Tag Archives: advice for moms

mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Freshman Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

 

freshman yearThe summer is a good time for you to have a conversation with your future high school student. Sit down and have a discussion about the value of an education, how you see your role as a parent, some basic expectations, courses your student will take, the value of a good reputation, good citizenship and work ethic. This conversation will make the next four years easier because your teen will understand your expectations and start the year off with a good plan.

Your young teenager is preparing to embark on a high school education as freshman year approaches. In their mind, they are entering the first phase of adulthood. In your mind, they are still children and those feelings that you are “losing them” begin to creep in. High school means that you will be less visible as a parent, but it does not mean you are to be uninvolved. In fact, you will be even more involved behind the scenes as a parent coach.

Here are 10 tips to help you start your teen’s high school years off right:

  1. Make a visit to your teen’s counselor– Do this at the beginning freshman year. Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.
  2. Establish relationships with teachers and staff– Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in educating your child. Keep in touch and verify your teen’s progress via email if it’s available and attend any teacher conferences or parent meetings that are scheduled. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions, making you visible to the staff.
  3. Read all school information– Once you have stressed to your teen the importance of ensuring that ALL information gets home to you, you must take the time to READ it. This means reading the school handbook, teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules. Discuss these with your teen to alleviate any future misunderstandings that might arise over failing to follow school guidelines.
  4. Stress the importance of good attendance– Attendance is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence, make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner. If the absence will be for an extensive period of time, coordinate with the teachers to assure the makeup work is completed.
  5. Encourage strong study habits– These habits will follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time. Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities. GPA rules in the college admission process and good study habits will assure your teen enters the process with an impressive one. Don’t allow your teen to procrastinate and go into overdrive because they waited until the last minute to complete a project.
  6. Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors-This contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she means business. They will see that your teen is there to learn and excel and ask questions. Those students are the ones that are recommended for leadership positions and academic awards. It can be something as simple as saying hello in the hallway or using the counselor’s office to research scholarships.
  7. Be the organization coach– My mantra for high school was: Preparation Prevents Panic. If you know where everything is, have a schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. Sometimes the only filing system a teen has is their floor. It’s your job as their parent coach to help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners, notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.
  8. Stay informed and involved– This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around (although that is tempting). It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects. If you begin to notice any problems, schedule an appointment with the teacher and work out a plan for tutoring if it’s necessary. Don’t wait for the report card to lower the boom. If you stay proactive and informed, you and your teen will be able to fix any problems before they become catastrophes.
  9. Know your teen’s friends (and their parents)– Your teen’s out of school activities will always affect in-class behavior. In high school, it’s as much about social activity as it is about academic success. Assuring that your teen’s friends share the same values and goals will make a difference in their focus in and out of school. Encourage them to make friends that have college as a goal and have the same study habits. Take the time to meet and get to know your teen’s friends parents. Make sure they share your values and understand your position on smoking, drinking and drugs.
  10. Be proactive when you encounter problems– All types of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they arise and address them quickly. Academic problems require additional teacher help, tutoring, and possibly study skill courses. If you encounter behavioral problems contact the school counselor or principal and discuss with them recommendations for the particular situation. Coaches can often help, along with a mentor. Sometimes professional counseling is warranted. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. And don’t make the mistake of turning your head and going into denial. Problems only get worse if they are ignored, especially in high school.

Don’t assume that this will be an easy transition for either of you. It’s another milestone in your student’s life and yours as well.

mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before College (10 Tips for Moms)

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summer before collegeThe summer before college was a stressful time in our house. My daughter had a new boyfriend, college was looming on the horizon, and my very young daughter who had not yet turned 18 was experiencing the full monty of emotions. She was excited, scared, anxious, panicked, in love (or so she thought), and stressed. Compound this with the fact that in August, a rather large hurricane hit our coastal town flooding our home and my daughter’s room along with all the items she was taking to college.

My daughter wasn’t the only one with out of control emotions, however. I was worried that her newfound love would influence her to opt out of college since it was 2000 miles away and he was still in high school. I was concerned that she was young, much younger than most college freshmen, and naive and dependent. I often found myself hyperventilating at the thought of her leaving home, since she would officially make our home an empty nest. And just as worried and concerned as I was, I was also excited with anticipation for her to enter this new phase in her life.

I preface today’s post with these experiences because I know many moms are having the same type of summer. Knowing what I know now and listening to so many other stories from moms like me, my older self would have some words of advice for my younger self.

1. Embrace the experience

This is an exciting time for both you and your teen. Don’t spend the entire summer worrying about move-in day or dreading the empty nest. It’s the classic case of living in the moment and not worrying about the future.

2. Don’t take it personally

Your teenager may become scarce after graduation. She is feeling angst and dread over leaving all her high school friends. She feels less panicked if she can spend time with them. Time with friends means less time with you, but don’t take it personally. It’s all part of the separation process.

3. Think before you speak

With all the stress in the house, there will be emotions. These emotions can often lead to conflict and words that can’t be taken back. Before you say something you will regret, leave the room, count to 10 and don’t say want you wanted to say in the heat of the moment. The last thing you want is to part on strained terms.

4. Listen before you react

Your teen will be spouting all types of frustrations. She may regret her college choice, wish she was going to school close to home, or announce she is not going at all because her boyfriend is pressuring her to stay. Give her a few days, let her calm down, and odds are she will gain her senses and change her mind again.

5. Don’t ignore your emotions

When you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. But do it in private, away from your daughter. Don’t suppress your emotions because if you do, they will all come pouring out when you drop her off at college.

6. Go on dorm shopping trips

It goes without saying that your college-bound teen is going to need dorm furnishings and supplies.There are numerous sites that provide parents and students with dorm essential lists. Check out the resources provided by Bed, Bath and Beyond for a campus checklist. This shopping trip can be fun and exciting for both parents and students—make a day of it!

7. Make the last few days (and weeks) special

Schedule some “date nights” with your college-bound teen. Do some things they love and make the time special. Schedule some family nights and if possible, a family vacation. These days and weeks will help your student cope with homesickness later during the year, and you cope with empty nest syndrome when they are gone.

8. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

9. Pat yourself on the back.

When a child goes away to college, sometimes so much focus is on how hard it is emotionally that parents forget that it’s a major achievement that they can be proud of. Not only did their child graduate from high school, but they did well enough to be accepted into a college that can prepare them for their career. So, as you’re wiping away some of the tears that will inevitably happen, pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

10. Talk about expectations on move-in day

Don’t hang around when you’re not wanted. If your student wants you to help her move-in, help and then leave. Some parents take their student to dinner after move-in and then say goodbye. Don’t embarrass her and let go when it’s time.