Tag Archives: college

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Can that long-distance relationship survive?



Today’s guest post from The Real College Guide editors gives some positive input on the pros and cons of long-distance relationships. My daughter ended her senior year of high school “in love” and even questioned going off to college. Under my STRONG advice, she did go away and eventually they grew apart. Neither was ready for a serious relationship and in the long run, it was best for both of them. If your c0llege-bound teen is facing this issue, this article should help make the right decision.

*******

Prep yourself for the separation — and “the talk” — with a plan to leave your relationship when you leave for school.

I have to start this article with a confession: I was the kid who broke up with his high school girlfriend before taking off for college, and no, it was not my most sensitive, sterling moment. In fact, the sting stuck around even after I settled into college life, when it finally hit me: I didn’t want our relationship to end. I was pretty fortunate that my ex-girlfriend agreed to reconcile, but unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.

So, before making any sudden adjustments to your Facebook status, take some time to consider your options — and we’re not talking about the many ready-to-mingle singles on campus. Whether you’re leaning toward staying together, breaking it off or testing the waters of an open relationship, here’s what you need to know before “the talk”:

Keep It Together
Last season on MTV’s “The City,” fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg doled out this gem to the reality show’s star Whitney Port: “Absence is to love what the wind is to fire. When it’s a small fire, the wind kills it. But when it’s a real fire, it intensifies it.” True?

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder for a while, but if it keeps up, the emotional distance grows,” says Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships. “Love is about intimacy, connection, the experience of the other’s voice and smell and touch. The kind of lifestyle in which couples don’t have time for each other is an anti-intimacy machine.”

Staying in touch–Tools like Google Talk, video chat, email and texting make it convenient to bridge the distance in your relationship. (FYI: My girlfriend and I set time aside every day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to talk on the phone or face-to-face via Skype, and it works for us.) The key is to first commit to making the effort. Then, work to strike a balance between staying involved in each other’s lives and smothering each other. And no, we’re not saying this is easy.

Seeing each other –Finding time — and money — to meet in person is a challenge, especially without a car. Like many long-distance college relationships, mine began in high school, so there’s the benefit of visiting at home during breaks. If you don’t share a hometown, you’ll need to take turns visiting each other at school. Advance planning goes a long way in strengthening your relationship by giving you something to look forward to. And remember: Even in the middle of nowhere, when there’s a will there’s a way — it’s called public transportation.

Bigger issues– Besides maintaining contact while apart, the biggest challenge is retaining trust. Temptation is inevitable when you are on your own and living in a bubble filled with kids your age. “The best predictors of infidelity are opportunity and unhappiness, and this is what is created when one partner is away,” says Kirshenbaum. “If one of you discovers the other has cheated, this is the relationship equivalent of someone having a coronary. But the best antidote to suspicions that something might be going on is to spend time together, be more intimate and continually try to make your relationship better.” Easier said than done, right? Which is why some people opt for …

The Open Relationship
College students have wildly varying perspectives when it comes to arrangements in which couples, though in a primary relationship, are free to date others. Those in open relationships often struggle with jealousy and insecurity, but it can be a temporary solution that won’t leave either of you feeling confined — or heartbroken from a full-on breakup.

“It’s perfectly natural to explore the boundaries of fidelity in a new environment with new people,” says Harvard sophomore Chase Carpenter. “I think open relationships can be difficult and vague, but if both parties are trusting and relaxed, they can be fantastic.”

Peers on pros –College of Charleston sophomore Alex Crowley identifies what she sees as a benefit: “It’s nice to be able to talk to someone like you’re in a relationship even though there might not be a full commitment.”

Peers on cons– “I’ve never met someone who’s been in [an open relationship], but it sounds like a load of crap,” says Georgetown University junior Molly Redden. “You’re either with someone or you’re not. Getting back together when you’re at home doesn’t count as a relationship. Even if you talk every day, if you’re casually seeing or sleeping with other people, I don’t see how you’re still dating the guy back home.”

