Wednesday’s Parent: Are You a Control Freak?

January 29, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer 1 Comment

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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Are you a control freak? I am. And there are times when it’s not pretty, especially where my kids are concerned. That tendency was no more apparent than when we were in the midst of college prep. I learned quickly, however, that my tendency to be in control of the process made my kids pull back and sit on the sidelines while I did all the work.

As a parent, it’s hard not to take control, especially if we have opinions and concerns about the choices they are making. But before you are labeled by your kids and their friends as “THAT” mom or dad, take a deep breath, and ask yourself these questions.

Do you want the added drama?

Teenagers are the epitome of drama. Controlling their campus visits, their college interviews, the counselor meetings and every other activity related to the college process is going to add to the drama. High school is not supposed to be a continuous battle and you can’t enjoy this time if you are battling over control.

Do you want your kids to second guess every decision they make?

Controlling parents raise insecure kids. Your kids need to know that you trust them and stand with them in their decisions. It’s a given they will make some bad ones, but that’s the way they learn about choices and consequences. They will make mistakes but fearing failure because they have a controlling parent will cripple them.

Do you want to raise a dependent adult?

If you control every decision, every choice and everything they do, they are going to have a hard time living on their own. You will begin to notice that they can’t make a move without you and your approval. It’s not an ideal situation, especially when they leave for college. Expect a call early during their first semester asking to come home.

Do you want your kid’s accomplishments to be their own and not yours?

It starts with doing homework for them when they don’t understand and moves on to completing their science projects. Before you know it you’re picking the college they will attend and completing their college application. Their accomplishments become clouded by the fact that they did nothing on their own.

You can avoid being a control freak by practicing these parenting techniques:

Teach them responsibility.

Help them with organization.

Guide them when making decisions.

Remember you are raising an independent adult.

Let them fail and help them learn from their mistakes.

It seems simple but the very nature of parenting makes it difficult to reign in the control monster, especially when they are making life-changing decisions. But you can do it if you never forget that since they took their first breath, they have been moving toward independence. They may have grown up too fast but you can’t stop the process, only hinder it. Don’t be a control freak.

For some more tips on how to stop controlling your teens, check out Wendy’s blog

financial aid, Uncategorized

An In-Depth Look at the FAFSA

January 28, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer

fafsa filing — Photo courtesy of Zinch.com

Yes. It’s that time in the college prep process–FAFSA time! If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that you can’t ignore the FAFSA, there are good reasons to file, and who fills out the FAFSA. As far as I’m concerned, your application is not complete without this financial aid form.

The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) became publicly available January 1st. For those new to the process, it is an annual form that is completed by current and prospective college students to determine eligibility for federal financial aid.

While filing your FAFSA is considered the Step #1 for those in need of financial aid, it can often seem like an intimidating task to undertake. One of the biggest hurdles to approaching this form is understanding what materials are needed beforehand to prepare for filing.

Taking a deeper look, Zinch gives a list of the absolute must-haves to file the FAFSA.

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: A Different Take on Helicopter Parenting

January 27, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer 1 Comment

helicopter parenting

It’s no surprise that parents have become so involved in their kids’ lives that school administrators have begun to label us; helicopter parent, snow plow parent, and bulldozer parent. But it can’t all be bad; after all, parents are actually involved. Is this a bad thing? As with anything there are extremes. And it’s possible that a few bad parenting experiences have shed a negative light on all of us.

Let’s take a look at the benefits of helicopter parenting:

Parents who are involved tend to have academically successful students.

Studies show kids who have parents that stay involved from Kindergarten to 12th grade are more likely to excel academically. Why? Involved parents help students with studies, organization and make sure they do their assignments. They also stay on top of grades and can recognize any problems that may require extra help.

Parents who are involved have students who are less likely to participate in at-risk behaviors.

Students whose parents are involved in their lives are going to find it harder to participate in at-risk behaviors. Why? Parents who know their kid’s friends, encourage activities at home, and encourage their kids to participate in after school activities help the kids learn responsibility and commitment. They have little time to get into trouble.

Parents who are invested financially and encourage their students to invest financially have students who take their education seriously.

College is a large financial commitment. When parents commit to invest, and insist that their student invest, the student will be more likely to see the value of that investment. That translates into academic success and a successful college education.

In The Student Affairs Feature, “It’s Time to Change our Views on Parental Involvement”, Beth Moriarty, sums it up like this:

It’s a fact that some parents do get overly involved in their student’s life. But saying that all parents are helicopter parents is wrong. Our roles as parents have changed and evolved over the years. Today’s parents are invested in their student’s educational future and success . . . Should parents be embraced as partners and should the colleges help parents embrace that role?

