Tag Archives: college freshmen

mom approved tips, parenting

For the New College Parent: Your First Night Without Them

 

new college parentI’ve been reading all the posts from parents of new college freshmen. I expected the emotions, tears and general feelings of loss a new college parent might feel. But I never expected the panic, paranoia, and frantic behavior that many have exhibited. No judging here; just an observation.

I get it. I’ve been there.

Both my son and daughter left home after high school. My son joined the Marines. My daughter went 2000 miles away to college.

With my son, I received one letter informing me he had arrived at boot camp and was safe. Until his graduation, I did not receive a phone call or another letter. It was rough. But it never occurred to me to call his commanding officer of the boot camp and inquire about him or ask why I hadn’t heard from him. I knew this was a momentous step for him and he had to walk this path on his own.

With my daughter, it was a little different. I stayed a few days in a hotel near her to help unpack. The first night wasn’t a cake walk. She told me when I left her after dropping her off that she wanted to transfer to a college closer to home. But, instead of overreacting, freaking out, or calling her advisor, I just waited. I knew homesickness would set in. I knew she would ask me to come and rescue her and take her home. I knew her boyfriend was begging her to come home. But I also knew that she was going to have to work things out on her own.

All throughout my daughter’s four years of college conflict arose. From her first few weeks of college and the boyfriend situation, to multiple roommate issues, to conflicts with friends, to the emotions of losing a very close friend in a tragic accident, to losing her grandparents—college was a hard emotional road for her. But, instead of running to her aid, I let her solve these issues on her own. She sought the comfort of friends, made concessions for her roommates and sought help when she needed it. She learned to solve her own problems.

What’s my point?

My point is that as hard as this step may be for both you and your new college student, the choices and decisions you make that first night and every night after that could very well impact how your child responds to college. Running to their rescue because they are crying or homesick will only harm them, and could often have devastating results. It’s time for some tough love. You must, under all circumstances, give them the space to work through their misery.

If you have done your job and taught them how to self-advocate, how to solve issues and conflict, how to find and use a support group, and how to work through their problems they will benefit more from using those techniques than you driving to college and taking them home. Ultimately, however, it’s your choice. But from one parent whose children thank her every day for using tough love and not giving in to their tears, it’s my best, and only advice.

I wonder if it’s because we live in an age of instant communication—staying in touch with texting and location apps on the smartphone. I also wonder if parents have become so frightened for their children that they hold them much closer than they ever did before. Whatever the reason resist the temptation to give in. Your child will thank you; maybe not now, but later when they graduate from college after living four of the best years of their life.

Read this article, “Overparenting Our Teenagers” and stand firm. It’s the best you can do for your student.

college guidance, dorm life, parenting

Top 5 financial mistakes college freshmen make

Freshmen-BlundersWhen your student becomes a freshman in college they are bound to face a rather steep learning curve on several fronts. For one thing they will have to get used to being responsible for themselves, including how (and when) to eat, get enough sleep, and juggle their daily schedule, from attending classes to doing homework to squeezing in some socialization. But they will also have to learn to manage their own finances, and this can be extremely difficult for students that have never had to set a budget, balance accounts, and pay bills, especially if you, as parents, have offered no friendly advice or training on the subject. But rather than learning things the hard way and potentially getting into debt or screwing up their credit along the way, it’s in your best interest to help them become aware of some common issues that average freshmen face in the area of finance so that they can circumvent them completely. Here are just a few financial mistakes they will certainly want to avoid.

  1. Blowing dough on friends. Whether you are providing them with a monthly stipend for living expenses, they have some loan money left over after tuition and books, or they have a wage-earning job for the first time in their life, they may end up with a little more money in their pocket than they are used to, and the urge to impress their new friends by springing for pizza, treating them to coffee, or buying them tickets to rock concerts could leave your student high and dry with no money for essentials. This is a classic rookie mistake that plenty of freshmen make once or twice. But after living on Raman noodles for weeks, they aren’t likely to make this classic blunder again.
  2. Neglecting bookkeeping. Most students have never had to track their spending, so why would they add such a burden when they’ve already got the stresses of college to contend with? Because they don’t end up getting into trouble with overdraft fees, credit card fines, or angry phone calls from their parents informing them that you will no longer fund them unless they can get spending habits in order.
  3. Failing to budget. Any time you have limited funds (or really, any time at all) it’s important to create a budget so that you always know just how much money you have available and where it’s destined to go. Without this knowledge you could find that you don’t have enough in the bank when it comes time to pay for tuition. Or your bank card may be denied when you try to pay for dinner. Neither sounds very appealing.
  4. Applying for credit cards. Although there are laws in place to protect students from credit card offers that are made to take advantage of their inexperience, only your student can truly ensure that they don’t wind up owing their first-born child to Visa or MasterCard. As soon as they take out loans and start building credit the offers for plastic will come rolling in. Tell them to resist the urge to say yes to every offer that lands on their desk. If they need to use a credit card to actually build their credit, select one that has a low limit (to curtail overspending) and also a low interest rate (one that won’t get bumped up in 12 months). Or consider a card that requires they pay the balance, like American Express.
  5. Ignoring cheaper alternatives. Even though you might be  insuring items you bring to college, it’s probably a good idea not to bring anything too valuable. This includes a car. As a student living on campus they should have no problem getting around with nothing more than a bike or their own two feet. And even if they work off campus they can take the bus for a lot less than it costs to own and operate a vehicle.

