I’ll admit (willingly) that I like to offer my unsolicited advice to my children, often in the form of southern truisms (I grew up in the south and was raised by a family of southerners). Even though they are grown, I feel the need to continue to parent. As they did when they were younger, they smile, listen, and then do things their own way. It’s a type of dance parents and kids do with one another.
The hardest part of the college admissions process for a parent is finding a balance in your parenting. You want to encourage them, guide them and help them make the right choices. But when you push too hard, nag and set guidelines that interfere with their independence and individual choices you create a stressful and frustrating college preparation experience. This is a monumental step in your child’s life and you don’t want to taint it with fighting, frustration and family discourse.
Following are 5 tips for parents of college-bound teens (based around good old southern truisms) to keep peace in the home and reduce the stress related to the college admissions process:
I spend a good deal of time talking about preparing your student for college and offering good college advice. But believe it or not, that’s not my total focus. My focus is helping parents help their child find the best path after high school graduation.
If you’re on Facebook (where most of us moms hang out) you’ve probably come across posts from proud parents announcing their high school senior’s college plans. Hiding in the shadows (and they shouldn’t be) are those parents whose senior chose to take a different path after graduation.
I’ll admit (willingly) that I like to offer my unsolicited advice to my children. Even though they are grown, I feel the need to continue to parent. As they did when they were younger, they smile, listen, and then do things their own way. It’s a type of dance parents and kids do with one another.
The hardest part of parenting during college prep is finding a balance in your parenting. You want to encourage them, guide them and help them make the right choices. But when you push too hard, nag and set guidelines that interfere with their independence and individual choices you create a stressful and frustrating college preparation experience. This is a monumental step in your child’s life and you don’t want to taint it with fighting, frustration and family discourse.
Common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden.
Following are 5 tips for parents of college-bound teens (based around good old southern truisms) to keep peace in the home and reduce the stress related to the college admissions process:
The college admissions process can be overwhelming. It will be a stressful time for both you and your teen. Your teen will need your help and your support. They will need to know they can count on you to do your part so they can do their part. It’s truly a team effort. Good parenting is key, especially during college prep.
Here are some helpful suggestions for you that will help you help your teen during college prep.
Make a visit to your teen’s counselor– Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.
Establish relationships with teachers and staff–
Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s
crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in
educating your child. Keep in touch and verify your teen’s progress via email
if it’s available and attend any teacher conferences or parent meetings that
are scheduled. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions, making
you visible to the staff.
Read all school information– Once you have stressed
to your teen the importance of ensuring that ALL information gets home to you,
you must take the time to READ it. This means reading the school handbook,
teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any
rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules. Discuss these with your
teen to alleviate any future misunderstandings that might arise over failing to
follow school guidelines.
Stress the importance of good attendance– Attendance
is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule
appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence,
make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner. If the absence
will be for an extensive period of time, coordinate with the teachers to assure
the makeup work is completed.
Encourage strong study habits– These habits will
follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time.
Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities. GPA rules in the
college admission process and good study habits will assure your teen enters
the process with an impressive one. Don’t allow your teen to procrastinate and
go into overdrive because they waited until the last minute to complete a
project.
Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors-This
contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation
letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she
means business. They will see that your teen is there to learn and excel and
ask questions. Those students are the ones that are recommended for leadership
positions and academic awards. It can be something as simple as saying hello in
the hallway or using the counselor’s office to research scholarships.
Be the organization coach– My mantra for high school
was: Preparation Prevents Panic. If you know where everything is, have a
schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. Sometimes the only
filing system a teen has is their floor. It’s your job as their parent coach to
help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners,
notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.
Stay informed and involved– This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around (although that is tempting). It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects. If you begin to notice any problems, schedule an appointment with the teacher and work out a plan for tutoring if it’s necessary. Don’t wait for the report card to lower the boom. If you stay proactive and informed, you and your teen will be able to fix any problems before they become catastrophes.
Know your teen’s friends (and their parents)– Your teen’s out of school activities will always
affect in-class behavior. In high school, it’s as much about social activity as
it is about academic success. Assuring that your teen’s friends share the same
values and goals will make a difference in their focus in and out of school.
