Tag Archives: parenting

Wednesday’s Parent: Rivalries among college-bound teens


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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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braggingIt’s that time of year again—college offers of admission will be arriving and students will be responding to those offers. Years ago, on the popular show Dawson’s Creek, the teenage characters were going through the college prep process. As the process unfolded the viewers shared in every part of the process, from application, to waiting, to acceptance and rejection. Obviously the writers of the show had experienced this before because they were dead-on about the types of emotions teenagers go through during this period in their lives.

One specific storyline involved a girl who was striving for an Ivy League acceptance and a boy whose grades were not quite as stellar and had set his sights low when it came to college. It created quite a conflict—one student excited about their college prospects and the other stressed about getting an acceptance at all. It’s a fine line between showing excitement and bragging so much that it’s offensive to others.

This is a time to teach some life lessons that your teen can take with them to college and into their life as an adult.

Tolerance

Kids will be kids. And unfortunately they often mimic their parents (in a negative way). Bragging will occur—you can count on it. The rivalry will intensify when the offers of admission arrive. When this happens, this is a great opportunity for you to teach your teen about tolerance. Although they may not like listening to other kids brag, it’s a fact of life. People will brag and boast and they are bound to run into this as adults. Learning to deal with it now should make it easier in the future.

Gratitude

As the offers of admission arrive it’s a great opportunity for them to learn about gratitude. Being grateful for their success should make it easier for them to avoid making others feel inferior.

Acceptance

Part of the process is learning to accept the outcome and adjust expectations, especially if the outcome is not what they expected. Often acceptance is not easily achieved but it is part of facing reality and becoming an adult.

Graciousness

When their friends receive offers of admission and they don’t, or they get waitlisted, it’s going to be difficult. In life others will be promoted before them, own bigger houses and more expensive cars. Instead of feeling jealous or envious, it will be much easier to be gracious and celebrate their accomplishments.

The rivalry that occurs among college-bound teens is hard to deal with as a parent. We don’t like to see our kids hurt or their self-esteem destroyed by other kids; but you can use the opportunity to build character.

Read Wendy’s blog post: College admissions rivalry

14 Reasons I became a Parent College Coach

14 reasonsAs I look toward the upcoming year I am incredibly grateful for the connections I have made both with college experts and with parents of college-bound teens. Parents have become more and more involved with their student’s college application process and are looking for the best information available to help them guide and encourage.

As a parent advocate, I work to get you the latest information available to help you make informed college choices and financial aid decisions as the process progresses. Since I am a parent myself and am aware of the obstacles families face during this stressful time, I’m able to share my experiences and help you overcome the stress you may feel.

Here are 14 reasons I became a Parent College Coach:

  1. To share my expertise with other parents
  2. To connect you with other college experts
  3. To help you deal with the college prep stress
  4. To help you find scholarships
  5. To help you with the financial aid process
  6. To offer advice about college visits
  7. To help you avoid being an overly involved helicopter parent
  8. To give you standardized test prep options
  9. To connect parents with other parents
  10. To educate and inform
  11. To give every student who wants to go to college help when needed
  12. To help you get the best value for your buck
  13. To answer questions about the college prep process
  14. To help you guide your student through the college prep process

 

As you can imagine, the internet and social media are flooded with experts, especially in the college field. I bring a unique perspective into the mix because I am not only an expert on the college prep process; I’m also a parent myself. I struggled to help both my children get into college in a time when information was not easily available and school counselors were overwhelmed with parents and students asking for help.

It’s rewarding as I see parents and students cross the finish line and move on to the next phase in their lives. Knowing that I had a small part in the process makes me glad I made the decision to provide parents with the help they need. And as time goes on, I’ve made many good friends!

Wednesday’s Parent: 5 New Year’s resolutions inspired by my grandson

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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new year's resolutionsIt’s New Year’s Eve and I’m sitting at home babysitting a 3-year old. Our evening consisted of Chinese food, Tom and Jerry cartoons and a little good natured wrestling. I started thinking about the life of a 3-year old and how we all might take a page from his book as the New Year begins and we all begin to think about New Year’s resolutions. I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions but I do see the value in reflecting and changing our perspective.

Based on inspiration from my grandson, this is how I want to start the New Year and how I hope to adjust my “adult” outlook on life.

1. He accepts correction and makes changes based on them

He doesn’t distance himself from you because you discipline him. Instead, he uses the correction to make a change. He remembers that negative actions produce negative responses and the next time he’s tempted to do something inappropriate; he stops and thinks before he acts (most of the time). Imagine the heartache we would save ourselves if we embraced this simple concept of discipline and correction.

