When I was a young parent, my mother gave me some very wise advice: “pick your battles”. It began with my toddlers and ended up being the best advice she ever gave me with my teenagers. Did we butt heads over hair? No. Did I fight with them over clothing choices? Rarely. Did we argue over college selection? Sometimes. But, for the most part, the college process requires parents to listen, bite your tongue, and pick your college prep battles.
The 2019 List findings are based on the experiences of students who are heading into their first year of college this fall. It shows those in high school share more in common with the 18-year-olds who were born in 1997 than their parents. For example, it notes that these millennials never knew a world without Google, only know Ellis Island as being primarily in New Jersey, and never have licked a postage stamp. As parents span part of two centuries of living history, teens only remember the 21st filled with Harry Potter and wifi, but not Princess Diana and Mother Teresa.
The college process is full of stress-inducing moments stemming from an overloaded schedule, new tasks, looming deadlines, and important decisions. Which college, what to study, and how best to prepare are often at the front of the college prep battle line. It’s difficult for parents and students to be on the same page when their points of view develop from different backgrounds. With insight based on the past, families can focus on keeping communication flowing and finding common ground.
Parents would be wise to consider their student’s mindset and use that knowledge when communicating with them about college prep. Times have certainly changed since you applied to college and your student may not have the same ideas as you do about college choices. Keep an open mind and choose which battles are important and which battles should be avoided.
I often told my kids, “I work best under pressure”. It was merely my excuse for procrastination: an unhealthy habit that plagues me to this day. I may work best when I know a deadline is approaching, but waiting until the last minute causes untold stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, both my children have adopted that philosophy and it has followed them through school and into adulthood. It’s something I wish I had never taught them.
What is the solution to avoid procrastination in school and in life? Organization.
With college prep, it’s all about the deadlines. Deadlines are a procrastinator’s downfall. Waiting until the last minute to find the form that needs to be in by midnight, or registering for the standardized test late, can add stress to an already stressful situation.
Parents and students can join together to avoid tarnishing the fresh start transition offers. They can begin with the soft skill of organization. It will be easier to prioritize, keep track, and follow through with their to-do list.
Read Wendy’s “lightbulb” moment post and start the year off right–procrastinate no more!
Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!
The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT.
Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.
The Disney Pixar movie Toy Story 3 offers an unexpected insight into the lives of parents with teens going off to college. As young Andy prepares to leave home, his toys try to deal with what his departure means to them. Just as the old saying goes, Andy realizes that it’s time to put away childish things.
That doesn’t mean you have to incinerate your child’s toys, but it is time to think of things in a new light. How can you help your own “Andy” transition into college life? Consider these six tips and you’ll be well on your way to help your college-bound teen prepare the summer before college.
1. Put them to work.
If your teen has not been working, now is the time to make sure they are given some kind of responsibility. Encourage them to get a job, an internship, or volunteer for the summer. This work will give your child confidence and a taste of the “real” world. Also, it allows them to meet other professionals in a work setting. Any job will do, but if it is something that ties at least loosely into a set of career goals, all the better.
2. Offer a crash course in Adulthood 101.
There are probably many things that you think your child knows that he or she simply does not. For one thing, encourage your son or daughter to do their own laundry all summer long. Also, teach them rudimentary accounting skills: how to balance a checkbook and make a budget (a job helps here, too). Depending on where they’re going to school, how to use public transportation might be something to work on; most freshman don’t have access to a car, and you won’t be there to drive your son or daughter around. Some basic cooking and grocery shopping skills should be included as well—one way to augment this is to have your teen cook for the family at least one night a week. You’ll still be surprised by the late night calls asking, “How do I make a doctor’s appointment?” or “What do I do if I’ve locked my keys in my car with the engine running?” But at least they’ll be prepared with the basics.
3. Take a look in a book.
To prepare for the amount of reading that will be necessary in college, get your child into the habit of reading as much as possible—reading every day on the bus to work would be grand! This is more about building study habits rather than worrying about specific material, however many colleges have books they would like freshman to have read before they start classes. These titles will be a great place to begin. If your child knows what classes he or she is taking, then gear the books toward these courses.
4. Teach time-keeping.
Encourage your child to maintain a schedule or planner by themselves. Show them how to keep track of work, social, and family events—they should refer to the schedule all summer and write down their comings and goings. It’s easy enough to do that on a computerized calendar or in a datebook.
5. Don’t let go quite yet.
Of course, your teen is going to want to spend the summer with friends, but you can still get your time in surreptitiously. Schedule a few family outings and meals at favorite restaurants. Fit in a vacation if possible—even a weekend or a Fourth of July outing can have real future value. P.S. Going to the store for college shopping doesn’t count as family fun.
