Tag Archives: college planning

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen

 

Last night, I watched a new popular sitcom called, “The Middle”. This show, while being extreme, personifies the trials and tribulations of parenting (especially teenagers). The teenage son is under-motivated and the teenage daughter is over-motivated. The parents are frustrated and at times complacent. These two teenage extremes pose a parenting dilemma: How do you find the balance?

I’ve written often about Helicopter Parents and even had a guest blogger, Chip Timmons, an Assistant Admissions Director,  give his Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories . Even though perfect parenting does not exist, it is possible to take the BEST and the WORST examples of parenting a college-bound teen and learn from them.

On that note, I’ve come up with my TOP 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen:

  1. Do encourage them. This is #1 because it is the most important tip of all. Teenagers who are headed to college need to know you believe in them and in their dreams. They need to feel your love and support. They need to know that you will always be there cheering for them, even if at times they don’t believe they can succeed.
  2. Don’t nag. Nagging never helps motivate a teenager. My rule was to tell my teenagers what was expected of them and allow them to own their own actions. There are so many tasks and deadlines related to the college admissions process. You can remind them without constantly nagging them. Helping them to stay organized will go a long way in helping you to avoid becoming a nag.
  3. Do step in when they ask for help. The college admissions process can be overwhelming. It’s unfair to expect them to handle everything alone. There are times when they will need your help and you will have to step in and parent.
  4. Don’t plow them down in an effort to help. Parents who take over are not helping their teens. They only hinder their success and enable them to become more dependent instead of independent. (That means: don’t do it for them, but it’s ok to offer your help.)
  5. Do listen. Pay attention to what your college-bound teen wants and needs. In order to do this, you must listen to them talk. It doesn’t have to be a regular sit-down either. Just listen during normal conversation to and from school, while they are getting ready for a date, or during family dinner time.
  6. Don’t speak for them. Believe it or not, they have an opinion. Many times, it’s an intelligent one and one that others want to hear. When your teen is asked a question of a counselor, tour guide, admissions officer, teacher or a college representative PLEASE let your teen answer for themselves.
  7. Do offer your advice. Advice is different from nagging. Advice helps your teen learn from your experience. Giving advice comes easily for parents, and it’s something our college-bound teens need to hear.
  8. Don’t expect them to make choices based on your likes and dislikes. When you give advice or opinions, many times your teen won’t choose or act as you expected. But that’s ok. Not all of their choices will be the best ones. And some of their choices, while not yours, will be what’s best for your teen.
  9. Do be a “present” parent. Parents tend to become less involved as their kids get older. If there was ever a time to be MORE involved, it’s during the teen years and the college admissions process.
  10. Don’t disappear from their lives just because they are in high school. Go to parent conferences. Attend high school events. Get involved in parent booster clubs. Participate in their lives. Travel with them to college visits and college fairs.

If you like this article, you might also like:

Being a Parent College Coach-The 3 C’s

Preparing your teen for college: It’s all about guiding, not doing

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories

6 Comments

 

helicopter parents
photo by Michael Elins-Newsweek May 22, 2006

I made contact with Chip on Twitter last week when he retweeted a “helicopter parent” tip that I had given during a recent #CampusChat. Chip Timmons is the Associate Director of Admissions at Wabash College and I asked him if he had some “helicopter parent” stories he would like to share with my readers. He graciously agreed.

Greetings parents!

Let me begin with the following.  In all honesty, I really don’t mind “helicopter parents”.  I understand they’re heavily invested in their children’s college decision, but here’s where I think they need to draw the line. I’ll share what I believe is the best analogy I’ve used when talking with parents.

If you wish to hover over your student while he or she is in the water, that’s fine.  Let them learn how to sink or swim.  Allow them to float or drift.  You only need to lower the lifeline if your son or daughter is drowning.

Here are my Top 5 (plus 1 honorable mention) examples of “helicopter parenting” that I’ve encountered during my admissions career.

Honorable mention: One move-in day a few years ago, a father asked me who was responsible for making sure his son got to his church every Sunday.  Before I could answer (my reply would have been “that’s your son’s responsibility”), the dad felt the need to clarify that he meant his church, in his hometown, some 90 minutes away from campus.

