Tag Archives: teenagers

life lessons, mom approved tips, parenting

Pitfalls of Raising a Teenager

teenager

Childhood is a time of significant change, and your teen may find themselves facing new challenges. You want to be there for them during these critical years and offer guidance as they grow up. One way you can do this is by understanding the four common troubles your teenager may get into. 

Motor Vehicle Crash

A car accident is the most common cause of injury among teenagers. Statistically, motor vehicle crashes are responsible for about one-third of teen deaths every year. Yet, despite these facts, many parents are unaware of the presence of risk factors among teenagers.

Teenagers are at a greater risk for car accidents than adults because their brains have not fully developed yet. Therefore, parents must talk to their children about driving safety before they get behind the wheel themselves. Additionally, it would help if you had a car accident lawyer on speed dial to help you to maneuver through any situation. 

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college planning, college prep, parenting, Uncategorized

Dealing with Teenage Drama About College

teenage drama

Are you dealing with teenage drama about college? If you were expecting an easy ride you’ve probably realized that you were delusional. Even the best of daughters has her moments; and even the model son makes you want to pull your hair out. A friend of mine once told me (when I was potty training my daughter and was totally frustrated), “Honey, potty training ain’t nothing compared to raising teenagers.” She was right!

Navigating college roadblocks, based on my experience and the experiences of other parents, can be difficult and frustrating. There are three tactics parents can use when dealing with these unexpected twists and turns along the road to college.

Continue reading Dealing with Teenage Drama About College →
college guidance, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

Parenting college-bound teens without pushing

 

It’s hard. I know. I’ve been there. You want your kids to have the BEST education available. You want them to want it as much as you do. You see them making some choices that you know they will regret. As hard as you try, you find yourself pressuring them to make the right choice and the battle lines are drawn. They dig their heels in. You dig your heels in. And the tug of war begins.

What’s a parent to do when they feel their college-bound teens are making the wrong choices related to college? Take a deep breath and read these examples (along with my suggestions)–

Your college-bound teen tells you he doesn’t want to go to the college that is hard to get into and is opting for what you consider to be sub par.

Don’t panic or overreact. It’s possible he is scared. Try and ascertain the reasoning behind the decision. Don’t do this by badgering him or constantly asking him why. The best way to figure out what is wrong is to LISTEN. Listen to him talk about his day, about college, about how he feels. If fear is not the reason, perhaps he feels the other college would be a better fit. If that’s the case, do yourself a favor and back off. The worst thing you can do with a teenager is force him into a decision he feels is wrong. Sometimes the best lessons we learn are the ones that come from making our own decisions (right or wrong).

Your college-bound teen tells you that he simply MUST go to Private College A, even though she knows it comes with a high price tag.

Don’t let her bully you into sending her to a college you can’t afford AND one that will require a tremendous amount of student loan debt. Sit her down and explain to her the dangers of graduating in debt. Use the college repayment calculators if you have to. If she truly wants to go to Private College A, she needs to do the work (good grades, good SAT/ACT scores, great essay) to be awarded scholarship/grant money from that college. If not, there are always other options and choices.

Your college-bound teen is not interested in college, deadlines, studying for the SAT or any other path that leads him toward higher education.

If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if they aren’t invested in the college process they won’t be invested in college. Save yourself some time, money and heartache and wait until they are. If not, they can learn from the college of hard knocks–minimum wage jobs are the BEST motivator!

Your college-bound teen misses deadlines, panics and comes running to you at the last minute to fix it.

The simplest way I know to avoid missing deadlines, is to get yourself a huge wall calendar and a fat red marker. Put it in a place that they have to pass by every single day. In addition, with all the smartphones and calendar apps available today, missing a deadline should be a thing of the past. At some point (hopefully when they go to college), they will have to fix their own problems. Let them do it now, while they live at home, and it will be easier for them once they are gone. Rescuing your kids all time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.

Your college-bound teen suddenly announces she is not ready for college and wants to take a year off.

First of all, wait. Don’t react. Just listen. Odds are the mood will change with the wind and once all her friends are making college plans, that desire that she once had will kick back in. If not, let her know that it won’t be a “free-ride” year. She will be expected to work and save the money she makes for college.

If you have any questions or personal experiences you would like to share, please leave a comment here and share it with other parents. We learn from each other and from our mistakes and successes!

