Tag Archives: wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: My College Visit Experiences

 

college visitsIn the spring of my daughter’s junior year we began our college visits. Since we live in Texas, we began with Texas colleges. My daughter was and is a very opinionated person. She knew what she wanted and she was very precise in her particulars.

Here are four different college visit experiences we had with her. They prepared her for her final choice which wasn’t in Texas and wasn’t her dream school. You just never know where the journey will take you.

Baylor University

This wasn’t an actual visit, but it does demonstrate how emotional college visits can be. She refused to visit Baylor because Waco was the location of the Branch Davidian compound. Even though she had several friends who were considering that college and the setting and course offerings were perfect for her, she crossed it off the list before we ever set foot on campus.

North Texas State University

This was the only public university she visited and we had barely stepped out of the car before she said, “I don’t like it here. It’s ugly.” We did take the campus tour, which further cemented her distaste for the campus. It was one of the only colleges on her list that had a strong program of study that interested her, but there was no convincing her to consider it after the visit.

SMU

When we drove up to this private university, it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous and the buildings were immaculately maintained. After taking the tour, she decided to spend a night on campus. Meeting other students, seeing the sorority houses and spending time in a few of the classes cemented her love for this school. It would be the jewel to compare other colleges to; and she found one just like it in Boston.

Newberry College

This was a small college in the suburbs of Boston. She applied to this college because 1) it was in Boston, and 2) it had a strong program of study that she was interested in. We visited this college after she was accepted and offered a full-ride scholarship. She never got out of the car. Her words, “I’m just not feeling it.” You can imagine my frustration but I knew that if she wasn’t happy she wouldn’t excel there, especially this far away from home. So I counted to 10, we drove off, and went to the next college—the college she ultimately chose–Bentley College (a campus like SMU in Boston).

As you can see, it’s not an exact science. You can plan and prepare all you want, do your research before visiting, and make a list of likes and dislikes prior to pulling up to campus. But it’s that first impression that will have a lasting impact on their college decisions. There’s nothing logical about a teenager. Prepare for a wild ride.

Read Wendy’s post: Getting the Best out of College Visits

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: Time Management and Your Teen

 

time managementWith all the tasks involved in college prep it makes sense to concentrate on good time management. But encouraging a teenager to use these skills is often like a standing in front of a speeding train. They have tunnel vision and one track minds. Their priorities are often out of whack and misguided. Time management is not on the list of their priorities.

When my son and daughter were in high school they had two very different academic patterns. My son did his homework during his breaks and immediately after school. My daughter had so many activities and a highly active social life. She always waited until the last minute to do her homework and often stayed up later at night to complete it. To this day, she tends to over commit and wait until the last minute. My son, on the other hand, still does his work promptly and manages his time effectively.

When it comes to college prep, your teen needs to be able to learn time management in these three areas:

Study time

Time management is a key factor when pursuing academic excellence. In this post, 5 Tips to Manage Your Studies. Learning this skill before college will prepare your student for the rigorous studies he will encounter in college.

College prep activities

College prep activities require time management. There are college applications, financial aid applications, scholarship applications and test registrations that will all have deadlines.

Scholarship searches

If your student is on the lookout for scholarships, time management is essential. He will have to allocate time for the searches and the applications, and stay on top of all submission deadlines.

With so many activities for the college-bound teen during high school, time management can help reduce stress. Time management skills will also benefit him in college as well.

Read Wendy’s post: Best Ways to Manage College Prep Time

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: Is Community College Right for Your Student?

 

community collegeHigher education is a complicated issue for many students and parents today. College education is a necessity for finding success and prosperity in many career paths, but rising concerns about student loan debt and graduate unemployment are making the process of pursuing education more stressful and uncertain than ever before. Community colleges are becoming increasingly popular options for students everywhere, as a means of securing foundation credits before transferring to a university. Is community college a path that your teen should consider?

Community college gets a bad rap

Community colleges are often viewed as being stigmatized in many academic circles. Students and parents alike disdain the idea of a community college education because they believe that more prestigious institutions will look down upon them. Worries about how an employer will view community college education on a resume are disconcerting as well. However, you shouldn’t be concerned about such fallacies. Your teen can study at a community college before transferring to another school, and still have access to all the same opportunities as every other student.

Consider the costs

With college costs soaring, community college remains one of the most affordable options—in fact, it can save you a bundle.

•Community college tuition is significantly lower than that of traditional colleges and universities as well as public institutions.

•While attending a local community college, students can often remain living at home saving on room and board which on average is close to $10,000 a year.

•If your child is employed while in high school, they can keep their job by staying local throughout their college years. This income can often go a long way towards helping pay for transportation and college costs.

