As a parent, you most certainly think about your child’s future and so often college prep is a part of that future. You may see them as an engineer, a teacher, or a doctor. You may picture them at your alma mater, or being the first in your family to attend college. Maybe you just hope they find a passion and pursue it. Whatever you hope, you want what is best for your child and to support them in achieving their goals.
College prep is a team effort. While the student leads the team and is ultimately the one who makes the final decision, parents can participate. This is an overwhelming process to handle alone and parents can ease some of the tremendous stress and burden.
The teenage years are a challenge for parents, and many find it hard to prepare for their kids going to college. In this guide, we’ll discuss some steps you can take to practice supportive parenting as your children get ready for their next adventure.
Learning and tuition
The years that lead up to college are among the most intensive and stressful for children and their parents. The workload can get heavy, and many teens feel under pressure to perform. With exams and entry tests looming and a steady stream of assignments to complete, it’s hugely beneficial for parents to play a supportive role in learning and tuition. Some parents may want to take an active role at this point, while others may feel more comfortable letting their children study with friends, teachers and tutors.
You’re likely to feel a little anxious about the idea of your teen going off to college. Your years of being able to protect and coddle your child are about to end, and you know how cruel the world can be.
One fear that you might have about your teen going off to college is that of drug and alcohol abuse. Many teens face problems such as peer pressure and the need to fit in with the “everybody’s doing it” crowd.
Here are some tips for talking to your teen about the dangers of succumbing to peer pressure and risky behavior in college.
Avoid Sounding Too Autocratic
The tone of your conversation is the most critical factor in reaching your college-bound teen about an essential topic like alcohol and drug abuse.
Young persons tend to get defensive if they feel as though a parental figure is “laying down the law” or restricting their lives. You should approach your child as if you are a friend and not so much a parent.
The best way to approach this subject is to wait until you can have a calm discussion about the matter. You might want to discuss it after dinner or while you’re driving somewhere with your teen.
Reassure Your Teen of Your Love and Trust
Your teen needs to know that you respect their independence and that you trust their judgment. At the same time, you must help them understand that unfamiliar situations are going to arise. They’ll have to deal with people who don’t have the best intentions.
Let your teen know that he or she will come across people from a variety of family backgrounds and cultures. Those backgrounds and cultures might clash with the ones that you established as you were raising your teen.
Tell your child that it’s okay to stand his or her ground and not go along with suggested behavioral changes just because it may seem trendy to others.
Draw From Your Experiences
Storytelling is an effective way to reach your teen about alcohol and drug recovery. It will help you to connect with your teen emotionally, and it will display your empathetic nature.
If you can think of a time that you overcame peer pressure, you should tell your teen a story about it. Tell your child who presented the peer pressure and what you did to overcome it.
Alternatively, you can share an experience that you had experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Be honest if you ever had to seek alcohol and drug recovery.
Use Scientific or News-Based Quotes
Sometimes, young people don’t believe anything until they can see hard evidence that it’s not good for them. In that case, you might want to gather news reports and statistics that pertain to drug and alcohol recovery.
Find articles and statistics about the health hazards of drugs and alcohol. Collect news stories about college students who have suffered the negative effects of drugs or alcohol.
Many students have failed out of college, gotten into accidents, and lost their lives because of substance abuse. Your teen needs to know the reality of such incidents. Don’t sugarcoat the truth at all.
Boost Your Teen’s Self-Esteem
It’s important to point out your teen’s good qualities when you’re discussing peer pressure.
Many teens fall victim to peer pressure because they need to feel as though they belong to a particular group. They desire acceptance, and that desire for acceptance sometimes gets them into trouble.
Spend some time giving your teen positive affirmations that will help encourage self-esteem. Your teen will be less likely to fall into the trap of peer pressure if he or she is aware of all the positive qualities that make that person unique.
A person who has a strong sense of value won’t feel the need to fit in with anyone else.
Establish Positive Communication Lines
Finally, you must establish healthy communication with your college-bound teen. Your teen should feel confident that you will be available for questions or concerns or to tell you about each day away at college.
Let your teen know that you are available to talk at any time of the day or night. You might even want to set up a regular day and time that you can voice or video chat with your teens to let them hear your voice or see your face. Your teen might find a lot of strength in knowing that you’re present even though there’s a distance between you.
The tips mentioned above should help you communicate your concerns to your teen without causing him or her to get offensive. Hopefully, your son or daughter will go on to have a fruitful experience in college and live to his or her full potential.
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Author Bio: Patrick Bailey is a professional writer mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoy writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them.
You’ve done all the prep work, you have checked out all the colleges of interest for your teenager, made the applications and now after all the hard work is over, they have accepted a space at the college of their choice. You could be mistaken for thinking that all your hard work is over and you can relax safe in the knowledge you helped your offspring navigate the next part of the education journey.