So, enter an open relationship with caution, unless you choose to …

Break It off
In some instances, it may be appropriate to break things off. If you and your significant other will be hundreds of miles apart and unable to visit for extended periods of time, let’s be real: Attempting to sustain a healthy relationship is borderline unrealistic. Maybe you want to be free to have the total college experience, and for you, that includes the prospect of hooking up. Or perhaps after trying the long-distance thing, you realize it’s just not working out the way you’d planned.

Dealing with it –Breaking up is never easy. Even if you know it’s the right decision, expect emotions of grief and loss. “Don’t mistake grief for love,” Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You, warns on her blog (search: Getting Past Your Past). “It’s normal to grieve. Don’t let grief cause you to second-guess your feelings.”

Distancing yourself –Elliott recommends a no-contact rule. “Even if you still love him or her, you don’t have to act on it,” she advises. “Grief is a hard process, and often, contact will seem like it temporarily alleviates the pain. But it just postpones the inevitable.”

college guidance, college planning, college visits

Top 4 reasons to visit colleges this summer

Summer is here and your high school junior might be thinking more about trips to the beach than about college plans, but this is the perfect time to start planning college visits!  The earlier the better.  If you haven’t already, sit down with your son or daughter and think about what colleges he or she might want to attend.  Then plan a trip.

Top 4 reasons to visit colleges this summer:

  1. The college visit is the best way for you and your son or daughter to get a feeling for what a school is really like, beyond the two dimensionality of a web page or brochure.  Meet students, see dorm rooms and dining halls, and maybe even sit in on a class (though classes are not as numerous in the summer as they would be in the spring or fall).  Your child will get a sense of whether he or she wants to spend four years at this school.
  2. At colleges that offer on-campus interviews, this is your child’s chance to meet an admissions representative before submitting an application.  It is an opportunity to make an early impression so the committee has a face – or at the very least an interview report — to attach to the application.  Alumni interviews don’t happen until after the application is submitted, so the on-campus interview is an opportunity not to be missed.
  3. Your visit shows the school that your child is serious about that school.  Who takes their summer vacation to go and visit colleges?  Show up at colleges when you could be out on Cape Cod, and you make an impression.  Want to make the biggest splash?  Visit in June or July.  Most families wait until August, when your child will be just one face in a sea of hundreds.
  4. Summer visits give you time to revisit.  If you and your child like what you see and want to know more, or if you’re not sure and need a second look, visiting in June gives you plenty of time for a second round.  If you see a school for the first time in February, your family will have to make decisions based on one visit alone.

So…  before hitting the beach, sit down for a college conversation, pull out a map, and start planning!

**************************************************************************

This post was written by Brenda Bernstein, a graduate of Yale University and the New York University School of Law. She has been helping students get into college, grad school and law school for over ten years and is proud to offer college admissions assistance to students through her company, The Essay Expert.  Brenda practiced public interest law for ten years in New York City and knew early on that her calling was in student advising, not legal practice.  She is now a J.D. Career Advisor at the University of Wisconsin Law School Office of Career Services, as well as a writing coach and owner of The Essay Expert. Brenda is also trained as a life coach by the Coaches Training Institute.

Brenda’s company and consultants have helped students gain admission to top schools throughout the nation, including:  Yale, Harvard, Brown, Columbia, NYU, U Penn, Oberlin, Carleton, Northwestern, Georgetown, U of Miami, and UCLA.

college planning, social networks

College-Here we come!

2 Comments

In honor of the high school graduating class of 2010 and their future endeavors in academia, I’m sharing some recent website jewels that I discovered via Twitter. (Yes, it’s an EXCELLENT resource for locating helpful tools!)

If your teen is headed off to college in the fall, make note of these helpful offerings and share the information with them. If your teen is still in high school, bookmark this page because some day in the not-to-distant future you’ll be asking yourself, “Now where were those websites for college students?”

Koofers.com–Did you ever wish you had someone’s notes from a course you were taking or copies of study guides and past exams? This is the place where college students can find those FREE by simply registering with a college email account. Practice with previous exams; review shared notes and study guides. Find materials from your class, instructor and university, or from students in equivalent courses nationwide. Added bonus–course and professor reviews!

