Tag Archives: parenting

mom approved tips, parenting, Uncategorized

Mom-Approved Tips: Teach Your Kids the Value of Money

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money

Before you send your kids off to college, they need to learn about the value of money. Ideally, it starts at an early age; but if you haven’t started, there’s no time like the present!

When your kids are away at college they are going to be responsible for their own spending (and saving). There will be offers galore from credit card companies because college students are their biggest target market. If they hook them while in college it usually means they have them for the rest of their lives.

My parents never taught me these lessons and I wish they had. I never did chores, had to save for anything I wanted, or learned how to use credit wisely. I have to admit I didn’t do the best in this area of parenting either. But I have learned over the years that if you neglect these lessons, your kids will suffer.

Following are just a few tips to help you teach your kids the value of money:

Establish chores

You can get them accustomed to chores at an early age, providing an allowance based on their age and the amount of chores they do. They should know how to do their own laundry, clean bathrooms, and cook meals. Not only will you be teaching them that hard work produces reward, but these skills will serve them well when they are living on their own.

Teach them to earn what they want

If a child works to earn something, they value it more. If you want to buy them a car, purchase a used one that needs repair and teach them to work on the repairs themselves. If they want a large ticket item, encourage them to get a part-time job and earn the money to pay for it. Save the gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Once they learn this simple truth, it will be much easier to explain to them that you expect them to contribute financially to their college education.

Explain the difference between wants and needs

This is a valuable lesson they will carry with them into adulthood. Today’s kids are accustomed to instant gratification; but saving for something teaches them that just because they want something, it doesn’t mean they need it. If they are committed to save for it, they will re-examine whether or not they truly need it. When they are away at college, this will be the first question they ask themselves before pulling out an easily obtained credit card.

Encourage giving

Giving to others will show kids how to bless others when they are blessed. Finding people in need will give than an appreciation for their own blessings and cause them to re-evaluate those “things” that they find so important in lieu of saving to help others.

Teach them to save

Putting money away in a piggy bank or savings account teaches them to save for future purchases. When they learn this, you are teaching them to plan for the future and this should follow them into adulthood.

Always remember that kids mirror their parents’ behaviors. If they see you frivolously spending and raking up credit card debt, they will follow your example when they go off to college.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: These Tactics Won’t Spur Action

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college prep actionI tell so many people I work best under pressure. It’s not an excuse; it’s a fact. As you can imagine though, it’s stressful. Chasing deadlines may work when you’re self-employed, but it’s not a habit you want your college-bound teen to adopt. Every teen, unfortunately, procrastinates. It’s a part of their nature; and the college prep process on top of other life activities lends itself to procrastination.

Knowing that all teens (and some parents) procrastinate, what should you avoid when trying to motivate them to action during the college prep process.

Don’t be a bad example

We all know that our kids mirror us and our actions. If you college-bound teen sees you putting things off, procrastinating on tasks, and ignoring things that need to be done, why should they take action themselves? If you want you teen to tackle tasks as they become available and submit applications and forms before the deadline, model that behavior.

Don’t be a nag

Nagging never works with a teenager (and rarely works with a spouse). At some point they learn to tune you out. By the time they become teenagers all they hear is “blah, blah, blah”.

Don’t do it for them

Many parents get so tired of begging and nagging, that they opt to do it themselves. They complete the applications, write the essays, answer emails and take care of all the college related tasks. Yes, it happens; and colleges know when a parent is “helping” with the process.

Don’t lay on the guilt

Every parent uses the guilt tactic. Guilt will do more damage than motivate. If your teen begins to feel that they can never please you, it affects their self esteem. And they will stop trying because they feel whatever they do it’s not enough to please you.

Don’t jam it down their throat

There is a fine line between helping and encouraging and forcing your teen to do things. If your teen is not exhibiting any interest in test prep, college searches, scholarship searches and applications, perhaps there is a reason that needs to be addressed. Forcing them to write an essay will not produce a successful result. Making them apply to college when they don’t want to go will only cause bigger problems in the future.