6. Be true to their school.
Learn everything you possibly can about your son’s or daughter’s new school, and talk with them about opportunities. Go over the information on classes and extracurriculars. In particular, check if there are any “superstar” professors and encourage your child to take their classes. Also look for a history of achievement in any particular extracurricular, such as a winning debate team. It’s wonderful to work toward being part of a tradition of excellence.
Most importantly, be patient and keep lines of communication open. There’s no getting around it—it’s going to be rough emotionally, but you can help your child be prepared for everything that is to come. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?
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About the Author
Ryan Hickey is the Managing Editor of Peterson’s & EssayEdge and is an expert in many aspects of college, graduate, and professional admissions. A graduate of Yale University, Ryan has worked in various admissions capacities for nearly a decade, including writing test-prep material for the SAT, AP exams, and TOEFL, editing essays and personal statements, and consulting directly with applicants.
We’ve all seen them-hashtags (#) on television shows, the news, and Facebook and Instagram. But how can hashtags help with college prep?
Twitter chats are a great way to engage users, have a discussion and enjoy a conversation with others of similar interests.
If you aren’t attending Twitter chats, you’re missing out on some of the BEST free advice about college prep. You’re missing out on connections to answer any of your college admissions questions. You’re missing out on connecting with other parents who are going through the same ups and downs navigating the college maze.
What are Twitter Chats?
A Twitter chat is a way for people to communicate about a specific topic (i.e. college prep). The hashtag allows participants to see your tweets and you to see their tweets. Without the hashtag, participants won’t be able to see what you have said or respond.
College prep experts use these chats to dispense information to parents and students about the college prep process. For parents, these chats can be invaluable.
How do you participate?
For those adept at Twitter, participating in chats should be easy. Simply enter the chat hashtag (#CampusChat) during the chat time and begin to see those tweets during the chat.
The following chats should be a good start and help you get accustomed to participating. Once you have mastered these, search Twitter for others that will be relevant to college prep.
Once you have participated in a few chats, it should get easier. Don’t worry if you’re a newbie–all newbies are greeted with open arms and are always welcomed participants.
The college admission process is all about deadlines. On May 1, students must respond to the colleges they applied to and were offered admission. This date is set in stone. If you don’t respond, your offer of admission will be passed along to a student on the wait list.
If you don’t stay organized, it’s easy to miss any number of critical deadlines. Missing those deadlines could cause dire consequences and change the course of your student’s future. The only solution to surviving the tremendous number of deadlines is to get organized early and stay organized all the way to the end. Here are a few tips to help with each phase of the process:
In the beginning of college prep
The first year of high school is the best time to begin the organization process. Start collecting every report card, every award, every volunteer certificate, and if you really want to be organized, every paper, especially tests. Get a file cabinet strictly designated for college prep and create folders for each category. For a great organization system, check out my Parents Countdown to College Crash Course.
In the middle of college prep
Sophomore and junior year begins test prep. Sophomores often take the PSAT (since that year it’s a true practice test) to prepare for the test that counts during their junior year. For these tests there are registration deadlines and test dates. You can use any number of calendar tools to keep track of deadlines: a wall calendar or an organization app. Using an app like Cozi helps the whole family stay in the loop and remind each other of the deadlines.
At the end of college prep
Senior year is when the most important deadlines kick in: the college applications, scholarship applications, the SAT/ACT tests, the FAFSA and May 1 deposit deadline. These dates are critical because missing even one of them can affect your student’s college admission. Use calendar apps, text messages, wall calendars and to-do lists to make sure you don’t miss them. Some test prep experts suggest you have a backup plan (register for a 2nd test) in case your student gets sick or something unforeseen happens. To avoid waiting until the last minute on any of these tasks, set your own deadline two weeks before the actual one.
We all dread deadlines. Some of us use them (me especially) to get motivated. But you simply can’t wait until the last minute during college prep. Trying to fill out the Common App at 11:59PM the night before it’s due will only lead to stress, mistakes, and sometimes failure to complete. There are no second chances with these deadlines.
Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!
The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.
Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.
Aside from your son or daughter’s academic achievements, what else do they need in order to help prepare your child for college? If your child’s lived at home until the age of 18, they may well need your support in learning a life lesson or two- particularly if they’re moving away from home for the first time. So how can you help? Check out the tips below to find out how best to support your child as they venture into further education.
Look at living options
Deciding where to live in the first year of college can be a tricky decision to make, especially if there’s a choice of living on campus, in a student house, or alone. Take a look at the different living arrangements available and do some research online, as student accommodation websites such as Uniplaces and Urban Student Life offer a wealth of information. Encourage your child to contact anyone they know who studies at the college they’re attending, or college representatives, who are often more than happy to give advice about the different types of accommodation offered.