My mother used to say, “Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.” I think that is the best way to look at helicopter parenting. Embrace the good things about this type of parenting and avoid the behaviors that cause educators to label us.

infographics

How Much Do College Students Drink?

January 25, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer

There are 17 million college students that drink alcohol, and 8.5 million of them are binge drinking. We’ve heard the terms “poor” or “struggling” college student before, but it’s no wonder they are living off of Ramen Noodles when there was a reported $163 billion spent on alcohol in America in 2011. It’s not all fun and games when young people are consuming 2 gallons per person of alcohol. There are negative consequences of this behavior that includes assault, rape, injury and even death.

How much do college students drink? It seems that students are learning a lot more than econ and statistics nowadays. Click on the infographic below to see all the data.

Scholarship Friday, scholarships

Scholarship Friday: Tips from the Scholarship Mom

January 24, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer

A few years ago I was introduced to Monica Matthews, the Scholarship Mom. Her story is unique and she created a short book, How to Win College Scholarships, to introduce parents to the method she used to win scholarships for her kids. If you don’t have the book, get it.

Today, however, I want to introduce you to her Scholarship Mom Tips on Smart College Visit. Every week she shares a short tip to help parents with the scholarship process. They are easy to read and easily applicable to the scholarship search.

Follow Smart College Visit on Twitter (@collegevisit) and Monica Matthews (@AidScholarship) for weekly links and tips.

Guest Posts, test prep

Wednesday’s Parent–Parent Rivalries

January 22, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer 1 Comment

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It’s college night at your high school and here she comes—THAT mom. We’ve all encountered her. As a matter of fact, a recent episode of a TV sitcom, “The Goldbergs”, described her perfectly. Her son is going to Harvard or Yale and she’s going to tell the whole school about it. Does she listen to you? Nope. She goes on and on about the colleges he applied to, the scholarships he’s going to win, and the awards he will receive at graduation.

Here’s the problem—you never asked. And thus begins the parent rivalries over college. It’s not pretty, but every parent will come across one or more of these parents while their teen is in high school. The danger is getting sucked in to the competition, which can only hurt your teen. But just how do you avoid it? It’s a parent’s natural instinct to be proud of their kids and you will be tempted to counter their bragging with bragging of your own.

Here are some tips on how to react when the situation arises (and avoid embarrassing your teen):

Don’t play their game

The easiest thing to do is offer a comeback but you should resist; especially if your teen is with you. The last thing they need is to believe that you need to one-up the other parent. Teens are already insecure and when their parents respond it just gives credibility to the other parent’s claims—that their son or daughter is better.

Take the high road

When you’re confronted by this type of parent, take the high road. Smile and congratulate them and walk away. If it’s a friend listen intently but don’t respond except to say that you’re happy for them. You can win with these parents and there’s no point in getting into a war over “my kid is better than your kid.” Don’t feel like a failure as a parent if you feel your child’s accomplishments don’t measure up.

Remember every child is unique

Don’t compare your child to others. Every child is unique, and every child has to follow their own path. Your child may be headed to community college, trade school or opting to take a gap year. The worst thing you can do for you and for them is start believing that anyone else’s kid is better than they are. When you are confronted with their bragging, don’t forget your child is moving toward their future—in the way that is best for them.

College is college and the name doesn’t mean much

Harvard, Yale, Brown, MIT or any other big name college isn’t the be all and end all of success. Your child has worked hard for four years and with college on the horizon, they have accomplished much. In the grand scheme of things, the name doesn’t mean much; it’s the education they will receive at college and the life experiences they have.

The college prep process brings stress and frustration, but don’t let the parent rivalries add to the stress. Smile and focus on your own child, because in the end, that’s really all that matters.

Check out Wendy’s blog on Taming the Green-Eyed Parent Monster

test prep

4 Ways to Prep for the SAT (for FREE)

January 21, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer 1 Comment

For many high school juniors, second semester means not only a focus on keeping grades and staying busy with extracurricular activities, but also an increased focus on the SAT. The College Board’s three spring test dates are March 8th, May 7th and June 3rd. If you do enough reading, you might think taking prep courses that cost thousands of dollars is the only way to get the score you want. But the truth is, there are plenty of low-cost and free ways to prep for the SAT.

Here are a few of our favorites:

Take a Free Practice Test

It’s impossible to know if you need extra English tutoring without knowing first what your score on the reading and writing sections are. Every student gets a free practice test from The College Board; take the test early on to identify key areas of strengths and where you need a little extra help. If you’re hitting your target score on a given section, there’s no need to spend hours of time preparing. On the other hand, if you find your score isn’t as high as you’d like, you now know a few areas to focus on.

