Tag Archives: parenting

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Tips for a new school year

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parent separation anxiety
Cartoon courtesy of College Parents of America

This week, Wednesday’s parent takes at look at back to school with some tips for a new school year. Do you take first day of school photos of your kids? I did. I loved seeing how much they had grown and how the fashion trends changed. For parents (especially after a very long summer) back to school day was a day of rejoicing. Finally, the house becomes quiet and you can have a little bit of time to yourself.

What does “back to school” mean to you? If your student is moving to a new school it probably means uncertainty and stress. Anytime your student enters a new environment they will be anxious; but there are ways you can ease those back to school jitters.

Chill Out

Let your student express their concerns and help them relax about it. Preschoolers are entering school for the first time; middle schoolers now have added responsibility like changing classes and locker combinations; high school students’ lives begin to revolve around their peers; and college students are on their own to flounder in a whole new world of responsibility and accountability. Open conversations will help them lower their stress level.

Be the parent and “man up”

Yes. I said, “man up”. The sad reality is that today’s parent doesn’t know how to let go. It’s your responsibility to communicate confidence, excitement and joy about the new environment. If they witness you crying, whining and generally unhappy, they will mimic your feelings. Positive parents raise positive children.

You may be in homework hell

As your student gets older and moves on in their academic track, the homework will increase; and so will the drama. If you are frustrated, just imagine how your student feels. Pay close attention and if you witness your student floundering with the new material, hire a tutor, such as tutors at Takelessons, or get help from the teacher or tutoring labs. If you nip the problem in the bud early, he/she won’t be nearly as frustrated in high school and college

Look out for added peer pressure

New school means new bullies. Unfortunately, it even happens in college. Prepare your student for those encounters by fortifying their self-esteem. Use every opportunity to encourage, hug, support and love on them. Coping with peer pressure is very stressful for students (and their parents). Be proactive and get involved if you have to. This is one area that it’s ok to be a helicopter parent.

Make new friends

Yes. Parents need to make new friends, just like their students. Get involve in parent organizations. This applies to all age groups, even at the college level. Colleges have parent groups too—join them. Volunteer when needed and this helps you stay abreast of what is happening at the school. And don’t tell anyone, but it’s easier to check up on your student when you’re there!

Be a buttinsky (but only if necessary)

Keep your antenna up and ready to spot any problems that require parent involvement. No. This doesn’t mean you need to hover over your student. But it does mean that, especially at new schools and in new environments, the students encounter problems that need adult intervention. Do not, however, get on the phone every day and become one of those parents school officials detest. You know the ones: their student is never wrong and the teacher is never right.

Sing a new song

New school New attitude. What’s past is past and the future is the future. Leave those negative experiences behind and look forward to the new school year with excitement and anticipation. It’s a new start for your student and a new start for you.

Parenting never changes. Whether you have a preschooler or a college student the premise is always the same: you want the best for your kids. Who doesn’t love a fresh start? (I actually saw you smile when you read this.) Have a great school year!

 

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: What are you communicating to your teenager?

 

communicating to your teenagerYou know the drill. You feel you have to stay on them for every little thing or it won’t get accomplished. After all, they are only teenagers and can’t possibly manage on their own. Reality check—they better learn how to because once they leave the nest they will be expected to act like responsible adults (well, most of the time). Now we all know that’s a tall order for an 18 year old, but you have to let them spread their wings if you don’t want a 30+ year old living at home with you. What are you communicating to your teenager?

Let’s examine what you say, what you mean, and what your teenager hears:

What you say: I expect you to go to college.

What you mean: I want you to be able to compete in today’s job market by getting a good education and have some great college experiences.

What your teen hears: If you don’t go, I will be disappointed in you.

How do you fix this miscommunication? Ask them how they see their future. Talk to them about their interests and the courses they enjoy in high school. Let them tell you what they want and help them understand that in order to accomplish it they will need a good education. Assure them that whatever their decision, you will always love and support them.

What you say: Don’t you think you should spend some time studying for the SAT?

What you mean: You want them to be prepared for the test and not be disappointed by their scores, especially if it affects their college acceptances.

What your teen hears: You really don’t study enough and your score will sufffer.

Every high school student feels pressured to do well; not just from parents but from their peers. If you see they are struggling because they don’t understand or seem frustrated with the material, consider hiring a tutor. Tutors are surprisingly affordable and will take all the pressure off them and help you to relax about SAT prep.

