Tag Archives: parenting

college guidance, college news, parenting, Uncategorized

Top 10 Things every parent should know about “hooking up” in college

 

A recent article on CNN.com addressed the issue of hooking up and not hooking up on college campuses. While it’s not a subject that parents like to discuss, it is a reality. I know when my naïve 18 year old daughter headed off to college, it was one of my biggest fears. Knowing what it means, how to address it and what to do if it happens should help ease your mind a bit.

Here’s my Top 10 list of things every parent should know:

1. What is hooking up?

The term “hook up” is vague, but is usually defined as a no-commitment, physical encounter with a stranger or acquaintance. Hooking up can range from just a casual get-together to a make out session to sexual intercourse. Knowing this makes it difficult to discern just what it means when your college student tells you they “hooked up” with so and so.

2. Hooking up is today’s alternative to dating.

When we were in school, everyone dated. That meant going to the movies, out for pizza, and spending time together getting to know one another. In today’s culture, hooking up often precedes the dating.

3. Hooking up IS happening on campus.

According to the article on CNN.com, “various academic studies have cited at least 75 percent of women have engaged in hooking up on campus, and the number is usually higher for men.”  If your college-bound teen enters that culture, they are going to be confronted with this type of behavior.

4. Hooking up is every parent’s nightmare.

Yes. It brings terror into our hearts to think that our sweet little child would even consider hooking up with an absolute stranger. But the unfortunate reality is that it does happen and it’s your job as a parent to be informed and help your college-bound teen to be prepared.

5. Not EVERY college student is doing it.

This knowledge will help you in talking with your teen about his or her options. Many college campuses have groups that exist to offer alternatives to hooking up and give students the power to say no to that culture. (Check out the Love and Fidelity Network)

6. You need to have the sex talk with your college bound teen BEFORE they leave for college.

This means you need to open up the dialogue about hooking up, what it means, and the fact that they have choices. You are the most powerful influence on your child and now is the time to get them the information they need before they leave home. They may act like they aren’t listening, but they are. Look for opportunities to discuss the risks of hooking up and the alternatives.

7. Denial is NOT an option.

Hiding your head in the sand is not the way to address this issue. It’s your job as a Parent College Coach to accept the reality of this culture and prepare your teen for his or her first hooking up encounter on campus. When it happens (and it will) it won’t blind side them, giving them with options.

8. Peer pressure is a HUGE factor.

Peer pressure in college can be even greater than in high school. Your child is alone, surrounded by all types of behavior. You aren’t there to pull in the reins and they are free to go in any direction they choose. The hook up culture can be hard to avoid; and if your college student decides to go Greek, the pressure intensifies.

9. Hooking up is most often precipitated by alcohol.

The drinking culture on college campuses drives the hook up culture. Young, naïve students get drunk and lose control of their emotions. Hooking up becomes easier and it provides opportunities for your college student to be coerced into something they might not necessarily choose when sober.

10. It’s a choice your college-bound teen will make.

Your child will have the power to choose. They can choose to hook up or choose not to. They are free to make that choice and it’s a choice that they will be confronted with when they go off to college. Arming them with the knowledge of how to respond to this choice allows them to protect themselves.

Parenting, on the best day, is hard. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to believe that the child we raised has become independent and knows what they need to know to survive in the world. But it’s our goal as parents to provide them with the knowledge and the tools they need to survive.

Further reading:

No Hooking Up, No Sex for some Coeds

The Sociology of Hooking Up

Hook-Up Survey Presented at Sociology Conference

The hookup culture: Having casual relationships is the new dating

college news, parenting

Crime on Campus

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One of our greatest fears as parents is what might happen to our children when they go away to college. Since we aren’t there to protect them, we worry that they might become crime victims. Preparing your college-bound teen for all the scenarios will ease your mind and help them stay safe.

Here’s a guest post by Lauren Joffe for The Real College Guide, addressing the safety issues on campus.

Two Towson University students were recently held at gunpoint, robbed and assaulted with a crowbar in their dorm room. Former University of Alabama in Huntsville biology professor Amy Bishop is currently being tried for capital murder for gunning down three colleagues at a faculty meeting. And who can forget the Virginia Tech massacre in which 32 people were shot to death by a student?