You know your teen and you know what motivates them. Don’t use these tactics that rarely produce effective results.

Conversely, read Wendy’s blog on what you CAN do to motivate them to action.

 

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Moms Blogging About College

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moms bloggingSince I’m a mom, and you’re most likely a mom (or dad), you feel a kindred spirit with other parents, especially if they have been through or are going through the college prep process.

Aside from my blog, Parents Countdown to College Coach, there are other moms out there sharing their stories, their knowledge and their expertise. Below is my favorite list of nine moms blogging about college, add mine and it’s 10!

1. Dr. Strange College

This mom chronicles the college prep process as she experiences it with her kids. You will find excellent “how to” information and tips on how to motivate and keep your college-bound teen organized. What’s great about this blog? You can walk through the process with her.

2. How to Win Scholarships Money Blog

This mom helps you with the scholarship search process and with scholarship applications. Her blog highlights various scholarships and give parents tips on how to make their student’s scholarship application stand out.

3. Smart College Visit

This is a blog dedicated to help parents with the college visit and provides other advice for parents as well in the form of weekly tips.

4. More Than a Test Score

This blog, hosted by Zinch, has a parents tab that speaks specifically to parents. How do you know it’s a mom writing the blog posts? The majority of the posts were written by me!

5. POCSMom Blog

This parent of college student mom helps parents de-stress during the college prep process offering advice on how to relax and laugh when you get overwhelmed. She also  collaborates with me on a weekly blog post: Wednesday’s Parent.

6. Galtime-Parenting Tweens and Teens

Galtime is an online magazine for women, but if you go to their Parenting-Tweens and Teens tab you’ll find all kinds of advice on parenting college-bound teens, most written by moms.

7. The Perfect Score Project

This mom made it her goal to take the SAT test and get a perfect score while studying along with her son (and now daughter). Having trouble motivating your teen to study? This is the blog to read.

8. How to Pay for College HQ

This isn’t a blog; it’s a podcast. But this mom does transcribe each weekly podcast with information and links from her guests. Her goal is to send her four children to college without incurring debt–and she’s gathering together all the experts to pick their brains about it. Subscribe to her podcasts. You won’t regret it!

9. The Neurotic Parent

This mom started this blog while on an eight-state college tour with her oldest son. Her Neurotic Parent Archives offer some excellent advice for parents of college-bound teens with a little humor and sarcasm to the mix.

Do yourself a favor and check out these blogs, follow their RSS feeds, and sign up for their mailing lists to get updates when they post.

parenting, Uncategorized

Wednesday’s Parent: Are You a Control Freak?

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Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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control freakAre you a control freak? I am. And there are times when it’s not pretty, especially where my kids are concerned. That tendency was no more apparent than when we were in the midst of college prep. I learned quickly, however, that my tendency to be in control of the process made my kids pull back and sit on the sidelines while I did all the work.

As a parent, it’s hard not to take control, especially if we have opinions and concerns about the choices they are making. But before you are labeled by your kids and their friends as “THAT” mom or dad, take a deep breath, and ask yourself these questions.

Do you want the added drama?

Teenagers are the epitome of drama. Controlling their campus visits, their college interviews, the counselor meetings and every other activity related to the college process is going to add to the drama. High school is not supposed to be a continuous battle and you can’t enjoy this time if you are battling over control.

Do you want your kids to second guess every decision they make?

Controlling parents raise insecure kids. Your kids need to know that you trust them and stand with them in their decisions. It’s a given they will make some bad ones, but that’s the way they learn about choices and consequences. They will make mistakes but fearing failure because they have a controlling parent will cripple them.

Do you want to raise a dependent adult?

If you control every decision, every choice and everything they do, they are going to have a hard time living on their own. You will begin to notice that they can’t make a move without you and your approval. It’s not an ideal situation, especially when they leave for college. Expect a call early during their first semester asking to come home.

Do you want your kid’s accomplishments to be their own and not yours?

It starts with doing homework for them when they don’t understand and moves on to completing their science projects. Before you know it you’re picking the college they will attend and completing their college application. Their accomplishments become clouded by the fact that they did nothing on their own.