Before your student spends beaucoup bucks on things they don’t need, consider that there are cheaper alternatives that could save them from overspending. Teach them the difference between “want” and “need” before they head out on their own.

 

 

Guest Posts, orientation

Making the most of college orientation

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It is an exciting time for the whole family when a daughter or son begins college. This is not only a transition from one phase of education to the next, but the beginning of a child’s first years away from home and, in many cases, the parents’ first years with an “empty nest.” Parents may experience this distance as a relief, a cause for worry or both, and many would like a little guidance. College orientation for parents can provide some of that guidance, as well as equipping parents with a more accurate mental picture of what their child’s new life will be like. Read on to learn how to make the most of your orientation.

Why Orientation Matters

College orientation offers students and parents a glimpse of the school that will play a defining role in the whole family’s life for the next four years, and in that sense, it should be just as important to parents as students. Becoming familiar with the physical campus and the school culture will make it easier for parents to understand their children’s lives and have informed conversations with them in the coming years. Learning about rules, campus safety and the academic calendar will also be of practical value to many parents for obvious reasons. Meeting other parents will also provide a feeling of community, as well as the potential for long-lasting friendships.

Parent Orientation

In recent years, more and more colleges and universities have offered orientation events specifically geared toward parents during the days or weeks before school starts. Attending such events may require taking time off from work, traveling and even paying for admission. However, the BostonGlobe reports that most parents found the events to be more than worthwhile. With events ranging from “Meet the Dean” to model classes and seminars on “Letting Go,” parent orientations offer an in-depth understanding of today’s college experience that can’t be had from a distance.

If There is No Parent Orientation

While parent orientations have become the standard at large colleges and universities, some smaller schools still do not offer these events. Parent orientation is less of a necessity at small schools, which are more personal and less bureaucratic. If this is the case, you should check with both the school and your child about whether it is appropriate for you to attend student orientation events. Spending time on campus, meeting a few other students and parents, and helping your student to settle into his or her dorm are generally very positive experiences — but it is also important to recognize the boundaries around your student’s new life outside your home. Remember: If the school doesn’t offer a seminar on “Letting Go,” you still have to let go.

How to Prepare

Try to think of yourself as both a parent and a student during your orientation. Bring paper and pencil or an iPad to take notes with, make sure to ask questions and introduce yourself to parents and school officials. Especially at a large institution, it can be helpful to get to know a couple of contacts personally or at least to know who to talk to if you have a question about financial aid or your child’s academic record. In addition to taking care of the practical details, you will also benefit more from the experience if you allow yourself to enjoy it.

 

Your child’s transition from living and studying at home to his or her first year of college is a major moment for the whole family, and many parents find orientation helpful and enjoyable. But particularly busy parents of independent children may simply skip the event, and this is a valid choice as well. Most schools that offer parent orientations strongly encourage you to take advantage of them, but it is not a requirement. The decision to attend orientation is much like the decision to go college itself: You should go because you want to learn something and to enjoy it. This attitude will also help you to get the most out of your orientation.

 

Sources:

http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2010/07/06/empty_nest_101_college_orientation_for_parents/

http://www.collegeparentcentral.com/2009/04/college–parent–orientation–a–key–beginning/

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Today’s guest post was written by Melissa Woodson, the community manager for @WashULaw, a premier program for foreign attorneys to earn their LLMOnline, offered through Washington University in St. Louis. In her spare time, she enjoys running, cooking, and making half-baked attempts at training her dog.

 

college planning, parenting

From High School to College…

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…What your student needs during the transition.

high school to college
–photo courtesy of University Parent–

Now that your student is done celebrating high school graduation and ready to settle into summer, it’s the best time to gather important information from high school before it gets forgotten in the bustle of back-to-school excitement.

Grab a folder – or a flash drive for the computer – and save the following items for the fall:

  • Previous college credit: Before registering for fall classes, students must provide the university with all college and dual credit information. Save paperwork from previous credits or AP classes, and contact the university to see what they need. Most schools need an official transcript if your student completed credits at another school, and if he/she received an AP credit by exam, those results must also be sent to the university. Have your student contact the high school to request official transcripts, and request unofficial transcripts for your own records. If the official transcripts come to you, be sure not to open the envelopes, and forward them to the university.
  • High school work: Hopefully, your student didn’t throw his senior year’s work in the air, singing, “School’s out for summer!” and leave it behind, never to look back. Important papers, tests and notes can come in handy – especially for overwhelmed freshmen taking college courses, possibly learning how to study for the first time. Professors don’t take valuable class time to review what students learned in high school, so students should do that on their own.
  • Scholarship donor contact information: If your student received a scholarship or grant to attend college, a big “thank-you” is in order. Donors, alumnae, philanthropists and even corporations that provide college scholarships love to hear how their money is used. Sending a formal letter after the first semester is a great way to thank them for their contribution and explain how the first semester went. Cultivating those relationships can be the best tactic to ensure more scholarship money, if they make ongoing gifts.
  • Teacher and coach contact information: Many high school seniors leave a small pond feeling like a big fish – and the first few weeks in college can be overwhelming. If your student had a special relationship with a teacher, coach or mentor, that doesn’t have to end when he/she moves on to different waters. An e-mail or phone call from your student to a trusted adult can be encouraging and provide them with support beyond their parents, and thank-you notes go a long way to show appreciation for teachers who have made an impact. Keeping up with these relationships is important because past teachers can be a good reference for students looking for on-campus jobs or internships.