Aside from the sad situations recounted above, there have been dozens of similar incidents of crime on campus in recent years. It’s a harsh reality. So how prepared are you in the event that such a threat occurs at your school? And more important, how well-prepped is your college?

Are Colleges Prepared for Crime on Campus?
In a study published last year in Radiologic Technology, emergency preparedness plans from 28 different higher education institutions were put under scrutiny. The research, led by Northwestern State University in Louisiana professor Tammy Curtis, concluded that “most colleges are prepared for basic emergencies [such as fires or severe weather] but lack key components to successfully address mass-casualty events.” A mere five of the nearly 30 institutions reviewed had policies regarding school shootings.

In the March 2010 Towson U incident, two armed and masked men entered a high-rise residence hall at midday, forcing two students to remain in a corner as the perpetrators swiped phones, computers and other possessions. Even though email alerts were issued to warn that the perpetrators could still be at large, some students aren’t satisfied.

Says Towson freshman Sam Missan: “I am upset with how these suspects got into the towers, especially with a gun. Towson did not send out any emails with a follow-up or safety tips, aside from a basic notification about what happened, which in my opinion, isn’t fair to the students. Knowing that a man with a gun can get into my dorm at 3:30 in the afternoon is unacceptable.”

What Your School’s Emergency Plan Should Include
Visit your school’s Web site to find out what precautions are in place in the event of such a crisis. As noted in Curtis’ study, the president of Virginia Tech mandated several internal reviews following the VT tragedy to evaluate the school’s existing emergency plan. The review committees’ recommendations included the following (things you should expect from your own school’s emergency plan):

1. Classroom door locks that are modified.

2. Video surveillance cameras, centrally located and monitored.

3. Electronic key cards for controlled access to facilities.

4. Mass communication outlets (e.g., phones and Internet access) within classrooms.

5. Frequent emergency drills.

6. Emergency response protocol with awareness education.

7. Campus security committee and master plan.

Do you feel your school’s plan is falling short? Make noise about it by forming a student group to address concerns with university officials. This kind of proactive approach is a recurring theme when it comes to preventing crime on campus.

How to Prevent Crime on Campus
“Prevention activities are proactive approaches designed to address issues before events happen,” writes Curtis in her study. “Actions include assessing emotional well-being of employees and students, physical and environmental hazards, campus culture and climate, and the safety and security of the environment.”

If a student has violent tendencies or exhibits otherwise suspect behavior, immediately notify campus police — some schools have adopted protocol whereby an analysis of a given student’s threat level is conducted. Meanwhile, if you lose an identification card that permits access to any campus buildings, notify the university so the card’s capabilities can be deactivated. Moreover, never allow building access to somebody who is not authorized to enter.

“From now on, I’m going to be more aware,” says Missan, “especially looking through my peephole and keeping my door locked at all times. I am never going to open a door for a person I do not know.”

Crime on Your Campus: What to Do
If — perish the thought — you find yourself in a crisis situation, again it’s crucial to be proactive. Says Randy Spivey, executive director of the Center for Personal Protection and Safety: “A proactive survival mindset, a belief that you can take control and survive, is a critical factor in determining whether you become a victim or survivor of aggressors. History shows that the immediate action of people on the scene is the most effective way to minimize or stop violence.”

CPPS has developed an instructional DVD for students, titled Shots Fired on Campus: Guidance for Surviving an Active Shooter Situation, available for individual purchase. The program is designed to train students to prevent and survive a school shooting.

Here are some fundamental safety response measures:

  • Have an “out” strategy. Try to escape from the building, even if it’s through a low-level window.
  • Lock yourself in a room if you are in the same building with a shooter but unable to get out. Duck down and turn off all lights.
  • Students should scatter when in the same room with the offender instead of huddling in a corner, which can provide an easy target for a shooter.

Make use of cell phones whenever possible, to call 911 or to text someone for help.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

Staying Organized: Taming the Monster

Organization. It’s the word that evokes terror in every parent when our college-bound teen begins the college application process. As a parent college coach, it’s our job to help our teens stay organized and on top of all the paperwork that goes along with the college application process. According to Paul Hemphill, a college admissions coach and founder of PreCollegePrep.com, organization is the key to an error-free application.