Disclaimer: These are my “suggestions”. I don’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a parent who has faced these same problems and learned from them. Take my wisdom as you will and realize that every family dynamic is different.

college guidance, college planning, college visits

Top 4 reasons to visit colleges this summer

Summer is here and your high school junior might be thinking more about trips to the beach than about college plans, but this is the perfect time to start planning college visits!  The earlier the better.  If you haven’t already, sit down with your son or daughter and think about what colleges he or she might want to attend.  Then plan a trip.

Top 4 reasons to visit colleges this summer:

  1. The college visit is the best way for you and your son or daughter to get a feeling for what a school is really like, beyond the two dimensionality of a web page or brochure.  Meet students, see dorm rooms and dining halls, and maybe even sit in on a class (though classes are not as numerous in the summer as they would be in the spring or fall).  Your child will get a sense of whether he or she wants to spend four years at this school.
  2. At colleges that offer on-campus interviews, this is your child’s chance to meet an admissions representative before submitting an application.  It is an opportunity to make an early impression so the committee has a face – or at the very least an interview report — to attach to the application.  Alumni interviews don’t happen until after the application is submitted, so the on-campus interview is an opportunity not to be missed.
  3. Your visit shows the school that your child is serious about that school.  Who takes their summer vacation to go and visit colleges?  Show up at colleges when you could be out on Cape Cod, and you make an impression.  Want to make the biggest splash?  Visit in June or July.  Most families wait until August, when your child will be just one face in a sea of hundreds.
  4. Summer visits give you time to revisit.  If you and your child like what you see and want to know more, or if you’re not sure and need a second look, visiting in June gives you plenty of time for a second round.  If you see a school for the first time in February, your family will have to make decisions based on one visit alone.

So…  before hitting the beach, sit down for a college conversation, pull out a map, and start planning!

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This post was written by Brenda Bernstein, a graduate of Yale University and the New York University School of Law. She has been helping students get into college, grad school and law school for over ten years and is proud to offer college admissions assistance to students through her company, The Essay Expert.  Brenda practiced public interest law for ten years in New York City and knew early on that her calling was in student advising, not legal practice.  She is now a J.D. Career Advisor at the University of Wisconsin Law School Office of Career Services, as well as a writing coach and owner of The Essay Expert. Brenda is also trained as a life coach by the Coaches Training Institute.

Brenda’s company and consultants have helped students gain admission to top schools throughout the nation, including:  Yale, Harvard, Brown, Columbia, NYU, U Penn, Oberlin, Carleton, Northwestern, Georgetown, U of Miami, and UCLA.

college guidance, college planning

College Roommates MUST Communicate!

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With so many college-bound teens headed to college in the fall, it’s important to know that roommates can cause some grief. The key to having a positive roommate experience is COMMUNICATION. That starts BEFORE you head off to college by making contact with your future roommate and setting up some mutually agreeable ground rules.

Today’s post from The Real College Guide is from their Expert Q&A section and answered by Liz Cruger.

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Q: I HATE my roommate! Is there any way I can move?

A: I’ve seen a ton of roommate conflicts turn totally out of control just because the roomies refuse to talk to each other. If this is your situation, be rational and calm, not accusatory, and tell your roommate what drives you nuts. Clothes on the floor, loud music, keeping the door open? Any of these issues can be negotiated. If you need help, your R.A. and professional Residence Life staff are trained to help you work out differences.

If you absolutely cannot stand your roommate, most schools will allow room changes after a certain trial period. If you’re just two weeks into the semester, you’ll probably have to stick it out for a while. If it’s been a month or so, you might be in luck.

The best person to ask is your R.A., who will know the details of your school’s housing policy. Many colleges have a room change period in which you can apply to move to another empty spot on campus. These periods usually fall within each semester or trimester, so if you come back from break and can’t take it anymore, there’s a good chance you aren’t stuck. On the other hand, if your roommate leaves, you probably won’t have a single for very long — housing will fill the vacancy with someone else. And there’s no guarantee a replacement will be any easier to live with. So before you write off your roommate for good, give it your best effort to smooth things over.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

Sleeping with Strangers

The Naked Roommate

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen

 

Last night, I watched a new popular sitcom called, “The Middle”. This show, while being extreme, personifies the trials and tribulations of parenting (especially teenagers). The teenage son is under-motivated and the teenage daughter is over-motivated. The parents are frustrated and at times complacent. These two teenage extremes pose a parenting dilemma: How do you find the balance?

