Tag Archives: college guidance

college guidance, college majors

Helping Your Teen Choose a College Major

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college major

Guiding your child to succeed in all areas of life is every parent’s wish. This guidance process is even more critical when your teen gains college admission and has to choose a college major. Did you know 50-80% of students in America change college majors at least once in their four-year study? For several parents, this process will be the first time teenagers make a life-altering decision. Therefore, offering direction should be a deliberate process.

Continue reading Helping Your Teen Choose a College Major →
college guidance, parenting

Teaching Social Skills Before College

social skills

Social skills are important for all of us in day to day life. The vast majority of us are surrounded by other people at all times. We have to work with others. We socialize with others. We engage with people in countless situations on a day to day basis – buying items in stores, navigating ourselves through crowds in the streets, spending time with friends… the list goes on. So, social interaction is going to be a constant presence throughout your child’s entire life. Teaching them social skills before college is essential. They’ll settle into school, make friends, enjoy extracurricular activities and much more if they are able to effectively interact with the people they’re surrounded by. Here are a few areas to focus on to get your college-bound student ready for college.

Teach Communication

Communication is absolutely essential to getting by in the world. We all need to be able to express how we’re feeling in order to maintain good relationships with anyone. Without effective communication, your teen won’t be able to make friends well. So, encourage your child to talk. Get them to talk about how they’re feeling. Get them to talk about their interests. Get them to talk about what they’ve been up to and what they’re planning on doing each day. Simple conversation can go a long way when it comes to helping your teen express themselves and build bonds with others. You can find more information on how to achieve this at teachkidscommunication.

Teach Empathy

Empathy is another essential life skill. It will help your teen to understand how others feel at any given time. This will help them respond appropriately in different social situations. They will be able to help others when they’re feeling sad, down or distressed. They’ll be able to pick up on signs of anger and help to resolve the issues that are causing it. They’ll be able to share in others joy when others are happy or celebrating. Empathy really is important. But how do you teach empathy? Well, you simply actively encourage your child to see the world through another’s eyes or walk in another’s shoes. Ask them to consider how others such as their siblings or friends are feeling.

Lead by Example

Remember that your teen will pick up on your own social behavior, so lead by example and be a good role model. Make sure to treat others respectfully and appropriately at all times in front of your child. They’ll pick up on your behavior and begin to mimic it themselves!

Hopefully, the above advice will help you to help your soon-to-be college student when it comes to social skills! Focus on these different areas to get the best results possible!

college guidance

The Pros and Cons of Moving Away to College

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collegeOne of the biggest decisions a young person has to make is what college to go to. Do you spread your wings and go to a school further out from where you live, or even overseas? Or do you stay home and keep your focus under the watchful eye of your parents? Here are some pros and cons to consider.

Pros: access to the best schools and/ or courses

One of the biggest advantages to moving away to university is to go and study at the best school or course that you can. Different universities are renowned for different things, and if you’re able to get accepted then it makes sense that you’d choose the best school that you can. Do your research, and apply to the schools that offer what you’re looking for with your expected grades. You will receive an instant rejection, or a offer based on you achieving the results you’ve stated.

Cons: homesickness

Even though you’re officially an adult when you go away to university, some students can experience serious homesickness. This can impact your mental health as well as your studies. It’s always worth giving these things a go, you might surprise yourself and with communication these days being so good you can always video call back home. Just be aware that if things get

Pros: learning independence

Going away to university isn’t just about earning a qualification. While of course this is the most important thing, moving to university helps you to learn about yourself as well as improve your education and job prospects. For most young people, moving away to college is the first time they’ve lived away from home. Being away from the security and regulation of your parents home can help you discover more about yourself, it helps you to grow up and learn responsibility since it’s the opportunity to stand on your own two feet. You’ll need to be able to organize your time, your finances, you’ll need to learn how to keep your accommodation clean, your clothes clean, you’ll need to learn to feed yourself. Moving to university is like a crash course in adulthood, and having these skills when you graduate can really set you on a good path for the rest of your life.

