to be a helicopter parent.

Make new friends

Yes. Parents need to make new friends, just like their students. Get involve in parent organizations. This applies to all age groups, even at the college level. Colleges have parent groups too—join them. Volunteer when needed and this helps you stay abreast of what is happening at the school. And don’t tell anyone, but it’s easier to check up on your student when you’re there!

Be a buttinsky (but only if necessary)

Keep your antenna up and ready to spot any problems that require parent involvement. No. This doesn’t mean you need to hover over your student. But it does mean that, especially at new schools and in new environments, the students encounter problems that need adult intervention. Do not, however, get on the phone every day and become one of those parents school officials detest. You know the ones: their student is never wrong and the teacher is never right.

Sing a new song

New school New attitude. What’s past is past and the future is the future. Leave those negative experiences behind and look forward to the new school year with excitement and anticipation. It’s a new start for your student and a new start for you.

Parenting never changes. Whether you have a preschooler or a college student the premise is always the same: you want the best for your kids. Who doesn’t love a fresh start? (I actually saw you smile when you read this.) Have a great school year!