I’ve written often about Helicopter Parents and even had a guest blogger, Chip Timmons, an Assistant Admissions Director,  give his Top 5 Helicopter Parent Stories . Even though perfect parenting does not exist, it is possible to take the BEST and the WORST examples of parenting a college-bound teen and learn from them.

On that note, I’ve come up with my TOP 10 Do’s and Don’ts of parenting a college-bound teen:

  1. Do encourage them. This is #1 because it is the most important tip of all. Teenagers who are headed to college need to know you believe in them and in their dreams. They need to feel your love and support. They need to know that you will always be there cheering for them, even if at times they don’t believe they can succeed.
  2. Don’t nag. Nagging never helps motivate a teenager. My rule was to tell my teenagers what was expected of them and allow them to own their own actions. There are so many tasks and deadlines related to the college admissions process. You can remind them without constantly nagging them. Helping them to stay organized will go a long way in helping you to avoid becoming a nag.
  3. Do step in when they ask for help. The college admissions process can be overwhelming. It’s unfair to expect them to handle everything alone. There are times when they will need your help and you will have to step in and parent.
  4. Don’t plow them down in an effort to help. Parents who take over are not helping their teens. They only hinder their success and enable them to become more dependent instead of independent. (That means: don’t do it for them, but it’s ok to offer your help.)
  5. Do listen. Pay attention to what your college-bound teen wants and needs. In order to do this, you must listen to them talk. It doesn’t have to be a regular sit-down either. Just listen during normal conversation to and from school, while they are getting ready for a date, or during family dinner time.
  6. Don’t speak for them. Believe it or not, they have an opinion. Many times, it’s an intelligent one and one that others want to hear. When your teen is asked a question of a counselor, tour guide, admissions officer, teacher or a college representative PLEASE let your teen answer for themselves.
  7. Do offer your advice. Advice is different from nagging. Advice helps your teen learn from your experience. Giving advice comes easily for parents, and it’s something our college-bound teens need to hear.
  8. Don’t expect them to make choices based on your likes and dislikes. When you give advice or opinions, many times your teen won’t choose or act as you expected. But that’s ok. Not all of their choices will be the best ones. And some of their choices, while not yours, will be what’s best for your teen.
  9. Do be a “present” parent. Parents tend to become less involved as their kids get older. If there was ever a time to be MORE involved, it’s during the teen years and the college admissions process.
  10. Don’t disappear from their lives just because they are in high school. Go to parent conferences. Attend high school events. Get involved in parent booster clubs. Participate in their lives. Travel with them to college visits and college fairs.

If you like this article, you might also like:

Being a Parent College Coach-The 3 C’s

Preparing your teen for college: It’s all about guiding, not doing

10 Concepts your teen should learn BEFORE college

college planning, parenting, social networks

My Top 10 Summer Activities

 

I’ve had several parents ask me recently about activities I recommend over the summer during high school. Summers are a great time to take advantage of the days and make a future impression on your high school resume.

Here is my list of the Top 10 summer activities:

  1. SAT/ACT Prep–summer is the best time to spend doing some SAT prep and improving vocabulary. There are awesome sites online for this. Just check out my post Top 5 SAT Prep Sites.
  2. Scholarship Searches–Even if your teen isn’t a senior yet, it’s a good practice to do some preliminary searching to make note of qualifications and deadlines. Note: Look locally first. Local scholarships are less competitive and often easily earned. For some search sites, check out my post of the Top 10 Scholarship Search sites.
  3. Volunteer–Encourage your teen to start volunteering in his/her community. A consistent pattern of volunteering each summer looks great on applications and shows colleges that your teen is concerned about giving back.
  4. Get a job or start a business–Summer is a good time to make some cash for that college fund and also demonstrate responsibility. Many teens actually go the entrepreneurial route and start a business: lawn mowing, babysitting, tutoring, etc.
  5. Write–Probably the last thing your teen wants to do over the summer is write. But writing is good preparation for the college essay and the writing portion of the SAT. Journaling is a great way to do this and will also serve to spur your teen’s creativity.
  6. Make some preliminary college visits–I stress “preliminary” here since visiting colleges in the summer isn’t the best time to get a clear picture of college life. But it’s a great time to wander around and explore the campuses.
  7. iTunes University—iTunes University is an excellent way for your teen to get an idea of what college courses might be like. It’s free and there is a wide array of subject matter to choose from. You can access it on your iPhone or iTouch or by downloading iTunes on your computer.
  8. Start or focus on a hobby–Hobbies are great ways that your teen can stand out from the pack on his/her college application. But it needs to be consistent throughout high school.
  9. Spend some time on social media–You won’t have to pull their arms to get them to do this; but it needs to be focused. Have them spend some time on Twitter to follow some college tweets. They should also read some blogs from college students and perhaps connect with some on Facebook from the colleges they are considering. Check out my list of the Top 30 College Info Twitterers.
  10. Read–Yes. I know…I can hear it now…BORING. But honestly, reading is one of the BEST summer activities to enhance their academic success and improve their vocabulary. And if he/she likes Ayn Rand, there are several big money scholarships given each year for essays on her books!