Paul is quoted on SmartMoney.com as an admissions expert. You can read the entire article “The Error-Free College Application” by clicking here.

You can contact Paul online at:

PreCollegePrep.com

His blog: College Blogaversity

Twitter: VideoCoach

Facebook: PreCollegePrep

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Parents–Can you handle the truth?

We all know that famous line from A Few Good Men, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” It’s hard sometimes to face the facts about the college environment and what your son or daughter will be exposed to while living on campus. Sometimes we would rather remain ignorant.

When my daughter and son were teenagers we used the term TMI (too much information). As they went off to college and the Marine Corps, I found myself using that term more often when they wanted to inform me of risks they had taken or went into detailed descriptions of their friend’s sex escapades (ewww…TMI!)

Too much information can be a bit overwhelming at times. But having the RIGHT information can and will ease your mind as your college-bound teen prepares for college and leaving home. In that vein, I’d like to share some helpful sites that I gathered while reading The Happiest Kid on Campus by Harlan Cohen. (Check out my review of the book and pick yourself up a copy).

Students with Disabilities

If your college-bound teen has a learning disability, you will want to know the procedures and programs on campus that give them the proper academic support. You can follow the link below from the Department of Education to learn about the programs and services that are provided in post-secondary education.
http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html

Safety

Every parent worries about their child’s safety when they go away to college. When you begin to consider specific colleges, it’s helpful to know about the crime statistics on campus. The link below will provide you with specific campus crime data regarding residence halls, disciplinary action, criminal offenses, and drug and liquor violations.
http://ope.ed.gov/security/

Hazing

I was confronted with hazing when my daughter pledged a sorority in college. It angered me and I didn’t know where to turn for help. If your teen is considering Greek life while in college, familiarize yourself with http://www.HazingPrevention.org. It will provide you with links to state laws, resources and vital information.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

This is every parent’s nightmare but having this information will help your help your teen know the facts before they head off to college and a world where “hooking up” is commonplace among students. Follow the link below to learn about what Harlan Cohen calls “common college sex souvenirs”.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm

Alcohol Abuse

Binge drinking is as common on college campuses as eating and sleeping. The unfortunate fact is that even though your college-bound teen will enter campus as an underage adult, alcohol will be readily available. Take some time before they leave to talk to them about the dangers of alcohol. Here are some links that might help:
http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov
http://www.bacchusgamma.org

Sexual Assault and Harassment

Since we’ve established that sex on campus will happen, it stands to reason that assaults and harassment will also occur. Your teen needs to know BEFORE they move into the dorm what to do and how to respond if/when these situations arise. Follow the links below to gather information and talking points for your child and make them aware of the resources that are available to them.
http://www.nsvrc.org
http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org
http://www.rainn.org

College websites

Spend some time on college websites. Read the student forums. Read the student newspaper. Check out the college pages on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. Learn all you can about the colleges your teen is considering so that you can help them make an informed decision when the time comes. In this instance, TMI does not apply!

college guidance, college planning, parenting

"Helicopter" Parents

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helicopter-parentWe’ve all heard the term: helicopter parents. There isn’t one of us alive that wants to have that title attached to our behavior. But a recent study shows that a high level of parental involvement correlates with a positive college experience. A new student poll, conducted by the College Board and The Art and Science Group, LLC stated:

College-bound high school seniors are generally satisfied with the current level of their parents’ involvement in the college search process. But nearly 30 percent want more, not less, parental involvement, a figure that jumps to over 40 percent among students with lower SAT scores and household incomes.

chart02

To some degree, these findings appear to defy recent media reporting and other anecdotal evidence about “helicopter parents,” in particular the perception of a rising level of intrusive and alarming behavior.

There is evidence that indicates that parents should take more, rather than less interest in their children’s education. The Harvard Family Research Project found that teens whose parents play an active role do better in school and are more likely to enroll in college. Many parents tend to be less active during middle and high school, however.

Should there be a healthy balance? Of course. Parents should respect the fact that their teens are maturing and growing toward independence. Teens need practice making their own decisions, the freedom to make mistakes, and the chance to learn about consequences.