What you say: Do you think you are spreading yourself too thin? 

What you mean: You know that if your child overcommits to things they will be stressed and overwhelmed, which will ultimately affect academics. You are concerned that fatigue will also be a factor as well.

What your teen hears: You are involved in too many activities and it’s going to hurt your studies.

Before the school year begins, discuss activities and schedules with your students. If you schedule time for academics, extracurriculars and entertainment,  along with some time for college prep, this conversation won’t happen nearly as often. And your child won’t feel overwhelmed and stressed.

What you say: It would be great if you would spend some time searching for scholarships.

What you mean: College is expensive and every extra dollar you can get will help pay tuition.

What your teen hears: You can’t go to college if you don’t win some scholarships.

Before you begin the college admissions process sit down with your student and discuss finances. Explain to them what you are willing to contribute to college financially and what you expect them to do as well. Once that discussion is out of the way your teen will understand your financial situation and also see that they are responsible to do their part.

What you say: I hardly see you anymore. It would be nice if you were home more often.

What you mean: I can’t believe you will be leaving soon and I’m already starting to miss you. We don’t have much time and I want to make the most of it.

What your teen hears: You spend too much time with your friends.

Make it a family rule for everyone to have dinner together. Schedule a family game night and make attendance mandatory. If necessary, schedule a father/daughter or mother/son date night, a girls night out, or a boys night out. Scheduling these times help to draw the family close and cement the relationships that you share with them.

Communication is key in the parent/teen relationship. Find time to talk, even if it’s in the car or over a quick snack or during dinner preparation. You will be surprised at the wealth of information you will learn when you’re not asking questions but listening. And sometimes, it’s more information than you care to hear (TMI)!

college guidance, parenting

10 Scariest Mistakes Parents Make

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Halloween–the time for jack-o-lanterns, kids (and adults) dressed up in costumes, trick or treating and all around good fun. The holiday got me thinking about the scary things parents do to their college-bound teens. Some of them simply embarrass them, others destroy their confidence, and the worst ones squash their dreams.

Here’s my list of the 10 scariest mistakes parents make with their college-bound teens. Have you make any of them?

  1. Constantly nagging them about deadlines–The last thing your student needs is for you to constantly nag them. Find other ways to remind them: wall calendars and text messages work much better than harping on them day in and day out.
  2. Forcing them to attend your alma mater–Not every student wants to attend their parent’s college. Be sensitive to the fact that they might want to forge their own path.
  3. Belittling their college choices–You might not think that culinary school is prestigious enough, or community college won’t give you bragging rights with your friends. But your student could be thinking logically and saving your thousands of dollars in the long run. After all, it’s their future–not yours.
  4. Speaking for them during interviews, tours and counseling sessions–Let your student have a voice. Colleges look poorly on those students who can’t speak for themselves. Learning to speak up and self-advocating is an important part of becoming an adult.
  5. Allowing them to attend a college that will put them in debt after graduation–Your student may want to attend an Ivy League college but if the money’s not there, don’t do it. Bragging rights aside, allowing your student to incur overwhelming debt to attend a high-priced college is just poor parental guidance.
  6. Keeping them close to home–Allow them to spread their wings and go away to college if they express an interest. You may want them to attend a school close by and live at home; but living in a dorm and leaving the nest helps them learn to make their own choices and become independent.
  7. Ignoring the signs of frustration–If you see your student faltering or becoming frustrated, give (or get) them some help. There is nothing wrong with coming alongside of them and helping them with the college application process, test prep or scholarship applications. If they are struggling in school, find a good tutor.
  8. Hovering over their every move–Helicopter parents are always around to swoop in when their teens are struggling. Don’t be so quick to intervene. Let them solve the problems on their own; teach them to live with consequences and reap the benefits of wise decisions.
  9. Talking and not listening–Take the time to listen to your teen; let them share their frustations, problems, hopes and dreams. Rather than asking questions and giving them the first degree, listen to them talk. You will be surprised how much you can learn about their lives from a simple conversation.
  10. Not allowing them to dream–Whatever your college-bound teen may want for their future, allow them to dream (and dream big). Don’t squash those dreams by telling them it’s impossible or improbable. They will never know what they are capable of until they try.

Some of these mistakes may appear to be obvious, others you might not have even considered. Your college-bound teen is moving toward the most exciting time of their lives and you can either be a hindrance or a loving encouragement.

