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admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep, college transfer, community college, parenting

My Son’s Path to College Graduation Took 9 Years After High School

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This week, I will be sharing some personal stories and experiences of my own children’s path to college. I hope they help enlighten you and encourage you to help your college-bound teen.

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During his senior year of high school, my son applied to three schools: the Air Force Academy, West Point, and the Citadel. He knew he didn’t have the grades to get into these competitive colleges, but they were his dream schools. He didn’t apply anywhere else and when he was not offered admission, he decided to give up on college. He was defeated and felt he couldn’t possibly succeed. He also felt college was out of the question without scholarships and he did not bother to apply for any. Because of this, my son’s path to college graduation took nine years after high school.

Unfortunately, I was an uninformed parent. I did not know at the time there were many other options for him. He could have attended community college for a nominal cost. He could have applied rolling admission to colleges that were within our ability to pay. He could have chosen a military college and accepted an officer’s commission after graduation. But because he felt he had few options, he opted for the military, with the promise of attending college while serving.

Since he chose the Marines, he had little time to attend college. After serving his four years, he was honorably discharged and the day after leaving the Marine Corps, he began attending a state college on the G.I Bill. Unfortunately, he made a poor college choice. Based on his Marine buddies recommendations, he chose a “party” school. To make matters worse, the college was a commuter college—students went home on the weekends.

Every student has a different path to college--be sensitive and be an encourager
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After one semester, he withdrew with an absolutely disappointing 1.0 GPA. It was not that he was a poor student. He just wasn’t ready. After being told what to do for four years, he wasn’t disciplined enough to attend class, study, and participate in discussions. His plan—come home and find a full-time job. We agreed to give him six months.

After working at a minimum wage job for one year and living in a small studio apartment, it became clear to him that he needed a college education. Since his GPA would not allow him to re-enter college, he decided to attend community college, retake the same courses, bring up his GPA and transfer to a four-year college after he had met the basic requirements. Better yet, his G.I Bill and Pell Grant would cover all his tuition, making it possible to attend for two years without incurring any student loan debt.

After two years of community college, he transferred to a private college with a 4.0 GPA. Because of his excellent academic standing, he was able to secure scholarships for this college as well. After two more years, and nine years after high school, he graduated Magna Cum Laude with numerous academic merit awards. It was clear that he was capable of so much more than he thought he was in high school.

What made the difference? He was ready. After working for a year making minimum wage, he realized the importance of a college education. He made a plan and kept his eye on the prize. As he did in the Marines, he excelled in the execution of that plan and reaped the rewards of his academic commitment.

Is your teen a good student and is struggling with a college decision? Don’t be discouraged. He or she may not be ready. A gap year might be in order. Working at a trade or internship could help motivate them. For my son, the military was the best option. Whatever your teenager decides, the path he or she takes should be the path that best fits them. Forcing a student to attend college if he’s not ready will only lead to disaster: financial and personal failure.

If you think your unmotivated student has few education options after high school, think again. Community college is always an option, offering an opportunity to ease into college life. Trade schools offer a hands-on education and for some students, the best choice. There are colleges who accept applications year round, and even colleges that have a 100% acceptance rate. Just because your student does mediocre in high school, don’t assume college will be an academic repeat. If college is truly his goal, he will make it work; and he just might surprise you.

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Preparing your student for college graduation

Last night in the #CampusChat discussion we were talking about moving into college and what to pack. One participant stated she took her whole life with her to college because she never planned to move back home after college graduation; and to her credit she did not.

Most parents believe (or hope) that once their student goes off to college they will only be temporary visitors at home. We often talk about getting into college, but rarely discuss what happens after graduation. Unfortunately, in today’s economy, many students are forced to move back in with their parents after they graduate. For those boomerang students, the top two reasons are no job or job prospects and too many student loans exceeding their expected income.

These reasons alone make it important for parents to be involved in the financial decisions that their students make related to the college they choose and the loans they choose to incur while attending. Of course your student may WANT to go to an expensive private college, but can you, as a family, afford it? Is your student prepared for the ramifications of taking out massive student loans and not being able to repay them?

Three scenarios

After the student returns home three scenarios usually play out.

Scenario One

Your student returns home and still can’t find a job with their college degree. After weeks of depression and frustration, they make the decision to attend graduate school. Since it’s expensive, they opt to take out graduate student loans to supplement the financial aid and provide living expenses. After they complete their graduate degree, they are able to gain employment and begin paying back their loans.

Scenario Two

Your student finds a minimum wage job, defers their student loans and still can’t find a job related to their college degree and major. They end up working in a field that is completely unrelated to their area of interest, in a job they do not like, and are still unable to pay back their student loans. They borrowed too much and will probably never crawl out of the hole they dug for themselves.

Scenario Three

Your student returns home, finds a minimum wage job, defers their student loans and saves every penny they make while living at home. They are able to begin paying back their student loans with their savings and continue the job hunt while working full time. Many times, those temporary jobs end up being avenues to find college degree employment either through networking or company advancement.

With scenario one, if your son or daughter opts to pursue the graduate degree path, it’s critical they do their homework, research interest and payback rates, and degrees that are worth their investment. If they don’t, they could end up as the student in the second scenario with too much debt and no job prospects.

Summing it up (my opinion)

Advise your student wisely about debt, college value, and degree prospects after graduation. It’s not just a decision on which school they “like”. It’s a decision that affects the rest of their life and could have overwhelming negative consequences. Parents are key role players in this decision. It’s our job to point out the possible ramifications of their decisions and allow them to have input. But (and this is is hard) if they won’t listen to reason, you might have to be a parent. I know because I had to take that role with my daughter and her college choice. I had to be the “bad guy” and kept her from attending her first choice college. Today she thanks me. At the time, she wasn’t very happy with me–but she fell in love with her second choice college and graduated with minimal debt.

Being a parent can be extremely hard; we have to balance guidance with “helicoptering” and know when to take a stand for the well-being of our kids. It’s a difficult job on the best of days and downright frustrating on the worst of them. Helping them with the college choice as it relates to financial consequences is one of those “take a stand” moments.