5. Over our two-day Honor Scholarship competition, a mother drove 3+ hours to campus on the morning of day two to have a calculus/physics cram session with her son.  They met off campus at a local coffee house and I happened to find them while grabbing my morning coffee on the way to the office.  I will never forget the looks on their faces.  You would have thought I was a police officer who walked in on a bank robbery.

4. A mother was concerned about the quality of the laundry facilities on campus.  She wondered if we were equipped to wash the specific type of workout/athletic apparel her son preferred to wear.  Her son is a distance runner.

3. Speaking of sports…I coach my son’s 5-6 year old baseball team.  Parents will sometimes ask why “Junior” isn’t playing a certain position or why he bats #9 in lineup.  At that age, that stuff happens.  It’s pathetic, but it happens.  In high school, parents should not expect to “have the coach’s ear” or feel like they have a right to lobby for increased playing time for their son or daughter.  Some parents will be heard and get their wish, but I still feel it’s pathetic.  In college, there’s absolutely no place for that.  A parent once wrote to me saying “I’ve called and written to Coach Soandso to find out why “Junior” isn’t on the varsity, but Coach Soandso won’t get back to me.”  My response was “Don’t expect a reply from Coach and do “Junior” favor.  Stop it.  If “Junior” is good enough to play on the varsity, he’ll prove it with his play.  Are you going to call his boss in 5 years and ask why “Junior” didn’t get a promotion?”

2. How about when it’s the girlfriend’s helicopter parents getting in the way?  A student informed our office that after a conversation with his girlfriend’s parents, he decided to live at home and attend the State University.  His girlfriend’s parents didn’t like the idea of her driving at night or that far to visit him on the weekends. I’ve said this before “boyfriend isn’t a paying gig and it doesn’t go on your resume.”

1. My #1 isn’t a parent I worked with, but someone I know personally.  The daughter attended college in a neighboring state.  Said college had live video feeds from different parts of campus.  My friend knew his daughter’s class schedule and the route she took to classes each day.  He would check the video feeds to watch his daughter go to class and leave class EVERY day for EVERY class that brought her in range of the cameras. If she missed class or he didn’t see her on the feed, he made a call or sent an email.  He proudly shared this tale with me and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I’ve listed what I consider extreme examples and one-time incidents of “helicopter parenting”, but in my opinion, even seemingly minor “fly-overs” can hinder the college search process for your son or daughter. When you attend a college fair or visit a campus, allow the student to do most of the talking.  By far, the most frustrating experience for me is looking a student in the eye, asking him (Wabash is a men’s college) a question, and hearing a parent answer.

My parting advice: If that little voice in your head is asking the question “am I being a helicopter parent?”, you don’t need to wait for an answer.  If you’re asking that question, you have your answer.

Follow Chip on Twitter @ChipTimmons

Wabash College is featured in Loren Pope’s Colleges That Change Lives

college planning, parenting, social networks

My Top 10 Summer Activities

 

I’ve had several parents ask me recently about activities I recommend over the summer during high school. Summers are a great time to take advantage of the days and make a future impression on your high school resume.

Here is my list of the Top 10 summer activities:

  1. SAT/ACT Prep–summer is the best time to spend doing some SAT prep and improving vocabulary. There are awesome sites online for this. Just check out my post Top 5 SAT Prep Sites.
  2. Scholarship Searches–Even if your teen isn’t a senior yet, it’s a good practice to do some preliminary searching to make note of qualifications and deadlines. Note: Look locally first. Local scholarships are less competitive and often easily earned. For some search sites, check out my post of the Top 10 Scholarship Search sites.
  3. Volunteer–Encourage your teen to start volunteering in his/her community. A consistent pattern of volunteering each summer looks great on applications and shows colleges that your teen is concerned about giving back.
  4. Get a job or start a business–Summer is a good time to make some cash for that college fund and also demonstrate responsibility. Many teens actually go the entrepreneurial route and start a business: lawn mowing, babysitting, tutoring, etc.
  5. Write–Probably the last thing your teen wants to do over the summer is write. But writing is good preparation for the college essay and the writing portion of the SAT. Journaling is a great way to do this and will also serve to spur your teen’s creativity.
  6. Make some preliminary college visits–I stress “preliminary” here since visiting colleges in the summer isn’t the best time to get a clear picture of college life. But it’s a great time to wander around and explore the campuses.
  7. iTunes University—iTunes University is an excellent way for your teen to get an idea of what college courses might be like. It’s free and there is a wide array of subject matter to choose from. You can access it on your iPhone or iTouch or by downloading iTunes on your computer.
  8. Start or focus on a hobby–Hobbies are great ways that your teen can stand out from the pack on his/her college application. But it needs to be consistent throughout high school.
  9. Spend some time on social media–You won’t have to pull their arms to get them to do this; but it needs to be focused. Have them spend some time on Twitter to follow some college tweets. They should also read some blogs from college students and perhaps connect with some on Facebook from the colleges they are considering. Check out my list of the Top 30 College Info Twitterers.
  10. Read–Yes. I know…I can hear it now…BORING. But honestly, reading is one of the BEST summer activities to enhance their academic success and improve their vocabulary. And if he/she likes Ayn Rand, there are several big money scholarships given each year for essays on her books!

What are your favorite summer activities with your college-bound teens? Do you have any other suggestions?

college planning

5 Dorm Move-In Mistakes


 

dorm life issuesIf your college-bound teen is headed off to college in the fall, they might be tempted to pack up their ENTIRE room and transport it to the college dorm. But before you start packing, here are some tips by Maria Moy for “The Real College Guide” that will save you some heartache on move-in day.

(P.S. Speaking from experience, DO NOT pack your teen’s entire room. It won’t fit; and it won’t help with the homesickness either.)

Losing sleep over the dimensions of your dorm room? Rest assured, you can survive — and thrive — in close living quarters. We tell you how.

Unless you were raised in a jail cell, your dorm room is going to seem way too small for storing all your stuff — and yourself — without frequent fits of claustrophobia. Upon moving in, you’ll inevitably find that your closet is too small and that you have to make hard decisions about what will actually fit in your room this semester (big-screen TV or roommate? Hmmm …).

Here are the top five mistakes to avoid when stuffing your stuff into a small space:

1. Leaving furniture as is By far, the biggest mistake you can make on move-in day is to leave the furniture where it is. You are totally allowed — with your roommate’s blessings, of course — to move it! And don’t be shy about trying out a few different arrangements. Often, there is a better way to position your furniture to at least give the illusion of more space and even privacy. Typically, pushing your bed and desk against the walls leaves an open area in the center of the room. Pushing bureaus back to back can create private nooks for dressing or sleeping (so you never have to wake up to eye contact with your creepy roommate).

2. Not using vertical space The sky (OK, ceiling) is the limit when you are organizing your room. Even if your desk doesn’t come with shelves, you can pick up cost-effective shelving units at places like Kmart and Target. Be sure your shelves are durable enough to support the considerable weight of your textbooks or whatever else you plan to keep on them — clothes, shoes or even people if the shelves are waist-high. If you have room, a full-out bookcase is great for storing groceries, cooking supplies and other dorm miscellanea. Or opt for wall shelves, which free up floor space but might not be as sturdy. Hint: Buildable cube shelving gives you sturdy flexibility and can be recycled for whatever space you find yourself living in next year. And you can shove a single cube at the bottom of your closet or on your desk for additional organization.

3. Overlooking under-the-bed space Don’t underestimate the amount of stuff you can store simply by cramming it under your bed. Baskets, plastic drawers and crates may help with organizing, but your best investment by far is a set of bed risers (aka sturdy stilts for your bed posts). These raise the bed so you can cram even more crap under there. Gotta love ’em.

4. Keeping a messy closet Accept that you will not have sufficient closet space, especially if you go to school in a climate where bulky layers are necessary. With this in mind, mess management is a must. First off, get a shoe rack. There is nothing more frustrating than being late for class because you spent five precious minutes hopping around your room in an epic search of your missing shoe. Your best bet for a shoe rack is one that hangs over the closet door. Stuff it with shoes and other random stuff like hats, gloves and toiletries. With shoes and accessories off the floor, you may be able to fit an extra bar for hanging or a small shelving unit for folded stuff. (By the way, don’t forget to bring — or pack your clothes on — clothes hangers. Your room won’t come with them.)