Pick up a Magazine

Learning SAT vocabulary words isn’t always the most fun process. You can try the old fashioned route — writing index cards and then dutifully drilling the words into your head. Or, try an approach that’s slightly more fun (and will be better for you in the long-term, too). Grab a copy of the New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly or The Economist and tell yourself you’ll read an article every day. Every time you come across a word you don’t know, make a note of it on an index card and write the definition on the back. After you finish each article, give yourself an extra challenge that will help you prep for the reading comprehension section of the SAT. Figure out the author’s main point, and identify the pieces of the author’s argument as she makes them in her piece.

Brush Up On Basics With Khan Academy and YouTube

For most students who are entering the second semester of their junior year of high school, the math on the SAT isn’t particularly complicated or advanced; it’s more that there’s a lot to remember. If you need math help, Khan Academy offers a great (and completely free) resource: videos that go over every single math problem in The College Board Official SAT Study Guide. If those aren’t enough, you can dig deeper into tougher concepts on both Khan Academy and YouTube. For example, if you’re having problems understanding rational numbers, there’s a host of great video content available.

Work with a Friend

Chances are that if you’re studying for the SAT, your friends are, too. One of the best ways to drill a tough concept into your head is to teach it to someone else. So sit down with a classmate and commit to going through a half hour of questions on your own. When time is up, compare answers and if your answers are different, see if you can convince your friend why your answer is right — or vice versa. Often times, the act of having to explain something out-loud can help you get a better grasp on the problem too!

The SAT is just one piece of your overall college application, but it is an important one. The good news is, there’s no reason so drop thousands of dollars on a prep course. Just give yourself plenty of time and build out a study strategy that includes the above ideas — you’ll be heading toward a 2,400 in no time at all!

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Today’s guest post is from Laura Oppenheimer who works at InstaEDU, an online tutoring service that instantly connects students who need help with tutors from top colleges.

financial aid, mom approved tips

Mom-Approved Tips: Don’t Ignore the FAFSA

January 21, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer

The most important advice I can give parents is: don’t ignore the FAFSA! Many parents are misinformed when it comes to the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). They believe that they make too much money to qualify for any kind of financial aid—and they decide not to file. That is the worst mistake you can make. I encourage every family of a college-bound senior complete the FAFSA (and complete it before February 1).

Why should you complete the FAFSA?

College is expensive and it’s a chance for you to grab yourself a piece of the financial aid pie.

Why should you complete it early?

The early bird gets the worm when it comes to financial aid. If you want your piece of the pie, you have to be the first in line. Once financial aid packages are disbursed, the money is gone and that means your student’s financial aid package will be composed of student loans only. If your form is filed and completed once the decision for admission is made it puts your student in a good position to receive some of those funds.

What can the FAFSA do for you and your college-bound teen?

There could be federal, state and college funds available. If you don’t complete the FAFSA, you won’t be able to get any of them. Even if your family income is high and you might not qualify for federal aid in the form of grants, your student might be eligible for state scholarships and merit-aid awards from the college. Additionally, any federally subsidized loans, including parent loans, require you to complete the FAFSA.

Why do some people tell you that you won’t qualify for financial aid?

The easy answer is they are misinformed. Remember there are all kinds of financial aid. While not everyone will qualify for federal grants, most students receive some form of financial aid. If you don’t apply your student will not be one of them.

infographics, Uncategorized

College isn’t cheap (an infographic)

January 18, 2014 Suzanne Shaffer

There’s no denying that college is outrageously expensive. And, unfortunately, it is only getting worse; while the average family income in the United States grew 147% in the years between 1982 and 2007, the cost of college grew by a staggering 440% in that same period. What that means in terms of real numbers is that the average cost of a four-year degree from a state school is now $30,000. Most American families do not have that kind of money up front, which necessitates that they borrow it from private or government programs that issue student loans. Unfortunately, student loans leave college graduates an average of $20,000 in debt when they finish school. And approximately 10% of graduates will have twice that debt to repay. Collectively, American students owe more than one trillion dollars.

Figures like these, in combination with the fact that only half of all college graduate obtained a full-time job in 2011, are why more than six million graduates cannot pay back their student loans. The economic recession that began in 2008 has made it exceptionally difficult for college graduates to find jobs in their field. The upshot is that students take on lower-paying jobs that do not require degrees in order to make ends meet. Even so, that limited income is, in many cases, not enough to pay back their debt.

Below is an infographic that illustrates the point. Click the infographic to see the entirety on the original site.

Parenting for College