The money chat
Before your child begins life at college, it’s worth sitting down to have a chat about how they will manage their finances, as a student budget is likely to be stretched.Before the start of term, encourage your child to shop around for a student bank account with low interest rates and an adequate overdraft. Together you could draw up a list of items they can sell? Old electronics, cameras and school books can be sold to gain a little extra cash. Discuss whether it would make sense for your child to get a Saturday job to earn money while they study, to help ease any financial pressure.
Course reading material
Text books are a costly expense to take into account, but remember your child doesn’t necessarily need to buy brand new course material. Often text books can be bought second-hand, either via an online book store or at a college book fair. Many colleges also have a ‘buying and selling’ page on their website, so it’s worth checking this out to see if books can be purchased here.
Cooking skills
Does your child like cooking? And more importantly, can your child cook for themselves on a daily basis? It’s likely that your son or daughter has not had to cook for themselves and for extended periods of time, so to help avoid any kitchen disasters (or endless days of baked beans on toast), why not do some cooking together, so that your child can learn a few basic kitchen skills? If you have any cheap, easy recipes they really like, you could compile a small recipe book together. Cooking from scratch, rather than buying endless takeaways, will help your child to save money and stay healthy.
What frustrates parents most about college prep? I hear the frustration in parents’ voices every day about the overwhelming amount of knowledge a parent and student need to navigate the college maze. I call it a maze because that’s exactly how it feels. All throughout the process, parents feel lost, confused, off-track and often bewildered.
Not understanding your part in the process
It’s difficult for parents to know how involved you should be in the college prep process. It’s a balancing act between helping and hurting. Where do you pitch in? Should you teen handle everything alone? When do you cross the line?
In today’s world of highly involved parents, you need some help to define your boundaries and give your student the slack he needs to become independent:
I had an unmotivated student. It’s not that he wasn’t capable of achieving academic success; it was just that he didn’t have the motivation or the desire to do his best. He never soared in high school, or in the first semester of college, but he did reach his academic potential, finally.
It was hard having a child who didn’t grasp his full potential, no matter how much I told him he was capable of straight A’s. It just didn’t matter to him. Passing with average grades was good enough for him. Those grades, however, contributed to some difficult life choices and some hard lessons along the way. In the end, there were four tips that finally motivated him academically:
If you have a college-bound teen you’re well aware of the cost of college–it’s high. In a recent story in Business Week, one graduate confessed she had given up on her student loan debt of $186,000. She is not alone. With the nation struggling under a $1 trillion student debt crisis, stories like hers are nothing uncommon. For the first time ever, the national student loan default rate exceeds the credit card delinquency rate, and so long as student loans remain one of the few types of debt that can’t be discharged in bankruptcy, chances are the situation won’t improve any time soon.
As her parent, it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t fall prey to debt that she cannot repay after graduation. Before she ever accepts an offer of admission, you need to talk to her about financing college. Following are a few tips to help broach that uncomfortable topic with your college-bound teen:
I was speaking with a parent the other night about advice her daughter received from an independent college counselor regarding standardized tests. The counselor told the student not to bother with either the SAT or ACT; they weren’t necessary. He made this statement before receiving a list of colleges and asking if she was applying to test optional schools! The parent questioned the validity of this advice, and rightly so.
With college admissions becoming ever more competitive, it may seem logical to consider working with an independent counselor. They can offer expertise and a personalized approach to the complex, time-consuming, and often stressful college prep, search and application process. But ask any group of parents and you will hear a variety of opinions. While some parents feel that engaging an independent counselor is an essential part of helping their student be a competitive applicant to his or her top choice schools, others question whether hiring someone adds value beyond what a student can already receive from parents and the high school.
Some parents choose to guide their student through the process and some choose to hire a professional. Neither is right nor wrong. The decision should be based on each family’s individual needs and resources.
Need some help trying to decide? Here’s an article I wrote for University Parent:
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The best of times—getting an offer of admission. The worst of times—getting a letter of rejection. Or is it really? Is there any way to spin the disappointment? Parents have dealt with their kids facing rejection throughout their lives, but there is no greater disappointment that losing what you feel is your dream—getting in to your dream college.
I’ve found some very wise words from some very wise experts over the last several weeks. When the emotions subside and your college-bound teen is ready to talk, show them these words. It could open their eyes to the truth about college rejection letters:
If your child is the first in the family to go to college, that carries a whole lot of stress. Being a first generation student can put added pressure on the student and the family. As stressful as that seems, here are three college stressors even bigger, and some tips on how to alleviate them:
It’s so much more expensive than you thought
When it comes to college, expect two, high-voltage doses of sticker shock. The first comes when you start looking at the tuition price. If information is free, why is the diploma so expensive? Once you fully accept that college is something you should have been saving for all your life, there is the second financial reality to deal with.