Encourage them to make friends that have college as a goal and have the same
study habits. Take the time to meet and get to know your teen’s friends’
parents. Make sure they share your values and understand your position on
smoking, drinking and drugs.
Be proactive when you encounter problems– All types
of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There
is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they
arise and address them quickly. Academic problems require additional teacher
help, tutoring, and possibly study skill courses. If you encounter behavioral problems,
contact the school counselor or principal and discuss with them recommendations
for the particular situation. Coaches can often help, along with a mentor.
Sometimes professional counseling is warranted. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for
help. And don’t make the mistake of turning your head and going into denial. Problems only get worse
if they are ignored, especially in high school.
You’ve done the best that you can. You’ve taught you’re son or daughter to ride a bike, catch a ball, deal with heartache and tried to instill a strong work ethic and an empathetic heart. Despite the ups and downs of adolescence you’re proud of what they’ve grown into. So why are you still so nervous about their upcoming college freshman year? You’re not crazy…you just care and that’s a good thing.
Feeling helpless is common but there are things a parent can do to make the transition from high school to college a smooth one for their child (aside from already forking over tens of thousands of dollars for that aforementioned college education.) There are thousands of helpful sites online that can put your young student in a great situation moving forward into their freshman year, and below are some of the most helpful for prospective collegians.
Roomsurf – The move to a college dorm or apartment is an exciting one, but it’s not without its pitfalls. A frustrating, disrespectful or altogether annoying roommate can sour even the most stimulating college experience. Learning to live with someone who has opposing thoughts, beliefs, likes and dislikes is part of what makes a person become more open and understanding. That being said, improving the prospect of a harmonious roommate relationship is not without its benefits. Roomsurf allows its users to narrow down the roommate selection process and give a leg up on deciding what qualities a potential roommate can or cannot live without. Smoker/non-smoker, neat-freak or dirtball, night owl or morning person – this site can offer users a proactive approach to finding a better roommate match. (https://www.roomsurf.com/)
Roommate Harmony – Even with a great roommate in tow, it doesn’t take much to spark shared living frustration. From a perpetually full and dirty sink to missing food items, small amounts of disrespect and laziness can easily turn into large arguments and an uneasy living situation. Roommate Harmony hopes to curb these common roommate problems with its line of products and helpful blog. Personalized sticker pages delineate which foods are “Jake’s” and which are shareable. A chore chart reminds roomers what job is theirs for the week with a helpful “area to be cleaned” breakdown and checklist. Paired with a blog that promotes realistic advice like “speaking up” and “not being taken advantage of”, this site helps to avoid the preventable problems between roommates. (http://www.roommateharmony.com/)
Chegg – Chegg is a one stop shop of sorts in the college website realm. Right on the homepage they promote three of their services: Find Cheap Textbooks (Good), Get Homework Help (Better), Find Internships & Jobs (Best!!!). The going rate for a college textbook these days is roughly equivalent to, oh, I don’t know, giving up the kidney of your choice. Saving money on textbooks is no longer wishful thinking but a necessary reality. Getting set up with a tutor might not be a bad idea for that particularly difficult subject that is required for graduation. And any help with internship and job prospects is a huge plus – otherwise what’s even the point of a college education? All this along with an informative and funny blog and you have yourself one heck of a website. (http://www.chegg.com/)
Self-Control – We all wish we had more of it but unfortunately cheesesteak pizzas and peanut butter cup sundaes are not going anywhere in the foreseeable future. Self-Control is a fittingly named application that helps students (and anybody else for that matter) avoid distracting websites. It basically blocks whatever email accounts, websites and social networking addictions the user deems a threat to the completion of their 40-page term paper. Choose the sites to block, set the time to stay blocked and, BAM!, procrastinating influencers gone. And all this for the low, low price of FREE! Aside from the prospect of finishing a project prior to the blocking time limit being complete and being denied your favorite distraction, the only downside is that Self-Control is currently only available for Mac users. (http://selfcontrolapp.com/)
Seven Quotes – A child going away to college can be a stressful and difficult thing for both parents and students (although they might not admit it.) Seven Quotes offers a bit of strength and inspiration to both sides. After signing up for their daily email service, Seven Quotes will email a motivating quote of the day to keep you moving in a positive and joyful direction. With quotes like, “Peace begins with a smile,” and, “We meet no ordinary people in our lives,” coming to your inbox, it’s easy to make the day slightly more amazing! (http://www.sevenquotes.com/)
With the gamut of emotions that come with a change as big as a child moving away, it helps to focus on what one can do to make the transition easier. These sites can help your future or current college student maintain a sense of control and thereby allow you to sleep a bit more soundly.