We all know there is nothing that equals the experience your child will have at college. It is where thy will learn to fend for themselves and learn skills to carry with them for the rest of their lives. But honestly, before they leave there are some important life skills you can teach them so they can make the most of their time at college equipped with the knowledge they need for encountering new and different situations and the skills to help them become self-sufficient before they need to be. They may not take it all on board, or put their new-found skills into practice regularly, but you rest easy in the knowledge that you have helped them as much as you can before they spread their wings.
So what are the best life skills you can teach your child before they leave for university? How do you train your teenager to “adult”?
Money Matters.
Some people are just naturally good when it comes to managing their finances, others need a little bit of help. For a lot of kids, this will be the first time in their lives that they are solely responsible for money and making sure they spend it wisely.
Teaching them how to budget and make their money last is an essential life skill for everyone these days. From having enough money for food to last them from one term to the next, or paycheck to paycheck if they are employed, is something they can take with them through their college years and beyond. Instilling the necessity of paying bills on time and making sure they can afford any lines of credit they open.
Hand in hand with managing money comes dealing with debt and financial worries. With the average American currently, $38,000 in debt, knowing how to get out of debt and what to do is just as important as money management skills. Knowing who to contact with regards to debt advice and solutions such as consulting professionals in debt management like McCarthy Law PLC is handy information as is making sure they know how to be financially responsible.
Chores.
As hard as it can be to get kids to do their chores, there are some practical things they need to know to help them on their way to being self-sufficient. Being able to keep their dorm room tidy and other areas they need to use. Teach them life skills by getting them to help you out so they know what they are doing when they need to do it themselves.
Keep in mind these tips on what to teach your teen before they leave for college.
Laundry including what detergents and softeners they need too.
Ironing and using an iron safely.
Vacuuming
Washing dishes.
Mopping floors
Grocery Shopping
If your child hasn’t pitched in with the grocery shop before, this is a great time to teach them the best ways to get more for their money. Giving them advice on what prices they can expect to pay, how to store different food types and the benefits of preparing food from scratch if they can is highly beneficial.
Show them how to make a list and what cupboard essentials they need to have in at all times. Sure, they may go on to live on a diet of junk food alone, but they will know how to shop well and efficiently for what they buy.
Cooking.
Whilst it is true that most students have a ramen heavy diet, that isn’t true for everyone. Teaching them how to prepare some simple basic meals can ensure they know how to eat properly and nutritiously during their time away from home. Simple pasta meals such as spaghetti Bolognese or your family favourites can really help out. It will also give you peace of mind that they are able to prepare healthy homemade meals as they would eat at home.
Once they have mastered the basics, they can then build on this over the years.
Time Management Skills
College days will be full and busy. Add a part-time job, extracurricular activities and social lives and suddenly those long days leave little time for studying or much else really. Time management is a life skill that they will need to learn when they are employed so why not teach them this early before they have to figure it out when it’s too late.
Run through a schedule with them and make realistic plans that include moving from place to place, and how long they have to spend on certain tasks. This will help them break their day down into easier more manageable chunks meaning they can help themselves not only reduce stress but increase efficiency too.
Words of Wisdom.
As an adult and parent, you have had many different life experiences. Maybe you have some words of wisdom from your college days or you can share some other life tips you have picked up. Show your child how to apply for a job and how to interview well to give them the best shot at gaining employment now and in the future too.
Teach them how to pay bills and stay on top of this. Skills such as minor car repairs eg changing a tyre, small DIY tasks – putting up a shelf, changing light bulbs, fixing broken items around the house or even upcycling old and worn items can all come in handy. Think of what you were taught at that age, or do you wish you had known and spend the time sharing this with your college-age child.
It doesn’t matter how close you were before they entered high school, the tension always mounts and the temptation is to drift apart. It takes a concerted effort on your part to stay in touch with their world. They are naturally moving toward independence and we are naturally grasping to keep them from growing up. And thus begins the ying and yang of parent/teenager relationships.
During high school your teens will experience every form of human emotion: joy, sadness, rejection, fear of failure, excitement, disappointment, heartache, love, and the list goes on and on. Most of the emotions are extreme and always seem like the end of the world to them. It’s hard to convey to them that “this too shall pass” and they will realize as they get older that their life is just beginning.
They are looking ahead to the future while living in the present. Keeping on track and keeping their eyes on the prize (graduation and college) can be challenging. As their parent coach and encourager, and the all-knowing, all-wise adult in their life, it’s up to you to stay connected and help them maintain their focus.
Here are a few of my own tips to help when staying connected:
Find that time when you can sit with them and listen. This is not easy, because many teens rarely sit still for very long to have a conversation. I would sit in my daughter’s room while she picked out her clothes and dressed to go out. You’ll be amazed at how much information you can gather if you simply listen.