RateMyProfessors.com–Want to read ratings from actual students? This is the place to go to find out: overall quality, helpfulness, clarity, easiness AND “hotness!” You can read comments and even the books the professors use in their classrooms. There is also a forum to chat with other college students.

BecomeAlum.com–This offering (in conjunction with students and advisors) helps students compose a degree plan to assist them in finishing “on time”–which translates into huge cost savings. BecomeAlum guides the student through the process of creating a plan to meet degree requirements, taking into account prerequisite sequences and semester course offerings.

CollegeThrive.com–Provides college students with tips, advice and resources related to college life, academics, health and fitness, financial and prospective students. There’s even a job board!

CollegeDrop.com–Every college resource in one place–a smorgasbord of college-related links. Websites are submitted by subscribers and rated as well. The categories include: college blogs, college bound, compare colleges, financial aid, homework help, online universities, student collaboration, textbooks and tools.

If you liked this post, you might also like:

Top 50 College Info Sites

Top 30 College Info Twitterers to follow

college guidance, college planning, scholarships

The College Potential Calculator

12 Comments

Today’s guest blog post is from Dan Coomes, creator of The College Potential Calculator. I asked Dan to give us an idea of how his calculator works and how it can benefit both parents and students in the college search and the search for scholarships. It’s an excellent tool to narrow down the college and scholarship search process. For those of you wanting to make the best use of your time this summer, you should check out the College Potential Calculator.

***************************************************************************

What is a high school graduate’s biggest deterrent to getting into a top college or obtaining a scholarship? According to a recent survey of high school counselors, it is a student’s “lack of initiative or simply starting too late in the process.” In fact, 22% of the counselors surveyed reported that high school seniors are either too overwhelmed or simply don’t make the time to sit down and apply for scholarships. They think their grades either aren’t high enough or they can’t write a compelling enough story about themselves, so why waste the time?

According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) at the US Department of Education, only about 10.6% of students, or about 1 in 10, received scholarships worth an average of $2,815 in 2007-08. This leads to tight competition and let’s face it, $2,800 isn’t going to go vary far when the average annual prices for undergraduate tuition, room, and board were estimated to be $11,578 at public institutions and $29,915 at private institutions for the 2007-08 school year.

So what can you do to stay competitive and attempt to reduce wasting time on scholarships that won’t pay that much? Dan Coomes, one of the surveyors and creator of The College Potential Calculator, has a few non-traditional tips for students and parents looking for an extra edge this summer:

  • Know what your intended field of study is going to be: Most students, parents, and counselors I’ve talked to believe that minority status or being able to demonstrate financial need is the biggest factor in obtaining a scholarship. While being able to demonstrate need is an important factor, a student’s minority status is only applicable to approximately 9% of the scholarships listed in our Calculator. That means there’s 1,800 other scholarships out there that don’t have a minority status requirement. Selecting a field of study and being able to write about it is far more important than minority status, representing approximately 48% of the scholarships in the College Potential Calculator. Engineering and engineering technology is one of the most represented intended fields of study, capturing about 33% of scholarships that require an intended field of study to be eligible to apply. A few others that had good representation were biological and physical sciences, business/management/administration, and trade and industry. Conversely, liberal arts and interdisciplinary studies, English and literature, foreign languages, and area and ethnic studies were all intended fields of study that were not widely represented with available scholarships.
  • Join an organization: Approximately 11% of scholarships require that you are apart of some organization to be eligible to apply. The American Legion is the most widely represented organization, representing over 25% of the scholarships that require an affiliation with an organization. The American Legion is for current or past active duty military personnel, but there eligibility can be extended within divisions of the Legion for sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, wives, and other family members.
  • Look at what your current state of residence or the state where you are looking to attend college has to offer: Fifty percent of the Scholarships listed in the College Potential Calculator are based on the state you currently reside in or the state you intend to attend College in. You can cut the time down on your scholarship search by simply looking at scholarships registered in your state. For instance, Googling, “Scholarships in Texas,” will yield an alphabetical list of all scholarships for Texas residents.