•If low grades are preventing your child from getting a scholarship at a college or university, attending a community college to earn an associate’s degree can be an affordable stepping-stone.

While you can likely finance an expensive private college or university with federal student loans or private loans—consider too that your child will be one-step ahead financially if they can enter the workforce debt-free.

Getting an education with potential

Gone are the days when masses of young people went to college for a general liberal arts degree with no specific career focus in mind. With the sagging job market, students have their eye on promising careers with upward mobility and lucrative salaries. For students looking to enter rapidly growing job markets, community college can be a viable option.

Many in-demand, well-paying, jobs require only an associate’s degree. More and more educational programs are offering these career-focused degrees. Careers such as electricians, plumbers, and mechanics are financially lucrative and graduates who can work in these fields are in high demand.

Many graduating seniors have decided to take the community college path before heading off to a 4-year university. They will tell you that they’ve made that choice for several reasons: cost, academic preparation, and the freedom to stay at home for the first few years. Community colleges aren’t just training grounds for technical careers, they are also the first stop for about 4 in 10 of college-bound high school graduates.

Community college might not be for everyone. But, it might be a perfect fit for your teen. And, if your teen is planning on making it the start of a 4-year degree plan, do some research and verify that the classes will transfer to the university they plan to attend.

Read Wendy’s blog: 3 Surprising Reasons to Consider Community College

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

 

Wednesday’s Parent: “We Won’t Qualify for Financial Aid”

 

fafsaIf I had a dollar for every time parents said this to me, I would be rich. Surprisingly, most parents believe this fallacy. Believing this, they don’t complete the FAFSA and miss out on all kinds of aid. Just because they were misinformed and unaware of how financial aid works.

Why should you complete the FAFSA?

College is expensive and it’s a chance for you to grab yourself a piece of the financial aid pie.

Why should you complete it by February 1st?

The early bird gets the worm when it comes to financial aid. If you want your piece of the pie, you have to be the first in line. Once financial aid packages are disbursed, the money is gone and that means your student’s financial aid package will be composed of student loans only. If your form is filed and completed once the decision for admission is made it puts your student in a good position to receive some of those funds.

What can the FAFSA do for you and your college-bound teen?

There could be federal, state and college funds available. If you don’t complete the FAFSA, you won’t be able to get any of them. Even if your family income is high and you might not qualify for federal aid in the form of grants, your student might be eligible for state scholarships and merit-aid awards from the college. Additionally, any federally subsidized loans, including parent loans, require you to complete the FAFSA.

What should you do if you haven’t filed your taxes before FAFSA filing?

It’s simple. Use last year’s tax figures and update once you file. Don’t wait to file the FAFSA until after you file your taxes.

Why do some people tell you that you won’t qualify for financial aid?

The easy answer is they are misinformed. Remember there are all kinds of financial aid. While not everyone will qualify for federal grants, most students receive some form of financial aid. If you don’t apply your student will not be one of them.

Read Wendy’s post: 4 Strings Attached to Free Financial Aid

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This month Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT on Wednesday, January 21. Our guest will be financial aid expert Jodi Okun. She is the founder of College Financial Aid Advisors, an About.com Expert, Paying for College, and the @Discover Student Loans Brand Ambassador. Jodi has worked for over 10 years in the financial aid industry and helped thousands of families navigate the financial aid process. Don’t miss a chance to get her tips and ask questions.

Read Wednesday’s Parent Night on #CampusChat for some simple instructions to join a Twitter chat.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: College Prep Peer Pressure

 

college prep peer pressureLast month, I was speaking with an interviewer about college prep peer pressure in the context of how it relates to the stress factor. Parents need to factor in peer pressure when they think about how your student will react to it, how it will affect his college choice, and how the stress surrounding it can affect his emotional health.

How do students react to peer pressure about college?

Students react to peer pressure in different ways. There is positive peer pressure—the kind that causes your student to excel to compete with other students. There is negative peer pressure—the kind that causes your student to make poor choices based on other people’s choices or example.

How does peer pressure affect your student’s college choice?

Peer pressure can have a strong effect on where your student wants to apply to college. It can make him feel like he needs to apply to an Ivy just because his fellow students are applying. It can cause him to want to apply to a college because a friend or boyfriend is applying. Peer pressure can have a profound effect on your student’s college choices if you don’t guide him to be self-serving and wise when making those choices. And not only are the students pressured by their peers, but parents feel pressure as well from other parents who brag about their students college choices. Additionally, parents often apply pressure toward a particular college during the selection process. This puts added stress on the student and can often cause the student to choose a college that he is not interested in just to please his parents.

How will the stress surrounding peer pressure affect your student’s emotional health?