Share something they enjoy. It might not be your choice of activities, but if you share a common interest it gives you something to talk about. An activity as simple as watching their favorite television show with them, or making a trip to the mall to search for the all-important clothing purchase will offer opportunities for you to listen and for them to open up to you about their lives.
Let them make mistakes, but be there when they do. Allowing them to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices will prepare them for those times when you aren’t there to tell them what to do.
Pick your battles. It’s easy as a parent to constantly give advice, even to the point of overly controlling their lives. Save those showdowns for the biggies: drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Don’t stress so much over their clothing choices or their hair styles. They are teenagers. They want to fit in. If you’re not always battling them over the small things, they will be more receptive when you do put your foot down.
Staying connected with your teen can be challenging, but the rewards far outweigh the difficulties. When your teen turns to you and finally says, “thanks Mom” or “thanks Dad”, it’s all worth it!
As graduation approaches parents of college-bound teens will be transitioning to different phases in their teen’s lives. Being the parents that we are, we will want to help. And our helping is not always good. Sometimes we “help” and it ends up harming their ability to think, act, and decide for themselves. It’s easy to justify our actions but when it’s all said and done we want to raise competent, independent and decisive children.
Saying all of that, how do you help without harming?
Teach them to self-advocate
One of the greatest tools a young adult can have is the ability to self-advocate. For years you have been fighting their battles for them. When they reach high school and move on to college, it’s time for them to learn how to do it for themselves. It may be hard to stand by silently and watch your teen get hurt or struggle with relationships (both with other teens and adults); but if you don’t step back, your college-bound teen will never be able to stand on their own two feet.
Listen
Listening is the hardest thing for a parent to do. We want to fix things because that’s what parents do. But sometimes things don’t need to be fixed. Sometimes our kids need to learn that life will bring conflict, disappointment and discouragement. They will learn this if you don’t jump in and fix every problem instantly. In college they will need to fix their own problems. Start letting them do this in high school.
Recognize their independence
Start early in high school and increase their freedom just a little at a time. As they exhibit responsibility and trustworthiness, allow them more freedom. By the time they leave for college they should be able to make decisions based on what is best for them simply because you allowed them to do it high school and fail at times.
Let go
You know the old adage, “If you love someone, set them free.” Parents never want to set their children free. We say we do. We try to do it. But deep down, when that little baby turns into a young adult it becomes harder and harder to let go. Parents who don’t let go have to deal with the repercussions later. This holding on has produced a generation of boomerang children—children who return home after college because they can’t succeed as independent adults.
For those parents who are waving goodbye to their teens in the fall, you’ve got three months to give them a crash course in independence. If you’re parenting an incoming high school freshman your job should be easy—you’ve got four years to get it done right!
Parenting is easy if you give into your child’s every whim, never be consistent with discipline, or simply don’t pay attention. Parenting children who strive for excellence in everything requires some tough love. And tough love is not easy; especially when it comes to the raising a motivated, educated, and successful student.
How do you, as a parent, raise a child that’s motivated to strive for excellence where their education is concerned?
Practice tough love by doing the following:
Set guidelines and rules and stick to them
When they are young, set rules about homework and study time. If they are older, it’s not too late to get started. Insist that homework is a priority before any after school activities. Limit technology because it can be a distraction.
Be prepared, however, there is going to be dissent; but don’t cave. Don’t give in to their whining and complaining. Years down the road with they graduate with honors, attend college, and secure a career, they will thank you for practicing tough love.
Praise achievement (not mediocrity)
Society is so afraid of hurt feelings, they have made it impossible to praise achievement. Awards are given for participation, and not excellence. When this practice becomes common, your children expect to be rewarded and praised for mediocrity. They learn to expect praise for tasks that should be common practice. Set expectations and when they are exceeded, praise them.
Teach them to take responsibility for their own actions
Teens love to play the blame game. You know the drill: it’s always someone else’s fault for bad behavior. Someone either coaxed them, coerced them, or talked them into doing something. It’s never their fault. It’s always the other persons: the teacher, the principal, another student. Learning to take responsibility for your own actions is one character trait that will follow them through high school and into college.
Step back and let them fail
Don’t rescue them from every difficult situation. You know the term–helicopter parenting. It’s important for them to make messes, get hurt, feel disappointment, and fail at tasks.This helps them develop life skills, achieve happiness, and be successful–the things we so desperately want to give them.
One parent summed it up well:
The reality is, we can’t “give” our children happiness andsuccess anyway. It has to be earned. And earning things of such high value means our children will have to pay a price. We can either “love” our children into big grown up babies, still living at home at age 30 expecting mommy to swoop in and solve all their problems, or we can love them into a life of competent self-confidence by letting them experience pain, failure, disappointment, self-denial, and good old fashioned hard work.
Isn’t that what tough love is all about? Love your children so much you set rules, provide clear expectations, and allow them to fail so they can learn.