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This guest post was provided by Sarah Schupp, founder and CEO of University Parent Media in Boulder, Colo. UPM publishes print and online guides for parents of students at universities and colleges in 38 states. Online at www.universityparent.com.

college guidance, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

The infamous "Freshman 15"

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When my daughter was in college, she, her roommates, and friends feared and dreaded the “freshman 15”. There’s a rumor out there (and it’s more than a rumor) that freshmen in college gain 15 pounds the first year.  Corey Bobco for The Real College Guide gives your college-bound freshman some tips on how to avoid those 15 extra pounds. Pass these tips along to the class of 2014…or 15…or 16.

Note: I would venture a guess (and I’m probably right) that much of the 15 pounds is attributed to high calorie alcohol consumption.

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It doesn’t take a college degree to know that eating junk plus exercising less equals the end of your smokin’ bod. But sometimes, on-campus crunch-time habits like scrimping on exercise and binging on convenient, crappy food can stick — especially if they begin while you’re lazin’ out at home on break.

Factor in a colossal workload (aka hours of inactivity while your butt is nailed to your desk chair), and you’re looking down the very-real barrel of your freshman 15. Want to avoid ‘em? Try practicing healthful habits on the home front so you’ll be ahead of the game once stress strikes when you’re back at school. Here are some tips:

Fork in Five a Day

Here: The U.S. Department of Agriculture recommends eating five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day to reduce your risk of disease and give you a good dose of dietary fiber — which pushes digestion along, quite literally. Scarfing down adequate servings doesn’t mean throwing back a whole bunch of bananas in one sitting or repurposing your funnel for competitive juice chugging (especially because it only takes half a cup — that’s 4 ounces — of fruit juice or vegetable juice to yield one serving). While you have access to your parent’s grocery funds and home cooking (if you’re lucky!), make it your daily goal to increase your fruit and veggie intake.

There: Hit up the dining-hall salad bar and enlighten your tray with some greenery. To avoid in-class grumbles, snack throughout the day — and make your snack of choice fruit. Apples, bananas and oranges can usually withstand the wrath of your books when thrown in your bag for a between-class snack. Plus, it’s easy to grab a piece or two on your way out from breakfast in the dining hall.

Plan Accordingly

Here: At home, you might not have control over what kind of tempting food finds its way into your pantry. But make sure there are healthful snacks in there too to help you avoid stuffing your face with the worst of the worst when hunger strikes.

There: When stocking your dorm room with snacks, don’t feel the need to get everything your parents keep in the house (because it’s familiar) or everything they don’t keep (just because you can). Rather, stick with the following mantra: “If I don’t buy it, I can’t eat it.” So what should you buy? Try portion-controlled trail mix, dried fruit or 100-calorie bags of popcorn — and get it at a supermarket or health food store in bulk quantities. Individual servings save you from yourself (aka overeating), and buying in bulk saves you cash. Stocking up instead of buying individual items at a vending machine or quick store will save you serious cash — especially when you’re munching on these snacks instead of ordering deep-dish pizza late-night.

Get Physical

Here: With nothing but time on your hands over summer (or any) break, you have no excuse not to be active. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be painful. Take a swim for an awesome way to get exercise while working on your tan. Dust off your old bike and take it for a joy ride around the block. Or try walking — you may be surprised how far your legs can take you around your hometown.

There: Take the time to research what facilities your school offers. Most campuses offer free gym membership, indoor pool access, free or low-cost exercise classes and bike racks –which, by the way, you should totally use, since two wheels are cheaper than four and faster than walking to class. Since you’ll probably know when you’ll be in class before you get to campus, it should be easy to figure out how to fit exercise classes or gym sessions into your day. Once you set aside the time, keep it interesting by inviting friends to join you or trying something new, like yoga, Pilates, tai chi, step aerobics, kickboxing or capoeira.

Sleep in

Here: In the long run, sleep deprivation encourages weight gain. Use your spare hours to determine — within reason — how much sleep you actually need to feel well rested. Then, make sure you get it. (Hint: If you think you need more than 12 hours, you’re wrong. More likely, you need between six and eight.)

There: Depriving yourself of sleep typically raises stress levels while impairing mental and physical performance, so you really need to get your z’s. Early class? Set a bedtime and stick to it. If you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do your work and get sufficient rest, reassess the way you spend your time. It’s possible that interruptions like your roommate’s incessant BBMing or distractions like Facebook browsing are robbing you of precious hours. Reclaim ‘em and rest up!