As I’ve mentioned previously, a parent’s role should be that of a coach. You are there to provide structure, advice and encouragement. Work with your teen as a team and help them stay organized. But let them take the lead and own the process.

Read the complete study:

Student Poll

Take the “Helicopter Parents” quiz:

Quiz

college planning

Sleeping with Strangers




If your college-bound teen is heading off to dorm life in the fall (or you’re looking ahead to that day) here’s a great article about making living with an unknown roommate bearable. HEED this advice!

By David Replogle for The Real College Guide

Your random roommate is a total stranger who’ll sleep by your side and share your air for at least a semester. Here, how to make things (a little) less awkward.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make it through freshman year shacked up with a stranger: your new roommate. Um, awkward. Want to reach out to your roomie lay down some laws — and hopefully the groundwork for a great relationship? Here’s a five-step plan to increase your odds of survival at the foundation of your school social life: your dorm room.

1. Make Contact
A proper introduction sets the tone of the relationship, and breaking the ice early gives you a head start on addressing more pressing issues (like who’s bringing the Xbox — see No. 3). So, once you get your roommate’s name and contact info, put it to good use by shooting him an e-mail or a Facebook friend request. If you’re feeling particularly brave, pick up the phone and dial those digits.

By the way, be careful not to jump to conclusions while stalking your roommate.  “Facebook is just a way of getting that initial impression of the person and taking the ease off the nervousness,” says rising junior Jasmine Laroche of the University of Pittsburgh. “Actually spending time with and getting to know your roommate is your best bet.”

2. Meet and Greet
Meeting up before school starts gives you the chance to make a casual but high-quality first impression. Plus, it makes things a lot less awkward on move-in day, when you’ll likely be towing your parents and breaking a sweat emptying your stuff out of the ol’ minivan. A pre-screening allows you to calm your nerves too, since it means you’ll have one more familiar face (and one less unknown factor) come fall. So, if you’re attending a state school and your roomie lives nearby, there’s no excuse not to get together. But don’t give up on meeting if you’re a beach bum in So Cal and your future bunk buddy lives in the deep woods of Maine. You don’t need to be majoring in rocket science to sync your summer travel schedules and meet up. Otherwise, there’s always video chat.

3. Set Ground Rules
First off, make sure the two of you have similar packing plans for stuff you’re going to share, like a TV, large rug or mini-fridge. “There’s so much stuff to bring that it’s easy not to be on the same page,” reflects Virginia Tech senior Valerie Carboni. After you figure out who’s bringing what, it’s time to lay down the law.

You should discuss each of your expectations about staying up and waking up, partying, having guests over, cleanliness and borrowing each other’s things. (These are the most common conflicts, but they might not be the only ones.) There is no better time than the present to voice your opinion or strike some compromises, even if it results in early head-butting. It’s better than letting issues build up later, which can lead to heated arguments and uncomfortable passive-aggression (and that really sucks).

4. Reach out (While You Branch out)
Roommates tend to spend a lot of time together early in the school year, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be the lone kid on campus if you and your roommate don’t hit it off. That said, many roommates grow apart after week one.

Regardless, be sure to show some empathy toward your roomie. At the end of the day, she will be the one you come home to and the first to notice when you are sick, stressed or heartbroken. “This is the person you live with and see every day,” says Carboni, “and even if you aren’t the best of friends, it’s still important to check in on someone.”

So, if your roommate needs a quick term paper edited or is crying for some impromptu relationship advice, grab a red pen or muster up your most genuine “It’s not you, it’s him.” It’s also nice to extend an invitation every now and then, even if you suspect the offer will be turned down (like when you’re headed out to a party and your roomie is decked out in pj’s and staring blankly at the computer screen). Hey, it’s the thought that counts.

5. Keep It Real
Embark on your roommate relationship with a positive attitude, but realize that not all random roommate couplings are going to end up BFF. And you don’t need to fake it. If you follow all the above steps and it turns out you’re still like oil and water, hey, it happens.