Every parent knows the affect peer pressure can have on your student. Students feel less successful than others who are applying to prestigious colleges. Students can feel depressed about their own college choices when they stack them up against other students. The battle intensifies once college decisions begin rolling in and other students start talking about where they will be attending.

The bottom line: Beware of the college prep peer pressure and do your best to negate it. Encourage your student to be an individual and follow his own path.

Read Wendy’s post: Peer Pressure Sabotages College Prep

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: Enjoying a Break When There is No Break

 

college prepFor parents of the college bound, there’s no such thing as a break. Even when you take a break from all the college prep, your mind never shuts off. During the four years of high school, every class, every activity, every amount of free time is cultivated to present a stellar application at the beginning of the senior year. It’s the nature of the beast—all hands on deck for the college prep and then when it’s all done, you can relax. At least that’s what we tell ourselves.

But after the applications are submitted, we worry about the outcome and agonize over the decisions that will need to be made. It’s a never-ending drama that engulfs our lives if we have a student aspiring to college.

But how do you enjoy a break when there is no break?

Enjoy the ride. You have to grab snippets of time throughout the whole process. Whether it’s the car ride to visit colleges, or a 30 minute conversation in their room while they are getting dressed for a date, you have to steal those moments.

Make it a point to not allocate every waking moment to college prep. It should be an exciting time. Don’t ruin it for you and for your student by becoming a nag or a dictator. This only adds to the pressure they feel and escalates your level of frustration and stress.

Let the holidays be the holidays

If you have a senior, the holidays bring increased college prep activity—with college applications either looming or decisions waiting to be received. Set aside some time for fun when neither you nor your student discusses college prep. Even if you go to a movie or a hockey game, it takes your mind off the elephant in the room and helps you relax, even if for a short time.

The good news—this too shall pass. There will come a day when you move from college prep to college drama. If you don’t believe it, just ask any parent of a college student. College prep activities are replaced with roommate issues, annoying professors, and homesickness. Enjoy the four years while you can—they pass so quickly.

Read Wendy’s Post: 6 Ways to Prevent College Bound Burnout

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: The Dreaded Group Projects

 

group projectsThese adages speak to the potential groups have to be more productive, creative, and motivated than individuals on their own. Ask students and they are going to say, “I hate group projects”. Teachers love them, students dread them.

5 Reasons Why Students Dread Group Projects

  • There’s always a slacker in the group that hides behind the good students
  • There’s usually one grade for the whole project
  • Teachers usually assign the groups and it’s hard working with people you don’t know
  • Coordinating time to work on the project is difficult
  • Agreeing on ideas and content always causes conflict

5 Reasons Why Teachers Assign Group Projects

  • Break complex tasks into parts and steps
  • Plan and manage time
  • Refine understanding through discussion and explanation
  • Tackle more complex problems than they could on their own
  • Develop new approaches to resolving differences.

While the potential learning benefits of group work are significant, group projects are no guarantee that these goals will be achieved. In fact, group projects can – and often do – backfire badly when they are not designed, supervised, and assessed in a way that promotes meaningful teamwork and deep collaboration.

No matter how much a student detests the group project, they will get them in college. Learning to handle them now, will alleviate a ton of heartache later down the road.

To do this, read Wendy’s post: 7 Ways to Get the Best Out of Group Projects

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: 5 Qualities a Mentor Should NOT Possess

 

mentorWhen I was in middle school I had a teacher who took a special interest in me. She encouraged me to work hard and spent extra time with me after class to explain the day’s work. Miss Castillo will always be a mentor who influenced my academic life. Because of her encouragement I graduated in the top 10 percent of my graduating class of 900. Because of her I gained self-esteem. She encouraged me, challenged me and supported me during my middle school years.

I’m sure you all have someone who influenced you in school. But mentors aren’t always in the academic realm. They can be coaches, pastors, business leaders and family friends. Mentors take the time to invest in your life and make an impact on your personal life and your future.

There are so many suggestions on how to look for and choose a mentor. But in true Parent College Coach fashion, here are 5 qualities I believe a mentor should NOT possess:

Critical

The last thing you need in a mentor is someone who is constantly criticizing you. There may be something to be said about constructive criticism, but listening to someone constantly criticize and belittle you is not inspiring. It only destroys your self-esteem.

Negative

Nobody likes being around a negative person, especially if it’s someone you are looking to for advice and encouragement. A person who always sees the glass as half empty is not going to inspire you to achieve your goals.

Patronizing

You don’t need someone who is patronizing. A mentor should never act superior or talk down to you in any way.

Disinterested

You need someone who is invested in teaching you, training you and guiding you in your life pursuits. If the person you choose is disinterested and uninvolved it’s a waste of your time.