2. Every day is a new day filled with possibilities

At the end of every day he can’t wait for tomorrow. He often asks me, “What are we going to do tomorrow?” Even the simplest answer causes him to say, “That might be fun.” Every day is a day to explore and learn and meet new people. He never dreads tomorrow because he knows that he’s going to have so much fun he won’t want it to end. What would happen if we went to bed every night looking forward to tomorrow?

3. The littlest things bring him joy

Wrestling on the couch, watching a new cartoon, playing at the playground or even reading a new book bring him the greatest joy. Laughter is his second language and he uses it freely and unashamedly. It’s not uncommon for him to laugh at the silliest of things and find amusement in something one of the dogs does. When we become adults, we forget to laugh and find the joy in life. For a 3-year old, it’s second nature.

4. He lives for today

My grandson has no concept of time. He’s having a birthday tomorrow (which is 9 months away). He went to his grandmother’s yesterday (which was months ago). Time for him is in the here and now. He looks forward to events with anticipation, but the happenings of today are what consume his life. He’s not bogged down in the past and doesn’t live in the future. He’s happy just to watch a Hot Wheels car go round and round on a track. There is adventure and wonder in every moment of the day.

5. He doesn’t hold a grudge

Three year olds don’t hold grudges. He may remember being hurt, but he doesn’t hold on to the hurt. If you scold him or punish him, it’s over with a hug and an “I’m sorry”. If he does something wrong and apologizes, he expects and should get unconditional forgiveness. Somewhere along the line, adults forget that forgiveness is something we all crave and something we should all give freely.

In 2014, let’s take a page from my grandson’s book. It will help you be a better parent and change the relationship you have with your teenager. Happy New Year!

Head on over to Wendy’s blog:

A Different Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

10 Biggest mistakes parents make

 

parent mistakesParents and students are in the thick of the college application process. With more and more parents becoming involved, admissions officers are on the lookout for parents who won’t let their students own the process. That’s not to say that parents should step back and stay uninvolved; students need help and encouragement. They definitely need their parents to partner with them in the application process; but it’s a fine line that many parents simply don’t know how to walk.

Over the past ten years I have heard some stories from admissions officers that would make your hair stand on end: parents who write the student’s essay and try to pass it off as the student’s; parents who ask embarrassing questions during the college tour; and parents who simply won’t let go once the student is at college. Colleges frown upon this type of parent involvement and tend to question whether the student is ready to become an independent college student and adult.

Head over to Zinch to read the 10 biggest mistakes parents make.

How to provide parental support

 

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parental supportSocial support of any kind is crucial when you are going through a new and challenging (and exciting!) experience. The college experience is one of the most stressful, especially in the first year when students are still figuring out how to navigate the world on their own. Parents can play a huge role in their child’s success in college, and throughout their education. Parental support and wisdom helps in countless ways. Not only does your support help motivate and get them through this new experience, it also helps the both of you grow.

Motivation and Focus

Being there for your college student shows him or her that you care about what they are doing. It demonstrates that someone, one of the most important people in their lives no less, believes in them. That does wonders for motivation, particularly when the task at hand it a difficult one. It helps cement the idea that all their efforts are worthwhile.

Adjusting to the “Real World”

Your kids may have reluctantly listened, or avoided listening, to your stories and advice while in high school. Now that they are out of the house and dealing with things on their own, they are much more likely to appreciate hearing your take on a matter. They can learn so much from your life experiences and typically know they don’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for your help.

Easing the “real world” stress, whether it is financial or emotional, will help them get through this challenging time and ultimately find success in school. They are faced with several new responsibilities all at once – paying bills, managing their time, making all their meals, and so on. Of course you shouldn’t do anything for them, but pointing them in the right direction or sending a care package will go a long way.

You Both Grow

Your roles are changing. This experience gives you a chance to grow into friends. It is an opportunity to see each other in a different light. You are learning to trust and ease control. You are taking on a supportive role and letting them take charge of their own life. Your college student is developing their own identity separate from you. They are learning how to effectively handle responsibilities and how to solve their problems on their own.

Being there will show them that their life won’t fall apart when things get tough. They can still rely on you. But there is a limit. Don’t let them take advantage of you – that won’t help anyone. And never coddle. As much as you may want to protect them from the harshness of the world, let them take the lead.

