Parenthood is all about communication. Communication with your child, with your partner or co-parent, with your child’s school or college and with your own parents, friends, family and the people from whom you get your guidance and inspiration. But communication is a two way street. As we get older, hearing loss can put up a roadblock on our side of that street, making it harder to hear and understand when others communicate with us. The thing is, we rarely notice hearing loss, at least until it has already reached a point at which it has become fairly profound. Our hearing ebbs away so slowly and gradually that for some it may take years or even decades to realize that their hearing has become an issue. Here we’ll look at some of the signs that you’re losing your hearing without even knowing it, and what you can do to prevent it from impinging on your life and the quality of your relationships.
What causes hearing loss?
There are many different causes of hearing loss and it can affect us at any time in our lives (although it tends to become more common as we get older). Sometimes hearing loss is temporary and it takes nothing more than flushing out excess ear wax to return it to its usual clarity. Those who have noisy jobs or work with heavy machinery may also experience hearing loss if they don’t properly protect their ears. There are also hereditary conditions like Meniere’s disease which can also become detrimental to your hearing over time. And then sometimes it’s a simple matter of advancing years. Whatever the cause of your hearing loss, the longer you live in denial, the worse your quality of communication with your loved ones and your overall quality of life are likely to become. Forget the myths about hearing devices! A hearing aid can be a lifeline for your quality of communication with the people most important to you. Be sure to consult an audiologist if you notice any of the following…
Your kids keep asking you to turn down the TV while they study
You and your child have worked together to create a perfect study space which is conducive to relaxed, focused study and hard work. But unbeknownst to you, your deteriorating hearing is impinging on their studies. If they keep complaining that you have the TV, stereo or radio on too loud this could be a sign that all is not as it should be with your hearing.
Your loved ones get a little irritated when they keep having to repeat themselves
Have you ever noticed that people need to tell you the same thing two or three times before you’re able to understand it? Maybe not. It’s fairly common for people to ask one another to repeat themselves. However, there’s a chance that you’re doing this more than you think without even noticing. If you notice loved ones rolling their eyes or sighing when you ask them to repeat themselves, this could mean that your hearing loss is further along than you thought.
Social occasions that become an ordeal
When we have hearing loss, it becomes harder to pick out individual voices from the texture of background noise. As such, following a conversation in a busy bar, cafe or restaurant can become tiring and stressful. People with hearing loss tend not to get too involved in the conversation and hang back a little, smiling and nodding at what seem like appropriate moments. If this rings a little too true to you, you may well be affected by hearing loss.
If you’ve noticed any or all of the above taking place recently you owe it to yourself, your kids and your loved ones to talk to someone about your hearing loss.
High school graduation is upon you and you and your student are looking forward toward college and a very busy summer. Amidst all the parties and preparation, it’s crucial that you spend some time dispensing “parental” advice in a way they will listen and take it to heart.
Don’t sit them down for “the talk” because they will simply tune you out. Take advantage of snippets of time to cover these important topics either for the first time or as a refresher before college.
Pick your friends carefully
College friends have a great impact on a student’s academic success, social life while in college and create a feeling of home away from home. Impress upon them that their friends will influence them in positive and even negative ways, just as they did in high school; but with one difference–you won’t be there to meet them and give advice.
Study first, play after
College is much more difficult than high school. The reading is extensive, the homework can be overwhelming, and the study requirements can be brutal. If your student doesn’t make study a priority, their first semester of college could be their last.
Take advantage of that expensive education
It’s true when they say colleges are institutions of higher learning. But your student must attend class, pay attention, be motivated to study, and do the work. The knowledge won’t just soak in, your student will have to do their part. Don’t miss out on free lectures and career training opportunities.
Don’t look in the rear view mirror
Your student’s friends (and boyfriend or girlfriend) back home will often bring them down. During periods of homesickness, that pull to return home from the friends who stayed can be strong. Remind your student that college will be a new chapter in their life and looking ahead will keep them focused on what’s important.