Meanwhile, keep in mind that this is only the beginning of an illustrious college career, and you’ve got plenty of time to forge new relationships. “Your roommate can turn out to be your best friend or just an acquaintance, but don’t measure your roommate experience to what college is going to be like,” Laroche points out. Bottom line? Just buckle up and enjoy the ride … er, mission.

college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

The Happiest Kid on Campus…

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…A Parents Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for you and your child!)

by Harlan Cohen, a bestselling author (The Naked Roommate), nationally syndicated advice columnist and professional speaker who has visited over 300 college campuses.

This is an advance review of Harlan’s new book scheduled to come out in May 2010.

I just finished reading an advance copy of The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parent’s Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for you and your child!). It was like taking a trip down memory lane with both my kids and their college experiences. If only this book had been written eight years ago when I sent my daughter off to college, I might have avoided many sleepless nights, worried moments, and confusing dilemmas during those tumultuous four years. My favorite quote from the book: “Life (and college) is 90 percent amazing and 10 percent difficult.” It’s the 10 percent difficult that Harlan Cohen addresses in his book. And it’s that 10 percent difficult that ALL parents need to be prepared to deal with.

This book answers those nagging parental questions:

  • Will my child be safe?
  • How much should I be involved and where should I draw the line?
  • How do I help my child adapt to living away from home and getting along with others?
  • Is it OK to ask questions?
  • How much contact from home  is too much and how do I set boundaries?
  • What do I do when they call home with a crisis?
  • How do I talk to my child about sex, drugs, alcohol, academics, Greek life, roommates and getting involved?

Harlan uses tips and stories from students and parents to show us real-life college experiences. While doing that, he covers all the topics from the summer before college, to moving day, to the first few months, to parents weekends. He discusses controversial topics like drinking, sex, eating disorders, and even campus safety, offering parents direction and advice on how to discuss and handle them if and when they arise. He gets you up to speed on texting, Facebook and Twitter and discusses how to use them to stay informed and involved in your college student’s life without being intrusive.

On a personal note, while I was reading this book I was transported back to the early days of college when my daughter and I experienced so many of the college dilemmas Harlan discussed: overpacking for freshman year; dealing with a disagreeable and annoying roommate; living with her friends and regretting it; hazing during sorority rush; the freshman 15; struggling with certain classes and surviving; wanting to transfer because of a boyfriend; getting involved and finding her place. He addresses EVERY college dilemma with advice from his own experiences, other parents, students and college professionals.

If you’re a parent of a college-bound teen, you should pick up a copy of this book BEFORE your teen heads off to college. It will prepare you for their years in college and give you that peace of mind knowing that everything you are faced with is all part of the college experience. You’ll worry less, sleep more, and ensure that you and your child have an amazing college experience.

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Information overload




Here’s a great article for your college-bound teen about STAYING ORGANIZED in college. This is one of my favorite topics for parent college coaches as well. It’s the only way to avoid feeling overwhelmed!

By Corey Bobco for The Real College Guide

Getting to school means … being slapped in the face with a semester’s worth of work. Stacks of syllabi have you overwhelmed? Breathe. We show you how to manage.

overloadYou’ve been on the college scene for a few weeks, having the time of your life and wondering what all the university hype is about. So far, all you’ve had to do for your grades’ sake is skim some course readings and listen to a few professors babble in the lecture hall. But then … BAM! After an enlightening series of classes one fine Monday, you realize you’ve got a biology exam and two 1,000-word essays on Homer and Joyce due — all by the end of the week.

Uh-huh. This scenario is all too common, even among seasoned students.
Sure, you can survive it, even if it means pulling a few all-nighters. But if you always let everything pile up until crunch time, your grades will eventually suffer. And so will you.

So how can you avoid epic battles with tests and deadlines so you don’t become a scholastic casualty? Stop stressing. Now. You can tackle time management and stay organized so your course work doesn’t get the better of you. Here’s how:

•    Stay on top of things! May sound like a no-brainer, but no kidding: If you don’t want schoolwork to pile up, you need to actively be aware of when it’s due. Pick up a portable planner — or if you’re computer-oriented, try an app like Google Calendar, which also conveniently syncs with your Gmail account — and copy the entire semester’s worth of assignments, exams and due dates into it from each class’s syllabus. And while we’re on the subject, be sure to carefully read all your syllabi. You may find sneaky stuff hidden in there, like “one full letter-grade drop for every unexcused absence” (true story). It’s better to know sooner rather than later.