5. Bringing big stuff Be flexible about bringing larger items like couches, bikes and kayaks. These are nice amenities but may find a better home in your parents’ garage. If you’re able — and your roommate is willing — to bunk beds, some larger furniture may fit. Some schools let you loft your bed above your desk — an ingenius way to conserve space. If you’re looking into a loft, however, find out how high and sturdy it is before buying so you know it will fit and won’t fall. As for your bike, keep it locked outside on a bike rack. We’ve seen kayaks stored that way as well. Really.

Here’s a nifty little tool that might help: Design Your Dorm

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

This week's #CampusChat on Twitter

Last week, several parents joined us for the FIRST #CampusChat on Twitter. This week, I’m the scheduled guest hosted by @collegevisit (Smart College Visit). Here’s all the info and I would LOVE to have you join us.

Hot Topic: When & How to begin the College Admissions Process

Curious about the College Admissions Process? When should it begin and how to stay on top of all the info?

Find out at #CampusChat on Twitter, Wednesday night, May 12 at 9 p.m. ET, 8 p.m. CT.

Our guest this week is Suzanne Shaffer, @SuzanneShaffer, founder of Parents Countdown to College Coach. She’s a parent who successfully completed the process and coaches other parents to do the same!

Who should attend?

College-bound teens and their parents, college admissions officers, counselors and anyone interested in contributing to the topic about when the college admissions should begin are invited to join the conversation.

Plus, there’s a Give-Away!

One lucky participant will win:

Organization: The Key to a Successful College Admissions Process – This CD provides parents and teens with a suggested filing system, along with templates and forms to help with the organization process.

A winner will be selected from the list of Twitter participants (those who contribute to the conversation).

college guidance, college planning

The College Search: Here's Where to Look

Today’s guest blog post is by Lynn O’Shaughnessy,  an author, a college blogger and speaker. She writes about college strategies for
TheCollegeSolutionBlog and CBSMoneyWatch.
She gives presentations about college strategies for schools, companies and financial advisory firms.  Lynn wrote The College Solution, which is an Amazon.com bestseller. The College Solution includes countless tips on college admissions, SAT/ACT strategies, college scholarships, financial aid and much more.

Where do you find a great college?

I hear that question all the time.

You can pour through the big fat college guides from folks like the Princeton Review and Fiske, but frankly they ignore most schools. For instance, Princeton Review’s latest guide covers 371 schools, but there are more than 2,200 four-year colleges and universities in this country.

What I’m going to quickly share with you today is one valuable resource, America’s Best Colleges from Forbes Magazine, that people can use to find hidden educational gems in their own regions.

The rankings created by Forbes and the nonprofit Center for College Affordability and Productivity include many colleges that the guidebooks don’t cover.

What I find especially helpful for teenagers searching for colleges is that the college rankings are also broken down by four regions – Northeast, Midwest, South and West.  A lot parents don’t want their teens going to college too far from home, but often they don’t know what schools exist beyond the public institutions in their own state.

This week, I sent the Midwest college list to my niece who lives in St. Louis and the Western list to my nephew who lives in the San Francisco Bay area.

The Western list includes instantly recognizable schools like Cal Tech and Stanford, but other highly ranked institutions include College of Idaho, George Fox University and St. Mary’s College of California. The latter two were ranked higher than UCLA or Berkeley. The Midwestern list includes such overlooked jewels as Doane College in Nebraska, College of Wooster in Ohio and Earlham College in Indiana.

You can learn more about Forbes’ list by reading a blog post that I wrote for CBSMoneyWatch entitled, The Best Colleges You’ve Never Heard Of.

I hope the Forbes’ rankings inspire you to look beyond the most obvious spots for great colleges. To find the best academic and financial fits today, families need to be casting much wider nets.

If you liked this article, you might like:

Choices. Choices. Choices.