Graduation will come sooner than you expect
Four years will pass quickly. Your student needs to take advantage of every opportunity to plan for days after graduation. They should participate in internships, make connections with alumni, develop relationships with professors, and visit the career center often. Most students don’t even start thinking about jobs after graduation until senior year. When graduation day arrives, you student won’t be caught unprepared.
Resolve roommate conflicts immediately
When your student recognizes a problem (and they will). address it. Much of the angst your student might experience with roommates could have been avoided if your student simply has a conversation. For the worst problems, go to the RA for mediation.
Avoid risky behavior and consider the consequences
Every college is a party school. Unfortunately, even though your student will be underage, they will be offered alcohol. The reality is there will always be drinking on campus. Excessive drinking can cause all sorts of regrettable behavior that result in negative consequences. It’s unwise for you to assume that your student won’t drink because even the strongest student will be tempted and most likely succumb. For girls, this conversation is critical since drinking often results in unwanted sexual experiences because they are less likely to be in control of their emotions.
Your professors are your friend
Your student’s professors are key players in their college success. Encourage them to establish relationships and cultivate them. They might need them for tutoring help, and will definitely need them for job connections after graduation.
The days will fly by–Carpe Diem!
The memories my daughter made in college are some of her most treasured memories. Her sorority sisters, her study abroad experiences, her trips with friends, and some of her most admired professors and mentors live in those memories. College is what you make of it and your student should enjoy and experience every moment.
You can talk to experts and read all the articles online, but nothing compares to listening to other parents and their experiences with college admissions.
Knowing there are other parents struggling with the same questions, problems and unexpected outcomes can help you feel less alone. But where do you find that information? There are two excellent Facebook groups to help: Paying for College 101 and Grown and Flown. With thousands of parents posting and commenting daily, you can ask any questions (even specific ones) and someone will most likely have the answer.
Parents have asked about testing, financial aid, homesickness, the college admissions process and much more. There are plenty of other parents available to offer their advice and non-judgmental help. According to a survey by Paying for College 101, “the most common words participants used to describe the admissions experience were “stressful,” “exhausting,” and “overwhelming.” Most parents can certainly relate to those feelings.
Other results of the survey include:
Most of the families responding (68%) were going through the college admissions process for the first time
27% of students applied to 10 or more colleges
39% applied to 1 to 5 schools
34% applied to 6 to 9 schools
42% of students were waitlisted
17% of these students being waitlisted at 2 or more schools
89% of responders received some form of financial aid. Of those receiving financial aid, 57% received only merit scholarships, 6% received financial aid based on need, and 37% received a combination of merit and need-based aid
66% of responders were either OK, Satisfied or Very Satisfied with their financial aid offer
62% of responders chose not to appeal their financial aid award
When your student starts the college search process it’s easy to become overwhelmed and focus completely on the task at hand. First there are the visits, then you compare colleges, then you begin working on the applications that include the essay, and finally completing the FAFSA to qualify for financial aid. With all these tasks at hand, and a focus on academics and test scores, it’s not surprising that many forget to evaluate themselves for other important skill sets. Without these skills, all your preparation and hard work to get accepted will leave you ill-prepared for college life. Is your student prepared for college?
Financial skills
When your student heads off to college there will be many financial decisions they need to make, beginning with how much student loan debt they are willing to incur. Use loan repayment calculators to determine the amount of re-payments after graduation and use these figures to make wise decisions about loans. They will also need to know how to budget their money in regards to other college costs such as books, living expenses and entertainment. Add to that the knowledge of credit card rates and how easily it is to fall into debt using them for simple things such as pizza. Many students graduate from college with over $10,000 in credit card debt.