•    Got notes? When you’re trying to figure out what’s crucial to know for a test or how to arrange course content into a viable essay, having good notes can be a real lifesaver, so pick up a few loose-leaf notebooks for jotting down info. We don’t recommend taking notes on your laptop — you risk getting distracted by the Internet and missing most of what’s said. Besides, paper provides a much more harmless way of keeping you entertained during idle moments (i.e., doodling).

•    Beating writer’s block When it comes to writing essays, getting those first couple of sentences down — or even just making an outline — can be a challenge, especially if it’s your first assignment. David Uskovich, a writing consultant at the University of Texas-Austin’s writing center stresses the importance of research: “It can put you in conversation with the material you’re trying to cover, which will help you make some connections so you’ll have something to start from when you actually sit down to write the paper.”

Freelance writer Lauren Brown, whose first young-adult novel is due out in the fall of 2010, offers this useful tip: “When I was in college at University of South Florida and had a paper due, there was nothing worse than staring at a blank computer screen and feeling like I had no thoughts in my head. The secret is to slowly condition your brain to start flowing by simply taking a few minutes to write via stream of consciousness. Just write down anything that comes to mind, even if you literally keep writing over and over, ‘Nothing is coming to mind.’ Eventually, your brain will warm up and more fluid sentences will emerge. After maybe 15 minutes or so of doing this, try again to start your paper. You’ll notice that you feel a bit more focused, way more relaxed, a little more creative and a lot less overwhelmed. Anytime you get stuck, just take a break and repeat this exercise.”

•    Outwit exams College tests come in many shapes and sizes, but as a general rule, liberal arts classes usually stick to short-answer and essay-oriented exams, while math and sciences often lean toward a multiple-choice format. For essay exams, it helps to find out beforehand from your professor or T.A. what the test will cover. It never hurts to ask them point-blank a couple of days before the test.

Third-year UT-Austin biology major Ben Cox points out that you can sometimes find many multiple-choice test questions from homework of previous years: “Math and science professors often take the basic idea of homework questions, even optional homework, and tweak only a few figures, leaving the concepts tested by the question intact.”

If you can get your hands on exams from previous semesters, these can also be helpful. Just ask around to find out who’s taken the class before you, or find out if your professor posts old exams on the course Web site. (Note: As long as you’re not memorizing answers, we don’t count this as cheating, but check out your school’s policy to avoid things like, duh, expulsion.)

“While the questions and even content might vary some from year to year, knowing the way your professors format their tests will do wonders for your preparedness,” says Cox.

So there you have it. Just by being organized and putting forth the effort to adequately prep for tests and assignments, you’ll be able to get more z’s … and more A’s — which is sure to put you on good terms with the parentals. And that always comes in handy, of course, whenever you want an “extra something.”

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

Friday Q&A-Dropping a high school course

question-and-answer1Each week I will be posting a question that parents ask, along with the answer. If you have a question you would like for me to address, please email me or direct message me on Twitter (@SuzanneShaffer) and I’ll be happy to feature it.

Q. Is it ok for my teen to drop a high school course mid year?

A. Even if your college-bound teen comes to you and says that colleges won’t see their grades and it doesn’t matter, don’t cave. Colleges will make the admissions decision before final grades but they will also request an end of the year transcript. If your teen drops a course it will show there and may raise concerns.

Guidance counselors, with good reason, are vehemently against dropping courses. Some schools even require parents and students to sign a letter acknowledging the risk they are taking related to college admission.

According to Lee Bierer, an independent college adviser in Charlotte, North Carolina, “some students try to get creative and suggest substituting an online course instead of the one offered at their high school and this too is not looked upon favorably.” According to Brown University, “The very fact that they want to take it online instead will raise eyebrows. If they are taking it anyway, why don’t they just stay in class? If there is a scheduling conflict with another advanced course and the school endorses the change for that reason, then we’ll accept that, but if they are simply substituting an online option for an in-class option, we will be less understanding.”