Cons: lack of life skills

No young person is going to know it all before moving away, and learning as you go is the key to success. However, some people lack the fundamental skills to make this work in the first place. If you’ve always relied on parents to cook, clean, budget and know none of the basics then going off to a new place can leave you feeling like you’ve been totally thrown in at the deep end. If you know you’re off to college in the future, work on building up some of these skills now. Find a budgeting app that suits you, even if you only have to pay for your own car and phone while you’re living at home it will get you used to managing money. Learn some simple yet healthy budget recipes that could keep you going if you moved away.

college guidance, parenting

5 Parenting Lessons from The Hecks of “The Middle”

 

parenting lessons

If you are part of a middle class family, it’s easy to relate to the Hecks. Frankie and Mike struggle with everything middle class parents do: paying the bills, balancing expenses, and trying to raise children who aspire to college. Their parenting style is not for everyone, but within the hilarity and the sometimes questionable choices they make, we can find some relevant truth.

This show is a mirror into every parent’s struggles, battles, and parenting nightmares. Their oldest son can never get his head in the game. Their daughter lives in her own little world but strives for greatness. And their youngest son struggles with a lack of social skills. But somehow, they manage to make us laugh and cry watching their crazy life.

Watching the show for seven years, I’ve realized that Frankie and Mike can teach us a great deal about parenting. Here are five parenting lessons from “The Middle”:

  1. Find a parenting balance

Mike and Frankie’s philosophy is to let life happen. Their children often fend for themselves and are expected to remind their parents of every school activity. Because of this, it’s common for the family to be late, for the parents to forget, and for the children to miss out on opportunity. Instead of staying on top of deadlines, activities and events, they depend on their children to remind them.

Uninvolved parents are the antithesis of the helicopter parent. We should always seek a balance between the two. Stay involved enough to be the coach and the guide, but back off enough to allow your children to exert some independence.

  1. Always encourage your children to pursue their goals

The Heck’s daughter, Sue, is an extrovert and a dreamer. She dreams big, fails at most things, but continues to try. Although her parents know she’s never going to be a varsity cheerleader or homecoming queen, they never tell her to stop trying. She learns some tough lessons about life and her successes are more meaningful because she committed and never gave up.

  1. Even when it seems you’ve failed as a parent, there is always hope

The Heck’s oldest son, Axl, is a charmer, with absolutely no motivation. Try as they might, they could never seem to impress upon him the importance of doing your best and striving for excellence. Since he is a charmer, he charmed his way out of some pretty desperate situations. But as time has passed, he has grown as a person and has begun to see the potential in a college degree.

  1. Even in a family that struggles financially, college is an option

Neither Mike nor Frankie have a college education. But they knew they wanted their children to have that opportunity. Their plan for Axl was to get an athletic scholarship. For Sue, they knew her grades were her ticket and expected a good financial aid package. Both first generation students were accepted to college and received enough financial aid to attend. The parents never gave up on encouraging their children, even though they knew there would be challenges financially.

  1. Even though you can’t wait for your kids to leave for college, you will miss them when they are gone

This scenario has played out numerous times during the last few seasons. Frankie and Mike’s goal has always been for their children to finally leave home. Now that two of them have gone off to college, they are feeling the pains of the empty nest, especially with Sue. Their youngest son is still at home, but entering high school. The reality that someday soon they will be all alone is a quite an accomplishment, but it’s also a tough pill to swallow. There are days when they welcome the silence in the house, and then there are days when they worry because they haven’t heard from either child in the last 24 hours.

If you’ve never watched “The Middle” and you have college-bound teens, spend 30 minutes a week with the Hecks. You will laugh, commensurate and cry with this typical family. If you have Hulu, you can binge watch all seven seasons and watch the progression of their lives.

admissions, college prep, mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: What Frustrates Parents Most About College Prep?

 

college prep

What frustrates parents most about college prep? I hear the frustration in parents’ voices every day about the overwhelming amount of knowledge a parent and student need to navigate the college maze. I call it a maze because that’s exactly how it feels. All throughout the process, parents feel lost, confused, off-track and often bewildered.