Social skills
If your student is headed off to college to hook up with the party scene, they are in for a rude awakening when their first semester grades are released. Many students forget that partying affects their study time and class attendance. If they are exhausted from partying the night before, they are less likely to get up for that early class. Recognize that while making friends and enjoying the social scene are necessary for their overall satisfaction of the college experience, they should not forget the reason they came to college: to get an education. Discuss with them how to balance their social life with their academic life before they leave in the fall.
Academic skills
College is not like high school. Professors expect that your student do their assignments and they don’t check up on you if you don’t. Coming to college with refined study and organization skills will help your student adjust to the rigorous course requirements of a college degree program. Managing their time is also important as it relates to class assignments, studying for tests and preparing term papers.
Mental skills
College life produces a whole new set of mental and emotional problems. Many students face homesickness early and should recognize that those feelings are normal. They should go to college with the skills needed to cope with stress and the feeling of loneliness that often occurs. Recognize that all these factors contribute to their overall mental health and know beforehand where they can find help if they need it.
Problem solving
skills
College is no different than life—obstacles occur on a daily basis and you will need the skills to deal with those obstacles. Your student will be confronted with conflict and should know how to resolve that conflict, either by themselves or with a mediator (such as an RA or student advisor). They will face situations that require them to advocate and they should be comfortable doing this before they head off to college and become completely independent.
So much time is spent preparing for the actual college choice and application that very little time and effort goes into prepping for these valuable life skills. They may be prepared for the academic rigors of college, but neglecting to prepare for all the other aspects of college life might affect your success and ultimate degree completion. It’s your role as a parent to make sure they have these skills before they leave for college.
When parents and students enter the college-bound process,
issues arise. It’s the inevitable clash of what parents think is best for their
kids, and what the kids want. Over the past 18 years the clashes have been over
such things as food, friends and entertainment choices. As college approaches,
the parent-student conflict intensifies.
Following are six areas that typically cause conflict along with some advice on how to handle it and work toward a compromise.
1. Junior college vs
4-year college
Parents often approach the college prep process from a
financial standpoint; students do. They make their decisions based on all types
of criteria that might not seem logical to parents: location, campus
activities, the look of the campus, friends, and even popularity of the college
with their peers. While those aren’t necessarily the best criteria, they should
play into their final decisions.
Here are just a few questions to consider:
Would a
4-year college be better for your student?
If your student is independent and knows
what he wants, a 4-year college might indeed be the best choice. Students who
are focused and are ready to pursue a specific major can benefit from attending
a 4-year college starting with their freshman year.
Could you
justify a 4-year college if it was more affordable?
Although junior college is more affordable
based on cost for credit hours, there are other factors to consider. For
instance, scholarships are more readily available to incoming freshmen than to
transfer students. Financial aid awards could be enough to offset the higher
tuition fees.
Does your student understand the benefits of junior college?
Perhaps the greatest benefit of attending a
junior college is getting the basics out of the way, especially if they are
unsure about a major. The financial benefits can be great as well, especially
if the student lives at home and works while attending.
Is it possible to reach a compromise?
Talk with your student and make an effort to
understand their reasons for wanting to attend a 4-year college. Be open to the
possibility. Explain your concerns about cost and going to college without a
decided major. A compromise might be for them to take courses over the summer
before college and get a few of the basics out of the way.
2. A profitable major
vs a major that embraces their passions
Parents think logically—they want their kids to graduate and
be able to secure a job that pays well and has future career advancement
possibilities. While there is nothing wrong with that line of thinking, their
kids want to study something that interests them.
Have you considered these realities?
Your
child would be more likely to embrace college if he has a passion for what he
is studying.
Statistics show that nearly half of all
college students drop out before receiving a degree. If your student is
pursuing something he is passionate about, the likelihood of him sticking it
out for 4 years is much higher than if he is pursuing a major that doesn’t
interest him simply because he will be more employable after graduation.
There are
lucrative majors that embrace all areas of interest and could be a good
compromise.