 

college guidance, parenting

Your parent arsenal-strength for the journey

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It’s Friday and Twitter’s Follow Friday event reminded me that there are so many parents out there in cyberspace looking for help along the college admissions journey. Here’s a short list of helpful “parents” (along with myself, of course) that you should bookmark, follow and tap into on Facebook for the best encouragement and parent support along your journey.

Jane Kulow (@CvlKulow)

Jane is a parent of college-bound teens and the owner/author of a blog that has chronicled her admissions journey with her kids (Dr. Strange College-or how I learned to stop worrying and love the journey). Her blog is jam-packed with great information, parenting encouragement and tips to help you sift through all the information you are bombarded with during the college admissions process.

Nancy Berk (@NancyBerk)

Nancy is also a parent who has survived the journey and written about it in her “hit” book, College Bound and Gagged. Nancy gives parents a comedic break by helping you laugh at yourself and your kids during this stressful time. There’s nothing better than a little laughter to ease the stress and help you see the bigger picture.

Z. Kelly Queijo (@collegevisit)

Kelly is the mastermind behind Smart College Visit, a website providing you with information and resources to help make the college visit a success. Her tools to help you plan your college visits provide parents with all the resources they need in one place. Her cool “mobile app” for Virginia Tech is the first of it’s kind!

Monica Matthews (@AidScholarship)

Monica is a parent herself and she is the scholarship guru, finding scholarships for her sons and teaching parents to do the same. Her simple ebook, How to Win College Scholarships, walks you through the process step by step.  She also blogs, giving parents tips and scholarship updates on a regular basis.

Paul Hemphill (@vcollegeadvisor)

Paul learned the hard way that colleges aren’t necessarily a parent’s friend. His frustration with the admissions process during his sons’ journey, prompted him to help other parents and students learn the secrets to take charge during the journey and “win” in this highly competitive process. His video series is second to none and every parent needs to arm themselves with his arsenal of sage advice.

This is just a short list of parents out there offering you help along your journey. Be an informed parent and tap into their advice and wise counsel. Parents helping parents–what better way to survive the journey?

 

 

college planning, Guest Posts

Coping with your child’s college choices

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Like many teenagers, I too had to deal with defending the colleges I wanted to apply to until I was blue in the face. My dad? Every school I thought would be a good fit for me he deemed too expensive, too dangerous (I wanted to be in a city), or too far away and no amount of arguing could convince him otherwise.

While I know he had my best interest in mind, it made my college application process much more stressful than it should have been. Fortunately things worked out in the end – I went to my dream school, graduated with honors, and have a pretty fantastic career so far.

My dad? It took him awhile to come to the realization that I probably would not have gotten to where I am today if I didn’t go to a college I was 100% behind. However getting to that point was not easy, and I couldn’t help but think that much of the tension could have been eliminated if we were better at communicating with each other.

So let’s say you’re in my dad’s shoes 6 years ago and you absolutely can’t fathom your child going to any of the colleges they have in mind. What should you do to avoid a whole mess of unnecessary drama? Here are some suggestions:

1.  Don’t be a victim to college rankings and brand appeal.

Everyone knows about the various “best college” rankings that come out every year. It’s easy for parents (and students) to get caught up in the craze of getting into the highest ranking, most-selective schools. But guess what? The “best college” according to whatever magazine might not be the best college for your child.

There are over 2,000 four-year colleges in the US alone and there are plenty of amazing lesser-known schools out there that don’t make the Top 100 for any given year. Use college match tools to uncover the hidden gems that might be a good fit and read up on college reviews to see if current students and alumni believe if the school is worth the money.

2.  Before you express your disagreement, ask your child “Why?”

Understanding your child’s reasons for choosing schools to apply to is absolutely essential to being a supportive parent in the applications process. For me, I only focused my search on schools with strong internship programs and those who offered the niche major I wanted. Size was also another important factor – I didn’t want to be lost in a sea of 100+ undergrads in every class.

When I explained this to my parents they had a much easier time digesting which schools were going to be better for me than others – even if they weren’t completely in love with them.

3.  Understand that picking a college is the first “grown up” decision many teenagers will have to make. 

Badgering your child into picking the college that you would want to go to is a surefire way of alienating them and hurting your relationship. For 18 years you’ve helped your child make decisions on everything from which clothes they should wear, which classes to take, what friends they can hang out with, etc. Now it’s time to let them taste a little bit of independence and plan for their future. This isn’t to say that you should remove yourself from the process completely – it’s important for you to guide your child to the places where they can find answers if they’re having trouble.