Not understanding your part in the process

It’s difficult for parents to know how involved you should be in the college prep process. It’s a balancing act between helping and hurting. Where do you pitch in? Should you teen handle everything alone? When do you cross the line?

In today’s world of highly involved parents, you need some help to define your boundaries and give your student the slack he needs to become independent:

Top 10 Dos and Don’ts of Parenting a College-Bound Teen

Motivating your student

I had an unmotivated student. It’s not that he wasn’t capable of achieving academic success; it was just that he didn’t have the motivation or the desire to do his best. He never soared in high school, or in the first semester of college, but he did reach his academic potential, finally.

It was hard having a child who didn’t grasp his full potential, no matter how much I told him he was capable of straight A’s. It just didn’t matter to him. Passing with average grades was good enough for him. Those grades, however, contributed to some difficult life choices and some hard lessons along the way. In the end, there were four tips that finally motivated him academically:

4 Tips to Motivate an Unmotivated Student

Finding a way to pay for the high costs

If you have a college-bound teen you’re well aware of the cost of college–it’s high. In a recent story in Business Week, one graduate confessed she had given up on her student loan debt of $186,000. She is not alone. With the nation struggling under a $1 trillion student debt crisis, stories like hers are nothing uncommon. For the first time ever, the national student loan default rate exceeds the credit card delinquency rate, and so long as student loans remain one of the few types of debt that can’t be discharged in bankruptcy, chances are the situation won’t improve any time soon.

As her parent, it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t fall prey to debt that she cannot repay after graduation. Before she ever accepts an offer of admission, you need to talk to her about financing college. Following are a few tips to help broach that uncomfortable topic with your college-bound teen:

Talking to Your Kids About Financing College 

And you might also like to read:

10 Ways to Attend College for Free (or almost free)

Getting help and knowing who to ask

I was speaking with a parent the other night about advice her daughter received from an independent college counselor regarding standardized tests. The counselor told the student not to bother with either the SAT or ACT; they weren’t necessary. He made this statement before receiving a list of colleges and asking if she was applying to test optional schools! The parent questioned the validity of this advice, and rightly so.

With college admissions becoming ever more competitive, it may seem logical to consider working with an independent counselor. They can offer expertise and a personalized approach to the complex, time-consuming, and often stressful college prep, search and application process. But ask any group of parents and you will hear a variety of opinions. While some parents feel that engaging an independent counselor is an essential part of helping their student be a competitive applicant to his or her top choice schools, others question whether hiring someone adds value beyond what a student can already receive from parents and the high school.

Some parents choose to guide their student through the process and some choose to hire a professional. Neither is right nor wrong. The decision should be based on each family’s individual needs and resources.

Need some help trying to decide? Here’s an article I wrote for University Parent:

Should You Work With an Independent Counselor?

How to handle rejection

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The best of times—getting an offer of admission. The worst of times—getting a letter of rejection. Or is it really? Is there any way to spin the disappointment? Parents have dealt with their kids facing rejection throughout their lives, but there is no greater disappointment that losing what you feel is your dream—getting in to your dream college.

I’ve found some very wise words from some very wise experts over the last several weeks. When the emotions subside and your college-bound teen is ready to talk, show them these words. It could open their eyes to the truth about college rejection letters:

The Truth about College Rejection Letters

admissions, guidance counselors

The High School Guidance Counselor conundrum

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guidance counselorParents rely on guidance counselors to help their students with college prep. They are under the misconception that a counselors job is counsel their student about college. But guidance counselors have little time to help your student. Research shows that the average counselor to student ratio is 470-1 and that they spend less than 20 minutes a year with each student.

Just the facts

A recent article in Time, “The High School Guidance Counselor”, explains the problem:

In addition to huge caseloads, budget cuts have forced to counselors to increasingly contend with duties unrelated to their traditional roles, such as monitoring the school cafeteria or proctoring exams, says Eric Sparks, the ASCA’s assistant director. And few get more than scant training before taking on the job, says Alexandria Walton Radford, a former U.S. Department of Education official who has studied the issue. Many degree programs for school counselors don’t offer coursework on helping students make the best college choices, or getting financial aid, according to a national survey of counselors.