Investigate majors and research the ones
that have a good rate of return. Encourage your child to look at the degree
plans and perhaps add a minor to their degree embracing their passions. Some
colleges even allow students to create their own degree plans, choosing courses
that interest them and pertain to their areas of study.
Those who
are happiest in life have careers that they are passionate about.
Of course you want your child to be
successful and be able to make a living. But even though they get a job after
graduation that pays well, it doesn’t guarantee they will stick with it,
especially if it is not something they are passionate about.
Explaining
the consequences of choosing a major that’s unemployable might help your child
understand why you are concerned.
Graduating with debt and being unemployable
is a big concern for parents. But your student may not understand the
consequences of their decision. Its four years down the road and all they see
is dollar signs because they have a college degree. Encourage them to do some
research on the major they are considering and the expected salary and hiring
potential after graduation. It just might open their eyes and help them move
toward a more logical major.
3. Extracurricular
activities vs free time
Parents look at the big picture. Students focus on the “here
and now”. It’s hard for teenagers to comprehend the importance of proper
planning and preparation. They want to enjoy high school and not be pressed day
in and day out to focus on the future. It’s a delicate balance between applying
themselves, managing their time and enjoying their free time.
With a few simple tactics you and your teen should be able
to reach a compromise:
Set
aside time each day to work on college related activities.
Parents who are over achievers expect the
same from their student. But all work and no play makes for a very stressed out
teenager. Make a plan with them to spend x amount of time each day on
college-related activities. Once they complete their daily tasks, you will feel
better about letting them have some free time.
Encourage
your teen to focus on one activity throughout high school.
Many parents think that piling on the
extracurriculars during high school will impress college admissions officers.
But it’s not entirely true. Colleges are looking for focused applicants. They
are much more impressed with a student who has devoted four years in high
school to one particular activity than one who has piled them on just to
impress. Consistency is more appealing than numbers.
Allow
your teen time to have fun while helping them to find balance.
Teaching your teen to balance their time
will go a long way in helping them to manage their time in college. Students
who know how to keep a balance between studying and social activities do much
better in a college environment. Help them prioritize their activities.
Work with
them to establish goals and the steps needed to reach them.
Before they leave for college, students need
to know how to set goals and how to take steps to fulfill them. Help them make
a list of goals, both short term and long term, and encourage them to evaluate
those goals on a regular basis adjusting their time to stay on track.
4. Hand holding vs a
quest for independence
Perhaps the most difficult part of parenting a college-bound
teen is when to help and when to let them take the reins. It’s hard because for
the past 18 years we have been in control. Relinquishing control over such a
critical process in their life is harder than you might imagine. Looking at the
process from the college’s standpoint, the student needs to own the process.
They will be the one going to college and they should be the one making the
decisions. But you can certainly guide, encourage and offer help when asked.
Parents can help with
these tasks:
Staying organized-keeping track of deadlines and test dates.
Explaining the financial plan-discuss what you will pay and what you expect them to pay toward college.
Providing documents as needed, especially concerning financial aid.
Offering advice about college choices-offer advice but don’t dictate choices based on your preferences.
Accompanying them on college visits- listen to their likes and dislikes afterwards while staying objective.
Providing tutoring help if needed.
Help with studying for standardized tests.
Guide them with the final decision helping them take into account financial aid awards
Help with locating scholarships.
Parents should let
their student take the lead with these tasks:
Compiling a list of college choices
Talking during college visits and interviews
Communicating with colleges via email, social media, and telephone
Gathering letters of recommendation
Applying for scholarships
Completing the application
Completing the FAFSA
Making the final decision
5. Gap year vs going
straight to college
Parents cringe when their teens bring up the gap year. The
concept seems like procrastination and parents fear that once out of school,
the student may never go to college at all. Taking a year off to lie around and
do nothing is never an acceptable option. But taking a year off with a focused
purpose might be what’s best for your teen.
Before you put your foot down and forbid them to do this,
consider the reasons a gap year might be beneficial:
They
could use the time to pursue career interests.