4. Be careful how you dish out your advice.  

It’s better to ask questions that make them think about consequences than to accuse them of being flat out wrong. For instance, if you aren’t a fan of your child applying to schools that are all across the country, ask them how they will plan to relocate, how often they’ll visit and call, and what’s their plan incase an emergency happens and you’re unable to reach them.  Experiencing sticker shock at some of their more expensive college choices? Ask them if they’ve looked up any information about applying for financial aid.

Having them find answers to these very practical questions before making a final decision on a college will help guide them into making more informed, responsible decisions. Even better? It will make for a more peaceful college search experience for you and your college-student-to-be.

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Today’s guest post is by Sam Coren, Content Manager for StudentAdvisor.com, a Washington Post education site for college reviews and free resources on “all things college.” You can read more of her insights about the college search process on the StudentAdvisor blog.

college planning, parenting

Preparing your teenager for college

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Today’s guest post is written by Carol Jones, author of Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing, and Able? Carol approaches the college preparation process from more than an academic viewpoint. She recognizes that students need to be taught to be independent adults before heading off to college.

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By now, most parents and their students are settled back into the routine of school. Back-to-school night is over and students have their schedules down. Now that the chaos has smoothed a bit, consider this: Nearly 27 percent of college freshmen flunk out, drop out, or disappear mysteriously from their university and college campuses. When your son or daughter waves goodbye from the dorm parking lot, what’s the chance that he or she is going to add to that statistic?

Whether you have a high school senior, a freshman, or even a middle schooler, parents who expect their child to go on to higher education need to prepare those students while they are still living at home. If parents really want their students to successfully maneuver all the temptations of parties, late nights, and skipping classes while culling a college education, a degree, and the beginning of a promising career, they need to start preparing their teenagers long before the end of high school.

And I am not talking just about academics. Academics is, of course, an crucial part, but if your teenager cannot wake himself up in the morning, cannot handle conflict, cannot manage her time and priorities, cannot self-advocate, cannot manage his money, does not know when she needs help or how to get it, then despite a stellar grade point average, that teenager will be leaving home with a deficit.

In my book, Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager, Ready, Willing, and Able?, I show parents that developing the skills for a successful college experience needs to begin long before you wave goodbye at the dorm parking lot. Most of the skills I am talking about are covered in basic parenting, but many of us in an attempt to instruct, guide, and model, end up interfering and rescuing—which, of course, only teaches them that mom and dad will take care of everything.

Teenagers need graduated responsibilities with real consequences. Many will stumble, but when they do make progress, they should be rewarded with more responsibility. For example: extend curfew hours, allow more driving privileges, let them take on a part-time job, even let older teens attend events without adult supervision. Praise them when they show responsible behavior and be ready to go back a step when they don’t.

Let your teenager make his own appointments to talk with a teacher or to make the orthodontist appointment. Guide him to figure out his time and calendar and commitments—you will not be there to do it for him in college. College is a time of much change, more freedom, and new and challenging situations. Students who come already capable of figuring out how to solve a conflict with a roommate, how to safely handle themselves at a party, how to determine just how much time they need to study for that mid-term, are the students more likely to succeed in their academics. Look for the opportunities to give your middle and high school students a chance to mature, to be responsible, to learn from failures and consequences, and to accept challenges. By doing so, you are guiding them toward college success.

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To learn more about Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing, and Able?, go to http://www.pcaroljones.com/ to read excerpts, buy the book, follow Carol on Facebook, or to read her blog.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, organization, parenting

Interview with Power Women Magazine

Last week I did a radio interview with Power Women Magazine about the college prep process and my Parents Countdown to College Toolkit. In it, I discussed the steps necessary to prepare for the admissions process, how to stay organized, and the 10 mistakes parents and students often make when applying to college.

Click the link below and you can listen to the interview.

 

 

Power Women Magazine Radio Interview

college visits, Guest Posts

5 Questions to Ask on a College Visit

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college visitFew things in life are as difficult, nerve-wracking and simply mind-blowing as helping your son or daughter navigate through the wide sea of college selection. There are so many things to consider! Admissions: Will my son or daughter get into a good school? Cost: Can I afford the tuition? Schools: Which college or university will be right for our family?

Something that many families fail to realize is that not only do the schools need to decide if the student is a right fit for the institution (based on application, test scores, etc.), but the student needs to determine if the school is right for him / her.