You can avoid being a control freak by practicing these parenting techniques:

  • Teach them responsibility.
  • Help them with organization.
  • Guide them when making decisions.
  • Remember you are raising an independent adult.
  • Let them fail and help them learn from their mistakes.

It seems simple but the very nature of parenting makes it difficult to reign in the control monster, especially when they are making life-changing decisions. But you can do it if you never forget that since they took their first breath, they have been moving toward independence. They may have grown up too fast but you can’t stop the process, only hinder it. Don’t be a control freak.

For some more tips on how to stop controlling your teens, check out Wendy’s blog

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent–Parent Rivalries

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Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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parent rivalriesIt’s college night at your high school and here she comes—THAT mom. We’ve all encountered her. As a matter of fact, a recent episode of a TV sitcom, “The Goldbergs”, described her perfectly. Her son is going to Harvard or Yale and she’s going to tell the whole school about it. Does she listen to you? Nope. She goes on and on about the colleges he applied to, the scholarships he’s going to win, and the awards he will receive at graduation.

Here’s the problem—you never asked. And thus begins the parent rivalries over college. It’s not pretty, but every parent will come across one or more of these parents while their teen is in high school. The danger is getting sucked in to the competition, which can only hurt your teen. But just how do you avoid it? It’s a parent’s natural instinct to be proud of their kids and you will be tempted to counter their bragging with bragging of your own.

Here are some tips on how to react when the situation arises (and avoid embarrassing your teen):

Don’t play their game

The easiest thing to do is offer a comeback but you should resist; especially if your teen is with you. The last thing they need is to believe that you need to one-up the other parent. Teens are already insecure and when their parents respond it just gives credibility to the other parent’s claims—that their son or daughter is better.

Take the high road

When you’re confronted by this type of parent, take the high road. Smile and congratulate them and walk away. If it’s a friend listen intently but don’t respond except to say that you’re happy for them. You can win with these parents and there’s no point in getting into a war over “my kid is better than your kid.” Don’t feel like a failure as a parent if you feel your child’s accomplishments don’t measure up.

Remember every child is unique

Don’t compare your child to others. Every child is unique, and every child has to follow their own path. Your child may be headed to community college, trade school or opting to take a gap year. The worst thing you can do for you and for them is start believing that anyone else’s kid is better than they are. When you are confronted with their bragging, don’t forget your child is moving toward their future—in the way that is best for them.

College is college and the name doesn’t mean much

Harvard, Yale, Brown, MIT or any other big name college isn’t the be all and end all of success. Your child has worked hard for four years and with college on the horizon, they have accomplished much. In the grand scheme of things, the name doesn’t mean much; it’s the education they will receive at college and the life experiences they have.

The college prep process brings stress and frustration, but don’t let the parent rivalries add to the stress. Smile and focus on your own child, because in the end, that’s really all that matters.

Check out Wendy’s blog on Taming the Green-Eyed Parent Monster

admissions, parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Rivalries among college-bound teens

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Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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braggingIt’s that time of year again—college offers of admission will be arriving and students will be responding to those offers. Years ago, on the popular show Dawson’s Creek, the teenage characters were going through the college prep process. As the process unfolded the viewers shared in every part of the process, from application, to waiting, to acceptance and rejection. Obviously the writers of the show had experienced this before because they were dead-on about the types of emotions teenagers go through during this period in their lives.

One specific storyline involved a girl who was striving for an Ivy League acceptance and a boy whose grades were not quite as stellar and had set his sights low when it came to college. It created quite a conflict—one student excited about their college prospects and the other stressed about getting an acceptance at all. It’s a fine line between showing excitement and bragging so much that it’s offensive to others.

This is a time to teach some life lessons that your teen can take with them to college and into their life as an adult.

Tolerance

Kids will be kids. And unfortunately they often mimic their parents (in a negative way). Bragging will occur—you can count on it. The rivalry will intensify when the offers of admission arrive. When this happens, this is a great opportunity for you to teach your teen about tolerance. Although they may not like listening to other kids brag, it’s a fact of life. People will brag and boast and they are bound to run into this as adults. Learning to deal with it now should make it easier in the future.