A gap year could be the perfect time for
your student to learn more about specific careers that would help them choose a
major. Internships and apprenticeships during the year could provide them with
more information about the types of education needed and the specific degree
plan best suited to their chosen career.
They
could take the time to travel and work abroad.
Taking a year off to travel and work abroad
can be beneficial when they do attend college. Being exposed to different
cultures and getting to see the world helps them in their future careers. There
are many programs
that offer students the opportunity to work while abroad and some that offer
them the opportunity to volunteer for room and board. Scholarships are also
available as well.
They
could simply use the time to mature and gain focus.
Many high school graduates simply aren’t
mature and focused enough to attend college. Taking a year off means a year to
grow and mature. But it should never be used to sit around the house, play
video games, and hang out with friends. A gap year, to help with maturity and
focus, should always include a plan such as working part-time while taking a
few courses at the local community college.
Work full
time to save money for college.
For many students, working full time for a
year will help them save money for college expenses. It’s definitely something
to consider, especially if this money would be used to avoid taking out student
loans.
Parents should understand that college right after high school is not the best path for every teen. There are other alternatives, even ones that could include taking a course or two at a community college. The most important role for parents is to help their teenager find a path to success.
6. Considering alternatives to college
In a recent article I wrote for Collegiate Parent, Alternatives to Traditional College, I explained that not every student is meant to take the 4-year college path:
“When my son was a senior in high school, he had no idea what he wanted to do after graduation. College seemed out of reach and of very little interest since he coasted through high school on the bare minimum of effort. His involvement in NJROTC (Navy Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps) in high school led him toward the military option. When he left for boot camp after graduation, he was happy with his decision to avoid the traditional college route.
My daughter, on the other hand, knew she wanted to go to college and where she wanted to go. When she graduated and left for college in the fall, she was content with her decision and looked forward to four years of education.
Each of my children chose a different path. If I had forced my son to attend college it would have ended badly. If I had pressured my daughter to join the military, it would have been a disaster. But since I let them decide for themselves and didn’t push them in any one direction, they found the paths that were right for them.”
While a college degree is an impressive achievement and has undisputed value, it’s not for everyone. There are many meaningful paths after high school graduation that don’t include a traditional four-year college experience. If your student is vacillating about going to college, or is currently in college but regrets the decision, don’t panic. Your student may need to follow one of these alternative paths.
Parents and teens take on new roles during the college prep
process. The parents are attempting to let go and trust that the decisions made
will be the best ones. The teens are attempting to exert their independence and
make their own decisions. As senior year progresses, teens should move toward
independence and parents should relinquish control and trust their teens to act
as they have been taught over the last 18 years. It’s not easy, but the ideal
situation is parents guiding their teens to become independent, self-advocating
adults.
Your senior is looking ahead. The last few months of high school. Major decisions to make. A huge to-do list. Then…it’s off to college. How will your student adapt? How will you adapt? Here’s a letter to your student (save it for later) and prepare yourself for their first day of college and the longest goodbye.
This is it!
You have made the college applications, you have been to those (not for the faint of heart) college visits, you have been accepted for a place, and then, finally, your alarm clock wakes you from your slumber. The day has finally arrived.
The day you leave home and embark on your college education.
Oh, the joys, the excitement, the nerves, the cold dread of fear…
It’s time for some survival tips to help you get through your first day.
Tip #1: Operate an open day policy
If you have a roommate, then you will automatically have one candidate for your social circle (let’s hope you like them). But if you are in a room of your own, don’t shut the door when you arrive. Well, don’t shut it for long anyway, as your day will be a lot easier if you manage to say “hello” to somebody. An open door is an opening for other residents to come and introduce themselves to you, so while you might want to curl up in bed if you’re stricken with nerves, know that operating an open door policy on your first day will help you make contact with similar others.