Finding the perfect “fit” (for college)

Exploring Community College Options

college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

6 Campus Safety Talking Points

 

This week, the news stories from the University of Virginia told of the tragic story of Yeardley Love: murdered by an angry ex-boyfriend. In September a Yale graduate student was murdered on campus the day she was scheduled to marry. In August, a University of Tampa student, Ryan McCall, was gunned down on his way home from a friend’s birthday celebration. And in March, NYU student Michael Finney drowned while on spring break.

Parenting on good days can be frightening. You never know when some unexpected event will occur and rock your world. It’s impossible to prepare for every unexpected occurrence, but we can take the time to equip our children with the knowledge and the tools they need to keep themselves from falling into dangerous situations.

Here are my 6 campus safety talking points:

  1. Teach them the warning signs of violent, aggressive behavior. Help them understand that if a friend or boyfriend starts exhibiting violent or possessive tendencies, they need to seek help.
  2. Help them to understand that safety should be a priority. Girls should NEVER walk alone on or off campus, especially at night.
  3. Impress upon them that alcohol often leads to dangerous, aggressive behavior. Sexual assaults, violence and sheer stupidity (driving while drunk) can ruin their lives or lead to fatal consequences.
  4. Talk to them about putting themselves in compromising positions: alone with a guy or girl they don’t know; flirting when they have no intention of pursuing a relationship; participating in illegal activities that could escalate.
  5. Work with them to come up with some safety guidelines BEFORE they leave for college (lock their dorm door at night; call for a campus escort when alone; program emergency numbers in their cellphone; read the school’s emergency plans together).
  6. Let them know that they should never be afraid to ask for help when frightened, threatened, or unsure of their own safety.

We can’t hold our childrens hands their entire lives. But we can be responsible parents and teach them the rules of safety. We did it for them when they were toddlers: look both ways when crossing the street; hold your brother’s hand at the mall;don’t talk to strangers. We should certainly do that for them BEFORE they head off to college.

If you liked this article, you might like:

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

Crime on Campus

Parents: Can you handle the truth?

In the news: Violence on college campuses

college majors, college planning, Uncategorized

Changing majors because of the recession

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Our guest blog post today is by Susan Posluszny, the founder of OPTIONS for Career & Life Planning, specializing in unique programs and services to support students with college major and career planning. Susan is a Master Career Counselor with over 25 years of career counseling experience including 18 years as a college career center director. She is the author of In Search of a College Major & Career Direction, an interactive program designed to support teens and young adults with choosing a college major and career path.Her career counseling and coaching practice is located in New Boston, NH. Subscribe to Susan’s e-newsletter, Career Options, at www.collegesandmajors.com

As I looked over an issue of a local town newspaper last June, I came upon an article covering the area high school’s 2009 class of graduates.  As you might expect, the article included comments from graduating students and proud parents along with other graduation event details.  While reading the article, I was struck by a comment made by one soon to be graduate who said that the current recession had led him to change his college major from political science to engineering.

Naturally, the career counselor in me kicked in and, if I had known this student, I would have asked him the following questions:

  • What was it that drew you to your original college major choice of political science?
  • What kind of work were you thinking of getting into related to political science and did you ever speak with anyone employed in this area of interest?
  • How do those who work in political science careers deal with the instability that comes with unpredictable voting outcomes and job market fluctuations?
  • If you can’t answer this last question, how might you get answers from those who are ‘in the know’?
  • How long have you considered engineering as a major?
  • What do you know about engineering career options?
  • Have you ever spoken with anyone who works in an engineering related career?
  • Have you ever job shadowed workers in either political science or engineering careers?

I would ask these questions not because I’m opposed to this graduate’s decision to shift from a major in political science to engineering.  Rather, my intention would be to see if this decision was made based on accurate career information and reflection about personal priorities or based on a knee jerk reaction to current economic conditions.  Job market fluctuations are a reality and, yes, the current job market is a challenging one.  Yet, that does not mean students need to ignore their career aspirations.

If I were coaching this student, my advice would depend on his answers to the questions above.  If he were not informed, I would guide him to make sure his assumptions are accurate.  I would also encourage him to consider scenarios that support exploration of these two interest areas over time.  For example, one option might be to major in engineering while taking as many political science courses as possible (maybe even leading to a minor in political science).  A major in engineering could also be combined with volunteer work related to his political science interests.

