Most parents aren’t going to be all that hands-on with the kind of living environment that their kid makes for themselves while they’re out at college. However, if they’re looking to study more effectively, then it’s important to realize just how crucial their surroundings are for that. Here are a few tips to help them create an environment much better suited to their aims.
A comfortable place to study is key
First of all, you need to make sure those physical needs are taken care of. If studying involves poring over the books or working at the PC on a desk, then you have to make sure that can be done comfortably. Look at some of the ergonomic chairs at Chair Office that you could potentially invest in. Make sure there’s plenty of lighting to contrast any screen lights to prevent eyestrain, too.
As parents, we all want the best for our children’s education. That’s why we often spend a fair amount of time selecting the right school based on everything from school table ratings to student testimonials. Yet, after these initial attempts to get schooling right, it’s surprising how many parents sit back and assume that their children will go on to flourish.
Unfortunately, as many parents go on to realise, not all children are created equal – a school situation that’s ideal for one could well hold another very much at the back of the class. In this respect, it doesn’t matter how highly rated or competitive your school of choice; the chances are that outside help from an English tutor or similar would still benefit your child. Far from being a sign that you made the wrong schooling choice, this is simply a testament to the different ways in which children learn and can fast help your child get back on track if you act quickly.
Here, we’re going to help you do just that by considering a few of the most obvious signs that your child could benefit from outside assistance like this.
I’ll admit (willingly) that I like to offer my unsolicited advice to my children. Even though they are grown, I feel the need to continue to parent. As they did when they were younger, they smile, listen, and then do things their own way. It’s a type of dance parents and kids do with one another.
The hardest part of parenting during college prep is finding a balance in your parenting. You want to encourage them, guide them and help them make the right choices. But when you push too hard, nag and set guidelines that interfere with their independence and individual choices you create a stressful and frustrating college preparation experience. This is a monumental step in your child’s life and you don’t want to taint it with fighting, frustration and family discourse.
Common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden.
Following are 5 tips for parents of college-bound teens (based around good old southern truisms) to keep peace in the home and reduce the stress related to the college admissions process:
High school graduation day is supposed to be one of the best days in your life. But the unsettling truth is it can be a time of great anxiety—for both students and parents. Even though this is a milestone, a combination of both positive and negative emotions can turn this happy time into one filled with stress. It’s hard to imagine that this time for celebration also produces feelings of fear, frustration, sadness and separation. But it does.
Why is there such anxiety around this time of celebration and accomplishment?
Graduation Anxiety for the Students
Of course students are happy and excited about their graduation; but they can also exhibit signs of stress and anxiety. The very nature of this life event brings a whole range of emotions to the surface. It’s important for parents to understand what their teen is feeling to help them through the transition.
Fearing the unknown
It’s only natural for students to be afraid of what lies ahead. Even if they have visited the campus and talked to faculty and students, the very fact that they will be entering uncharted territory brings up the fear. They have no idea what to expect once they arrive on campus. They know academics will be more difficult—will they be able to handle the rigors of college courses? All of these unknown factors cause them to be afraid (even though they might not admit it).
This article was originally written for University Parent as a part of their parent program.
Everyone likes a good bargain.
We rush out on Black Friday to get the best deals for Christmas — we stand in line in the freezing cold to save money! But do parents put as much effort and attention into finding a college bargain? Student debt statistics would say they don’t. Would you want your student graduating from college saddled with that debt? I imagine not!
College bargains do exist and if you have a student who intends to start college in the fall, it’s your job as a parent to point him in their direction. College is a huge consumer purchase which you can and should approach much as you would the purchase of a home or car. Do your research, compare the prices, and help your student choose a school that gives you the best bang for your buck.
One of my favorite movies is Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House. In it, Mr. Blandings tells his lawyer that “some purchases you make with your heart and not your head.” As I said, I love the movie, but this is bad advice. When it comes to your college “purchase,” use your head first and then listen to your heart.
I understand that it can be challenging to get students to look at the college choice from this point of view. When my daughter was applying, all her choices were east coast private schools with huge price tags. As a parent, I wanted her to have her dream but, also as her parent, I wanted her to graduate without being burdened with debt. Her heart told her to go to the college that offered the least amount of merit aid. Her head, after a long “money talk” and re-evaluation of her second choice, led her to a school that allowed her to graduate with a small amount of student loan debt. She’s grateful every day that I guided her in that direction.