Tip #2: Make your room your own
Homesickness is common for first-day students, and while you may be tempted to ring your parents every five minutes for comfort, you can also make any negative feelings disappear by decorating your room with your some homely touches. Photos of friends and family, posters from your old bedroom, and any knick-knack you might possess are all useful ways to transform your dorm room from something strange and unfamiliar to something comforting and reassuring.
Tip #3: Get out and meet people
Don’t stay in your room alone for long. Hopefully, you may have met people through the open door policy we advocated, but if not, you need to be proactive. Wander down the corridor and knock on other people’s doors. Introduce yourself, and let them know your room number. And go out into the wider campus and find out where people are hanging out. It takes courage to go up to groups of people, but try and do so, or if you see other people wandering about alone, go and say “hello.” They are probably in the same boat as you are, trying to make sense of their first day in a new place.
Tip #4: Explore the campus
You are going to get lost – a lot – in your first few days at college. Don’t worry, this is normal, and if you are late for a few classes here and there, then you have an excuse. Still, you can make life easier for yourself by exploring your surroundings. Especially as you won’t have much to do on your first day, this is the perfect opportunity to spend time getting to know where things are. From the cafeteria to the library, make a mental note of how to get to places, or make notes on your phone. You might also meet people this way too, so remember to be polite and introduce yourself as you’re on your walk around the campus.
Finally
Don’t despair if you don’t meet anybody you like. Don’t worry if your first day threatens to overwhelm you. It will get easier, so try to stay calm and carry on, even when your nerves threaten to get the better of you. There is plenty more advice online on how to survive college life, including this excellent blog from Stephen Troese Jr, so gather as much info as you can to help you on your college journey.
When I was in high school, parents would never think of helping their student with college prep. The high school counselors handled any questions and most my classmates attended the local four-year university. But parenting has changed and so has college prep. With record numbers of students applying to college and the soaring costs of college, parents can help students relieve some of the stress of college prep by offering some help when needed.
Just remember that “help” is the operative word. Your student should always be in charge of the process. Here are just a few ways you can help your student with college prep:
Scholarship searches
Parents can assist students with scholarship searches. With all the opportunities online of scholarship postings and search engines, it’s easy to spend some time on your smartphone looking for scholarships that fit your student. You can do a Google search with scholarship parameters, use apps like MyScholly, or even search on Twitter by following users like @AidScholarship or @Scholarships360. Once you find a scholarship that matches your student’s interests and/or qualifications, pass the information along to your student.
Interview tips and information
Parents can certainly provide useful interview tips for their students. They can advise them on appropriate dress and give interview tips and encouragement. You might even go as far as passing along useful articles about college interview questions and answers like this one: College Interview Questions to Ask and Answer.
Essay proofing and editing
While it’s not advisable for parents to contribute content to the student’s college essay (admissions officers can spot this instantly), it’s perfectly acceptable to help your student with proofing and editing. Your student may need to bounce off some ideas before starting as well. If you find it necessary, you can even provide further help by paying for an essay writing coach like The College Essay Guy to help.
College visits
Accompanying your student on college visits can be another way you can participate in the process. While on the visit, let your student take the lead. You should listen, take pictures, and even notes if necessary to help with the information gathering process. Scheduling multiple visits over a few days can also be helpful for both you and your student.
Test prep
Your student should set aside some time to prepare for standardized tests. You can help by scheduling study time during the week, monitoring practice tests, or even paying for a professional test prep tutor. Affordable and even free test prep is available for every student if you find this will help them better prepare
College choice
Even though the final choice of college should always be left to your student, you can certainly offer input and advice along the way. You can help your student stay within the financial guidelines you should set before applying and also help with the final decision.