A fun feature of the College Potential Calculator is the ability to look at more than just one college. In fact, you can allow the calculator to find your potential to get into up to 20 colleges at a time based on the cost of the college, location of the college, national rank of the college, or your best chances. For instance, let’s look at a high school student who lives on the east coast but wants to go to school on the west coast. All she has to do is simply enter in the city and state on the west coast she wants to be near, her SAT or ACT scores and GPA, and then click calculate. Based on her preference, she can sort the results of the 20 colleges by the least expensive colleges near the area, the closest colleges to the area, the colleges with the highest national rank in the area, or by the colleges she has the best chances of getting accepted to near the area.

The College Potential Calculator is designed for students, parents, and counselors who want to gauge a student’s potential to get into any one college or obtain a scholarship based on their GPA, SAT or ACT score. The tool looks at the past 1 – 5 years of admission statistics for 3,600 universities and approximately 2,000 scholarships. You can watch a quick demo of the College Potential Calculator on WhatisAverage.com.

***************************************************************************

You can contact Dan Coomes, President, The College Potential Calculator at
Dan.Coomes@WhatisAverage.com and follow him on Twitter at @wisavg.

college guidance, college planning

College Roommates MUST Communicate!

2 Comments



With so many college-bound teens headed to college in the fall, it’s important to know that roommates can cause some grief. The key to having a positive roommate experience is COMMUNICATION. That starts BEFORE you head off to college by making contact with your future roommate and setting up some mutually agreeable ground rules.

Today’s post from The Real College Guide is from their Expert Q&A section and answered by Liz Cruger.

*************

Q: I HATE my roommate! Is there any way I can move?

A: I’ve seen a ton of roommate conflicts turn totally out of control just because the roomies refuse to talk to each other. If this is your situation, be rational and calm, not accusatory, and tell your roommate what drives you nuts. Clothes on the floor, loud music, keeping the door open? Any of these issues can be negotiated. If you need help, your R.A. and professional Residence Life staff are trained to help you work out differences.

If you absolutely cannot stand your roommate, most schools will allow room changes after a certain trial period. If you’re just two weeks into the semester, you’ll probably have to stick it out for a while. If it’s been a month or so, you might be in luck.

The best person to ask is your R.A., who will know the details of your school’s housing policy. Many colleges have a room change period in which you can apply to move to another empty spot on campus. These periods usually fall within each semester or trimester, so if you come back from break and can’t take it anymore, there’s a good chance you aren’t stuck. On the other hand, if your roommate leaves, you probably won’t have a single for very long — housing will fill the vacancy with someone else. And there’s no guarantee a replacement will be any easier to live with. So before you write off your roommate for good, give it your best effort to smooth things over.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

Sleeping with Strangers

The Naked Roommate

college guidance, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

The infamous "Freshman 15"

2 Comments


 

When my daughter was in college, she, her roommates, and friends feared and dreaded the “freshman 15”. There’s a rumor out there (and it’s more than a rumor) that freshmen in college gain 15 pounds the first year.  Corey Bobco for The Real College Guide gives your college-bound freshman some tips on how to avoid those 15 extra pounds. Pass these tips along to the class of 2014…or 15…or 16.

Note: I would venture a guess (and I’m probably right) that much of the 15 pounds is attributed to high calorie alcohol consumption.

————————————————————————————————–

It doesn’t take a college degree to know that eating junk plus exercising less equals the end of your smokin’ bod. But sometimes, on-campus crunch-time habits like scrimping on exercise and binging on convenient, crappy food can stick — especially if they begin while you’re lazin’ out at home on break.

Factor in a colossal workload (aka hours of inactivity while your butt is nailed to your desk chair), and you’re looking down the very-real barrel of your freshman 15. Want to avoid ‘em? Try practicing healthful habits on the home front so you’ll be ahead of the game once stress strikes when you’re back at school. Here are some tips:

Fork in Five a Day

Here: The U.S. Department of Agriculture recommends eating five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day to reduce your risk of disease and give you a good dose of dietary fiber — which pushes digestion along, quite literally. Scarfing down adequate servings doesn’t mean throwing back a whole bunch of bananas in one sitting or repurposing your funnel for competitive juice chugging (especially because it only takes half a cup — that’s 4 ounces — of fruit juice or vegetable juice to yield one serving). While you have access to your parent’s grocery funds and home cooking (if you’re lucky!), make it your daily goal to increase your fruit and veggie intake.