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Author Bio:

Haley Coffman is a recent college grad at the age of 31. The road to her degree was a long and windy one, but she made it! She now enjoys working with eDegree, helping students (and their parents) navigate through their own college career.

Wednesday’s Parent: Pushing Buttons

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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pushing buttonsKids, especially teens, know exactly how to push your buttons. It might be back talk, or constant complaining or eye-rolling, but whatever the behavior, nearly every parent will experience the tactic of pushing buttons.

Instead of giving my own advice on this topic, I’ve taken from two sources that should help you see both sides of the coin and perhaps help you deal with this inevitable conflict.

Top 10 Teenager Button Pushing Tactics (from AlternativetoCounseling.com)

1. “You never let me do anything.”

This statement invites the parents to point out specific times that they have let the teenager do what he or she wanted. This forces the parent off the real issue at that moment and gives the adolescent the upper hand in the discussion.

2. “You don’t love me.”

This statement is intended to induce guilt and make the parents question their self-worth. Unfortunately, many parents take this bait instead of recognizing that asking the adolescent to do something they do not like had nothing to do with love.

3. “I hate you” or “You’re a liar/bad parent”.

These statements are meant to get the parents to lose their tempers through personal character attacks. This clouds the parents’ thought process and limits their ability to effectively enforce consequences.

4. “You’re not my real mother/father. I don’t have to listen to you.”

This statement really unnerves stepparents but rarely is about the parent not being a biological one. It is merely another tactic designed to get the parent flustered and angry so that the real issue is not addressed..

5. A disgusted look, improper gesture or whiny voice.

Body language, gestures and tone of voice are some of the most powerful tools an adolescent may use to play with someone’s emotions. Unfortunately, if the parents respond to these barbs by losing control of their emotion, it gives the adolescent a great deal of power as he or she now knows how to get under his parent’s skins.

6. Finding you most vulnerable area and preying on it.

Adolescents have an uncanny ability to find the areas that bug each parent the most and apply pressure to that area. For example, some adolescents will intentionally keep their room messy because of their mothers’ emphasis on cleanliness. Again, this behavior is not a personal attack but just clever way of throwing the parent off balance.

7. “I’m gonna kill/hurt you/myself/others.”

These statements are meant to scare the parents so that they will back off and remove pressure from the adolescent. Teenagers usually use threats of violence as a last resort when nothing else had worked.

8. “I’m gonna lie, lie, lie.”

Lying is a pet peeve of most parents and one the teenager knows will get them to emotionally lose control so that he can win, win, win. Parents do not like lying and will often lose control of their emotions quickly when they catch the teenager in a lie.

9. “I hate school.”

Most parents value education so this statement invites a lecture on how the teenager is throwing away his future. Teenagers normally cannot see past tomorrow so they do not see failing school as a problem in the immediate future. However, they do know that education is important to the parent and how to use it to their advantage.

10. “I’m going to leave/run away.”

This statement gets parents to back off from exerting their authority because they fear what might happen if the adolescent runs away and is living on the streets. Adolescents know this and use this statement as an effective tool to paralyze their parents from taking action or enforcing a rule or consequence.

7 Ways parents push adolescents’ buttons (from BridgeYouth.org)

1. Preaching or Using Clichés

It is easy to want to use your own experiences as examples when talking to your kids. However, this will cause them to shut down. Phrases such as, “when I was your age” or “if all your friends jumped off a cliff…” should be avoided.

 2. Talking in Chapters

Try to keep your responses to your child brief. If they ask if they should do something, reply with ‘yes’. If you follow up with more statements, they may become angry or tune you out.

 3. Labeling 

Saying that your adolescent “always” does something can be dangerous. If you say your child is always late, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 4. Futurizing

“Futurizing” is when you talk about your adolescent’s future in a negative context. Examples include, “you’ll never go to college” or “you won’t be able to get a job with that attitude”.

 5. Instant Problem Solving 

Adolescents do not want you to solve their problems! Although it is natural to want to help out your teenager.  Often times they just want you to listen and understand.

6. Questioning the Teenager’s Restlessness and Discontent

Parents make the situation worse when they ask their teen unanswerable questions such as, “What is the matter with you?” or “What’s gotten into you?”. Teenagers are often restless and unhappy for no reason at all-it’s part of being a teenager. Try to accept the behavior in a supporting way unless it extends over a long period of time.

7. Not Tolerating Experimental Behavior

Tolerating behavior and accepting behavior are two totally different things. As your teen struggles to find their identity, they may experiment with various hairstyles and clothing. Express your disapproval once and then let it drop. If you continue to express your unhappiness, a power struggle may develop leading them to rebel even further. Save your energy for the bigger battles.

