Tag Archives: parenting

college guidance, college planning, parenting

What type of Parent College Coach are you?

 

 

parent communicationsEach of us has a unique personality that will influence the way we coach our teens. The key is to find yourself, recognize your weaknesses, identify your strengths and adapt to provide your college-bound teen with the best coaching possible.

The “let me do it for you” parent

Always remember, the college search and application process is a teen project. You can help, but don’t do it all for them. They need to be involved and when those admissions letters arrive they will own that accomplishment.

The “over-anxious” parent

Knowledge is power-if you have the tools and know the facts you’re anxiety will decrease and you will be less likely to pass that along to your teen.

The “pushy” parent

The best way to handle your over-achiever personality is through organization. If you work with your teen to get them organized and they are aware of the deadlines, you won’t have to be that pushy parent.

The “my dreams are your dreams” parent

The quickest way to ensure failure in college is to send your teen off to a place where they feel pressured to succeed at something they never truly wanted to pursue. If you have unfulfilled dreams, find something you can pursue yourself that will satisfy that passion; and encourage your teen to walk their own path.

The “I’ll think about that tomorrow” parent

The problem with this philosophy is that it won’t work with deadlines, and the college maze is all about the deadlines. Preparation and organization are keys to overcoming procrastination. Thinking about it tomorrow will only lead to frustration, disappointment, and regret.

The “uninvolved” parent

It’s great to expect them to be responsible, but you and I both know that teenagers will be teenagers. Their minds and lives are headed in hundreds of different directions and staying on task can sometimes be inconceivable. It’s your goal to steer them back on course and help them reach their final goal.

The best case scenario:

The “well-balanced” parent

The well-balanced parent utilizes the best organizational tools to help their college-bound teen stay focused and on track. This is the type of parent coach we should all strive to become. You balance coaching, encouragement and guidance with information gathering, organization and goal setting. Your teen does not stress about deadlines because you have sat down together and created a calendar of upcoming scholarship applications, college entrance tests, activities, and school related events. You and your teen are confident and aware of the course you have set together and assured that because you are prepared and organized, the end result will be that your teen is able to reach their goals of college acceptance. You have planned ahead concerning the financial process and have utilized all the tools available to assure an impressive financial aid award package from the colleges where applications are submitted. You coach without pushing, pressuring or stressing out and your teen knows that they have your support and can look to you for positive feedback.

Which type of parent college coach are you?

extracurricular activities, parenting, Uncategorized

Staying Connected With Your Teen

teenagersIt doesn’t matter how close you were before they entered high school, the tension always mounts and the temptation is to drift apart. It takes a concerted effort on your part to stay in touch with their world. They are naturally moving toward independence and we are naturally grasping to keep them from growing up. And thus begins the ying and yang of parent/teenager relationships.

During high school your teens will experience every form of human emotion: joy, sadness, rejection, fear of failure, excitement, disappointment, heartache, love, and the list goes on and on. Most of the emotions are extreme and always seem like the end of the world to them. It’s hard to convey to them that “this too shall pass” and they will realize as they get older that their life is just beginning.

They are looking ahead to the future while living in the present. Keeping on track and keeping their eyes on the prize (graduation and college) can be challenging. As their parent coach and encourager, and the all-knowing, all-wise adult in their life, it’s up to you to stay connected and help them maintain their focus.

Here are a few of my own tips to help you stay connected with your teen:

Find that time when you can sit with them and listen. This is not easy, because many teens rarely sit still for very long to have a conversation. I would sit in my daughter’s room while she picked out her clothes and dressed to go out. You’ll be amazed at how much information you can gather if you simply listen.

Share something they enjoy. It might not be your choice of activities, but if you share a common interest it gives you something to talk about. An activity as simple as watching their favorite television show with them, or making a trip to the mall to search for the all-important clothing purchase will offer opportunities for you to listen and for them to open up to you about their lives.

Let them make mistakes, but be there when they do. Allowing them to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices will prepare them for those times when you aren’t there to tell them what to do.

Pick your battles. It’s easy as a parent to constantly give advice, even to the point of overly controlling their lives. Save those showdowns for the biggies: drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Don’t stress so much over their clothing choices or their hair styles. They are teenagers. They want to fit in. If you’re not always battling them over the small things, they will be more receptive when you do put your foot down.

