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One day your child is dependent on you for everything and the next day they are managing on their own. They don’t need you to dress them, or feed them, or tuck them in at night. They don’t need you to walk them to school any more or attend their birthday parties. It’s a tough pill to swallow, especially if you are the type of parent who can’t seem to let go and let them grow up.
Before they start the college prep process, it might be a good idea to take stock of just how much you try to micro-manage their lives and make some adjustments.
You might be a micro-manager if:
You press your teen to provide detailed information about their day
Let’s face it—teens volunteer little information about how their day went. If you’re lucky you might get a “fine” or an “ok”, but not much else; and that’s ok. They don’t need to tell you everything, just the important things. Instead of prodding, just try the listening approach. Odds are you will learn much more by listening than you will by constant prodding.
You argue with their teacher about grades
It’s perfectly acceptable to have a conference with your teen’s teacher about their academic progress. But if you find yourself taking it to the next level and arguing with them or questioning the grades, you could be crossing the line. And here’s a tip—you will be embarrassing your teen. Let them fight their own battles; it prepares them for college.
You text your teen repeatedly during school hours
Some parents abuse their texting privileges. They text to find out how their teen did on a test, how their day is going, and even use it to ask probing questions about their relationships. First of all, cellphones should be turned off during class (and for most schools during the day). Secondly, this is a bad habit that might not be seen as intrusive in high school but will once they head off to college.
You search you teen’s belongings just to be nosy
Unless there is good reason to pry (you perceive a drug problem or emotional issue), it’s never good to be a snoop. They do need some privacy and if they find out you are invading that privacy they just might start feeding your obsession. If you’ve raised them well and taught them right from wrong, let their private lives stay private.
AND the 5th clue that you might be a micro-manager…
You offer advice even when it’s not necessary
Sometimes teens just need to vent. They don’t need you to solve all their problems. Unless they ask for help, keep the advice to yourself. Remember that listening is your best tool and that you always learn more by letting them talk. They learn to become problem solvers and this moves them toward independence.
If you see yourself in this list, you might want to readjust your parenting. Your main goal is to train them toward independence. It’s much easier to do this before they go away to college. Once they know you trust them to make their own decisions and live independently, they will be much more likely to thrive when they are on their own.