8. Collecting Criticism

Even though it may seem like your child does not care about your opinion, they do. Parents’ insults and criticism cut deeper and might take years to heal. Avoid rehashing past events or keeping a “mental scorecard” on past behavior problems. Focus of what is occurring in the present.

Admit it, you’ve either experienced those manipulative teen tactics, or you’ve dished out some of your own. Recognizing them should help with future button pushing. Or at the very least, you won’t feel like you’re the only one!

Check out Wendy’s blog: Button pusher’s resistance guide to parenting

Wednesday’s Parent: Do you appreciate your college-bound teen?

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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appreciationWe drum it into our kid’s heads that they need to appreciate all of the gifts they have been given: a good home, a strong family, parents who love them and support their college aspirations. But how do we show them appreciation and how do we let them know they are valuable?

The simple answer is—tell them. Telling them is important; but they need to see that you value them in your actions, and the college process is the best time to bring it home. Recognizing that they will be leaving you shortly to embark on a collegiate adventure makes it even more imperative that your teen know that you appreciate them.

Employees like their bosses to show appreciation with tangible rewards. It communicates value and the idea that they have done a good job. Why not adapt that policy with your college-bound teen? Just as employees respond to encouragement, teenagers do as well.

Here are five ways you can show them you appreciate them during the college prep process with small rewards:

1.   Catch them doing something right and tell them so.

When you see them taking charge of the college prep process, let them know you appreciate the fact that they are taking responsibility and making good decisions.

2. When a difficult task is completed celebrate.

When their applications are complete, take them out to dinner and celebrate their accomplishment.

3. Send them a simple “text” of encouragement.

Since texting is the preferred form of communication, just a simple, “I’m proud of you”, or “good job” communicates that you appreciate them and their efforts to become an independent adult.

4. Brag about them to others.

Not in an obnoxious way, but in a way that shows them how proud you are of their accomplishments. Everyone likes to be praised.

5. Surprise them with a special reward.

If they win a scholarship, ace an AP test, or even study for the SAT, give them an unexpected reward. It could be something as simple as a gift card to their favorite store or cooking their favorite dessert.

These five simple ways communicate to your college-bound teen that you appreciate them and their hard work to prepare for college. And here’s a bonus: when your teen feels appreciated, they will continue to excel in everything they do. It’s a win-win for both of you!

Read Wendy’s post: 3 Simple steps to appreciation

Mom-Approved Tips: Is your teen on Twitter?

 

teens on twitterIs your teen on Twitter? Are you on Twitter? You should be. Twitter is not only a great resource for college prep, but it’s also the go-to social hangout for your teenager. They also air their thoughts and frustrations there. It’s amazing how teens find it to be a place to vent, especially about the pressure they feel from their parents about the college prep process. Are you surprised? I know I was.

Twitter has overtaken Facebook as the social media network that is most important to teens, according to Piper Jaffray’s semi-annual teen market research report. Twitter is the new king of teens, with 26 percent naming it as their “most important” social site. Only 23 percent said Facebook was most important, down from a high of 42 percent.

The Social Media Explorer points out:

Teens are increasingly turning to Twitter to follow artists and pop culture icons, take part in (or create) memes and trends, and express their innermost thoughts. More and more, teens are also using Twitter as a way to escape their parents’ prying eyes, as parents are far more likely to have a Facebook account than Twitter; it seems many parents don’t realize that their kids are even tweeting, and kids are keeping their accounts private, away from their parents and sometimes also from those who might bully them online. Twitter also allows for anonymity, so teens can take on new (or multiple) personalities, and further isolate themselves from parents or unwanted peers.

According to Pew, teen use of digital media is growing overall; 80% of teens use online social networks. An interesting Pew statistic which may have led to the #GetAustin2Philly trending topic is that more than 2x the number of girls use Twitter: 22% of girls vs. 10% of boys. For teenagers, Twitter is an outlet for fandom, gossip, and chatter; get @mentioned by a celebrity or teen idol and your popularity is sure to rise. Twitter is now a digital autograph book.

Today’s Mom addresses the issue:

Escape from parental monitoring isn’t the only thing driving teens to Twitter. When celebrities adopted the micro-blogging platform kids followed. One can only hope all of Justin Bieber’s 17 million+ followers are all teenagers. Eminem has 8 million (including my privacy-seeking son), Katy Perry 14 million, and Taylor Swift nearly 11 million. The same Pew survey found that most teens are happy using Twitter for benign purposes like following their favorite artists, exploring adolescent angst, and passing along immature humor. If only all kids could be as good as yours and mine.