Gratitude

As the offers of admission arrive it’s a great opportunity for them to learn about gratitude. Being grateful for their success should make it easier for them to avoid making others feel inferior.

Acceptance

Part of the process is learning to accept the outcome and adjust expectations, especially if the outcome is not what they expected. Often acceptance is not easily achieved but it is part of facing reality and becoming an adult.

Graciousness

When their friends receive offers of admission and they don’t, or they get waitlisted, it’s going to be difficult. In life others will be promoted before them, own bigger houses and more expensive cars. Instead of feeling jealous or envious, it will be much easier to be gracious and celebrate their accomplishments.

The rivalry that occurs among college-bound teens is hard to deal with as a parent. We don’t like to see our kids hurt or their self-esteem destroyed by other kids; but you can use the opportunity to build character.

Read Wendy’s blog post: College admissions rivalry

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

14 Reasons I became a Parent College Coach

14 reasonsAs I look toward the upcoming year I am incredibly grateful for the connections I have made both with college experts and with parents of college-bound teens. Parents have become more and more involved with their student’s college application process and are looking for the best information available to help them guide and encourage.

As a parent advocate, I work to get you the latest information available to help you make informed college choices and financial aid decisions as the process progresses. Since I am a parent myself and am aware of the obstacles families face during this stressful time, I’m able to share my experiences and help you overcome the stress you may feel.

Here are 14 reasons I became a Parent College Coach:

  1. To share my expertise with other parents
  2. To connect you with other college experts
  3. To help you deal with the college prep stress
  4. To help you find scholarships
  5. To help you with the financial aid process
  6. To offer advice about college visits
  7. To help you avoid being an overly involved helicopter parent
  8. To give you standardized test prep options
  9. To connect parents with other parents
  10. To educate and inform
  11. To give every student who wants to go to college help when needed
  12. To help you get the best value for your buck
  13. To answer questions about the college prep process
  14. To help you guide your student through the college prep process

 

As you can imagine, the internet and social media are flooded with experts, especially in the college field. I bring a unique perspective into the mix because I am not only an expert on the college prep process; I’m also a parent myself. I struggled to help both my children get into college in a time when information was not easily available and school counselors were overwhelmed with parents and students asking for help.

It’s rewarding as I see parents and students cross the finish line and move on to the next phase in their lives. Knowing that I had a small part in the process makes me glad I made the decision to provide parents with the help they need. And as time goes on, I’ve made many good friends!

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: 5 New Year’s resolutions inspired by my grandson

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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new year's resolutionsIt’s New Year’s Eve and I’m sitting at home babysitting a 3-year old. Our evening consisted of Chinese food, Tom and Jerry cartoons and a little good natured wrestling. I started thinking about the life of a 3-year old and how we all might take a page from his book as the New Year begins and we all begin to think about New Year’s resolutions. I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions but I do see the value in reflecting and changing our perspective.

Based on inspiration from my grandson, this is how I want to start the New Year and how I hope to adjust my “adult” outlook on life.

1. He accepts correction and makes changes based on them

He doesn’t distance himself from you because you discipline him. Instead, he uses the correction to make a change. He remembers that negative actions produce negative responses and the next time he’s tempted to do something inappropriate; he stops and thinks before he acts (most of the time). Imagine the heartache we would save ourselves if we embraced this simple concept of discipline and correction.

2. Every day is a new day filled with possibilities

At the end of every day he can’t wait for tomorrow. He often asks me, “What are we going to do tomorrow?” Even the simplest answer causes him to say, “That might be fun.” Every day is a day to explore and learn and meet new people. He never dreads tomorrow because he knows that he’s going to have so much fun he won’t want it to end. What would happen if we went to bed every night looking forward to tomorrow?

