Is dating gone? What about courtship? According to a recent NY Times article and most college students it’s a dinosaur. They have random “hook ups” with people they meet–which can include anything from making out to oral sex to intercourse. Parents need to know and understand this new culture in order to prepare their students for college. As I’ve said before, preparation is much more than academics.
According to the article in the Times hooking up is destroying today’s young adults:
Blame the much-documented rise of the “hookup culture” among young people, characterized by spontaneous, commitment-free (and often, alcohol-fueled) romantic flings. Many students today have never been on a traditional date, said Donna Freitas, who has taught religion and gender studies at Boston University and Hofstra and is the author of the forthcoming book, “The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy.”
Parents MUST be aware of the current “hook up” culture and have some serious talks with their teens. Steer them away from one night stands, make out sessions, and sexting. Inform them of the changes that have occurred (if they don’t already know) in how people meet and get to know one another. Consider this story in The Atlantic:
This was a routine she repeated for months. Every weekend night, and on some weekday nights, she would drink so heavily that she could remember only patches of what happened the night before and then would have sex with the same fraternity brother. One night, she was talking with someone else at the frat when the brother interrupted her and led her upstairs to have sex. On another occasion, they had sex at the frat, but Nicole was too drunk to find her clothes afterward, so she started walking around the house naked, to the amusement of all of the other brothers. She was too drunk to care. Eventually, everything went dark. Next weekend, she returned to the frat.
When I asked Nicole if she was still hooking up with the same frat boy, she shook her head. She explained that the entire time she was having sex with him he never once spoke to her or acknowledged her outside of his fraternity’s basement. Not in the library, not in the dining hall, not at the bookstore.
I later told Nicole’s story to a close guy friend. “What a jerk, right?” My friend, also a frat brother, objected: “After the first time, it starts becoming the girl’s fault, too.” Nicole and the frat brother were just hooking up, after all—what didn’t I get?
Make your girls (and boys) understand that “hooking up” is NOT the road to a lasting relationship. Help them know how to stand up to peer pressure and encourage them to seek out relationships, even if it’s not the norm and it takes time.
This Friday night on 20/20, Denice Ann Evans, producer of the award-winning feature documentary: Spitting Game: The College Hook Up Culture, will talk about hooking up, the use of social media, texting and sexting on college campuses. It’s an interview you don’t want to miss. Record it if you have to but watch it with your teen. Education is much more than academics. Parenting your college-bound teen requires that you invest your time to understand the obstacles that your teen will face as they enter college.