The result is an overtaxed system in which many students either never go to college, go to institutions that are the wrong for them, or never learn about financial aid for which they may qualify. According to Radford’s research, low-income, ethnic minority valedictorians and first-generation college applicants shy away from elite schools, unaware of scholarship opportunities; freshmen over-rely on friends and relatives for advice about college.

Knowing this, parents and students need to take action. You know the old saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the oil?” The same is true when it comes to dealing with guidance counselors. Don’t become a nuisance, but put your student at the top of the counselor’s to-do list.

Start early

Beginning freshman year, you and your student need to make contact with their guidance counselor. At the beginning of your teen’s freshman year (and each school year following to stay on top of your student’s progress), make an appointment to meet with the guidance counselor. This meeting will let the counselor know that you are an involved parent and that you will be taking an active role during your teen’s high school years. It will also serve to establish a relationship between your teen and the counselor which will benefit them in the future as they begin to require more and more help with the college application process.

Here’s a list of questions I composed for Zinch that you should ask at those meetings: 5 Must-Ask Questions for your Child’s Guidance Counselor

Take action

Since guidance counselors have multiple students to deal with and multiple deadlines to manage, you need to take action and verify that the action they should take is being taken and in a timely manner.

Paul Hemphill, of Planning for College, puts it plainly, “Over the next several weeks, colleges will deny a student’s application for admission because the student’s guidance counselor failed to send the paperwork in by the deadline.”

Paul suggests parents send 3 emails to their child’s guidance counselor that can prevent the heartbreak of your child’s application being refused consideration: Guidance Counselors Can Kill Your Student’s Dreams.

Note: Pikesville High School Counseling in Baltimore, Maryland has this to say: “I appreciate that you care about SCHOOL counselors’ lack of training in college planning, but I disagree about your recommendations. There are more productive and proactive ways than becoming the squeaky wheel…Like asking district and state leadership for smaller caseloads and more professional development for SCHOOL counselors.” Good advice. Get involved in your school community and ask for changes. 

 

college guidance, college planning, Guest Posts, parenting

Prepping students for life as a college student

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Parents, you have spent nights up with your kids when they were sick, read over homework assignments, and been a listening ear to their rough days at school. Fast forward to their senior year of high school and now your child is an adult. While no one can turn back the clock, there are several actions you can take now to ensure your child is prepared to smoothly transition to a college student.

  • Encourage responsibility–While you are still the parent and have an important role in your future college student’s life, promote independence. For example, set boundaries with your child if you will be sending money regularly. Also, determine consequences if your child abuses money that you send such as by not sending additional funds until the next semester. Let your child know that you will be available to listen and offer suggestions, but the ultimate responsibility lies with them. There has to be a balance between being a parent and treating your child as an adult.
  • Encourage your child to avoid getting into debt, when possible–Many students and their families receive financial aid packages that include grants and loans. With this in mind, encourage your child not to incur further debt such as credit card charges or overdraft bank fees. Offer suggestions for your child to save money and establish a budget to cover the expenses that come with the college life. Examples of suggestions would be to work part-time on campus, purchase food at the grocery store, and limiting entertainment expenses.
  • Encourage your child to use the resources available on campus–The college experience is more than attending classes, but will hopefully allow your child to learn new things and meet new people. So, when your child needs help with talking to a professor, dealing with a rude roommate, or finding an internship, advise him or her to seek out the appropriate organizations and individuals for assistance. While you maybe tempted to speak to someone to help your child, keep in mind that ultimate responsibility remains with your child.
  • Encourage your child to maintain balance–Don’t be surprised if your child calls you from college and mentions his or her increased stress levels from classes. Remind your child to seek out attending counseling, participating in fitness courses, eating properly, or taking a brisk walk around campus with friends. Certainly, preparing your child for college will be a time of anxiety for you because you ponder over whether you taught your child and equipped them with the tools necessary for survival in the world. Now is the time to trust yourself that your child is ready to attend college and be available to encourage him or her along the way!