Kids can be mean, in real life and online

Electronic communication offers a distance that can embolden mean kids. “No one is safe from this new approach to bullying,” says Dawn Spragg, a Licensed Counselor  working with teens and their families in Bentonville, Arkansas, where three high school students were issued citations in Juvenile Court recently for publishing nasty tweets about classmates in a virtual “slam book” on Twitter. Spragg says that the anonymity of online aliases allows kids to bully without having to “back it up” like the bullies of decades past.

Electric PR Media reports:

In an effort to find privacy, teenagers are turning to Twitter as an alternate to Facebook. And although everyone wants to be where their friends are, privacy and a place away from parents is part of the genetic code of any teenager.

Enter Twitter.

Twitter, in comparison to Facebook, offers many appealing features which are just beginning to be appreciated by teenagers. Twitter allows you to have multiple accounts should you chose to do so. Your account name can be a pseudonym, one only your friends know. Your account can also be set to private, allowing you to select your followers. In turn, you chose who you want to follow without seeing their followers, eliminating the social pressure of following friends of friends which can often be the case on Facebook.

In addition to privacy and selectivity, Twitter relies on the use of acronyms and abbreviations (now we’re talking) to send your message in under 140 characters, the equivalent of a text message, but to a circle of friends. It’s a teenager’s dream: Privacy, selectivity and brevity! Does this sound like the parameters of a conversation you’ve had lately with a teenager?

What’s a parent to do?

Your teen is seeking privacy on Twitter…too bad. In 2011, one million children were harassed, threatened, or subjected to cyberbullying in social media. Of these children, only 10% of parents were aware of it. 55% of teens gave out personal information to someone they didn’t know. And only 34% of parents say they regularly check their child’s social network sites.

Unfortunately, unchecked use of social media can lead to hours of lost sleep for teens (yes, teens admit to sleeping with their smartphones and even texting in their sleep), privacy undermined, rumors being spread, school and social life being directly affected by online activity, and worse yet … becoming a victim or perpetrator of cyberbullying.

Teens absolutely need our help and guidance when it comes to online activity, especially in the Twitterverse of anonymity. But how do you help? One mother drew up an iPhone contract when she presented her son with a new phone.

Here are some of the 18 rules (you can read the rest at Huffington Post):

  1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
  2. I will always know the password.
  3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
  4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
  5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
  6. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
  7. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
  8. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

Every parent handles this differently but it goes without saying that hiding your head in the sand and staying technologically challenged can only lead to future problems with your teens and social media. Just as you had to learn parenting skills, take the time to learn about social media platforms and how they work. Your teen may scoff about having their privacy invaded, but that’s what parents do–we parent.

Mom-Approved Tips: Top 10 Tips for Parents

 

top 10 tips for parentsOn Monday’s I dispense my parent advice and today I thought I might share with you some of my past “Top 10 Tips for Parents”. Some might be reality checks, some will provide you with new information, and some are just for fun.

Top 10 Questions Parents Ask about College

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2010/06/24/top-10-questions-parents-ask-about-college/

10 Must Read Books for Parents of College-bound Teens

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2013/08/22/10-must-read-books-for-parents-of-college-bound-students/

10 scariest mistakes parents make

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2012/10/31/10-scariest-mistakes-parents-make/

10 concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2010/04/10-concepts/

Top 10 things every parent should know about “hooking up” in college

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2010/04/hooking-up-in-college/

10 Easy Scholarships

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2013/09/20/scholarship-friday-10-easy-scholarships/

10 most popular college degrees

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2013/04/04/the-10-most-popular-college-degrees/

10 Facebook pages every parent should like

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2012/12/14/10-facebook-pages-every-parent-should-like/

10 Good reasons to file the FAFSA

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2012/01/02/10-good-reasons-to-file-the-fafsa/

10 things high school students can do over holiday break

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2011/12/05/10-things-high-school-students-can-do-over-holiday-break/

Top 10 dos and don’ts of parenting a college bound teen

http://www.parentingforcollege.com/2010/05/20/parenting-college-bound-teens/

Wednesday’s Parent: The Apathetic Generation

 

Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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citizenship

The Apathetic Generation

Prior to the first Obama presidential election, young adults simply didn’t vote. It’s perplexing to those of us that couldn’t wait to vote when we turned 18. I recall long lines at the polls for the 1972 and 1976 presidential elections.