Every year students struggle with the transition from home life to college life and some of them find it so hard they do not make it through their freshman year. Sometimes they find the academic challenge too much, but for many of those who quit it is more the fact of being away from home and having to run their own life that they cannot cope with. Teach Them To Accept They Will Not Always Excel In high school, your child could have been an A student who always came top of their class. Now they are a different environment with other students who did well at school. The work is much harder and their grades may drop to B’s or C’s. They might no longer be the top of the class. They need to know how to cope with this, and to know that they will not always excel at everything they do. The important thing is that they try their best, and as long as they have done that, they should accept whatever position they are in the class. Having other people around that are more capable than us is part of life and a lesson they need to learn. Help With Their Coping Mechanisms The first few months at college can be very stressful. For many of the students, they have left home for the first time and find themselves in a strange environment. Some just give up and go back home, some seek teen anxiety treatment as they want to see it through, and others establish coping mechanisms of their own. Your children are likely to be in the former camp, or not struggle at all if you give them the right tools now. Chat to them about how they are coping and see if there are any tips you can give them to make it a little easier. They are going to have to cope with challenges all through their life and establishing ways of coping with them now, whether that is from you or the professionals that have helped them, will stand them in good stead for the future.
Give Them Freedom It is very tempting to keep tabs on your children so that you always know where they are and what they are doing. This is a natural reaction for parents who want to prevent their children from making mistakes. However, if they never make a mistake they will not know how to deal with it, or how to get on with life afterward when they’re out on their own at college. You should expect them to test the boundaries and sometimes to make a wrong decision. Be there if they want your help, but generally teach them they have to accept responsibility for what they got wrong and deal with the consequences. Let them know you are pleased when they have made the right choice over something, as this will foster a feeling of confidence in them. Teach Them That The Small Stuff Does Not Matter There are so many small things that teenagers will stress over that really do not matter. You should teach them the important things in life, and that they are just causing themselves unnecessary stress if they worry about small things such as what color socks they are wearing or if they have to go out in the evening when they do not want to. Teach them to be resilient to the knocks life is bound to throw at them and they will grow into a much more capable and confident adult.
There are all kinds of habits and behaviors that go into making a successful life and a strong character, and these include things ranging from how we handle our day to day obligations at work, to how we deal with financial issues, respond to stress, and more.
Some habits are so important that developing them at an early age really means getting a leg up over the competition in a big way. In fact, many people spend years dealing with the consequences of their bad habits before finally managing to take the required steps to change things for the better.
If you’re conscientious and mindful of the kind of habits you want to adopt, at a relatively young age, you can change the entire trajectory of your life going forward in a significant way. Here are a few examples of good habits that you should try and cultivate as soon as possible.
Good financial management
There’s no doubt that money issues are one of the premier sources of stress, dissatisfaction, and trouble in the lives of most people.
When those money issues are related to poor financial management skills, the problem becomes all the more severe, and can, in fact, result in major issues with debt, trouble paying for essentials, and more.
Good financial management isn’t the only part of the puzzle when it comes to being financially secure, but it is an important part.
To get started on developing good financial management skills, consider signing up for a service such as You Need a Budget — which is a zero-based budgeting tool that allows you to plan exactly what you’re doing with every penny you get, as it comes in, and easily adjust your plans on the fly.
Using a good budgeting tool can give you insights on how to manage credit card debt, and plan realistically for the month ahead, and further into the future.
Building positive change into your life by small increments
A major stumbling block that many people hit sooner or later, is the belief that making positive change in your life, or introducing positive habits of any sort, requires major change all at once, combined with a monumental force of will.
However, there’s some good evidence out there that’s been covered by leading habit experts, that suggests that “starting big” is often the worst thing you can do.
Instead, start “too small to fail” and build positive changes into your life bit by bit. Want to get into a regular jogging habit? Start by putting on your running shoes each morning and standing outside your front door for a minute. Seriously.
Tracking and managing your time well
Punctuality and good time management are at the core of just about anything you could want to do in life. Those who can manage their time effectively always have an advantage over those who can’t.
If you’re naturally prone to procrastination and poor time management, get a watch and start tracking how you spend your time.
Consider books like Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours, and timesheets and apps to get you on top of things.