We can forget how much of an impact we have on our children. When it comes to getting ready for college, we may think that our job is very simple: to ensure that our children study. But if we provide the wrong environment or we don’t enforce it the right way, this will have a more devastating impact on their academics than we realized. To make sure our children are studying effectively, we’ve got to make sure the environment is effective so their frame of mind is ready for study. How can you make the environment and the mindset work together?
Minimizing External Stresses
We all have an inherent need to procrastinate on occasion. If you have spent a long time trying to get your children to study and were met with resistance every step of the way, it’s hardly a surprise that when they need to knuckle down and study, they will look for any reason to avoid it. Even something that is not their responsibility can be the perfect excuse. It’s about making sure that they have a conducive study area, but this means that you need to realize the impact of a perfect study area.
By creating an environment that is not too hot, not too cold, not too bright, and not too noisy is crucial. This means making sure everything is working as it should. For example, something as noisy as the air conditioning can be a distraction and if it’s not working properly, the environment will be completely uncomfortable, and there are plenty of 24 hour AC service providers that can help people. It’s about getting all those little things correct.
Netflix recently released a documentary/re-enactment of the Varsity Blues scandal over college admissions. You probably heard the news last year about rich parents paying bribes to get their less than stellar students into elite universities. If you have the time, have a student heading to college, or are simply interested to see how the scandal unfolded watch the documentary.
As I watched I realized how much the media highlighted the celebrities involved and neglected to examine why this happened. The college admissions system is broken. Granted, there has always been those who benefit from huge donors, legacies and connections. But the overwhelming desire to get into the “prestigious” colleges has caused parents and students to step outside the normal boundaries and into illegal and damaging practices.
I won’t go into details about the sting, or the characters involved, but I think it’s important to focus on some take-aways from the documentary and also think about what we learned from all of it.
It doesn’t matter which side of the political aisle you are on, the 2020 Election can teach your teen some valuable lessons about life, responsibility and outcomes. Since you are their greatest teacher, take a moment to discern what they are indeed gleaning from your behavior during this election time. There are important lessons for them to learn from this election.
There will always be winners and losers–The sooner they learn this truth the happier they will be. You can’t always be on the winning team and you should always be a good sport about losing.
With freedom comes responsibility–Voting is a responsibility. Vote in EVERY election and take your teens with you. Let them experience this freedom right along side of you. Decisions are made by the people who show up.
Bashing someone else’s beliefs and opinions only makes you small–Don’t be one of those people that rub victory in other people’s face or bash the ones who won. Rise above the temptation and take the high road.
Even though you may not be happy with an outcome of a decision or path you take, you can still move forward–Teach your teens that there is always a road ahead. Mistakes have consequences but you deal with those, learn from them, and go in a positive direction.
Playing the blame game never benefits anyone–If you blame everyone for the way things turn out, you are teaching your teen to do the same. Explain to them that we are all responsible for our OWN actions, not those of others.
Support your leaders and if you don’t agree, take action toward effecting change–This is America and we have elected our leaders, so they should be respected. If you aren’t happy with the people who are in office, work toward the next election. Sitting around voicing hatred for them will only teach your teen to do the same.
We shouldn’t be defined by our political views but by our values–A famous person once said, “We’re not the red states or the blue states, but the UNITED States.” Teach your teens your values and they will carry them into the future.
Your behavior speaks volumes about the kind of person you are–Don’t be one of those that post hateful comments on social media sites. Be the one who focuses on the future and sees good in everyone.
Negative attitudes make you a very unhappy adult–Negativity breeds defeat, discouragement, and despair. You certainly don’t want your teen to live their life with these attitudes.
You live in the greatest country in the world–Say what you will, but we have FREE elections and every adult is given a vote to decide who governs us. Teach your teens to be proud of our country, our past, and our future.
I have watched all the negative campaign ads for a year. I’ve read Twitter and Facebook feeds for months. Many adults need to apply these 10 principles to their lives. Your college-bound teen is our future; teach them to respect one another and dream. Above all, VOTE!