__________________
Today’s guest post is from Chad Jarrah at Roommate Harmony. Roommate Harmony’s goal is to improve the shared living experience, strengthen human relationships and promote inner peace. Whether you visit our website, read our blogs, or purchase our products, our hope is to spread Roommate Harmony!
It’s easy to get college information overload online. Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and others are shouting “Read Me! Read Me!”. But let’s face it, we only have so much time to assimilate college information and even less time trying to decide what to read. And that’s where I come in. I know who has the best college related blog posts and where to find them.
Apart from mine (shameless plug), these are the other college blogs I love. Sign up for their mailing lists, follow their blogs and soak up all the relevant information they provide. Because who wants to read every single post from every single college expert? And . . . who has the time?
Paul Hemphill, an independent college counselor is famous for his “no bull” advice to parents. He doesn’t mince words and tells it like it is. He’s on the parents’ side, always and exposes some unknown truths about colleges and how they handle admissions.
Lynn O’Shaughnessy blogs about everything related to college prep and admissions. She is an expert in the area of college admissions, has written books on the topic and also a course to parents called, “Cutting the Cost of College”. You will find accurate and up-to-date information on her blog.
Jodi Okun blogs about financial aid. She’s an expert with the FAFSA and advises parents on all areas related to financing college. As an added bonus, Jodi hosts a weekly chat on Twitter (#CollegeCash at 5PM PT).
Wendy David-Gaines (POCSMom) blogs at examiner.com about college prep and the latest college news. Her advice is directed towards parents and you will find all topics on her blog: admissions, financial aid, scholarships and college news.
Sponsored by TeenLife Magazine, this blog offers college news, parenting tips, information about summer programs and gap years, along with all sorts of information about college prep.
This blog is jam-packed with all sorts of tips and advice for parents and students involved in the college prep process. It offers scholarship tips and parent tips along with advice for all aspects of the admissions process.
Advice. Everyone gives it. Most of us don’t ask for it. Sometimes we need it.
The nature of the college beast is that we all need advice. Advice from other parents. Advice from college experts. Advice from the colleges. Advice from the high school counselor. For some it’s freely given, for others it’s withheld until asked. But there’s one underlying truth—everyone needs help and direction now and then, especially when navigating the college maze. But before you set out on this adventure to find the best college advice, beware-it’s a jungle out there!
Books
I gravitate towards books; probably because I’m old fashioned. I assimilate information easier if I can read it and stew on it for a bit. Books are excellent resources for information about college. There are the “big” books that many parents use which contain all the colleges in the United States and extensive lists of scholarships. But the books that seem to help parents the most are ones written to guide them through the college process and answer all of their questions.
My advice?Check out these 10 books that I believe will help you navigate the college maze with confidence and ease.
Blogs
There are websites and there are blogs. You can’t beat blogs for some good parent to parent advice and support. Subscribe to their blog or RSS feed so you will receive an email every time they post. This is the easiest way to stay on top of recent posts.
Believe it or not, you can get advice on social media. With social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Google+ it’s easy to have information overload.
My advice?Follow me on Twitter and you will see I’ve made some lists of the accounts with good college advice: collegeinfo, tutoring, and scholarship info. Facebook is a good way to connect with colleges, other students and parents. Do a little research and find experts like me, University Parent, The College Solution, How to Win Scholarships and more. Pinterest is also quickly becoming another social media source for college advice. Follow me on Pinterest and you can follow my boards: college prep and scholarships. Look for colleges and follow their parent boards as well.
Websites
The world wide web is cluttered with college-related websites. Navigating them can be just a bit overwhelming. You can do Google searches and hope you find good advice and information, or you can trust the experts to steer you in the right direction.