Controlling

The idea of having a mentor is to teach you, not control your every decision. A controlling person is less likely to help you find your own path—he will want you to follow his.

Choosing a mentor requires thought and careful searching. As in my case, mentors can have a profound effect on your life. Choose wisely.

Read Wendy’s post: Choose a Mentor in 3 Steps

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Wednesday’s Parent: Attitude Adjustments

 

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy (www.pocsmom.com) and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link in the article from www.pocsmom.com to  www.parentingforcollege.com/ and vice versa.

Today’s posts address the issue of attitude–a topic every parent faces and often becomes frustrated with. Read on to get our take on the topic.

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attitude adjustmentMy father used to tell me that he would give me an attitude adjustment. Trust me. I never wanted to hear those words. In the good old days (you might disagree) parents used more than words to give attitude adjustments. Today, parents still struggle with their kids’ attitudes. From the two-year old temper tantrums to the college student’s “whatever” those attitudes are dreaded by moms everywhere.

School creates so many opportunities for attitudes. Some might say it’s the stress that causes these over-the-top emotions. Others might say that it’s just their age and the stages they are going through. Personally I think it’s a little bit of both. No matter what the cause is, what do you do when your kid “cops an attitude”?

Take a deep breath and keep reading. Have you experienced any of these common attitude problems?

Student: Can I just do my homework later?

Parent: No. You can’t wait until later. Do it now!

Then the conversation progresses from there to “please”, “why”, and my personal favorite, “homework is stupid.” What’s a parent to do? You can take the hard line and say, “no means no.” You can use the reward approach, “finish it and you can play your video games”. Or you can be analytical and explain to them the importance of an education. My bet is that the first or second option will work best. Why? Because kids don’t think that far ahead.

Student: But Pete is doing it.

Parent: If Pete jumped off a bridge would you do it?

You might mean that but your student just doesn’t understand that analogy. Why would anyone jump off a bridge? Again you can use the hard line tactic and say, “I’m the parent and I said no.” Bribery won’t work in this instance. So your best bet is to explain to your student why you won’t let them do what they want to do—mother knows best, so to speak. If you’re lucky, they will succumb to your logical explanation. If not, refer back to the first response.

Student: Susie’s parents said it was ok.

Parent: Susie’s parents aren’t your parent; I am.

This is when you need to have a talk with Susie’s parents. Especially if it’s something that’s against the law like underage drinking or pot smoking (Don’t even ask how I drew this example). Knowing your student’s friends parents will afford you the opportunity to stick together. That’s if they see things the way you see them. If they don’t, you best encourage your student to find some new friends.

Student: You bought the wrong school supplies.

Parent: I bought the supplies that were on the list.

This happens even if you were with them when the supplies were purchased. This little comment will infuriate you and cause your blood to boil. They should be grateful you bought those school supplies. There are kids that don’t have parents who do this for them. What happened to being grateful that you even cared to buy the supplies? You see how you can follow this down the rabbit hole. How do you deal with this attitude? Do as one parent did and tell them to pay for their own supplies. Or you can just give them the attitude of gratitude speech.

Student: Why can’t you just give me some space?

Parent: I thought I was.

This attitude surfaces in the pre-teen years and intensifies as they head off to college. The more space they want, the more you want to hold them close. Space is one thing but total freedom is another. Hopefully you’ll be able to find the balance. If not, expect rolling eyes, slamming of doors, and angry texts to ensue.

Student: You’re embarrassing me.

Parent: When do I NOT embarrass you?

When my husband was in high school, his mother brushed off his dandruff in front of me at a grocery store. Of course he was mortified. His mother thought she was helping him. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Meaning–the things we think are helpful usually aren’t. And no matter what you do, you are always going to embarrass them. Before you have a terrible error in judgment, ask yourself, “What would the perfect parent do?” Of course, there is no perfect parent. But you know what embarrasses you; that should be a clue.

One last thought. You’re the parent. Sometimes you need to adjust your attitude and lighten up a bit. Not every attitude requires a response. Often you just need to brush it off to avoid an unnecessary confrontation.

Know this: attitudes are inevitable. No matter what you do, what you say, and how you act they are going to find something wrong with it. It’s not your fault. They are just spreading their wings and pushing the limits of your authority. The key is to not get into shouting matches with them and consider the source. It also helps to vent (to other parents and friends), instead of taking your frustration out on your kids. The school years are as hard as or harder than the first five years, even if you factor in potty training. But, as any parent will agree, it is rewarding. You just have to keep telling yourself, “This too shall pass!”

Read on for Wendy’s advice in her usual POCSMom manner!