It’s fall for high school juniors and that means it’s time to jump right in and start those college visits. (Sophomores should start making these as well–there is much to be gained from making some preliminary visits.) If this is your first time visiting with a teenager you are in for a treat–drama on top of drama on top of drama. These visits are not for the faint of heart.
My own experiences with college visits still provide me with much needed comedy relief; although at the time they produced frustration and tears.
Here are four different college visit experiences we had with her. They prepared her for her final choice which wasn’t in Texas and wasn’t her dream school. You just never know where the journey will take you.
Baylor University
This wasn’t an actual visit, but it does demonstrate how emotional college visits can be. She refused to visit Baylor because Waco was the location of the Branch Davidian compound. Even though she had several friends who were considering that college and the setting and course offerings were perfect for her, she crossed it off the list before we ever set foot on campus.
North Texas State University
This was the only public university she visited and we had barely stepped out of the car before she said, “I don’t like it here. It’s ugly.” We did take the campus tour, which further cemented her distaste for the campus. It was one of the only colleges on her list that had a strong program of study that interested her, but there was no convincing her to consider it after the visit.
SMU
When we drove up to this private university, it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous and the buildings were immaculately maintained. After taking the tour, she decided to spend a night on campus. Meeting other students, seeing the sorority houses and spending time in a few of the classes cemented her love for this school. It would be the jewel to compare other colleges to; and she found one just like it in Boston.
Newberry College
This was a small college in the suburbs of Boston. She applied to this college because 1) it was in Boston, and 2) it had a strong program of study that she was interested in. We visited this college after she was accepted and offered a full-ride scholarship. She never got out of the car. Her words, “I’m just not feeling it.” You can imagine my frustration but I knew that if she wasn’t happy she wouldn’t excel there, especially this far away from home. So I counted to 10, we drove off, and went to the next college—the college she ultimately chose–Bentley College (a campus like SMU in Boston).
Those were my experiences, but yours might be entirely different. Prepare for your teenager to morph into these strange characters over the next several months.
The skeptic
Before you even get out of the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.
The architect
And yet another alien appears. You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that he doesn’t like how it looks. Never mind that he’s not going to college for the buildings or the landscaping. He’s going for the academics. But for some reason his blinders aren’t allowing him to see anything but the buildings and no amount of pointing out the pluses is going to change his mind.
The critic
You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that the students don’t seem friendly. Mind you he’s probably not even spoken to any of them and it’s a good bet he didn’t like the tour guide. Don’t try to convince him otherwise because the more you say, the less likely he’ll come around. Just wait until a cute girl approaches him. He’ll change his tune quickly.
The panic-stricken
You get back into the car after your last visit and he announces, “I’m not sure I want to go to college”. Don’t panic. He’s just realized the whole thing is real and he’s terrified. Give him some time to think it through and tomorrow he’ll most likely change his mind again. The worst thing you can do is draw a hard line in the sand now because his feelings are likely to go up and down like a roller coaster over the next few months (or years).
What’s a parent to do?
Even though your kid wants you to treat him as an adult, he’s still a teenager. His emotions are all over the place and this next step in his life is frightening. Remember that college is largely an emotional decision and you should expect that emotions will play into that decision. When the dust settles and the emotions clear, he will make a decision based on all the factors, including his campus visits. After all, you don’t want him to attend a college he just isn’t feeling and you don’t want him to make a decision and leave out the emotional factor. He’s going to spend the next four years of his life at this school. It will become his second home and it’s important that he likes where he is.
As you can see, it’s not an exact science. You can plan and prepare all you want, do your research before visiting, and make a list of likes and dislikes prior to pulling up to campus. But it’s that first impression that will have a lasting impact on their college decisions. There’s nothing logical about a teenager. Prepare for a wild ride.
It’s fall for high school juniors and that means it’s time to jump right in and start those college visits. (Sophomores should start making these as well–there is much to be gained from