Staying connected with your teen can be challenging, but the rewards far outweigh the difficulties. When your teen turns to you and finally says, “thanks Mom” or “thanks Dad”, it’s all worth it!

college guidance, college planning, parenting, test prep

Heads Up…Freshman Parents!

high school juniorsThe beginning of the school year is approaching for new high school freshmen and it’s time to start thinking about college. Yes, that’s right. It’s time to start the college preparation process so that three years down the road you aren’t scrambling to pull it all together. As a parent, your involvement during the high school years will become even more intense as a source of guidance and encouragement.

Freshman parents–>It’s time to sit them down and formulate a plan for the next four years by establishing open communication and discussion. You can do this by talking about their goals, letting them know what is expected of them, and encouraging them to take an active role in their future.

Here are some topics that you might want to discuss with them:

  • The importance of an education and how it will affect their future
  • The goals and dreams you have for them and the goals they have for  themselves
  • Any rules you have regarding study time, curfew and school activities
  • The importance of balance between school and extracurricular activities
  • The classes and activities that will promote their interests and their college aspirations
  • The value of a good reputation, strong character, and leadership
  • Talk about establishing a strong work ethic and how it will benefit them as they pursue a career

It’s also a good idea to meet with their high school counselor early in the year to discuss the 4 year course plan and establish a presence as a concerned parent. You will be amazed at how many parents become less involved with their student’s education when they enter high school. Teachers and administrators will appreciate your involvement and your teen will know that you are still involved in their lives.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Do NOT become one of those parents who push and shove and control their teen. It’s a fine line between involvement and control. Be a guide, and an encourager, not a boss or a dictator.

college planning, parenting, scholarships

Will your teen be ready for college?

If you are the parent of an 8th grader, or younger, that is probably the last thing on your mind. High school looms ahead and so do the “terrible teens” and you’re just hoping to survive unscathed.

For one parent of an 8th grader, however, that question is much more prominent in the front of his mind. Michael Sparks’ daughter, Aubrey, will be skipping high school and headed off to college in the fall. She’s been bored in middle school and taken the SAT and managed to score high enough for college admission.

When I read the news story I wondered how could a 14 year old be ready for college life? My 18 year old was barely ready. As parents we try and prepare our kids for all the foreseeable scenarios that might happen once they are on their own and free from parental control and guidance. But there are always those moments when they are faced with choices and have to draw on the lessons they have learned and the values they’ve been taught.

Will your teen be ready for college? It doesn’t happen over night. It takes more than planning and preparation for the admissions process. Begin early training them on how to respond to peer pressure, making the right choices, establishing good study habits, and handling the financial aspect of being independent.

If your teen is headed for college in the fall, take a look at this post on Radical Parenting. It gives you some topics to discuss with them before they leave the nest and head off to that muchly anticipated college experience.

college guidance, college planning

Preparing your teen for college: It’s all about guiding, not doing

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parent and studentDo you know a parent who attended an Ivy league school and obsessed about their child attending the same school? Have you heard of parents who attended Texas A&M and insisted that their children attend as well?

Being a parent is about guiding, not doing. The old adage that implies “teaching is more profitable than doing” holds true with your teenagers as well. It’s important to impress upon your children the importance of an education. It’s not beneficial to ram a specific college down their throats and tell them if they want to attend college it will be your choice. That’s not parenting, that’s dictating. And while parenthood requires a certain amount of rules, it does not benefit your child to force them into a decision that does not match up with their passion.

If you take the time to teach your child how to apply for scholarships, how to apply for financial aid, and how to fill out a college application, you are teaching them to become independent. You are providing them with skills that will carry over into the job market and into their lives when they begin their own family. If you do it for them, they won’t learn anything and will continue to be dependent on you for other tasks as well.

But, how can you teach them if you don’t have the right tools? How can you help them to prepare for their college years if you didn’t go yourself and have no idea where to begin? That’s why I’m here! To help you find the right tools to help your teen succeed. If you have the tools and know how to use them, you can guide your future college student confidently and be assured that his college experience is personally and academically beneficial.

It’s all about the right tools for the job. I’m here to help. If you have a question about college preparation, please post it here and I’ll be happy to help. I’ve been there myself and I know how overwhelming it can be. I also know how important it is to be prepared.

What is your most pressing college question?