What are your favorite summer activities with your college-bound teens? Do you have any other suggestions?

admissions, college guidance, college planning, parenting

This week's #CampusChat on Twitter

Last week, several parents joined us for the FIRST #CampusChat on Twitter. This week, I’m the scheduled guest hosted by @collegevisit (Smart College Visit). Here’s all the info and I would LOVE to have you join us.

Hot Topic: When & How to begin the College Admissions Process

Curious about the College Admissions Process? When should it begin and how to stay on top of all the info?

Find out at #CampusChat on Twitter, Wednesday night, May 12 at 9 p.m. ET, 8 p.m. CT.

Our guest this week is Suzanne Shaffer, @SuzanneShaffer, founder of Parents Countdown to College Coach. She’s a parent who successfully completed the process and coaches other parents to do the same!

Who should attend?

College-bound teens and their parents, college admissions officers, counselors and anyone interested in contributing to the topic about when the college admissions should begin are invited to join the conversation.

Plus, there’s a Give-Away!

One lucky participant will win:

Organization: The Key to a Successful College Admissions Process – This CD provides parents and teens with a suggested filing system, along with templates and forms to help with the organization process.

A winner will be selected from the list of Twitter participants (those who contribute to the conversation).

college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

10 Concepts Your Teen Should Learn BEFORE College

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parenting teensToday’s post was inspired by a chat last night on Twitter hosted by @TheOnlineMom and led by @BetsyBBraun. The topic of the chat was parenting, and the plethora of parenting advice reminded me that part of being a successful parent college coach begins long before they enter high school.

Borrowing from the advice of these wise parents, and some tips of my own, I’ve compiled a list of concepts your teen should know BEFORE heading off to college.

1-Consequences

Teach your college-bound teen that actions have consequences: both good and bad. Allowing them to suffer the negative consequences of not following through will help them understand the importance of completion. This also shows them that completing tasks will produce positive consequences.

2-Self-respect

When your college-bound teen respects their own body, they will take care of it and themselves. This respect will affect how they respond to others sexually and to themselves physically. When they respect themselves, they are less likely to seek that acceptance and approval from others.

3-Rules

Our children need to learn that life is filed with rules. These rules, if followed, are there to protect them. Rules provide structure and order. This concept helps them adapt and adjust to the world they will live in as adults.

4-Communication

Open communication is the key to good relationships. Yelling is NOT communicating. It only fosters more yelling. Listening is the most important aspect of communication. Allow your teen to participate in the conversations as you listen. This fosters communication because they will learn that you value their opinion.

5-Self reliance

Children can’t learn without being given responsibility. Teens learn self-reliance when we give them the opportunity to make choices. Even though they might make the wrong choices, they learn from their mistakes. They also learn how to make the right choices. Give them responsibility and allow them to struggle.

6-Gratitude

When we give our kids everything they don’t appreciate what they do have. Teaching them to work for what they want goes a long way to helping them become productive adults. Sometimes we have to say no, knowing that giving in will produce a spoiled child–an attitude of ingratitude.

7-Boundaries

Children want boundaries. They need to know what is expected of them. This gives them stability and a feeling of safety. While they may question these boundaries, they will also respond positively to them in the long run.

8-Self-control

Children learn behavior from their parents. Acting out, anger and yelling are learned behaviors. When they see us lose control, they mirror our behavior. This behavior will manifest itself when they are away at college and cause them a tremendous amount of grief.