There: Hit up the dining-hall salad bar and enlighten your tray with some greenery. To avoid in-class grumbles, snack throughout the day — and make your snack of choice fruit. Apples, bananas and oranges can usually withstand the wrath of your books when thrown in your bag for a between-class snack. Plus, it’s easy to grab a piece or two on your way out from breakfast in the dining hall.

Plan Accordingly

Here: At home, you might not have control over what kind of tempting food finds its way into your pantry. But make sure there are healthful snacks in there too to help you avoid stuffing your face with the worst of the worst when hunger strikes.

There: When stocking your dorm room with snacks, don’t feel the need to get everything your parents keep in the house (because it’s familiar) or everything they don’t keep (just because you can). Rather, stick with the following mantra: “If I don’t buy it, I can’t eat it.” So what should you buy? Try portion-controlled trail mix, dried fruit or 100-calorie bags of popcorn — and get it at a supermarket or health food store in bulk quantities. Individual servings save you from yourself (aka overeating), and buying in bulk saves you cash. Stocking up instead of buying individual items at a vending machine or quick store will save you serious cash — especially when you’re munching on these snacks instead of ordering deep-dish pizza late-night.

Get Physical

Here: With nothing but time on your hands over summer (or any) break, you have no excuse not to be active. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be painful. Take a swim for an awesome way to get exercise while working on your tan. Dust off your old bike and take it for a joy ride around the block. Or try walking — you may be surprised how far your legs can take you around your hometown.

There: Take the time to research what facilities your school offers. Most campuses offer free gym membership, indoor pool access, free or low-cost exercise classes and bike racks –which, by the way, you should totally use, since two wheels are cheaper than four and faster than walking to class. Since you’ll probably know when you’ll be in class before you get to campus, it should be easy to figure out how to fit exercise classes or gym sessions into your day. Once you set aside the time, keep it interesting by inviting friends to join you or trying something new, like yoga, Pilates, tai chi, step aerobics, kickboxing or capoeira.

Sleep in

Here: In the long run, sleep deprivation encourages weight gain. Use your spare hours to determine — within reason — how much sleep you actually need to feel well rested. Then, make sure you get it. (Hint: If you think you need more than 12 hours, you’re wrong. More likely, you need between six and eight.)

There: Depriving yourself of sleep typically raises stress levels while impairing mental and physical performance, so you really need to get your z’s. Early class? Set a bedtime and stick to it. If you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do your work and get sufficient rest, reassess the way you spend your time. It’s possible that interruptions like your roommate’s incessant BBMing or distractions like Facebook browsing are robbing you of precious hours. Reclaim ‘em and rest up!

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Things to do BEFORE college

1 Comment



Today’s post is by Lauren Joffe for The Real College Guide. While I agree with MOST of the suggestions, I’d like to add my “input” on the #9-Get Protection. Parents–talk with your college-bound teen about sex. They are going to be confronted with it (even if they choose to abstain). They need to understand the risks involved in “hooking up” and they need to understand that they ALWAYS have choices. Heading off to college is a daunting task for both parents and teens. Pass this list along to your teenager and use it as an opportunity for a heart-to-heart BEFORE they are on their own and independent.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hasta la vista, Mom and Dad. Hello, independence … but wait! Not so fast. Before you hit the road and leave your parentals behind, make sure you’re fully prepared for your new life of unwavering autonomy by spending your summer days wisely. Here, 10 things to do before you bolt. Ready, set …

1. Check up on your computer

New computers rarely come with programs like Microsoft Office, which you’ll definitely need, so be sure to purchase before you’re stuck handwriting your first assignment. And if you’re using an older comp, make sure it’s ready to take the heat: Since you will be on it all the time, install any updates or think about an upgrade. Also, find out if your school offers wireless Internet access (and if your computer is compatible) or whether you’ll need an Ethernet cable. Note: Some schools prohibit users without spyware or virus protection from connecting to the network. So, seriously, get the deets!