The price of college is more than the cost of credits. Your child is leaving home for the first time and could possibly need to take out a student loan. Don’t worry. You’re not alone. About 60% of college students take out a student loan to help pay the tab, according to the information on this site. It walks you through all the key information you need for understanding, and selecting a good student loan. Once your child graduates, and paychecks start arriving from his gainful employment, he will begin repaying the loan. In the meantime, you are still on the hook for those expensive Nike shoes.
You worry about his commitment to academics in college.
Every parent believes their child is going to be the next Einstein. Even if your child was a good student in high-school, it does not follow that she will be brilliant in college. There is too much riding on good grades to leave it to chance. What you need is some type of college prep assessment to be certain little Johnny has what it takes to make it in the big league.
Accuplacer and Work Keys are good places to start. These assessment systems give your child the opportunity to figure out his academic strengths and weaknesses. They are only two of several options that serve the same purpose. For a reasonably good student, ACT and SAT test prep courses may be sufficient. Either way, you, as a parent, don’t have to go into it blind. That should be a huge stress relief.
Letting go is easier said than done.
You think you’re ready to kick them out of the nest, and start your new life as a professional vacationer. But when you make that long drive home after dropping them off at college, you are flooded with all the doubts and misgivings associated with separation anxiety.
Fortunately, most of that worry is necessary. You did a good job preparing them for life. They have the same chance of surviving and doing well as you had, maybe better. Still, not everyone matures at the same rate. For some, eighteen years may not be quite enough. If you are genuinely worried about their ability to be independentl, keep them home for another two years while they work out their issues in community college. Academically, they will lose nothing, while gaining a little more time to mature at home. You will also save money.
Money, aptitude, and letting go make up three of the biggest stresses you will face when sending your child off to college. With student loans, prep tests, and community college, these stresses can be nearly eliminated.
The one thing employers will all say about resumes, “Make it concise and to the point.” A resume should catch the reader’s attention immediately and keep it long enough to give the reader an idea of who you are and what you represent. Long resumes rarely get read. If the employer doesn’t see something on the first page to catch his attention, he won’t continue reading the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th pages.
Applying these simplistic resume directions to the high school resume, what does your student want to communicate in his resume?
Consistency
Colleges look for consistency over four years. If the resume lists a multitude of activities, a spattering of extracurriculars, or a few hours of community service here and there you aren’t communicating consistency. Instead of listing every single activity you have participated in, consider focusing on the one that represents who you are and a consistent involvement throughout high school. It’s not about the numbers, it’s about the level of involvement that matters.
Honesty
When a college looks at your resume, it should be an extension of your essay and the rest of your college application. Don’t pad it or pretend to be someone you are not. Be honest and thorough without being monotonous. If your essay talks about the summer you spent abroad volunteering with a religious organization, this should be an extension of who you are—not just something to impress college admissions. Don’t brag; use the resume as a tool to show off who you are and what is most important to you.
Commitment
The high school resume should communicate commitment—commitment to academics, commitment to excellence in school activities, and commitment to service. Each item on the resume should speak to that level of commitment. Anyone can join a club, play one semester of a sport, or take one difficult, challenging class. But colleges are looking for the student who goes “all in”, not someone who stands by the sidelines and watches.
The high school resume should get to the point and show colleges why they should offer you admission. It’s your tool to shine in the college application process.
Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!
The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.
Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.
With all the tasks involved in college prep it makes sense to concentrate on good time management. But encouraging a teenager to use these skills is often like a standing in front of a speeding train. They have tunnel vision and one track minds. Their priorities are often out of whack and misguided. Time management is not on the list of their priorities.
When my son and daughter were in high school they had two very different academic patterns. My son did his homework during his breaks and immediately after school. My daughter had so many activities and a highly active social life. She always waited until the last minute to do her homework and often stayed up later at night to complete it. To this day, she tends to over commit and wait until the last minute. My son, on the other hand, still does his work promptly and manages his time effectively.
When it comes to college prep, your teen needs to be able to learn time management in these three areas:
Study time
Time management is a key factor when pursuing academic excellence. In this post, 5 Tips to Manage Your Studies. Learning this skill before college will prepare your student for the rigorous studies he will encounter in college.
College prep activities
College prep activities require time management. There are college applications, financial aid applications, scholarship applications and test registrations that will all have deadlines.
Scholarship searches
If your student is on the lookout for scholarships, time management is essential. He will have to allocate time for the searches and the applications, and stay on top of all submission deadlines.
With so many activities for the college-bound teen during high school, time management can help reduce stress. Time management skills will also benefit him in college as well.
Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!
The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.
Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.
When I was a young parent, my mother gave me some very wise advice: “pick your battles”. It began with my toddlers and ended up being the best advice she ever gave me with my teenagers. Did we butt heads over hair? No. Did I fight with them over clothing choices? Rarely. Did we argue over college selection? Sometimes. But, for the most part, the college process requires parents to listen, bite your tongue, and pick your college prep battles.