The New Republic examined voting trends among young people prior to the 2012 election:

It has long been a puzzle why so many young adults do not vote—and why their already low voting rate has generally fallen over the decades. In 1972, 53 percent of 18-to-29-year-olds went to the polls. By 2000, the figure had fallen to just 36 percent, a historic low. (In contrast, the voting rate among people aged 65 or older rose five percentage points during those years, to 68 percent.) There is no doubt that the Obama campaign of 2008 energized the under-30 crowd, boosting their voting rate to 46 percent. But even then, fewer than half of 18-to-29-year-olds went to the polls compared with more than two-thirds of people aged 65 or older, according to the Census Bureau.

Man on the street reports from various news and entertainment programs underscore the fact that today’s youth are ill-informed and uninvolved in matters of citizenship. Why is this happening and what can parents do to change the tide?

Lack of citizenship is an American epidemic

Increasingly, we are not living up to our responsibilities as citizens.

  • Voting is one of our most important and visible responsibilities as citizens. Yet, fewer than 45% of registered voters and 35% of eligible voters usually vote.
  • Most Americans try to get out of jury duty.
  • Community service is often seen as a once or twice a year activity

Each nation faces economic, social, environmental, security, educational, legal, and health challenges. The solutions to these challenges are most effective when a great number of citizens are involved in making them. Too many good people do nothing. Edmond Burke said, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.”

What is citizenship?

President Kennedy challenged us, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” Unfortunately, since then, our view of citizenship has become skewed. We look more at our rights than our responsibilities. When individuals or special interest groups want something, they claim it is their right. And, we expect the government to take on what should be our responsibilities.

Most Americans see citizenship as voting, jury duty and occasional community service. Keeping democracy strong demands much more. We as citizens must be vigilant and involved. We must each make small sacrifices every day by doing simple, yet powerful citizen actions.

How can you teach your kids to be good citizens?

As I stated earlier, citizenship is more than voting. It’s being involved in your local community, your state and in the government processes. If you teach your children at an early age to be good citizens, they will carry those lessons on into adulthood.

Try these simple activities to teach them to be good citizens:

  • Teach them about this country’s heritage

Teach them about why and how we became a nation,about the basic principles and documents upon which the country was founded,about what it took to achieve today’s standard of living, about the mistakes we’ve made and, about the individuals and events that have played major roles in shaping the country.

Teaching our children about the country’s heritage is important because they know no other way of life. It took enormous courage, loss of life, pain, mistakes, hard work and risk to get here. Our children need to be made aware that they are going to be the custodians of this country and be taught how to do that well.

  • Teach them about the democratic process

If your children see that you’re involved in the process, you are setting a good example for them as they become adults. If you degrade the process and refuse to vote, you are teaching them that it doesn’t matter who is in charge or that you can make a difference in this democracy.

We make the “of the people” part happen by running for public office;  we make the “by the people” part happen by doing the things needed to elect our best to public office; and we make the “for the people” part happen by doing those things that keep us educated on important issues, that keep elected officials aware of our points of view, and that enforce our laws.  The democratic process is not a methodology, but a way of living that keeps our country strong.

  • Support groups that keep our country strong

Teaching your children to respect these groups that contribute to the strength of our democracy encourages them to be a good citizen. Law enforcement, firemen, elected officials, the military and even teachers are groups who are supported to keep the country strong. If you support these groups, your children will learn by your example.

  • Teach them to understand the government and how it works

This begins on the local level and goes up to the federal government. As citizens, it is critical that we understand what our governments are doing and how they are working so we can make sure they don’t take on more power and responsibilities than we gave them and that they carrying out the powers we did give them effectively.

  • Promote a sense of community

Our country is really a community of communities.  A sense of community and of belonging are something most of us need and want. In today’s mobile society, we have become detached to our communities. Neighbors rarely speak and communities rarely rally around one another unless there’s a crisis. Taking pride in your community and becoming involved in the community can be demonstrated by such simple acts as picking up trash, giving blood, start a neighborhood watch, volunteer at local organizations, and recycle.

  • Strengthen the family

It is often said, and usually true, that the whole is greater than the sum of the individual pieces.  In the case of a country, it is equally true that the stronger the families and individuals, the stronger the country.  Involve your children in activities that promote citizenship and community involvement. Encourage your family members to volunteer during the holidays, give to others, and pay it forward when possible.

Check out Wendy’s article , “Will your child be a good citizen?”