My advice?Narrowing down the field should help a bit and keep you from pulling out your hair over hundreds of search results. Focus on a handful of websites that you consider to be most helpful.
It truly is a jungle out there, littered with all kinds of advice and opinions. Pick the ones who come recommended with an extensive network of experts who endorse them. The best way to find the best is to ask the best—it works every time.
It’s Friday and Twitter’s Follow Friday event reminded me that there are so many parents out there in cyberspace looking for help along the college admissions journey. Here’s a short list of helpful “parents” (along with myself, of course) that you should bookmark, follow and tap into on Facebook for the best encouragement and parent support along your journey.
Jane is a parent of college-bound teens and the owner/author of a blog that has chronicled her admissions journey with her kids (Dr. Strange College-or how I learned to stop worrying and love the journey). Her blog is jam-packed with great information, parenting encouragement and tips to help you sift through all the information you are bombarded with during the college admissions process.
Nancy is also a parent who has survived the journey and written about it in her “hit” book, College Bound and Gagged. Nancy gives parents a comedic break by helping you laugh at yourself and your kids during this stressful time. There’s nothing better than a little laughter to ease the stress and help you see the bigger picture.
Kelly is the mastermind behind Smart College Visit, a website providing you with information and resources to help make the college visit a success. Her tools to help you plan your college visits provide parents with all the resources they need in one place. Her cool “mobile app” for Virginia Tech is the first of it’s kind!
Monica is a parent herself and she is the scholarship guru, finding scholarships for her sons and teaching parents to do the same. Her simple ebook, How to Win College Scholarships, walks you through the process step by step. She also blogs, giving parents tips and scholarship updates on a regular basis.
Paul learned the hard way that colleges aren’t necessarily a parent’s friend. His frustration with the admissions process during his sons’ journey, prompted him to help other parents and students learn the secrets to take charge during the journey and “win” in this highly competitive process. His video series is second to none and every parent needs to arm themselves with his arsenal of sage advice.
This is just a short list of parents out there offering you help along your journey. Be an informed parent and tap into their advice and wise counsel. Parents helping parents–what better way to survive the journey?
Last week I did a radio interview with Power Women Magazine about the college prep process and my Parents Countdown to College Toolkit. In it, I discussed the steps necessary to prepare for the admissions process, how to stay organized, and the 10 mistakes parents and students often make when applying to college.
Click the link below and you can listen to the interview.
If you’ve visited my site lately, you’ll notice the banner at the top about the College Prep Formula. Since I take our relationship (parent-to-parent) seriously and I ALWAYS support ANY product I promote here, I want to tell you a little bit about Paul Hemphill, the guy behind the College Prep Formula.
I first came in contact with Paul on Twitter. I started reading his blog and watching some of his videos. I realized that he and I were cut from the same cloth–1)he lives in Boston (my favorite city) and loves Texas (my favorite state) and 2)we are both approaching this college admissions game from the parent’s perspective. We like to call ourselves Parent Advocates! We’ve done a few webinars together and the more I learn about him, the more I respect him. Paul is the kind of guy that doesn’t mince words and comes right to the point–you are the customer; buyer BEWARE!
As you can imagine, it’s not a very popular opinion in the college admissions arena; but it’s one that I completely agree with and one that speaks the truth. Paul and I exchanged products (my toolkit and his videos) and I realized that we were on the same wave length. Why? Because we were both clueless about the college process and made some of the very same mistakes with our kids. Because of the mistakes we made, we are EXTREMELY committed to helping parents reduce the college stress and arm themselves with the tools they need to make it through this process on top!
The College Prep Formula will give every parent of college-bound teens (and that means even middle school students) the ability to enter the college admissions process as informed consumers. This is a MAJOR purchase and you need to approach it as such. Imagine if you will, (in Rod Serling’s Twilight zone voice) being able to save thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars on college. It’s possible, if you follow Paul’s formula.
Trust me…you don’t want to miss out on this GREAT parent resource. I’ve seen the videos and they are going to help you stress less AND save money. And as Paul likes to say…they will knock your socks off!