Colleges review the final transcript and use it to gauge future performance based on the strength of the courses your teen takes. If colleges find out that they have dropped courses after they were admitted, it could be seen as grounds for revoking an offer of admission. And honestly, it’s not worth the risk.

Encourage your teen to stick it out. It’s a good lesson in perseverance and it will set a pattern for their college courses when they are tempted to drop them as well. And it will save the disappointment of admission being revoked at the last minute!

college guidance, college majors, college planning, parenting

When a parent disapproves of a child's career choice

options-susan-pOur guest blog post today is by Susan Posluszny, the founder of OPTIONS for Career & Life Planning, specializing in unique programs and services to support students with college major and career planning. Susan is a Master Career Counselor with over 25 years of career counseling experience including 18 years as a college career center director. She is the author of In Search of a College Major & Career Direction, an interactive program designed to support teens and young adults with choosing a college major and career path.Her career counseling and coaching practice is located in New Boston, NH. Subscribe to Susan’s e-newsletter, Career Options, at www.collegesandmajors.com

While watching the Food Network channel one day, I happened upon a series called ‘Chefography’.  This episode of Chefography featured a biographical account of Wolfgang Puck’s journey to success.  I knew little about this renowned chef but I was intrigued since I’d recently been to Disney World and had a great experience at his restaurant, Wolfgang Puck Café, in Downtown Disney.  While annual revenue from his cluster of businesses now averages millions of dollars, his father did not approve of his career interest and his early career experiences were quite shaky.

wolfgang-puckAt the tender age of 14, Puck left his home to work as an apprentice in a hotel kitchen.  Evidently, young Puck was a bit of a klutz and the chef threw him out and sent him back home to his parents.  He was ashamed to face his father with the news of his job loss since his father was against this career choice.  Dreading going home, he spent hours on a bridge contemplating suicide while looking over a river that ran through town. Eventually, Puck went back and hid in the hotel’s basement, peeling potatoes for the kitchen workers, until the chef discovered him two weeks later.  The chef appreciated Puck’s tenacity and made arrangements for him to apprentice in another hotel’s kitchen.  Puck’s career took numerous twists and turns over time as he honed his culinary skills and began his ventures as a restaurant owner.

As I watched this show, I couldn’t help but imagine the emotions that surged through Puck as he contemplated facing his father or committing suicide.  It’s natural for children to want to please their parents and fear of parental scorn can weigh heavily on a child.  If young Puck had committed suicide, would his father have realized the role his influence played in the choice to end his life?  As I reflected further on Puck’s life and career, I couldn’t help but wonder what his father must think of his son’s career decision now that he’s a successful businessman and one of America’s most famous and influential chefs.  I expect that he no longer considers his son’s decision to have been a poor one.

Research that I conducted while working as a college career center director revealed that parents are the number one influence in the career and college major choices made by their children.  That influence may be subtle, and beyond the conscious awareness of the child, or not so subtle as was the case with young Puck and his father.  Now I suppose you could argue that his father’s influence actually helped to lead young Puck to success.  You might say that what helped Puck to hang in there, when the going got tough, was wanting to avoid hearing his father say, ‘I told you so’.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t help think that there are better ways to influence a child.

As parents, it can be most challenging to support a child’s career decision when it goes against the grain of our own personal values and the future we envision for that child.  Yet, we can never know what the future holds and where a chosen path may lead.  As children grow, they need to cultivate a sense of self in order to one day make their own way in this world.  Along with a growing sense of self, they also need to develop confidence in their ability to take positive action towards their career goals.  This includes learning how to identify their career and lifestyle preferences, how to explore career options that match those preferences, and where to go to gain the skills and life experiences that will move them in a direction of their own choosing.  Parents can help their children to build self confidence by telling them they believe in their ability to take positive action on their own behalf.  Parents can also facilitate a growing sense of self by encouraging their children to engage in activities and experiences that let them explore and reality test their career interests, so that they are making informed choices.  Yes, as parents, we are the number one influence in the lives of our children.  It’s up to us to decide the form that our influence will take.

If you would like to contact Susan or find out more information about the services she provides, you can contact her at:

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Email:  susan@careeroptions4me.com