2. Make nice with your new dorm mate

As if you need us to tell you, check out her Facebook or MySpace page so you can get a feel for what you’re in for. Then buckle down and dial her digits for a quick chat to break the ice. Ask if there’s anything you should be aware of (like her fatal allergy to dusk or fear of the dark) and let her know of any immediate concerns you might have (like the fact that you can’t live without cable, and you’re relying on her to bring the big screen).

3. Do it up at a discount department store

Knock out the staples on your to-buy list before the selection is sold out: sheets, towels, toiletries and storage containers. But also pick up the following often-forgotten items you do not want to leave home without:

  • One-cup coffeemaker Brew your own instead of wasting a whole meal swipe for a cup o’ joe from the dining hall or blowing wads of money at Starbucks.
  • Mattress pad Make your dorm cot as comfy as the cushy oasis you’re used to at home while protecting yourself from whatever lived on your bed before you.
  • Rubber flip-flops Save yourself from the foot infections, clumps of hair and other mysterious masses that live in your communal shower.
  • Power strip Surge-protect your PC while hooking up your iPod station and hair dryer all at once.

4. Secure your class schedule

Enrollment deadlines are not meant to be ignored. In fact, the earlier you sit down to set your schedule, the better your course selection will be — so definitely don’t wait until the last minute. Also, pay attention to class restrictions, since some courses may require department approval ahead of time.

5. Plan your budget

Living costs at college range from campus to campus — the amount of money you’ll need largely depends on the location of your campus (cities can be more expensive) and the choices you make (like ordering in instead of suffering one more dining hall meal). Extra expenses will include social costs (movies, concerts, game tickets, cover for some parties), toiletries, food and drink beyond your meal plan, and transportation. Ask an upperclassman or student advisor how much cash she spends on average each week. Then pool your summer savings to determine whether you can cover your own expenses. If you need help, ask your parents or start looking for a part-time job on campus — before you get there.

6. Visit your school’s Web site

Your university may offer registration guides, campus news and summertime get-to-know-each-other sessions that you definitely do not want to miss out on — especially if you’re in the habit of throwing college junk mail in the trash (which is where important info may very well be). Plus, seeing your campus colors on the screen will psych you up — or at the very least, calm your nerves and get you into the spirit.

7. Get packing

Whether you’re shipping all your stuff UPS or loading up the car and driving cross-country, don’t leave packing to the last minute, when you’ll want to laze around and hang out with friends you won’t be seeing for a while. Designate an area of your house or bedroom to stow things you buy especially for college or things you don’t use daily but know you’ll need to take. Do not overpack! The amount of space you will have in your new room is likely much smaller than your current living quarters. Only bring what’s necessary, as your parents can always mail any left-behind belongings.

8. Put together a tool kit

Once you’re at school on your own, you’ll be shocked how often you’ll need a pair of scissors or a screwdriver — even if you’ve never used one. If you need to hang a poster or fix a loose screw, a simple, handy kit will be of great use when you least expect it. Bring a little box with a screwdriver (both Phillips and flathead), hammer, pliers, nails and screws. An inexpensive small cordless drill/screw gun is a good investment too. Pack scissors as well as adhesives, like sticky tack and tape, with your desk stuff.

9. Get protection

There’s no harm in being prepared for safe sex even if you have no particular plan or person in mind with whom to have it.

10. Hang with your high school pals

You know you’re going to miss your hometown friends, especially during the first few weeks you are apart. Yeah, you’ll make a whole slew of new friends. But make some memories first by hanging with the crew this summer.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, social networks

Upcoming Twitter #Chats

Since my readers are all about gathering the BEST college information, you might like to know about some upcoming Twitter chats. College-related chats are popping up on Twitter and it’s a great place to chat with some experts and ask those questions that you’ve been dying to have answered.