9-Consistency

Threatening your teen with consequences and not following through establishes inconsistency and creates confusion. When you set rules and boundaries and they are broken you must be consistent with the consequences. Let your child know what is expected of them and then follow through when you tell them no: be consistent.

10-Praise

Every teen should feel that their accomplishments are worthy of praise. Give praise liberally; less frequently than criticism. Positive affirmation is always more effective than negative recognition.

Being a successful parent college coach requires time, patience, and a willingness to sometimes be the bad guy. We are NOT to be our kids friends; we are their parents. Parenting is a huge responsibility that requires a commitment to firmness when it’s often easier to be lenient. Make sure your college-bound teen learns these concepts BEFORE they head off to college and face the world as an adult. They will be happier, you will be happier, and the people they come in contact with will recognize the positive affects of your parenting.

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Betsy Brown Braun has written a book called You’re Not the Boss of Me, offering parenting advice on “brat-proofing” your child.

You can also read ALL the responses in last night’s Twitter chat by entering #theonlinemom on Twitter.

college guidance, college majors, college planning, parenting, Uncategorized

Career planning tips for parents of teens

options-susan-pOur guest blog post today is by Susan Posluszny, the founder of OPTIONS for Career & Life Planning, specializing in unique programs and services to support students with college major and career planning. Susan is a Master Career Counselor with over 25 years of career counseling experience including 18 years as a college career center director. She is the author of In Search of a College Major & Career Direction, an interactive program designed to support teens and young adults with choosing a college major and career path.Her career counseling and coaching practice is located in New Boston, NH. Subscribe to Susan’s e-newsletter, Career Options, at www.collegesandmajors.com

Think Big Picture

It’s common to overly focus on the details:  Which ‘one’ major should I pick?  Which ‘one’ career should I pursue?  Yet, research studies show that it’s common for students (and adults) to shift direction over time as they explore, grow, and change.  What to do?  Get your student to identify their top 2 – 3 academic and career interests and then explore ways to simultaneously prepare for and reality test more than one interest.  Sound impossible?  Not at all.  Careful selection of academic courses and career exploration strategies (job shadowing, internships, career related employment or volunteer experience) will do it.  Be sure to spread these efforts out over time so as not to overload.

Discard Outdated Notions of ‘Job Security’

Job security in the form of long term employment with one employer in exchange for dedication and hard work is long gone.  Instead, shifts in the work world have been moving towards project based work and ways to match individual interests and skills to marketplace needs.  Don’t expect selection of the ‘right school’, the ‘right degree’, or the ‘right career’ to provide guarantees of post graduation employment or career success.  Today’s students will need to take charge of their own career development in order to ensure a sense of ’employment security’ for themselves.

Consider Career Interests Relative to College Loan Debt

According to the College Board, the average debt for a Bachelor’s degree was $23,200 in 2007-2008.  an individual student’s loan debt can vary significantly from this figure but the bottom line is that many students are feeling pressured to pursue academic and career choices that will allow them to pay off their loans…even if these choices don’t particularly interest or excite them.  So, how about your student?  Will college loan debt drive your student’s college major and career decisions?  If so, it’s as if your student is working for the financial institution.  Help your student to identify their top career interests and to explore creative options for pursuing career preferences while owning one’s financial reality.  Do all that you can to help your student avoid limiting future options by taking on too much debt.

Explore Career Preferences Prior to Choosing a College Major

Many students choose a college major first and then determine their career choice based on their chosen major.  This is a no brainer when a major is directly linked to a career field (nursing, education, engineering, etc.) but this approach has its limits.  First, it doesn’t work so well with majors that cover broad interest areas like English or Business Administration.  Second, many students end up pursuing career interests totally unrelated to their majors.  While it can be helpful for students to consider academic subjects that interest them when choosing a college major/career, it’s also valuable to explore your career interests  Once key career interest themes are identified, research to see if these interests have specific college major requirements.  Chances are that there’s quite a bit of flexibility with academic choices relative to career pursuits.

Copyright, Susan B. Posluszny, OPTIONS for Career & Life Planning LLC

If you would like to contact Susan or find out more information about the services she provides, you can contact her at:

Her websites: www.careeroptions4me.com and www.collegesandmajors.com

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/susanposluszny

Email:  susan@careeroptions4me.com