So much time is spent preparing for the actual college choice and application that very little time and effort goes into prepping for these valuable life skills. They may be prepared for the academic rigors of college, but neglecting to prepare for all the other aspects of college life might affect your success and ultimate degree completion. It’s your role as a parent to make sure they have these skills before they leave for college.
We must, as parents, raise an independent student. That means they must know how to self-advocate. They must know how to say “no” to behaviors that have negative consequences. They must be responsible with their time and their money. It’s no easy task and in today’s world, we have to add the ability to make wise social and economic choices.
Financial skills
When your student heads off to college there will be many financial decisions they need to make, beginning with how much student loan debt they are willing to incur. Use loan repayment calculators to determine the amount of re-payments after graduation and use these figures to make wise decisions about loans. They will also need to know how to budget their money in regards to other college costs such as books, living expenses and entertainment. Add to that the knowledge of credit card rates and how easily it is to fall into debt using them for simple things such as pizza. Many students graduate from college with over $10,000 in credit card debt.
Social skills
If your student is headed off to college to hook up with the party scene, they are in for a rude awakening when their first semester grades are released. Many students forget that partying affects their study time and class attendance. If they are exhausted from partying the night before, they are less likely to get up for that early class. Recognize that while making friends and enjoying the social scene are necessary for their overall satisfaction of the college experience, they should not forget the reason they came to college: to get an education. Discuss with them how to balance their social life with their academic life before they leave in the fall.
Academic skills
College is not like high school. Professors expect that your student do their assignments and they don’t check up on you if you don’t. Coming to college with refined study and organization skills will help your student adjust to the rigorous course requirements of a college degree program. Managing their time is also important as it relates to class assignments, studying for tests and preparing term papers.
Mental skills
College life produces a whole new set of mental and emotional problems. Many students face homesickness early and should recognize that those feelings are normal. They should go to college with the skills needed to cope with stress and the feeling of loneliness that often occurs. Recognize that all these factors contribute to their overall mental health and know beforehand where they can find help if they need it.
Problem solving skills
College is no different than life—obstacles occur on a daily basis and you will need the skills to deal with those obstacles. Your student will be confronted with conflict and should know how to resolve that conflict, either by themselves or with a mediator (such as an RA or student advisor). They will face situations that require them to advocate and they should be comfortable doing this before they head off to college and become completely independent.
The question we should all be asking our students is:
Are you prepared for college?
I’m not talking about academic, extracurriculars, or standardized tests. I’m talking about the “real” college prep: adulthood. Because this is the most important college prep of all. If your student isn’t ready to study without being constantly nagged, attend class without a wake-up call, or make wise choices when every negative influence in the world bombards them, then he or she is not ready for college.
Do you have a to-do list for your future college student? Can they live within a budget? Do they understand the importance of study and class attendance? Do they know how to choose the right friends? Will they make wise choices about alcohol, sex and other risky behaviors. Preparing them for college is so much more than academics.
Get this book: Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing and Able? Read it and apply its tactics. When your student goes off to college they will be prepared for the real world which can sometimes be cruel; but a learning environment preparing them for adulthood.
Most parents want their student to win scholarships. Even if you can afford to pay for college, free money is always welcome. But talk with parents and parent groups and you can hear the frustration:
My student isn’t motivated to search for scholarships.
My student has applied for so many scholarships and hasn’t won a dime.
Where do we search? Should we sign up on all the scholarship search engines?
But the number one questions parents ask is:
How can I help my student search and apply for scholarships?
Your student will need an organized system to help with the scholarship search and application process. You can help! Encourage your student to set up Google docs for scholarships with the name of the scholarship, requirements, due dates, and information needed for each.
As you find scholarships, you can add to the list that will be easily accessible to you and your student. This will also help you stay on top of deadlines so you can quickly text a reminder to your student.
Help with searching
You can help your student search for scholarships. While you are waiting in just about any line, you can use your smartphone to search. You can use Google or there are apps available to help you search.
Watch the news, look at community bulletin boards, talk to family and friends and search local organizations for scholarship opportunities. You can keep a notebook with you, or just open the Google doc and add the scholarships you find.
Help with proofreading
You can’t write their essays or fill out their applications, but you can proofread and double check the requirements before your student applies.
Help with reminders
Email or text your student when deadlines are approaching to remind them to submit the application on time. With so many things to do, it’s hard for students to stay on top of deadlines.