Here is a list of upcoming chats:

#CollegeBound

Monday, May 24 at 4:00 p.m. EST #CollegeBound events will offer higher education administrators, college media, education experts, and others a unique hour to connect with and engage potential and incoming students. The first #CollegeBound chat, “Preparing for College,” will provide potential students of all ages with an inside look at the college research process, including how to navigate the plethora of available information, make a school decision that’s right for them, and get their school questions answered. The CollegeBound Network’s blog, “U. Got It?”, features more information on the event.

#CampusChat

#CampusChat is an online higher-ed conversation that takes place on Twitter hosted by Z. Kelly Queijo, founder of SmartCollegeVisit. Topics center around college visits, college admissions, and aspects related to life as a college student. This week’s upcoming chat Wednesday, May 26 at 9PM ET features @EricYaverbaum, author of  Life’s Little College Admissions Insights.

#CollegeChat

Bestselling author and higher-education journalist Lynn O’Shaughnessy will share tips from her new book “Shrinking the Cost of College: 152 Ways to Cut the Price of a Bachelor’s Degree” during the first edition of #CollegeChat on Twitter on June 1, 2010 at 6 pm Pacific. During the live Twitter chat, Lynn will discuss how to become a smart consumer in cutting the cost of college and will describe how the college financial aid process works and where to find the money.

I’m looking forward to seeing you at these chats and to participating in the lively discussions. Mark your calendars!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

For more information about how to use these tools or how to keep up with or follow a chat, read Z. Kelly Queijo, founder of SmartCollegeVisit‘s  blog post on Handshake 2.0: 3 Easy Ways to Keep in Step with a Twitter Chat

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen

 

Last night, I watched a new popular sitcom called, “The Middle”. This show, while being extreme, personifies the trials and tribulations of parenting (especially teenagers). The teenage son is under-motivated and the teenage daughter is over-motivated. The parents are frustrated and at times complacent. These two teenage extremes pose a parenting dilemma: How do you find the balance?

I’ve written often about Helicopter Parents and even had a guest blogger, Chip Timmons, an Assistant Admissions Director,  give his Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories . Even though perfect parenting does not exist, it is possible to take the BEST and the WORST examples of parenting a college-bound teen and learn from them.

On that note, I’ve come up with my TOP 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen:

  1. Do encourage them. This is #1 because it is the most important tip of all. Teenagers who are headed to college need to know you believe in them and in their dreams. They need to feel your love and support. They need to know that you will always be there cheering for them, even if at times they don’t believe they can succeed.
  2. Don’t nag. Nagging never helps motivate a teenager. My rule was to tell my teenagers what was expected of them and allow them to own their own actions. There are so many tasks and deadlines related to the college admissions process. You can remind them without constantly nagging them. Helping them to stay organized will go a long way in helping you to avoid becoming a nag.
  3. Do step in when they ask for help. The college admissions process can be overwhelming. It’s unfair to expect them to handle everything alone. There are times when they will need your help and you will have to step in and parent.
  4. Don’t plow them down in an effort to help. Parents who take over are not helping their teens. They only hinder their success and enable them to become more dependent instead of independent. (That means: don’t do it for them, but it’s ok to offer your help.)
  5. Do listen. Pay attention to what your college-bound teen wants and needs. In order to do this, you must listen to them talk. It doesn’t have to be a regular sit-down either. Just listen during normal conversation to and from school, while they are getting ready for a date, or during family dinner time.
  6. Don’t speak for them. Believe it or not, they have an opinion. Many times, it’s an intelligent one and one that others want to hear. When your teen is asked a question of a counselor, tour guide, admissions officer, teacher or a college representative PLEASE let your teen answer for themselves.
  7. Do offer your advice. Advice is different from nagging. Advice helps your teen learn from your experience. Giving advice comes easily for parents, and it’s something our college-bound teens need to hear.
  8. Don’t expect them to make choices based on your likes and dislikes. When you give advice or opinions, many times your teen won’t choose or act as you expected. But that’s ok. Not all of their choices will be the best ones. And some of their choices, while not yours, will be what’s best for your teen.
  9. Do be a “present” parent. Parents tend to become less involved as their kids get older. If there was ever a time to be MORE involved, it’s during the teen years and the college admissions process.
  10. Don’t disappear from their lives just because they are in high school. Go to parent conferences. Attend high school events. Get involved in parent booster clubs. Participate in their lives. Travel with them to college visits and college fairs.