3. The littlest things bring him joy

Wrestling on the couch, watching a new cartoon, playing at the playground or even reading a new book bring him the greatest joy. Laughter is his second language and he uses it freely and unashamedly. It’s not uncommon for him to laugh at the silliest of things and find amusement in something one of the dogs does. When we become adults, we forget to laugh and find the joy in life. For a 3-year old, it’s second nature.

4. He lives for today

My grandson has no concept of time. He’s having a birthday tomorrow (which is 9 months away). He went to his grandmother’s yesterday (which was months ago). Time for him is in the here and now. He looks forward to events with anticipation, but the happenings of today are what consume his life. He’s not bogged down in the past and doesn’t live in the future. He’s happy just to watch a Hot Wheels car go round and round on a track. There is adventure and wonder in every moment of the day.

5. He doesn’t hold a grudge

Three year olds don’t hold grudges. He may remember being hurt, but he doesn’t hold on to the hurt. If you scold him or punish him, it’s over with a hug and an “I’m sorry”. If he does something wrong and apologizes, he expects and should get unconditional forgiveness. Somewhere along the line, adults forget that forgiveness is something we all crave and something we should all give freely.

In 2014, let’s take a page from my grandson’s book. It will help you be a better parent and change the relationship you have with your teenager. Happy New Year!

Head on over to Wendy’s blog:

A Different Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

admissions, college prep, parenting

10 Biggest mistakes parents make

 

parent mistakesParents and students are in the thick of the college application process. With more and more parents becoming involved, admissions officers are on the lookout for parents who won’t let their students own the process. That’s not to say that parents should step back and stay uninvolved; students need help and encouragement. They definitely need their parents to partner with them in the application process; but it’s a fine line that many parents simply don’t know how to walk.

Over the past ten years I have heard some stories from admissions officers that would make your hair stand on end: parents who write the student’s essay and try to pass it off as the student’s; parents who ask embarrassing questions during the college tour; and parents who simply won’t let go once the student is at college. Colleges frown upon this type of parent involvement and tend to question whether the student is ready to become an independent college student and adult.

Head over to Zinch to read the 10 biggest mistakes parents make.

how to, parenting

How to provide parental support

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

parental supportSocial support of any kind is crucial when you are going through a new and challenging (and exciting!) experience. The college experience is one of the most stressful, especially in the first year when students are still figuring out how to navigate the world on their own. Parents can play a huge role in their child’s success in college, and throughout their education. Parental support and wisdom helps in countless ways. Not only does your support help motivate and get them through this new experience, it also helps the both of you grow.

Motivation and Focus

Being there for your college student shows him or her that you care about what they are doing. It demonstrates that someone, one of the most important people in their lives no less, believes in them. That does wonders for motivation, particularly when the task at hand it a difficult one. It helps cement the idea that all their efforts are worthwhile.

Adjusting to the “Real World”

Your kids may have reluctantly listened, or avoided listening, to your stories and advice while in high school. Now that they are out of the house and dealing with things on their own, they are much more likely to appreciate hearing your take on a matter. They can learn so much from your life experiences and typically know they don’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for your help.

Easing the “real world” stress, whether it is financial or emotional, will help them get through this challenging time and ultimately find success in school. They are faced with several new responsibilities all at once – paying bills, managing their time, making all their meals, and so on. Of course you shouldn’t do anything for them, but pointing them in the right direction or sending a care package will go a long way.

You Both Grow

Your roles are changing. This experience gives you a chance to grow into friends. It is an opportunity to see each other in a different light. You are learning to trust and ease control. You are taking on a supportive role and letting them take charge of their own life. Your college student is developing their own identity separate from you. They are learning how to effectively handle responsibilities and how to solve their problems on their own.

Being there will show them that their life won’t fall apart when things get tough. They can still rely on you. But there is a limit. Don’t let them take advantage of you – that won’t help anyone. And never coddle. As much as you may want to protect them from the harshness of the world, let them take the lead.

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Author Bio:

Haley Coffman is a recent college grad at the age of 31. The road to her degree was a long and windy one, but she made it! She now enjoys working with eDegree, helping students (and their parents) navigate through their own college career.