Websites, such as CollegeBoard.com offer plenty of good information that will help in the college selection process. You can see which schools are right for your child based on admissions requirements, areas of study and even location. College websites also offer a wealth of knowledge that will generally answer many commonly asked questions, such as cost, academic offering, test requirements for admissions and financial aid options. Many college and university websites also offer virtual tours where you can see the campus, the classrooms and common areas; some may offer a glimpse into what dorm life looks like.

Once you’ve narrowed your search based on the information available online and you have a list of schools that will be a good fit on paper, then it’s time to plan your college visit. Pictures will show what the campus looks like, but only with a visit will you know how it feels.

Most colleges and universities will offer an information session for prospective students and their parents, very often followed by a tour.

During the information session, many of the same details that you read on the school’s website will be discussed, but don’t forget that these sessions are an opportunity to dive deeper. Usually, it will be an admissions director leading the session, discussing things like program offerings, campus life and the admissions process. They may even discuss financial aid or have a representative from the school’s financial office there to answer questions.

The campus tour is where you’ll get a lot of great information not usually available online. Most campus tours are lead by current students who are well versed in everything the school has to offer. They’ll show you the highlights of the school’s campus, as well as give you an idea about academic routines and social life.

During the information session and tour, there are some key questions you should encourage your student to ask, questions like:

  1. What key factors do you consider when making your acceptance decisions? Some schools cut off applications solely based on test scores; others equally weigh everything, such as test scores, transcripts, essay and interview. Knowing this will help you better prepare for the actual application process and better establish your expectations. You can easily get the data related to this question online, but knowing the key factors that colleges consider will be a plus.
  2. What are some of the academic offerings outside of the classroom? Your son or daughter may know what field of study he or she wants to pursue, but even if they don’t, it’s good to know what the school can do for him / her beyond the lecture hall. Are there research opportunities or study-abroad programs? These things make for excellent educational opportunities and can help a student build up his / her resume.
  3. Is financial aid need-based or merit-based? This may not be an important question for everyone, but some schools offer only need-based financial aid, whereas others may offer both need- and merit-based financial aid. Merit-based financial aid may change as your student’s grades fluctuate throughout their college career, and it’s important for both you and your child to know how academics may affect his or her tuition.
  4. What is campus life really like? Do students stay on campus over the weekends? Is there easy transportation to the nearest town or urban center? Are there clubs and sports available based on your son’s / daughter’s interests? Is there Greek life on campus? Is it necessary or even possible to have a car on campus? The college experience is more than just lectures and studying. The social aspect is just as important and enriching to your child’s education, so it’s wise to find out as much as you can about it.
  5. Are academic advisers and faculty easily accessible and supportive? Your child won’t have you around to answer all of their questions and help them along the way, and being independent from parents in an important step in the process of maturing. But support is still needed. You’ll want the confidence of knowing that there’s a system in place to aid your child, helping them select courses, guiding them through their program of study and working with them to resolve any issues that may arise during their time at a school. Some colleges have a more hands-on approach, while others are a little less involved. Knowing your child and his / her needs will help you to determine the type of support he / she need to make it through school, and may be a big factor is the school selection process.

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Today’s guest post was written by Sarah Fudin. Sarah currently works in community relations for the University of Southern California’s Master of Arts in Teaching program, which provides aspiring teachers the opportunity to earn a Masters degree in Teaching and Masters in TESOL. Outside of work Sarah enjoys running, reading and Pinkberry frozen yogurt.

admissions, parenting

FREE Webinar–Beating College-Bound Stress

It’s not often that parents can find information about how to deal with the stress that surrounds the college admissions process, let alone find it for FREE. Kay Kimball Gruder, a Certified Parent Coach by the Parent Coaching Institute, and Wendy David-Gaines, author of “Parents of College Students-Survival Stories” are joining together to provide parents with some tips on how to de-stress during the college process, especially during your college-bound teen’s senior year of high school.

Date: Tonight September 26, 2011

Time: 9PM ET

Location: Online–Register by clicking here

Cost: FREE

If you are the parent of a college-bound student, particularly in the senior year of high school, chances are you are feeling STRESSED. This webinar is designed to reduce college-bound stress by sharing common communication patterns that exist and traps to avoid. Participants will gain STRATEGIES for better communication concerning:

  • Issues of money
  • Expectations for your student’s senior year in high school
  • Partnering in the college process