If you like this article, you might also like:

Being a Parent College Coach-The 3 C’s

Preparing your teen for college: It’s all about guiding, not doing

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

college planning

5 Dorm Move-In Mistakes


 

dorm life issuesIf your college-bound teen is headed off to college in the fall, they might be tempted to pack up their ENTIRE room and transport it to the college dorm. But before you start packing, here are some tips by Maria Moy for “The Real College Guide” that will save you some heartache on move-in day.

(P.S. Speaking from experience, DO NOT pack your teen’s entire room. It won’t fit; and it won’t help with the homesickness either.)

Losing sleep over the dimensions of your dorm room? Rest assured, you can survive — and thrive — in close living quarters. We tell you how.

Unless you were raised in a jail cell, your dorm room is going to seem way too small for storing all your stuff — and yourself — without frequent fits of claustrophobia. Upon moving in, you’ll inevitably find that your closet is too small and that you have to make hard decisions about what will actually fit in your room this semester (big-screen TV or roommate? Hmmm …).

Here are the top five mistakes to avoid when stuffing your stuff into a small space:

1. Leaving furniture as is By far, the biggest mistake you can make on move-in day is to leave the furniture where it is. You are totally allowed — with your roommate’s blessings, of course — to move it! And don’t be shy about trying out a few different arrangements. Often, there is a better way to position your furniture to at least give the illusion of more space and even privacy. Typically, pushing your bed and desk against the walls leaves an open area in the center of the room. Pushing bureaus back to back can create private nooks for dressing or sleeping (so you never have to wake up to eye contact with your creepy roommate).

2. Not using vertical space The sky (OK, ceiling) is the limit when you are organizing your room. Even if your desk doesn’t come with shelves, you can pick up cost-effective shelving units at places like Kmart and Target. Be sure your shelves are durable enough to support the considerable weight of your textbooks or whatever else you plan to keep on them — clothes, shoes or even people if the shelves are waist-high. If you have room, a full-out bookcase is great for storing groceries, cooking supplies and other dorm miscellanea. Or opt for wall shelves, which free up floor space but might not be as sturdy. Hint: Buildable cube shelving gives you sturdy flexibility and can be recycled for whatever space you find yourself living in next year. And you can shove a single cube at the bottom of your closet or on your desk for additional organization.

3. Overlooking under-the-bed space Don’t underestimate the amount of stuff you can store simply by cramming it under your bed. Baskets, plastic drawers and crates may help with organizing, but your best investment by far is a set of bed risers (aka sturdy stilts for your bed posts). These raise the bed so you can cram even more crap under there. Gotta love ’em.

4. Keeping a messy closet Accept that you will not have sufficient closet space, especially if you go to school in a climate where bulky layers are necessary. With this in mind, mess management is a must. First off, get a shoe rack. There is nothing more frustrating than being late for class because you spent five precious minutes hopping around your room in an epic search of your missing shoe. Your best bet for a shoe rack is one that hangs over the closet door. Stuff it with shoes and other random stuff like hats, gloves and toiletries. With shoes and accessories off the floor, you may be able to fit an extra bar for hanging or a small shelving unit for folded stuff. (By the way, don’t forget to bring — or pack your clothes on — clothes hangers. Your room won’t come with them.)

5. Bringing big stuff Be flexible about bringing larger items like couches, bikes and kayaks. These are nice amenities but may find a better home in your parents’ garage. If you’re able — and your roommate is willing — to bunk beds, some larger furniture may fit. Some schools let you loft your bed above your desk — an ingenius way to conserve space. If you’re looking into a loft, however, find out how high and sturdy it is before buying so you know it will fit and won’t fall. As for your bike, keep it locked outside on a bike rack. We’ve seen kayaks stored that way as well. Really.

Here’s a nifty little tool that might help: Design Your Dorm