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Today’s guest post is from Ashley Hill, founder of CollegePrep Ready. Ashley brings her knowledge, expertise, and compassion to helping junior and high school students and their families to successfully prepare for college. She founded CollegePrep Ready in July 2010 in response to her personal journey to achieving success in her undergraduate program. She is dedicated to developing an individualized plan of action for every student and family because no two students are alike.

 

college planning, parenting

And the un-college revolution begins

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This weekend on Twitter I caught the tail end of a conversation related to a post that appeared on UnCollege.org. UnCollege.org says they are “a social movement empowering you to create tomorrow–with or without letters after you name.” They also state that their movement is found on three principles:

  1. Introspection is essential. It is vitally important that you know yourself before you pursue higher education.
  2. Passionate action outweighs school. Real-world success proves more than homework.
  3. Self-motivation is requisite for success. Taking initiative is more valuable than completing assignments.

I have anticipated this movement would start for a long time. I saw it coming based on high tuition costs and high student loan debt, the lack of actual learning that is going on in college and being taught by TA’s or tenured professors with antiquated teaching techniques, and the recent stories in the news about taking the non-college path to entrepreneurship. I’m sure that educators will scoff at this movement, college students will respond in defense, and parents will want to steer their kids away from the website.

We can throw tomatoes at this movement, deny its premise and take a firm stand against it, or we can ask these pertinent questions:

  1. Why is this movement happening?
  2. Is there something we can learn from their theory of self-directed education?
  3. As parents, how can we use this to start a conversation with our kids about higher education?
  4. Does higher education need to take at look at what is wrong and work to improve or fix it?

In my opinion, these questions need to be discussed and answered, if not for the rising tuition costs alone and the perceived value of a college education.

Take some time and read the blog post mentioned above and see the two different viewpoints: one from a Boston University college student and the other from the leader of the UnCollege movement. Both sides make valid points, depending on your point of view.

Here’s another article about the founder of UnCollege.org:

California teen entrepreneur asks: College? Who needs it?

Does this movement strike fear in your heart as a parent? Do you agree or disagree with their premise?

___________________________

Another article that might interest parents:

College vs. Real Life: Pros and Cons

 

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Should everyone go to college?

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I read an article recently in The Atlantic: “In the Basement of the Ivory Tower“, that gave me some food for thought. It’s been on my mind for quite awhile, especially since I have a close friend who is a financial aid counselor at one of those infamous “for profit” colleges.

She would answer my leading question with a loud and emphatic, “NO”, based on her experience dealing with those who are not prepared to attend college and don’t understand the consequences of borrowing money that they can’t pay back. They have been convinced that without a college education, they can’t get a job or pursue a career. They’ve been told by someone that it doesn’t matter how much money you borrow as long as you get that degree. Once you get that degree you can earn enough money to pay back what you’ve borrowed. But we all know that’s not often the case.

In the above mentioned article, the English professor makes an interesting point:

America, ever-idealistic, seems wary of the vocational-education track. We are not comfortable limiting anyone’s options. Telling someone that college is not for him seems harsh and classist and British, as though we were sentencing him to a life in the coal mines. I sympathize with this stance; I subscribe to the American ideal.

Sending everyone under the sun to college is a noble initiative. Academia is all for it, naturally. Industry is all for it; some companies even help with tuition costs. Government is all for it; the truly needy have lots of opportunities for financial aid. The media applauds it—try to imagine someone speaking out against the idea. To oppose such a scheme of inclusion would be positively churlish.

I’ve come to realize that Americans truly are snobs. We brag about what we have and what we have obtained. Like it or not, we are a classist society. We snub our noses at those who haven’t been to college and brag heavily about our numerous degrees as if they are badges of honor. And while graduating from college is an accomplishment, so is learning a trade.

Often, we push our kids to attend college when we know it’s not for them. Why? Because we are a society that measures success by the number of degrees hanging on a wall or the dollar signs that can be found on our bank accounts. It is noble to dream big and education is always a noble goal. But so is being a plumber, a carpenter, a cosmetologist or a civil servant like a police officer or fireman.