Bottom line…watch out for knee jerk fear based decisions based on an unusually tight job market. If employment security is a concern, do your homework and learn about things you can do to create your own sense of security while doing work that you enjoy.

Copyright, Susan B. Posluszny, OPTIONS for Career & Life Planning LLC

If you would like to contact Susan or find out more information about the services she provides, you can contact her at:

Her websites: www.careeroptions4me.com and www.collegesandmajors.com

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/susanposluszny

Email:  susan@careeroptions4me.com

college guidance, college planning, test prep

Knewton SAT Prep

2 Comments

Recently I received a tour of Knewton’s SAT Prep portal online. I have to admit, I was skeptical. Based on personal SAT prep courses with my daughter, I always felt those type courses were too expensive and didn’t significantly improve her SAT scores like they promised.

However, I was pleasantly surprised with Knewton’s services. Here’s why I liked them:

  • The parents have access to the student’s progress and receive a weekly email report outlining what the student has done
  • It’s a 1-year membership allowing 24/7 access to all their resources
  • It’s flexible as far as addressing everyone’s time constraints–live and on demand
  • It evaluates the student’s progress and analyzes their strengths and weaknesses
  • Affordability

A student can take the practice tests from the College Board’s blue book and input their answers online at Knewton. The tests are then graded allowing the system to recommend a study regimen after evaluating the student’s strengths and weaknesses. They read and grade the essays and give the student feedback.

The student will attend 10 sessions with 2 lessons per session. They can review the material ahead of time if needed and they can watch the class session on demand while stopping, fast forwarding and rewinding. If they can’t make a specific class, they can chose a more convenient time and attend another session.

Knewton also offers a money-back GUARANTEE if your student does not receive a 150 point jump in their overall SAT score after completing their online classes.

Knewton is offering a $200 price reduction off their $490 fee, making the 1-year membership only $290. Just enter the code: SUMMER200 at checkout. This code expires on June 30th so don’t delay! Plus, anyone can have a 14-day FREE TRIAL which includes jumping in on live classes. Based on other SAT prep courses, that’s a bargain in my book!

Here are some screen shots of the program:

Email Update

Student’s My Work Page

Parent Progress Report


college guidance, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

U Chic: A must-read for college-bound girls

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Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of! And now your little girl is headed off to college armed with her favorite pair of shoes, her newly purchased collegiate sweatshirt and a heart full to dreams. U Chic: The College Girl’s Guide to Everything, by Christie Garton, should accompany her as well.

Christie Garton says, “I wanted to create a place where college women could ocme together to find support and advice during one of the most important times of a girl’s life…contributors with a diverse range of experience.” Tracy Won Briggs, former coordinator of USA Today’s All-USA Acacemic and Teacher Teams says, “From the sisterhood of girlfriends who’ve been there, U Chic answers everything a college girl really wants to know.”

I found this book more than helpful: it was inspiring. The women who contributed (from different colleges throughout the country) did so to exhort, encourage, instruct and inspire those who would come after them; thus leaving a legacy for future generations. It is a collection of advice from women about college life and the struggles and victories along the way.

Your college-bound daughter will find information related to arriving on campus, dealing with her fashionista wardrobe, Greek life, surviving temptation, love life, getting involved, budgeting, taking advantage of the college perks, and what to do after graduation. I especially enjoyed the chapter on healthy and happy living because I felt it addressed some sensitive issues related to eating disorders and weight. The contributors also adequately addressed questions regarding Greek life as it relates to girls and temptations they will face while in college. On a lighter note, there is a chapter entitled Blirting 101: socializing via Blackberry.

After reading this book (and happily reminiscing about my daughter’s college experiences), I wished she would have had this to read the summer before she headed off to college. If your daughter is in this category, get her a copy to read and take with her next fall. If you know a girl who is graduating next month, this would make an excellent graduation gift.

After reading this book, I would have to agree with Christie when she says, “there has not been a generation of college women hungrier for success, yet also more generous with their time and energy to assist those less fortunate. They are not just students at their respective schools, but students of the world–open-minded, openhearted, and open to what the future holds for them.”