What’s my point? My point is that you need to know your child. If they want to go to college and have the skills and knowledge they need to be successful there, then encourage them to go. But if they aren’t interested or motivated, save yourself some heartache, disappointment and money by letting them pursue a trade. There are so many fabulous careers out there that they can do without higher education. You will be happier, they will be happier and they will fill an important role in society. College really isn’t for everyone.

college guidance, college news, parenting, Uncategorized

Top 10 Things every parent should know about “hooking up” in college

 

A recent article on CNN.com addressed the issue of hooking up and not hooking up on college campuses. While it’s not a subject that parents like to discuss, it is a reality. I know when my naïve 18 year old daughter headed off to college, it was one of my biggest fears. Knowing what it means, how to address it and what to do if it happens should help ease your mind a bit.

Here’s my Top 10 list of things every parent should know:

1. What is hooking up?

The term “hook up” is vague, but is usually defined as a no-commitment, physical encounter with a stranger or acquaintance. Hooking up can range from just a casual get-together to a make out session to sexual intercourse. Knowing this makes it difficult to discern just what it means when your college student tells you they “hooked up” with so and so.

2. Hooking up is today’s alternative to dating.

When we were in school, everyone dated. That meant going to the movies, out for pizza, and spending time together getting to know one another. In today’s culture, hooking up often precedes the dating.

3. Hooking up IS happening on campus.

According to the article on CNN.com, “various academic studies have cited at least 75 percent of women have engaged in hooking up on campus, and the number is usually higher for men.”  If your college-bound teen enters that culture, they are going to be confronted with this type of behavior.

4. Hooking up is every parent’s nightmare.

Yes. It brings terror into our hearts to think that our sweet little child would even consider hooking up with an absolute stranger. But the unfortunate reality is that it does happen and it’s your job as a parent to be informed and help your college-bound teen to be prepared.

5. Not EVERY college student is doing it.

This knowledge will help you in talking with your teen about his or her options. Many college campuses have groups that exist to offer alternatives to hooking up and give students the power to say no to that culture. (Check out the Love and Fidelity Network)

6. You need to have the sex talk with your college bound teen BEFORE they leave for college.

This means you need to open up the dialogue about hooking up, what it means, and the fact that they have choices. You are the most powerful influence on your child and now is the time to get them the information they need before they leave home. They may act like they aren’t listening, but they are. Look for opportunities to discuss the risks of hooking up and the alternatives.

7. Denial is NOT an option.

Hiding your head in the sand is not the way to address this issue. It’s your job as a Parent College Coach to accept the reality of this culture and prepare your teen for his or her first hooking up encounter on campus. When it happens (and it will) it won’t blind side them, giving them with options.

8. Peer pressure is a HUGE factor.

Peer pressure in college can be even greater than in high school. Your child is alone, surrounded by all types of behavior. You aren’t there to pull in the reins and they are free to go in any direction they choose. The hook up culture can be hard to avoid; and if your college student decides to go Greek, the pressure intensifies.

9. Hooking up is most often precipitated by alcohol.

The drinking culture on college campuses drives the hook up culture. Young, naïve students get drunk and lose control of their emotions. Hooking up becomes easier and it provides opportunities for your college student to be coerced into something they might not necessarily choose when sober.

10. It’s a choice your college-bound teen will make.

Your child will have the power to choose. They can choose to hook up or choose not to. They are free to make that choice and it’s a choice that they will be confronted with when they go off to college. Arming them with the knowledge of how to respond to this choice allows them to protect themselves.

Parenting, on the best day, is hard. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to believe that the child we raised has become independent and knows what they need to know to survive in the world. But it’s our goal as parents to provide them with the knowledge and the tools they need to survive.

Further reading:

No Hooking Up, No Sex for some Coeds

The Sociology of Hooking Up

Hook-Up Survey Presented at Sociology Conference

The hookup culture: Having casual relationships is the new dating